Leaving home at 17 in Wisconsin

[Unregistered]

I'm currently in a very displeasing situation. I'm 17, have a part-time job, have a friend who is willing to house me, and can provide for myself when it comes to transportation when getting to school/work. I planned on moving out with my friend, finishing school, keeping my job and continuing to try and pursue some freelance graphical work online. (Which is still my goal) But anyways, my point is that I have most of the things planned out for if I do leave. However, after approaching my dad about my plans he instantly responded with how I figured he would. Yelling and throwing insult after insult and at the end just flat out saying no. He wants to keep me in my house for 3 more months until I turn 18 as "punishment" for "disrespecting" him. I've had a good relationship with my father up until about a year from now when he started taking a turn for the worse, he doesn't support what I want to do with freelance online and other things and just sees me as wasting my time and not spending enough time with him. that past month or so has gotten really rough, I have just been avoiding him to stay away from his verbal abuse towards me. I have tried multiple times in the past to repair our relationship but he is extremely stubborn and stuck in his ways and opinions. He constantly takes all the things I buy with my own money and has zero respect for me. Ultimately he has pushed me so far away as to find a way out of this hell that it now is. As I mentioned earlier, I took the time to figure out where i'll be staying, what i'll be doing, and etc. I brought my idea of moving out to him in a positive way, letting him know where i'd be and that i would keep in contact with him, and still he responded negatively and said no. I CANNOT bear to stay in this house any longer and I really need to just leave. Obviously a consented/signed emancipation would not work since he is trying to keep me here until i'm 18. He's threatened to call the police if I leave and have them bring me back. I really just want to get out of here but I don't want it to negatively affect my mom or my friend and his mom if I move in there without my dad saying I can go. What do I do?? Again, my end goal is to move out without affecting my mom or my friend's mom, assumingly with any legal issues or anything like that.

Thanks in advance.

[ccsmod15]

RE: Leaving home at 17 in Wisconsin

Hello!

Thanks for reaching out to us, it definitely sounds like you are going through a difficult time. It’s great that you are thinking through all of this, and trying to plan everything and set goals for yourself. Seems like it’s getting very overwhelmed with everything that has been going on especially if you have been thinking about leaving your house. It can be very frustrating not knowing what to do or what your next step might be from this point on and thinking about what would happen if you did run away. Hopefully we can help you with some of those questions you have.

It seems like your main concern is leaving home without getting anyone in trouble, including yourself. We aren't legal experts here at NRS, so we can only give you general information about the runaway laws. The age of minority in Wisconsin is 17, which means that your legal guardian is responsible for you until you turn 18. Your legal guardian (which in this case it seems like it’s your dad), has the right to file a runaway report if you are to leave home, which such report if the police are to find you, they would return you back home. If they did make a runaway report and you are planning on staying with someone else, your parent can press charges on that family for harboring a runaway when they are not giving accurate information on your whereabouts. That could lead to a number of different legal issues. So that might be something to keep in mind as well.

If you give us a call on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we could help you find resources in your area and could potentially help you brainstorm a possible solution to the issues you are having. We would love to talk to you about what has been going on recently that is making you want to leave home. We also have an online chat service available every night from 4:30-11:30PM CST that is available through our website (www.1800runaway.org).

[Guest]

Hello,
I am a 17 year old female and I live in a house with my parents and my 18 year old brother. I deal woth physical and mental abise from my parents and I have a couple friends that have been telling me I need to get out of that house. They have suggested I file reports of the abuse and when I turn 17.5 they woild come to the house get some of my things and me take me to the police station and tell the police where we would be going and where I would be staying. With the reports and evidence of abuse, they tell me that if I say it's not safe for me to go home then I will be able to stay with my friends. I need help. I want to leave but I need to make sure I dont have to see my parents again. If they figure out im trying to leave they will not only try to kill me but they might go after my friends too. Ive wanted to leave for a long time but I never get the courage to try. I cant stay in this house, everyone is worried about me. I've had multiple concussions from many things and it's starting to affect the way I function. I'm afraid that if I get hit one more time it might be very dangerous for my health. Im stressed all the time and I cant focus in school. They ristrict my contact with my family and friends im lucky to leave the house at all sometimes. They dont talk to me like a human being. They taught me at a young age not to have feelings because it just stresses others out. But I cant help it when im so sad and angry and scared all the time. Please help me.
-Megan

[Guest]

