I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

[vvvvvvx6]

My parents divorced around five years ago. Previously, when I was younger my father was charged for beating my sister and I. He is no longer like that and is more caring toward us. I am now 14 and live with my mother. My sister lived with my father since she fell into depression and tried to commit suicide multiple times when she lived with my mother, she's 15. Two months ago my sister sent nude pictures and tried to commit suicide while my dad was out of the country. I think it's best for me to live with her so I can watch my sister although we have gotten into physical fights before. My mom tried pressing charges on him for neglection and abuse, but there was insufficient evidence. They are both fit in my opinion, but here is the hard part. Do I need my mother's permission to live with my father? I live in Illinois and in Missouri there are better schools for education (I always get high honors or honor roll), there is a fairly large, medium-sized house where my father lives, and my mother and I live in an apartment here. When ever my mother gets angry she constantly tells me how she could've had a different better life if it weren't for me. My father never raises his voice at me. My mother and I have become distant and awkward since I stole from her years ago and never fully got her trust back. She's always complaining that I'm not doing enough around the house, but I have to focus at school too. If I visit during winter break, and don't come back is that running away? Am I able to live with my father? Do you need more information? What do I have to do to live with my father and how long will it take? I really want to live with him, and I love my mom but I no longer feel comfortable to be in the same room as her as she will start berating me. My dad has a high paying job and my mom works at a salon.

[ccsmod4]

I want to live with my father but my mother has custody.

Hello,
Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

We appreciate you taking the time to tell us about your situation, it sounds like you and your sister have gone through some very difficult times. We understand that you are concerned with your sister and that you feel living with her might help you to keep her from harm. You compassion for her is very noble.

You appear to have some concerning issues of your own living at home with your mother.
It sounds like you have had to hear some very unkind and unwarranted things said to you by your mother.
You don’t deserve to have cruel things said to you. Communication with your mother seems to have broken down and you feel it best to live with your father but you are not sure if you can do so legally.

Have you had a conversation with your father about your thoughts to live with him?
Since what you are talking about sounds like a custody issue maybe your father might seek a lawyer in family law for help. We are not legal experts and cannot give such definite answers to your questions regarding which parent you can legally stay with or the time frame to make it happen.
Y
ou are welcome to call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) if you would like to speak more about your situation or to get information and referrals for legal services etc. in your area.
How does that sound?

It was very strong of you to reach out to NRS and we hope to hear from you on the lines.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

My parents wereally split since I was born...my mom lives with her boyfriend and my dad was locked up in jail...I used to visit my dad a couple of time's when the jail had the food visits my dad's mom used to take me to see him...although I lived with my mom's parents my whole life and my dad got out of jail when I got to the 6th grade ever since then I visit him every other weekend...I stay at my mom's also I'm back n forth with my mom and her parents...but now I really want to be with my dad I want to know how if feels like to live with my parent that I dint get to grow up with..my dad is very helpful and teaches me the things I need to know in life and gets me though things and let's me know that if I ever need to talk to someone that he's there to listen and help...knowing my dad cares that much makes me want to live with him more knowing I got him if anything happens...but I talked to my mom about me wanting to live with him and my mom won't let me...my dad says I'm welcomed to live with him if I want...I got my own room and my dads and I don't got my own room at my mom's I share with my little siblings...I'm 16 and want privacy....my dad says I need reason why I want to live with him so he can talk to my mom but I don't know much reasons why I want to live with him can someone please give me some ideas of reasons I want to love with him..

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you want to live with your dad but your mom won’t let. Going from house to house must be difficult, it seems like you want something stable. You are the expert in your life, only you know the reasons as to why you want to move in with your dad. Maybe you could write down a few reasons why you would like to move in with your dad and present them to him so that he could talk to your mother. Please feel free to contact us directly if you have any other questions via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat.

[Guest]

im currently 16 years old and ive been wanting to move in with my father for about 6 years now but my mother wouldnt let me.i think i should move in with my father because he is more understanding and we share a strong connection that me and my mother never had. i also think it would be better because it seems as if im such a heavy weight on my mother. my mom does alot of things im not judging her i just want a break from all the stress.

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS. We are very sorry to hear that you are in a difficult situation. We know that it takes a lot of courage to seek out help when you need, and for that we applaud you.

