Wanna leave home but parents won't let me get a job?

[oc007061]

Hi. I'm 17 and live in Texas. My parents won't let me get a job, but I really wanna move out. They don't know I wanna move out, but they say I have to focus on school first. I'm not concerned with school and am looking to get employed at Walmart or something part-time till I can make my money with what I plan to do professionally (its a secret). Could I get a job without their consent? Since I could leave home without their consent, I figure I could get a job, too. They won't let me, though. Should I just leave anyway? What do I do?

[ccsmod1]

RE: Wanna leave home but parents won't let me get a job?

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like you are trying to get a job, but your parents will not allow you. We are not legal experts, so we do not know about labor laws in Texas in detail. However, you could consider calling a potential employer to ask if they hire minors. If you got a job without permission, you might consider how your parents might react or what actions they would take to try to keep you from working. Even if you don't need consent to be employed, that might not keep them from calling your employer or trying to influence the situation. If you need help talking this over or making a plan, please do not hesitate to give us a call.

[Guest]

I'm 17 years old. My mom won't let me get a job i've been wanting a job since i was at the age to legally get a job, because i'm trynna start off my career and life off right. But my mom won't let me get a job. She said focus on school first, and yes i am i agree totally with that. But im a senior in highschool bout to graduate havent failed no classes, and i still cant have a job. I dont know what should i do..

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,

Thanks so much for reaching out! We’re sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you’re really motivated to start your career and your mom is getting in the way of that. It makes sense why you’d reach out for advice.

It sounds like you’ve already tried talking to your mom about this, and she won’t budge. It’s possible that if you keep trying you can find a compromise that she would be ok with, where you might not have a job but you’re still getting to work on your career.

When people face issues like this, it can sometimes be helpful to talk with people you trust (other than your mom) about it. That could be friends, teachers or school staff who you like, extended family, or other adults in your life. Doing this might not change your mom’s mind, but it could help you figure out good ways to achieve your goals without that.

Also, even if you can’t get a job right now, you can still channel your energy for your career into something productive! Some schools have pre-career programs – your school counselor might be a good person to ask about that. If college is next for you, you could start planning for how to be successful there and secure internships, which will help you in your career once you graduate. You could also start working on your resume or take mock interviews, if that’s a compromise your mom would be ok with.

If you want to talk through this more, or have any questions, please feel free to talk to us more! You can post again here, message us at 1800runaway.org, or call us at 800 786 2929. Good luck!

NRS

[Guest]

Hello,
I am 14 years old and I wish to become emancipated my mom is just so mentally abusive I have had many people tell me that I am way beyond my years in responsibility and mature levels and that I deserve better. They see the way she treats me and I have been blind to it for years until just recently I realized. After she sees in my eyes and realizes what she has done she then does not apologize, but tries to make me laugh by rubbing my past mistakes in my face. She doesn't congratulate me for what I do right all she does is pay attention to the bad. I have had countless people tell me how lucky they would be if I was their daughter my mom does not realize what she has. And shes about to lose it. I can't go to my dad because I don't know him. If I got emancipated could I live with someone else in my family? I don't want to be HERE, but I also don't want a legal re-homing to take place. Oh and one more thing you need to prove yourself to the court and to do that you need money and a job and my mom wont let me get a job.

[ccsmod3]

Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you want some information about becoming emancipated. Unfortunately, it depends on which state you reside in and if they have laws to support it. You can contact us at 1800-RUNAWAY and provide more information to learn about if your state has emancipation laws or not. Typically if you are being emancipated you have to prove to the court that you can take care of yourself independently. If you plan on living with other family members you may want to talk to your mom about how you are feeling and see if you both can’t come to a compromise.
It must be hard to constantly be criticized and not be given any positive feedback for the good things you do. However, you are not close to 18 or the age where you can be considered an adult. You also can’t work without your mom’s consent. Maybe you and your mom could benefit from some counseling since it sounds like you are having trouble communicating how you feel and she is having trouble seeing the person you are growing to be. You can contact NAMI at 1800-950-NAMI if you are interested in receiving some support and counseling services. If you feel you are in an unsafe environment you can contact Child Help at 1800-422-4453. You can also contact them to discuss the mental abuse that you are experiencing with your mom.
If you want to talk through this more, or have any questions, please feel free to talk to us more! You can post again here, message us at 1800runaway.org, or call us. Best of luck with everything!