Hello, I am a 17 year old female and I live in a house with my parents and my 18 year old brother. I deal woth physical and mental abise from my parents and I have a couple friends that have been telling me I need to get out of that house. They have suggested I file reports of the abuse and when I turn 17.5 they woild come to the house get some of my things and me take me to the police station and tell the police where we would be going and where I would be staying. With the reports and evidence of abuse, they tell me that if I say it's not safe for me to go home then I will be able to stay with my friends. I need help. I want to leave but I need to make sure I dont have to see my parents again. If they figure out im trying to leave they will not only try to kill me but they might go after my friends too. Ive wanted to leave for a long time but I never get the courage to try. I cant stay in this house, everyone is worried about me. I've had multiple concussions from many things and it's starting to affect the way I function. I'm afraid that if I get hit one more time it might be very dangerous for my health. Im stressed all the time and I cant focus in school. They ristrict my contact with my family and friends im lucky to leave the house at all sometimes. They dont talk to me like a human being. They taught me at a young age not to have feelings because it just stresses others out. But I cant help it when im so sad and angry and scared all the time. Please help me.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, especially in a situation like the one you described. You do not deserve to be abused by your parents. No one should have to be afraid for their physical and emotional safety and especially not in their home. You do not need to wait until you are older to report the abuse.

You have several options to address the abuse. One of which would be to call your local child protective services. If you are unsure of that number directly, you can reach out to Child Help (1-800-422-4453 or childhelp.org) which is a national child abuse hotline that would help you make the right connection. If you feel that you are in immediate danger you can always call the police and have a report filed against your parents. However we understand your fears around reaching out to the police since you want to make sure you don’t have to see your parents after you report. At school, speaking with a teacher or a counselor may be easier. You have mentioned that your friends are concerned but if any adult family members outside of your home know about the abuse, they may be a source of support as well. We also would strongly encourage you to call into us directly to talk. We would be more than happy to help you talk through your options including exploring shelters in your area.

Again, we’re really glad that you reached out to us. It takes a lot to ask for help and you are trying to figure out your options which is really good to see. If you would like to talk further about your situation, please do not hesitate to call (1-800-786-2929) or chat (www.1800runaway.org) with us. We’re here to listen here to help.

[Guest]

I am currently 17 and turn 18 in approximately 5 months. I am also pregnant and plan on keeping my kid, who is due a month before I turn 18. My boyfriend who is 21 lives with my parents and I. We are well capable of living on our own in an apartment. I plan on finishing my senior year of high school and eventually getting a job once child care is set up for my baby. The downfall to all of this is that I have a very verbally abusive mom and a dad who just sits around and either backs it up or does nothing. Since I told them I am pregnant, things have gotten worse and they want me out the day i turn 18. Since things are getting worse by the day I think it would be best to move out now so that I can get settled down instead of moving out with a one month old baby. The thing is, they won't let me. Any suggestions or ideas?

[ccsmod2]

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are thinking of moving out before you turn 18 in order to get a start on trying to support your child. That's understandable to want to plan ahead for what you might do when you have to leave. Unfortunately we cannot tell you what to do or suggest what you should do. But you may want to consider possible consequences of moving out sooner rather than waiting until you turn 18. Once you move out, you would most likely be responsible for yourselves and have to become independent pretty fast. Maybe you could try and find some other people in your lives who can be supportive for you when you need help or direction. You mentioned that you plan to finish school and get a job, that's a great idea to start with. As far as moving out, that is your decision but we wish you the best of luck!

NRS

[Guest]

Hey,
im a 17 year old female living in Wisconsin and I need to get out of the house. Every morning when I wake up my dad is always yelling at me I respond in a normal tone and he gets angry and starts yelling at me and saying I'm disrespectful and that I dont deserve anything. I've done some bad things in the past but nothing that he would forever hate me for. I feel that one factor of his anger issues is his drinking problem. My whole life my dad has been drinking, he gets drunk almost every night and day. He came to thanksgiving so drunk he could barely talk, not to mention my 15th, 16th, and 17th birthday. And many more before that. Everytime I say a word he screams and yells because I said it In a disrespectful tone. He verbally abuses me and Is honestly getting into my head. Ive been wanting to leave and honestly I think today was my breaking point. I can't stay here anymore. I honestly want to die. He accuses me of being on drugs and called the cops and told them I was high on something and I had been doing all types of drugs for the past 5 months which Was not true. That same day that led to the cops being called, he threw me into a shelf/bench thing we have by our front door and I got up and pushed him away from me. I almost got arrested because there is no self defense law here. I have friends and their patents are willing to help me stay with them but if I bring up emancipation he will instantly start to scream. I have a job and transportation To work and school and wherever else I need to go. Please help me. I need to get out of here Im loosing my mind.