You mentioned that you are currently living with your mother, but want to live with your father. You believe that you are a heavy weight for your mother. We are very sorry to hear that you feel that way; we are sure that you are a wonderful person and you do not deserve to be treated badly by anyone for any reason. It is totally understandable that you want to be free from the stress of feeling like a burden.

We came up with some options that may be helpful for you in this situation. One option is to talk to your parents about how you feel and your desire to live with your dad. Sometimes a good and genuine conversation is all it takes to be understood. We know that talking can be difficult, so it may also be helpful to write your feelings down in a letter to your mother and father. Talk about how you feel and avoid wording that may seem like it is blaming them for anything. If those options are out of the question, you can always call us; we have a service called a conference call. This conference call is basically a three-way call where you call us and we call out to your parents together. This may be helpful to keep the conversation focused and calm.

Another option may be to have your father get in touch with his attorney and look into obtaining custody of you. We are not legal experts here at NRS, so we do not know much more about the process. A last option may be to contact your local police department and ask about your situation, they may be more informed regarding the process. You can also call us and we can call in to your local police department with you. We hope that these options are helpful.

Again, thank you for reaching out us. We hope that the options we offered are helpful. If you would like to talk further about your situation, please do not hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or start a live chat with us online. We wish you the very best of luck and hope that everything works out for you. We are here to listen, we are here to help.

Best,
NRS

[Guest]

My parents divorced when I was 3, I am now 13 and I want to live with my dad. My mother has full custody and says I cant live with him. He also wants me to live with him. My mother is abusive and mean.....help?

[ccsmod10]

Hi,

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’re dealing with a really stressful situation. We’re so sorry to hear that your mom is treating you that way. You definitely don’t deserve that. If you would like, you may choose to file an abuse report through Child Help at 1-800-422-443. They could also help answer any questions you may have about abuse.

While we aren’t legal experts, we can tell you that since your mom is your legal guardian, she is within her rights to decline your request to live with you dad. If this is something you and your dad feel strongly about, you may decide to consider seeking professional legal assistance. Custody issues can be tough to deal with, so it’s great that you’re reaching out for help!

If you feel you need to talk to someone about your situation further, you can always give us a call at our hotline at 1-800-786-2929, or via chat on our website. We’re available to help 24/7. Thank you again for reaching out to us – we wish you the best!

-NRS

[Guest]

I'm 15 and have been miserable living with my mother and I've wanted to move in with my Dad for about 3 years now, but my Mom has full custody and says that I can't go, what should I do?

[ccsmod0]

Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like due to issues at home you would like to live with your mother. Perhaps you can consider using our conference calling service, this is a service where you would call us and we would hold a conference call between you and your ¬mom to talk about how both sides are feeling. We would serve as mediators, we are not here to necessarily choose sides but rather help come up with a solution that would make the situation at home better. This might be helpful to you if you have concerns about your mom not listening or not being open to hear what you have to say. If you feel like this is a service that you would find useful you can give us a call and one of our trained liner will be happy to assist you. Or we can talk to you more about what is going on. 1-800-786-2929

[Guest]

Hello, my parents split when I was 8, and now I’m 13. I wanna live with my dad and he he says I can live with him if I want. Also my mom works to much and I barley spend time with her also she can be mean. She has also said rude things before and also made me lose my self confidence. My dad on the other hand was never. Also my mom has told me no that I can’t move with my dad and if I do she will never see me again but I want to move with my dad.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand that it takes courage to seek help. We are sorry to hear about the way your mom treats you. You don't deserve to be treated that way. It sounds like you want to live with your dad. Your dad could seek legal aid in order to get custody of you. You could contact Child Help (1-800-422-4453) childhelp.org, for information on how to transfer custody. We hope that this help, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929).

[Guest]

my parents just told me a few hours ago that they were getting a divorce and i want to live with my dad, but i have to go with my mom. my dad and i have a much stronger relationship

[ccsmod10]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runway Safeline. We appreciate you contacting us in your time of need, it was very brave of you.

It sounds like your parents are putting you in the middle of their issues, which isn’t fair for you and must be really stressful on you. You should have a say when it comes to which parent you’re going to live with. We offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your mom about how you would rather live with your dad full time, we're always here to make that call with you. Sometimes just being able to talk can be a way to open up the lines of communication, and see the best way that everyone can compromise.

