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I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

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  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    It sounds like you are going through a lot, so we are glad you are reaching out to us because we are here to help. We know it isn’t easy to ask for help, but contacting us is a good first step in figuring out your options.

    You mentioned in your message that you’ve tried committing suicide several times a week and that you have overdosed in the past. Besides your mother, have you talked to anyone about your feelings or what led you to attempting suicide? We want you to know that you are not alone and that there are people out there that can talk with you about your feelings. Whether that be a family friend or someone at school you trust, do you think you would be willing to talk with someone close? If not, we would like to empower you to reach out to resources over the phone that have people able to talk to you at any time. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 provides 24/7, free and confidential support to all of their callers. A trained crisis worker will listen to you, provide support in your time of need as well as share any resources that may be helpful. Our number at 1-800-786-2929 is also 24/7 and can help you talk through and explore your feelings. If you are unable to call on the phone, there are also texting services that can help you when you have suicidal or self-harming thoughts. By texting “TWLOHA” to 741-741 you can begin texting with a trained crisis counselor who will receive your message and respond quickly. They too offer 24/7 support to talk you through your current feelings and may be able to help you think of other ways to cope with your difficult situation. Some coping methods that may be non-harmful to yourself are journaling, physical exercise, or even removing yourself from the situation when things get difficult.
    In your message you also mentioned that the school tried to tell your mom to enter you into a suicide prevention hospital but she said she you didn’t need one. Has the school been involved since then? If no, discussing the current state of your feelings and your mother’s reaction to someone at the school who knows the situation. They may be able to connect you to resources that you can take part in through the school if your mom does not seem responsive to your needs.

    You also mentioned that you would like information to move in with your father but you also mentioned that you are unable to contact him. Does he know that you would like to live with him and if he would be willing to help you? If he knows of any legal aid in the area or a family member that may be able to help might be a good start for the process. For our services, while we are not legal experts, we can connect you to resources that may be able to help fully understand the situation. At .lawhelp.org/find-help/, there is a resource that can help find legal help in your state. Many of the resources there are “pro-bono” meaning that they could offer free legal help. It may be a good idea to have your father reach out to these resources so that he could provide the necessary information that they may ask (such as details of the custody arrangement following the divorce.

    As we said we are here to help you but we are also here to listen. If you wanted to talk about any of the options we mentioned before or brainstorm new ideas, please do not hesitate to call the number we mentioned before (1-880-786-2929). We have liners that are able to listen to you anywhere or anytime!

    Best of luck!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mother and father divorced on my 8th birthday and I'm not aloud to speak to him, contact him, or see him ever again because my mother has custody. He used to abuse us and do drugs, but he's changed. My mother constantly reminds me that she's disappointed in me, I tried committing suicide several times a week and she didn't even notice. I overdosed and I almost died but I started throwing up non stop for a couple days and she didn't seem to care and made me go to school anyway, my school found out and told my mother to go to a suicide prevention hospital thing and she told them I didn't need one, I was cutting too and she did nothing about that. I can't stand living with her, I have no money for a lawyer, so I don't know what I'm going to do... who do I contact to tell them I need to move in with my father? I need to live with my father, I'm 12 years old, I should have the right to move in with him. I miss and love him so much. I can't live my mother.

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello and thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that your relationship with your mom has gotten to a point where you feel like you need to live somewhere else. It is inappropriate for anyone to hit you at all and if you ever feel like you are in danger, please contact 911. Additionally, if you are interested in reporting or even just learning more about the process and potential consequences of reporting, you can reach out to the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Nobody, including your step father, has the right to be physically violent with you. It might be a good idea to reach out to your dad and talk to him about what’s going on and how you feel about wanting to live with him as your parents are most likely in charge of your custody and they would determine where you have to live. It is hard for us to tell you what to do because we do not know much about your situation specifically. If you would like to discuss what other options there might be, we encourage you to call our 24/7 hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Well i live with my mom and i want to live with my dad. I live with my mom and its difficult with 3 other brothers, uncle, step dad, mom and me. My dad threw me up against the wall and i couldn't move my leg until a day after. My dad changed a whole lot but my mom doesn't trust him at all. If i bring it up that i want to live with my dad my parents would yell and my step father will hit me. What do I? Do I leave?
    Last edited by ccsmod10; 11-27-2018, 12:03 AM.