[Guest]

Let’s make this simple, I’m 16 and have been planing on moving out as soon as I graduate from highschool. kinda off topic, but I’m also not allowed any electronics with me in my room no matter the time of day or even when I ask. They think their good parents, but their just way over protective. I’m not even a bad kid, never done drugs, alcohol, or even gotten close to any parties or being pregnant. Idk why their like this. I’m not doing collage because I hate school. I’ve been trying to start my own business since I was 12 and my parents barely consider it because they want me to rely on them and then say, “if you want something, then you have to pay for it yourself.” I think you get the picture. I’m trying to figure out a way to make money online and move out ASAP. Is there any way to do an online job and not have money sent to your bank account? Cause they will know if money is added to the account.(I don’t even have access to my own bank account)

[ccsmod15]

Hey there thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS),
It seems like you are going through a frustrating situation and are feeling trapped by your parent’s overbearing version of love. It’s understandable to feel oppressed by being limited to that extent and not feeling like you have support for starting a business or buying the things you want with your own money. You don’t deserve to be gaslight like that. The good news is that your parents only get to do this until you turn 18.
It seems like you are mostly focused on earning money on your own to set yourself up for the future and enjoy the things you want to instead of having to rely on your parents for everything. Generally, your parents are allowed to control your finances until you turn 18 at which point you can remove them from your accounts. Before then you might need to rely on an online wallet of some kind like PayPal or venom. Even those usually require a bank account or card to link to. It might be difficult as well without constant online access to run a business right now online. There are some jobs online like transcribing, data entry, or proofreading you might be able to do though.
We here at NRS want you to know that we are here to listen and support you through this tough time as best we can. Sometimes just having someone to talk with and vent about the situation can be helpful and provide new ideas for going forward. If you want to talk more or have other questions please reach out by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY or online chat at 1800runaway.org.
Good Luck,
NRS.

[Guest]

Okay so I am 15 years old and my parents are divorced. I do not have a phone or any type of electronic. I live in ******. My dad definitely has narcissistic personality disorder and I want him to get diagnosed. I want to get away, but I don't know what my first step should be. I have been trying to get a job for a very long time now, but my dad will not give me my social security and i don't really speak to my mom. I am pretty sure she is trying to get me, but she lies a lot so I doubt it will happen anytime soon. What should I do?

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out, we understand taking that step can be difficult and we are glad you did. You mentioned your dad behaving in a narcissistic manner, this can take a toll on your well-being. If you feel you are being emotionally/verbally abused, you may want to consider reporting this. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise.
Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
You should be able to get a job in most states at the age of 16, if there is an adult you may know and trust who is willing to help you have a conversation with him about work it may help. Even if it may be someone from school who you feel can support you.
We understand this is just a snippet of what may be going on at home, please feel free to call or chat with us if you need any support or just someone to talk to.
We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi! Im 15 and from Texas. My mom keeps searching through my phone. Anytime she finds something she doesnt like she gets mad at me and takes my phone. She is also very mentally abusive. She wont let me get a job, except i need one to be able to get emancipated. I would need a job now so I can save up enough money and be able to prove I will keep bringing in enough money to support myself. I will also need money so i can buy a car to drive myself places. I can't be here anymore with the way she treats me. I have been told multiple times that emancipation is not the best option. They think i only want to do it because im young and niave. I put some thought into it, and right now it sounds like the best option. I cant be around my mom anymore, it drains me. Getting a job might help with this because i wouldnt have to be around her at all. I can set up study and homework times at work so i can keep in touch with my school life.

[ccsmod7]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It understandable to be frustrated when you feel like you are not being listen to. It could be worth exploring talking to someone at your school like a teacher or consular about how your mom is making you feel at home. You should not feel that you need to put up with someone constantly putting you down.

You mentioned that you would get a job to help you pay the bills making a monthly budget to see what you would need to make in order support yourself could be good practice to living on your own. Also, finding a place that would rent to minor could be very difficult as well and worth looking into when exploring your options. Also, minors can only work so many hours in a week. Please see the following link which lead to some of the child labor laws in the state of Texas Texas Child Labor Law — Texas Workforce Commission. https://www.twc.texas.gov/jobseekers...hild-labor-law

You mentioned that getting way from your mom in general might help, it could be worth exploring after school programs that she might support has a way to put some space between the two of you.