We have heard in some cases, where the judge will listen to the child’s input on which parent they would rather live with. We also have a database of legal aid resources that help youth for free. If you wanted us to connect you with those resources, don’t hesitate call into our safeline. They could help you find ways to live with your dad instead of your mom.

We hope our response is helpful. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

So my parents split when i was about 3 and now im 17 turning 18 in november. When i was 16 my mom and i got into a big argument i forgot what we were arguing about but it was leading to me saying if she touches me im calling the cops. And she came in my room and hit me across the face.the next day she picked me up from school and drove to san diego where my dad lives and basically dumped me off with no clothes not even a toothbrush. And my dad didnt have much money to take care of me but my mom told him to figure it out and moved to arizona.Now im 17 and she offered for me to move in. Because she was gonna help me get my life together. and i said yes. I been living with her for about 3 months and im getting nowhere. She has taught me how to drive and shw buys me clothes but when i don't do something her way she gets really angry and starts talking to me like im a little kid or like im stupid or something. I been looking for a job and unfortunately im not getting hired but thats Because of problems with my school. I havent started school yet . it started 2 months ago and im having difficulties getting enrolled because i fell behind. Im now a senior trying to get my stuff together and i feel like my mom doesnt see what i do for her. She always nags at me to clean the house OCD by the time she gets home from work and hage dinner made etc. I understand that i need to help out and i do but none of it reaches her expectations no matter what it is. If its not super cleam she calls me lazy. Last night i stayed up all night cleaning the house cuz she made me. And she woke me up yelling cuz it was "a huge mess". And i know i clean good because i used to clean peoples houses and they all said i was the best rhey ever had.Even if i clean the house amazing she looks for things to be mad about. I wanna go back with my dad cuz he is more laid back and he doesnt fight w me all the time.i called him saying i wanna come home and now i feel bad for wanting leaving my mom..i love my mom unconditionally but i feel like all we do is argue.i feel bad for and guilty wanting to leave her especially cuz shell be by herself in a bad neighborhood 6 hours away from me.and i dont want to leave but i do at the same time.ive waited it out aswell to see how i feel. I was gonna leave 3 weeks ago but i decided to see how it goes but its just no good. And i know she buys me thing im very appreciative for it but idk..What should i do

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you are going through a really tough time and we are glad you decided to look for options and talk to us about what’s going on. We want you to know that you deserve to live somewhere where you feel like you can be your most successful. Also, you do not deserve to be treated the way your mother is currently treating you, or the way she’s treated you in the past (hitting you in the face). That is not only unacceptable, but a form of child abuse. IF you ever need someone to talk to specifically about the abuse you’ve received, please reach out to the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or through their website (www.childhelp.org).

Here at the NRS, we don’t tell people “what to do”. We are willing to listen to everyone and discuss possible options, but we are not ones to tell anyone what to do. The only person that can make that decision is you. If you feel like the best option for you to grow and succeed without the pressures surrounding you is at your father’s home, than that is something to consider.

We are not considered legal experts here at the NRS, but we do offer some guidance when it comes to custodial matters. If you are in the State of California, you’ll be considered an adult once you turn 18 which is in a few months. However, sometimes police departments don’t pursue youths that are close to 18/becoming an adult. This is because it is only illegal for someone underage to run away because they are underage. Also, custody matters can be arranged in between parents. If your dad is willing to let you come back and live with him, they may be able to work out some agreement between each other for you to be allowed to live with him.

Like we mentioned above, you need somewhere that you feel comfortable living where you feel you can arrange the things you’ve said were important, like getting enrolled in school. Whether that’s working things out with your mother or living with your dad, the choice is yours to make. If you need help working things out with your mother, we do offer a conference call option. This can be initiated only by you calling NRS 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-621-0394) and discussing your situation. From there, you could ask for a conference call from your mother. At this point, we would attempt to call your mother and discuss what is going on/what issues you two are having. After that discussion, we would connect you and your mother on a conference call, and an NRS worker would lead the discussions to potentially resolve any issues/figure out a plan.

Please let us know if you need anything further. Along with our number listed above, we also offer an online chat service through our website (https://www.1800runaway.org/). If you ever need someone to talk to or wish to use some of our services, please reach out to us anytime. Good luck.