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  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks for reaching out to us, since we know how hard that can be, but we’re here to help, so we’re that you did. It sounds like things must be pretty tough if you’re feeling like a burden and spending time crying.
    Talking to parents about what you’re going through can definitely be hard. If you haven’t already, one option is to talk one more time with your mom about just how it’s making you feel since it’s possible she might not know the extent of it all. Also, a service we have here is conference calling which might be another option. If you call our crisis center at 1-800-786-2929, we could then talk to both you and your mom and try to mediate and help with expressing how you’re feeling. Another option might be to talk to other family members that know your mom and if you tell them how you’re feeling they might be able to talk with you mom on your behalf. If there is a school counselor that could be an option too and then they could talk with your mom. There might be an option to talk to your dad and have him talk to your mom, but we of course don’t know the details of the relationship between your parents.
    Outside of those communication options, sometimes taking your mind off things with music, movies, sports, and those types of things can really help. We are here 24/7 at the number mentioned earlier if you want to talk with us or to try the conference calling with you mom.
    Best of luck!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I’m 13 and my mom has custody over me I see my dad once a year or every few years but I wanna live with my dad because my mom always yells at me for getting a B- and I have to deal with it when she finishes yelling at me I go to my room or the bathroom and just cry for hours thinking”why am I such a burden” my mom says she’s loves me but I don’t think she does. So my dad has offered for me to live him and my sister and stepmom I want to go but how do I tell her? Can you help me please.

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  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800- (786-2929); (www.1800runaway.org) (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi,
    I'm 14 and currently live with my mother, stepfather, and two younger sisters. My parents split when I was 6, when he got a 10 year ban from the US for overstaying his visa. From that point my mom treated us over affectionately, but the older I grew, the more she seemed to despise me. In her eyes I'm always flawed and for some reason she feels the need that she needs to 'fix" me. When I got into my first relationship, that my family didn't know of, my now ex was the only one I talked to about the way she treated me. She always yells at me for the smallest things, and calls me all types of names. The only thing I'm good for to her is the fact I have a good reputation and good grades. Aside from that, there's not much good to me. Of course, she feeds me and dresses me, barely, so I feel guilty about these negative thoughts towards her. There was a time a while back when she said I was just like my no-good father and that she wished I was his problem to deal with. At that point I felt she didn't really love me. When she acts gentle and kind on rare moments I keep my distance so that I don't get hopeful for her change. My mom remarried when I was 10, but because of her behavior to this day their relationship became disastrous. I'm so tired of living in this house and with these people, ever since I moved to Ohio my life fell apart. My mother doesn't appreciate me for my differences and quirks, and I'm ashamed of my existence because of it. I've tried to learn to tell her my feelings, as I always used to be obedient to her until I went into 8th grade. It's not that I didn't listen to her orders, its just the fact my view are different from hers, and she hates that. She has made me a depressed person for about 3-4 years and I've cut myself in 7 places because of her in the last 3 months as well as started getting into smoking/ vaping activity. To put all types of crazy in my life into one sentence, I feel as though if I stay in this house for the next 3 years to finish high school, there's a chance I'll try to commute suicide somewhere in between the years. I already wish that I would die in my sleep and never wake up unfortunately. Anyway, I've asked her multiple times to go live with another family relative, and every time she refused. I've wanted to live with my dad for a while now. Although he remarried, had my late half-brother, and lives in another country, he has been more attentive towards us. According to law, he is allowed to come back to the US in 2020, and if he decides to, I want to move in with him and his wife. I'm planning to talk to him as soon as possible about moving with him because I feel so secluded and alone in this house. My life hasn't been that valuable to anyone, or so my mother makes me think. Other people in my life are supportive towards me, but they know that they can't do much because she's my mother. I haven't told my dad about her behavior because he will probably confront her about it and she'll twist the words to make you pity her, like she always does. I have so many hopes and dreams for my future, so many things I want to accomplish. But staying in this house makes me feel drained to the point I wish to die, frequently. I love her with all of my heart and always wanted her to approve of my existence, but I just can't keep myself together anymore.

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello! Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like you are in a tough situation! Family issues are never easy! You are definitely not alone. You can always call our hotline 1800-RUNAWAY(786-2929) and we would be more than happy to talk with you about what is going on and possibly provide further resources. We are confidential and are 24/7. A second service we offer is our conference calls. With this service we would be able to do a three way call with you and a parent! We would mediate the call so that it would run smoothly and hopefully find a resolution or the path to a resolution. A third service we could offer you is our messaging line. You can find that at www.1800runaway.org.
    We are happy to assist you in any way that we can. We are here to help, here to listen.
    Hope to hear from you soon!
    National Runaway Safeline

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hi,

    im 15 and from south Florida, I am currently having major problems with my stepdad. along with that my grandmother just made the decision to stop kilo and live her life for the time being. I always feel like im doing something wrong and I just dont know what to do anymore. I need someone to talk to, someone to hear me out. please.