[ccsmod7]

Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you have gone through so much living with your dad. You do not deserve to be harmed in anyway - physically or verbally. You should be treated with respect and human dignity, especially in your own home.

You should be safe at home, and you do have the right to report the physical and verbal abuse to child protective services (CPS) as well as your dad's alcoholism as it could be considered neglect. If the abuse/neglect is found to be highly dangerous, you would be removed from the home. To learn more about your reporting options you might reach out to the expert child advocates at Child Help 1-800-422-4453. You can also always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if you would like assistance reporting. Please call 911 if you feel like you are in immediate danger.

You mentioned wanting to die, and it seems like all of this has very understandably taken a huge toll on your mental health and well-being. We want you to know that your life has infinite value. You are so so much more than what your dad reduces you to, and you deserve to make it through this. You might reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Again, you can always call or chat us if you need to talk to someone too. There are resources out there for you and you should not have to go through this alone. We also have a national database of counseling resources if you are feeling like individual or family counseling services could help.

That seems so hurtful that he starts screaming when you bring up emancipation. That is great that you have other places to stay, and that you have a job with transportation. You seem very mature. The easiest way you can leave home is with a guardian's permission. If your mom is in the picture, you might ask her if you can live elsewhere to get away from your dad's abuse. If not, you might see if there is any extended family member or family friend who can talk to your dad for you. Sometimes it helps to bring a trusted adult into the conversation to get your point across when your parent is not hearing you. If you leave home at 17 without permission, your dad can attempt to file a runaway report for you with your local police. 18 years old is the majority age or legal age you can leave home in Wisconsin. Since you are so close to being 18, it is really up to local police response. Sometimes they just do a safety check to make sure you are in a safe place, but if they follow the law to a T they could return you home to your dad. The best way to know what local police would do is to call the non-emergency police department number and ask hypothetical questions about leaving an abusive home at 17.

Please do not hesitate to call or chat us. We can continue to brainstorm your options, provide support, and/or look for resources for you. We truly want to be a support for you during this difficult time.

Best,

NRS

[Guest]

Hello, im a 17.5 yo male who is under legal pressure. I wm allowed to leave as long as i report where i am at but i know of no one that would take me in. I am employed, self supporting, and non mentally challenged. Are there resources i may use to help me find a new ?

[ccsmod10]

Hello,

Thank you so much for reaching out. It is really brave of you to search for information and resources prior to leaving. We are not legal experts here at National Runaway Safeline, but we can tell you that in the state of Wisconsin, the age of majority (being considered an adult is 1. From what you mentioned, it sounds as though your current legal guardian(s)/parents are ok with you living elsewhere and don’t plan on filing a runaway report. You did mention you are under legal pressure, were you referring to a separate situation? If you are interested in finding potential resources in your specific area, please feel free to give us a call.

We are open 24/7 and would be more than happy to help you explore different options available to you in your area, as well as talk about anything else you might want to talk about. We are here to help! Thank you again for reaching out and we hope to hear from you soon!

[Guest]

i know a 17 yr old who is being abused by her mother an adopted father she wants to run away to her dads or his family that live out of state.they are willing to take her in but she wants to know if she will get force to go back home to WI or if she can find a way for them to keep her legally with out her being placed back with the ones abusing hitting her they are also threatening to kick her out an or beat her what can happen to her or what can she do

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here 24/7 to listen and to support.

We're sorry to hear about what your friend has been facing, but are glad that they have people looking out for them. We are not legal experts, but if they leave and their parents file a runaway report, they could still be returned home even if they are in a different state. Some things that would change that would be if there are abuse reports on file or if your friend's specific local police department doesn't take runaway reports for 17 year olds. Some cities and departments treat them differently because a 17 year old is so close to becoming a legal adult. The way to get the most accurate information would be to call their local police non-emergency number and anonymously inquire about their practices. If you need help finding this number we can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). They would also have the option of abuse reporting. They could call out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 to ask questions about reporting and their rights as a minor. If there is abuse, the police may not return them home.

Good luck,

NRS

[Guest]

Hi I am 17 years old I would like to move out of my parents house is that illegal and can I tet in trouble and/or brought back

[ccsmod7]

Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are wanting to leave home at 17. We are not legal experts here but we can speak in general terms.