[Guest]

I live with my mom and my stepdad, I want to live with my dad and my stepmom but I don't want to leave all of my friends. My parents divorced when I was four and my Dad moved to a different state with my two brothers. My mom and dad could have an alright relationship but my mom makes it a lot worse than she should, my dad is a good guy and loves me very much but my Mom is convinced otherwise. My mom and I fight often and when we do she makes me feel horrible about myself. She constantly yells at me, telling me to "go away" or "get the ******** out" when I go to her room to try to talk to her about our fights. She also constantly expects me to be just like she was and she puts too much pressure on me. My stepdad agrees that I would be happier if I were to move in with my dad. But I don't want to leave my friends and my boyfriend. I know that if I talk to mom about this she will make me feel like I'm a horrible person, and a bad daughter. I've talked to my Dad about this and he wants me to be happy, he even promised not to say anything to my mom about it. I have a lot of good friends where I live with my mom and I even have a good boyfriend. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS via our online forum service. It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation at home with your mom. You are so much more than what she says about you. You deserve happiness, and reaching out for help when you feel lost or don’t know what to do is a brave thing to do.
It sounds like you have a great support system in your current situation, despite the things that your mom says to you and the expectations she places on you. You mentioned that you have a lot of good friends and a boyfriend. Talking to them or a trusted adult at school about what you are going through is a great way to get advice about choosing to move in with your dad or not. You could also try to write your feelings out in a letter to your mom if you feel that she will make you feel bad if you talk to her in person about this.

At NRS, we can offer a listening ear and speak with you as well about your situation. You can reach us at 1 (800) RUN-AWAY (786-2929). We also can facilitate to conference call between you and your mom if you feel that would be helpful. You would set the ground rules (no yelling, swearing, interrupting, etc.) and we would make sure those rules are enforced throughout the entirety of the call. Lastly, we can offer some family counseling resources if you feel that would be helpful.
We hope this information has been helpful. Things will not always be this way. Your situation is only temporary and things will get better! You are so strong. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us, we are available 24/7 and are completely confidential.

[Guest]

I am 16 years old and my parents are divorced i live with my mother but i want to live with my father because i am more connected with him and i just need some advice on what to do.

[ccsmod16]

Hi,

Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot and it’s great that you’re asking someone for help. While it must be tough living with the parent that you feel less connected with, it’s great that you have a bond with your dad and you want to foster that. If you haven’t yet, you could try talking with either of your parents about increasing the time you spend with him—or simply getting more time on the phone with your dad. Sometimes even a little bit of increased communication can make a big difference.

If you give us a call at 1-800-789-2929, we can talk some more about your situation and figure out some options together. Or if calling isn’t your thing, you can reach out to us via chat at 1800runaway.org. Either way, this seems like something we can work out best in conversation.

Thanks again for reaching out and we hope to hear from you soon!

[Guest]

hi,

im 15 and from south Florida, I am currently having major problems with my stepdad. along with that my grandmother just made the decision to stop kilo and live her life for the time being. I always feel like im doing something wrong and I just dont know what to do anymore. I need someone to talk to, someone to hear me out. please.

[ccsmod2]

Hello! Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline! It sounds like you are in a tough situation! Family issues are never easy! You are definitely not alone. You can always call our hotline 1800-RUNAWAY(786-2929) and we would be more than happy to talk with you about what is going on and possibly provide further resources. We are confidential and are 24/7. A second service we offer is our conference calls. With this service we would be able to do a three way call with you and a parent! We would mediate the call so that it would run smoothly and hopefully find a resolution or the path to a resolution. A third service we could offer you is our messaging line. You can find that at www.1800runaway.org.
We are happy to assist you in any way that we can. We are here to help, here to listen.
Hope to hear from you soon!
National Runaway Safeline

[Guest]