You mentioned emancipation as well while it can be a rather lengthy legal process if it is something that you wish to explore more, please contact us through one of the below methods so we can learn a little bit more about your situation so that we can look into more local resources.

Remember you are not alone, and we are always here to listen and support you 24/7 through chat or at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Stay safe and say strong.

[Guest]

Hi Im 15 and I´m from jersey. I have been trying to save up money for school later on, buy my own self care stuff, and get myself a phone, because my dad will not get a phone. Ive been in many uncomfotable situations while walking home from school and i didnt have a phone for emergencies, and when i tell my dad he just says ¨you´re not ready for a phone¨ so its like what the hell. are you waiting for something to happen to me to then realize i didnt have any form of communication so it didnt happen. Then, I talked to him about letting me babysit and he said no. his reasoning was because covid. and that if i want to make money i could do things at home. Now Ive been doing things around the house and he said he would pay me this certain amount and never does. so why lie to me you know. Im really trying my hardest but it gets me so mad. I just want to be able to work already, but he keeps holding me back. idk what to do.

[ccsmod6]

Hey!

We are so glad that you contacted us. It can be hard to talk to strangers about personal issues and you have shown real maturity by reaching out. While we will do our best to address your topics, forums can be a difficult medium to discuss more specific detail and resources. If you would like to discuss more in-depth we would be happy to either via our 24/7 hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), or an online chat at 1800runaway.org.

You make some valid points about the importance of have a way to quickly communicate and we are sorry to hear you have been having uncomfortable situations when returning home from school. It is unfortunate, it sounds like you dad is not willing to really listen to the reasons you are wanting a phone. You also mentioned issues with trying to work and your dad not paying what he promised for work around the house. That must be incredibly frustrating, and you deserve to be treated with respect and autonomy. You are old enough that your dad should be open and honest with his expectations. In terms of working outside the home, you are in a grey area as to whether you can work a “regular” job. The federal minimum age is 14, but most states do not allow young adults to work until 16, unless they have a special permit. From what we can tell NJ is the same way, but we are not legal experts and you would need to talk with a legal aid in your area to know exactly how their labor laws are structured.

When it comes to talking with your dad, it may be helpful to have a neutral party present so that everyone can feel heard an understood. Whether this is another parent or family friend, it may help you both be able to clear up any confusion that has been occurring and be able to articulate your concerns in a constructive manner. We offer conference call services to moderate conversations between parties and would be happy to do that with you, if you feel that is something that would be helpful. All you would need to do is call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY and let us know.

We hope this helps!

National Runaway Safeline

[Guest]

Hi I’m 19 I have no friends or family to help me move out of my parents house they won’t let me get a job and are very controlling I wasn’t even allowed to have any friends and can’t talk to any family members I’m trying to find a place to stay just Intel I can find a job while hopefully my parents not finding out can you please help me

[ccsmod0]

Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live.  We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

[Guest]

Me too my parents wont let me get a job and move out ?. .

[ccsmod10]

You have options, depending on your age. If you are over 18 your parents cannot legally force you to not move out. They cannot force you to not get a job, either. However, if you do not have the means to work or live on your own (transportation to work, finances to pay for your own housing, etc.) they are also not required to help you achieve them either. We can talk more about possible plans / action steps if you chat us at 1800ruanway.org or call us at 1-800-786-2929.

[Guest]

I’m 19 and my parents won’t let me get a job. I want to move out so bad. They also refuse to let me out of the house more than once a month. I have no way of getting a job since I’m not walking distance from any place of employment. I’m not allowed electronics other than the family computer for homework and it feels like I’m in a prison. I would try to find a way on the computer but they would find out. I have no way of transportation (no car, bus, uber).

[ccsmod5]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS. We are glad that you are asking for help. It sounds like life at home is strict and you are unable to gain your own independence. You deserve to feel like you have some ownership over your life and we are sorry to hear that this has been a sincere struggle for you.

Although we are not legal experts here at NRS, but since you are legally the age of an adult in most states (over the age of 18 years old), you are able to leave your parents’ home without parental permission. That being said, we can offer transitional youth shelters for you in your local area that would be able to get you away from home where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. If you call us (1-800-RUNAWAY) or reach out via chat at 1800runaway.org (click on the “chat” button), we’d be happy to provide those resources for you.

If a shelter is not an option you would like, then perhaps consider if there is a trusted friend or family member that has your best interest and would allow you to stay with them.