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  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,

    Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot and it’s great that you’re asking someone for help. While it must be tough living with the parent that you feel less connected with, it’s great that you have a bond with your dad and you want to foster that. If you haven’t yet, you could try talking with either of your parents about increasing the time you spend with him—or simply getting more time on the phone with your dad. Sometimes even a little bit of increased communication can make a big difference.

    If you give us a call at 1-800-789-2929, we can talk some more about your situation and figure out some options together. Or if calling isn’t your thing, you can reach out to us via chat at 1800runaway.org. Either way, this seems like something we can work out best in conversation.

    Thanks again for reaching out and we hope to hear from you soon!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am 16 years old and my parents are divorced i live with my mother but i want to live with my father because i am more connected with him and i just need some advice on what to do.

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  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to NRS via our online forum service. It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation at home with your mom. You are so much more than what she says about you. You deserve happiness, and reaching out for help when you feel lost or don’t know what to do is a brave thing to do.
    It sounds like you have a great support system in your current situation, despite the things that your mom says to you and the expectations she places on you. You mentioned that you have a lot of good friends and a boyfriend. Talking to them or a trusted adult at school about what you are going through is a great way to get advice about choosing to move in with your dad or not. You could also try to write your feelings out in a letter to your mom if you feel that she will make you feel bad if you talk to her in person about this.

    At NRS, we can offer a listening ear and speak with you as well about your situation. You can reach us at 1 (800) RUN-AWAY (786-2929). We also can facilitate to conference call between you and your mom if you feel that would be helpful. You would set the ground rules (no yelling, swearing, interrupting, etc.) and we would make sure those rules are enforced throughout the entirety of the call. Lastly, we can offer some family counseling resources if you feel that would be helpful.
    We hope this information has been helpful. Things will not always be this way. Your situation is only temporary and things will get better! You are so strong. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us, we are available 24/7 and are completely confidential.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I live with my mom and my stepdad, I want to live with my dad and my stepmom but I don't want to leave all of my friends. My parents divorced when I was four and my Dad moved to a different state with my two brothers. My mom and dad could have an alright relationship but my mom makes it a lot worse than she should, my dad is a good guy and loves me very much but my Mom is convinced otherwise. My mom and I fight often and when we do she makes me feel horrible about myself. She constantly yells at me, telling me to "go away" or "get the ******** out" when I go to her room to try to talk to her about our fights. She also constantly expects me to be just like she was and she puts too much pressure on me. My stepdad agrees that I would be happier if I were to move in with my dad. But I don't want to leave my friends and my boyfriend. I know that if I talk to mom about this she will make me feel like I'm a horrible person, and a bad daughter. I've talked to my Dad about this and he wants me to be happy, he even promised not to say anything to my mom about it. I have a lot of good friends where I live with my mom and I even have a good boyfriend. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice for me?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are going through a really tough time and we are glad you decided to look for options and talk to us about what’s going on. We want you to know that you deserve to live somewhere where you feel like you can be your most successful. Also, you do not deserve to be treated the way your mother is currently treating you, or the way she’s treated you in the past (hitting you in the face). That is not only unacceptable, but a form of child abuse. IF you ever need someone to talk to specifically about the abuse you’ve received, please reach out to the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or through their website (www.childhelp.org).

    Here at the NRS, we don’t tell people “what to do”. We are willing to listen to everyone and discuss possible options, but we are not ones to tell anyone what to do. The only person that can make that decision is you. If you feel like the best option for you to grow and succeed without the pressures surrounding you is at your father’s home, than that is something to consider.

    We are not considered legal experts here at the NRS, but we do offer some guidance when it comes to custodial matters. If you are in the State of California, you’ll be considered an adult once you turn 18 which is in a few months. However, sometimes police departments don’t pursue youths that are close to 18/becoming an adult. This is because it is only illegal for someone underage to run away because they are underage. Also, custody matters can be arranged in between parents. If your dad is willing to let you come back and live with him, they may be able to work out some agreement between each other for you to be allowed to live with him.

    Like we mentioned above, you need somewhere that you feel comfortable living where you feel you can arrange the things you’ve said were important, like getting enrolled in school. Whether that’s working things out with your mother or living with your dad, the choice is yours to make. If you need help working things out with your mother, we do offer a conference call option. This can be initiated only by you calling NRS 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-621-0394) and discussing your situation. From there, you could ask for a conference call from your mother. At this point, we would attempt to call your mother and discuss what is going on/what issues you two are having. After that discussion, we would connect you and your mother on a conference call, and an NRS worker would lead the discussions to potentially resolve any issues/figure out a plan.

    Please let us know if you need anything further. Along with our number listed above, we also offer an online chat service through our website (https://www.1800runaway.org/). If you ever need someone to talk to or wish to use some of our services, please reach out to us anytime. Good luck.
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