Hi,
I'm 14 and currently live with my mother, stepfather, and two younger sisters. My parents split when I was 6, when he got a 10 year ban from the US for overstaying his visa. From that point my mom treated us over affectionately, but the older I grew, the more she seemed to despise me. In her eyes I'm always flawed and for some reason she feels the need that she needs to 'fix" me. When I got into my first relationship, that my family didn't know of, my now ex was the only one I talked to about the way she treated me. She always yells at me for the smallest things, and calls me all types of names. The only thing I'm good for to her is the fact I have a good reputation and good grades. Aside from that, there's not much good to me. Of course, she feeds me and dresses me, barely, so I feel guilty about these negative thoughts towards her. There was a time a while back when she said I was just like my no-good father and that she wished I was his problem to deal with. At that point I felt she didn't really love me. When she acts gentle and kind on rare moments I keep my distance so that I don't get hopeful for her change. My mom remarried when I was 10, but because of her behavior to this day their relationship became disastrous. I'm so tired of living in this house and with these people, ever since I moved to Ohio my life fell apart. My mother doesn't appreciate me for my differences and quirks, and I'm ashamed of my existence because of it. I've tried to learn to tell her my feelings, as I always used to be obedient to her until I went into 8th grade. It's not that I didn't listen to her orders, its just the fact my view are different from hers, and she hates that. She has made me a depressed person for about 3-4 years and I've cut myself in 7 places because of her in the last 3 months as well as started getting into smoking/ vaping activity. To put all types of crazy in my life into one sentence, I feel as though if I stay in this house for the next 3 years to finish high school, there's a chance I'll try to commute suicide somewhere in between the years. I already wish that I would die in my sleep and never wake up unfortunately. Anyway, I've asked her multiple times to go live with another family relative, and every time she refused. I've wanted to live with my dad for a while now. Although he remarried, had my late half-brother, and lives in another country, he has been more attentive towards us. According to law, he is allowed to come back to the US in 2020, and if he decides to, I want to move in with him and his wife. I'm planning to talk to him as soon as possible about moving with him because I feel so secluded and alone in this house. My life hasn't been that valuable to anyone, or so my mother makes me think. Other people in my life are supportive towards me, but they know that they can't do much because she's my mother. I haven't told my dad about her behavior because he will probably confront her about it and she'll twist the words to make you pity her, like she always does. I have so many hopes and dreams for my future, so many things I want to accomplish. But staying in this house makes me feel drained to the point I wish to die, frequently. I love her with all of my heart and always wanted her to approve of my existence, but I just can't keep myself together anymore.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800- (786-2929); (www.1800runaway.org) (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

[Guest]

I’m 13 and my mom has custody over me I see my dad once a year or every few years but I wanna live with my dad because my mom always yells at me for getting a B- and I have to deal with it when she finishes yelling at me I go to my room or the bathroom and just cry for hours thinking”why am I such a burden” my mom says she’s loves me but I don’t think she does. So my dad has offered for me to live him and my sister and stepmom I want to go but how do I tell her? Can you help me please.

[ccsmod3]

Thanks for reaching out to us, since we know how hard that can be, but we’re here to help, so we’re that you did. It sounds like things must be pretty tough if you’re feeling like a burden and spending time crying.
Talking to parents about what you’re going through can definitely be hard. If you haven’t already, one option is to talk one more time with your mom about just how it’s making you feel since it’s possible she might not know the extent of it all. Also, a service we have here is conference calling which might be another option. If you call our crisis center at 1-800-786-2929, we could then talk to both you and your mom and try to mediate and help with expressing how you’re feeling. Another option might be to talk to other family members that know your mom and if you tell them how you’re feeling they might be able to talk with you mom on your behalf. If there is a school counselor that could be an option too and then they could talk with your mom. There might be an option to talk to your dad and have him talk to your mom, but we of course don’t know the details of the relationship between your parents.
Outside of those communication options, sometimes taking your mind off things with music, movies, sports, and those types of things can really help. We are here 24/7 at the number mentioned earlier if you want to talk with us or to try the conference calling with you mom.
Best of luck!

[Guest]

Well i live with my mom and i want to live with my dad. I live with my mom and its difficult with 3 other brothers, uncle, step dad, mom and me. My dad threw me up against the wall and i couldn't move my leg until a day after. My dad changed a whole lot but my mom doesn't trust him at all. If i bring it up that i want to live with my dad my parents would yell and my step father will hit me. What do I? Do I leave?

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that your relationship with your mom has gotten to a point where you feel like you need to live somewhere else. It is inappropriate for anyone to hit you at all and if you ever feel like you are in danger, please contact 911. Additionally, if you are interested in reporting or even just learning more about the process and potential consequences of reporting, you can reach out to the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Nobody, including your step father, has the right to be physically violent with you. It might be a good idea to reach out to your dad and talk to him about what’s going on and how you feel about wanting to live with him as your parents are most likely in charge of your custody and they would determine where you have to live. It is hard for us to tell you what to do because we do not know much about your situation specifically. If you would like to discuss what other options there might be, we encourage you to call our 24/7 hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us at 1800runaway.org.