If you are under 18 and leave home without permission, your parent/guardian may file a runaway report with the police. What actions the police take once you are filed as a runaway can vary a lot from state to state and even city to city so we cannot predict exactly what would happen in your case. Generally speaking, if you encounter a police officer while reported as a runaway, you will likely be returned home. Another thing to consider is that while running away is not a crime, a legal adult who allows you to stay with them may be putting themselves at risk for being charged with harboring a runaway. One way to find out the laws in your area is to call your local police and ask what their policies are regarding runaway youth.

Please do not hesitate to call or chat if you have questions, need resources, or need to talk. We can explore your situation, go over all your options, and come up with a plan and resources to deal with your situation over the phone or on live chat.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.

[Guest]

Hi i am 17 and i am adopted and i am currently living with my adopted mom and her boyfriend.i dont want to live there no more and she talks about emancipated, i tried of all the arguing and yelling between each other my adopted mom allows and adopted beother to live with his mom but she will not let me live with my real mom. i dont feel comfortable and safe with her and she doesnt listen to what i have to say or she ignores me.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we know that it takes courage to reach out and we are glad you gathered the courage to reach out to us today. It sounds like you are going through a frustrating situation right now. You said that you are 17 and your adopted mom has talked about emancipation. Emancipation can be costly and take anywhere from 6 months to a year. Because you are 17 you may want to wait, instead of being emancipated because you may turn 18 before the emancipation process is done. Have you considered asking what the reason was that your adopted brother can live with his mom but you cannot? Also you do not deserve to be ignored, and we are sorry you are going through that. You mentioned that you do not feel safe or comfortable, your safety is the top concern. If you would like to call us we can look up shelters in your area that you can maybe stay at, if leaving home was an option for you. Also if there is any abuse going on you can also report that by calling Child Help: 1800-422-4452.
If you would like to talk more about your situation feel free to give us a call we are available 24/7, and we are here to help and here to listen. Remember you are not alone and to stay strong!

NRS

[Guest]

Hello,I’m 17 as of October I am currently in online schooling,my mother and I are having lots of fights lately. She turns me into a different person which causes my mental health to go in bad direction, I’d like to move into my boyfriend’s house of 2 years or sisters house but would like to know the possible consequences of doing so. I have money,I’m responsible,going through drivers ed and would continue to schooling. I fear if I stay at my current house my mental health will go down the drain.

[ccsmod6]

Hi,
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like your situation is very stressful due to having fights between you and your mother. In stressful situations, we sometimes react to the people or situation that afterward does make us feel like a different person. Understandably, all of that does take a toll on mental health.
While we can’t give specific legal advice, we can respond generally. You are very wise and intelligent in asking about the consequences. In most states, running away is a “status offence”, meaning that due to your status a minor, it’s something you can’t do. Usually nothing happens to you except to be returned home – your mom would likely file a runaway report with the police- the possible trouble can come to the people over 18 who help you. Your mom would have the right to press charges if your sister or boyfriend (or if he’s your age, his parents) take you in.
However, there is hope for you. There really is. You found us and we hope that you might call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We can look up the laws and services for your state; or look a shelter to help you; and help you with your mental health. If leaving isn’t an option, we can help you find ways cope with the situation that will benefit your mental health. You are worthy of the listening and help we can give. We also have a live chat service through our website 1800runaway.org We hope that you’ll call or reach out to us again. We are here to listen and here to help.

[Guest]

I am a 17 year old girl. I have dealt with sexual abuse when I was young. I barley get to do homework. Everyday after school, I do chores the watch kids. I get in trouble for no reason all the time. I cry every night and my anxiety, depression gets worse and worse everyday. I feel alone and afraid. My boyfriend and his mom agreed that they can take me in. My mom keeps saying "No". The reason she says no is because my mom wants me there to take care of the kids. Every night I get so stressed it hurts which makes me fall asleep early. I used to live with my step dad until I wanted to try my moms house again. If I was at my step dads then I wouldnt have that much time with the kids.Now that I am at my moms she is just abusing my time as a kid. I never get to hang out with friends or go everywhere. Do to that I have bad social anxiety. Is there anyway I could get away and move in with my boyfriend and his mom? Please answer, I am getting more depressed and I am getting more Anxiety every day. I silent scream and cry every night.