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon, our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I am 17, soon to be 18. The last time I had a job I was 13 years old. I am concerned about not having any savings or work experience when I am an adult. I started college courses last year, so my parents' excuse was that I should ease into it. I did, and this year when I have a much lighter course load, they still refuse to let me get a job. Any time I bring up the topic, they say I am allowed to get a job, but never actually let me. I can't go behind their backs and apply because I do not have my own car and they will definitely take my phone and ban me from leaving the house besides school. I don't know what I should do. I can't bring up the topic anymore because they keep shutting me down and my siblings won't support me, even though they are allowed to get jobs and have already built up their savings. I'm super frustrated and I feel stuck.

[ccsmod15]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things at home with your parents have been so challenging. It sounds like the communication from your parents has not matched up with they have allowed to happen and it has made things really uncertain for you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you figure out what options might be available to you.

If you are comfortable with it, one option might be to explore whether you are eligible for work study at your local college. If you are eligible, it may help to approach your parents with the total required hours and what your plan is to ensure that you are able to keep up with your studies while working. Another option is to see if your school has employment counselors that might be able to help you navigate that conversation with your parents. If you are considered a minor in your state until your 18th birthday, another option would be to wait until you no longer need their consent to work, and maybe look for employment options near school so that you can build your schedule to coincide with whenever you have class. That way, you wouldn't need your own car since you already have a set route for school and would not need to deviate. Finally, it may also help to sit down with your parents and talk about the fact that their opinion on you getting a job has gotten pretty confusing. Providing them with specific examples of the kind of work you are interested in finding might help them get a better idea of what your plan is. If you need help figuring out how to approach them, or if you just want to talk about your situation, please feel free to give us a call or send us a chat.

Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you. We cannot give you direct advice, but we will do our best to help stay safe as you figure out your next steps. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!
-NRS

[Guest]

Hi, im 17 1/2, I live in California , and I need to get out of my house. I was looking into emancipation but there’s a few problems. 1, my dad is extremely controlling and would fight me, so I would have to win a court case against him because if I lost, he’d make my life worse. I think I could win in court, but just in case, I’d like to present my main points and get a professional opinion: as punishment, my parents locked me in my house for a year and didn’t let me see or speak to my friends or family, there’s cameras inside my house that my dad stalks me on (not inside rooms or bathrooms, only outside), I have bulimia and struggle with self-harm, my home environment contributes to their existence and worsening. My mental health is worst when im at home, im not allowed any electronic devices besides a computer for homeschool which I can listen to music on, but I go crazy sitting in my room with 16 hours of free time and nothing to do. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but it has the negative effects that solitary confinement does, I have mental breakdowns and panic attacks all the time. the only reason I can send this message is because im not at home and have access to the internet without my dad tracking everything, but I will be home in a few weeks… maybe. Do you think I have a chance of beating him in court?

I have places to go, if I were to leave, and if emancipation fails I might not go home anyways. But, I want to do it the legal way so I can get a job and go back to regular school, 2 things my dad won’t let me do.

Because my dad is controlling and doesn’t want me to leave, they won’t allow me to get a job, and they won’t give me any personal information like my social security number or birth certificate. Those things are needed for an emancipation declaration, so I’m kinda stuck. Will my lack of job and independent living cost me the case? Is there a way I can get access to the personal information I need to fill out the papers without my parents?

ive talked to cps, but my parents were there so I couldn’t rlly tell them what was going on.


Anyways I know this is all over the place and im sorry about that, but thank you for whatever help you provide. If calling would be the best option to get help, please let me know

[ccsmod3]

Hi thank you for reaching out. It sounds like your dad is very controlling and has been giving you some extreme punishments which you do not deserve. It sounds frustrating that he seems to have isolated you from the outside world and you have been stuck in your home with him. It makes sense that this would affect your mental health. You mention wanting to get emancipated, we are not legal experts so do not have the right knowledge to say if you would win the case against him or not. We do know that emancipation can take a long period of time and you would likely be 18 before that process even goes through. It sounds like CPS has been involved in the past, but you couldn’t share what you wanted to because they were there. An option is to contact them again when you are not at home so you can speak freely about the abuse and neglect so that you can get the help you deserve. Not having your documents and not having a job might negatively affect the emancipation process, there are certain things you have to prove. We can look for legal aid resources in your area to help guide you through what your options are. If you would like to talk more about this, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS