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I need advice with my living situation (17, TX)

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  • I need advice with my living situation (17, TX)

    I am 17 years old and currently living with my mother and her boyfriend. My mom's boyfriend has always treated me extremely poor, to say the least. He came from a bad background and it seems to affect the way he treats my mother and me. Our relationship has progressively gotten worse over the last few years, especially because of his drinking. He has been violent in the past (pulled a weapon on my mom) and because his anger has recently gotten so much worse, I am scared of what he may be capable of.
    Last Sunday, my mother and he had gotten into what started as a small fight, but because he became unnecessarily belligerent- it spiraled out of control. He was yelling and swearing at my mother partly because she said he needed to quit drinking and go to bed (he had work in the morning and it was about to be 10:30) and then towards me when I intervened. My nephew was, unfortunately, staying the night and witnessed the entire thing, and was begging to go home because of how terrified he was of my mom's boyfriend. Later, my mother would tell me she was fed up, and that we didn't deserve this treatment anymore-therefore she would make him leave the house. I left with my nephew and have been staying with my sister for 4 days now.
    Come to find out, my mother is not planning on breaking up with him any longer and is asking for me to come home. It is difficult for me to articulate how fed up I am with the treatment and behavior from that man. He is selfish and erratic and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health, and unfortunately, my mother has chosen to stay with him for financial support. I told her I would not make her pick between he and I, but that I would not be home that often during the rest of the summer. When in reality, I have no plans to go back home while he is still there. It's extremely upsetting that my mother would pick a verbally abusive man over her own daughter. My sister and I have discussed me living with her after I turn 18 indefinitely, given this situation have been ongoing for quite some time. My sister cares about my overall well being and feels she would be more fit as a caregiver and guardian than our mother and her boyfriend. My sister is 28 years old and lives with her husband and 3 kids, I am sleeping on their couch at the moment but they have discussed breaking the lease on their apartment to rent another house with 3 bedrooms, giving me my own space. They are somewhat financially stable and are willing to make the sacrifice for me, unlike my mother. My mental health is so much healthier staying with my sister than it is at home- given she genuinely wants to help me.
    My mother knows I have no interest in fixing the relationship between her boyfriend and me, but I also don't want to make her pick between the two of us either. Because with the way I see it, whether or not he is living there in 9 months, (when I turn 1 I am going to move in with my sister anyway. Is there any way I can go about this in a responsible and rational way for her to understand my standpoint? Other than me trying to run away from her? I know this will be a hard thing to get through regardless- I just know the emancipation process takes 4-6 months which would be a waste of my time and money anyway. Is living with my sister an option legally if I am feeling at risk at home? My only option at this point is getting her approval for moving out- which could go any which way. I want this to be a smooth transition for everyone and I am in need of advice.

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It is very brave of you to seek help. We are very sorry to hear about how your mom's boyfriend has been treating you. It sounds like you are thinking about staying with your sister. The easiest way for you to leave home would be with your mom's permission. You could try having your sister talk to your mom for you. As you previously stated emancipation is a length process, by the time you get in front of a judge you may be 18. Another option that you have is contacting CPS and letting them know that you don't feel safe at home. Child Help (1-800-422-4453) is a great resource to explore your options and get information on how to transfer custody. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or liver chat.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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