[ccsmod15]

Hi,
Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot and it makes sense that you are interesting in finding additional options. You deserve to feel supported and safe in your family.
Your mental health is important and it seems like you are having difficulty working through your depression and anxiety. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone about what you’re going through. If you were interested you could seek support from a guidance counselor at school or maybe another trusted adult. If you were interested in more specific counseling, you could contact the National Alliance on Mental Health. They can put you in touch with counselors in your area that make sense for your situation. They can be reached at 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text NAMI to 741741.
You mentioned that you had previously dealt with sexual abuse, which is never okay. If the above options don’t make sense for you, you could consider contacting the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. They provide confidential services and referrals for people who have gone through a situation similar to yours. They can be reached at 1-800-656-4673 or online at rainn.org they have an online chat system.
It’s good to hear that you have someone in your life, though, like your boyfriend and his family to support you during this challenging time. It sounds like he really cares for you and wants to help find safe options for you. We are not legal experts, but if you are considered a minor in your state, which is usually 18, (you can check out https://sexetc.org/action-center/sex-in-the-states/ to double check), running away would be considered a status offense. This means that if you runaway and the police found you, you would likely be returned home. Something you might also want to consider is that while you might not get in trouble, if your guardian wanted to, they could get your boyfriend’s mom in trouble for what is called harboring a runaway.
It sounds frustrating that you can’t hang out with your friends and that you spend so much time looking after the kids. If you were interested, here at National Runaway Safeline, we do offer conference calling with parents. You mentioned that you’ve been disagreeing with some of their rules and sometimes it can be helpful to address things you need to see change at home with someone else on the line.
You are extremely brave for reaching out for help and we are available 24/7 should you want to discuss your situation further. We can be reached at 1-800-786-2929 or online we offer a chat platform as well.
We wish you the best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Hello I am a 17 year old girl living in Wisconsin. I live in a house where I dont feel myself. I am genderfluid and my mom doesnt support me. I have bad anxitey and depression and it is getting worse.My mom abuses my time as a kid and doesnt let me go out with friends. My social life is out of the question. I love my family but I dont feel loved there. I just feel used at my home. I have tried killing myself before and I am scared. The only voices I will talk to is the voices in my head and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is 500 miles away which hurts me even more. I usually take care of the kids and do chores then go to bed. I barley have time to do homework. I also get yelled at for no reason all the time. Is there any way I could move in with my boyfriend and his mom instead of staying in this hell hole? Please help.

[ccsmod15]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.

If you wanted to live with your boyfriend, we would encourage you to talk to your mother about the possibility of an alternative living arrangement, where you would live with your boyfriend with her (preferably written) consent. If this is not possible, then leaving without your guardian’s consent to go to your boyfriend’s would be considered running away.

Although NRS is not a legal agency, we can try to give a general idea of possible outcomes if you were to run away. As you are considered a minor in your state, you are still under your parents’ guardianship, therefore at any point when you are gone, they are legally within their rights to file a runaway report. Being a runaway is a status offense, and while you would not be charged with a crime, if police came across you, they would probably return you home. Guardians could also potentially press charges against people who took you into their care for “harboring a runaway;” these charges would be misdemeanors, but still criminal offenses.

Some states do not enforce run away laws for youth closer to 18. One option could be to call out to your local police through their non-emergency number and ask what they would do about a hypothetical run away situation if the youth is 17 years old; this number can be found at usacops.com. You have no obligation to provide them with information you are not comfortable giving, and have the right to terminate the call if you felt unsafe.

We are sorry to hear that you have tried to kill yourself and hear voices in your head. If you were interested in professional mental health services, a good resource could be the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) at 1-877-726-4727 and online at samhsa.gov. Additionally, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a resource with support groups among other services, at 1-800-950-NAMI and online at nami.org. The National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 and online suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also there, and if you feel that you are in immediate danger, we would encourage you to call 9-1-1.

As for having some freedom you need you could also reach out to school personnel and see if they would be willing to argue for an after-school arrangement where you could do your homework there, as well as advocate for you more generally to have that needed social time. As for being genderfluid, we are sorry that your mom is not giving you the support you deserve. For LGBTQ resources, the LGBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-7743 and/or the LGBT National Hotline at 1-888-843-4564 and online at glbthotline.org could be work seeking out if you felt like they were relevant to you.

We would love to talk more about the details of your situation so that we can work towards a solution that you find acceptable. If you would like to share more, please feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
We hope this information was helpful and take care.
National Runaway Safeline
[email protected] (Crisis Email)
1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 16 turning 17 on july 18. Ive ran away its been 2 months now. I want to go to school. Do i need my birth certifacate and ssn or no? My adpotive parents say im a ******** up and bet i will be dead by 18. They always take eveything i get like for example if i get a phone they take it or they smash it. Im tired of it. I also live in Wisconsin. My county is walworth county. I want to go to gateway high school in elkhorn.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS