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  • daughter

    My daughter has graduated high school, in college and lives with her father in California. She is 17 and will be 18 in 21 days. Her father has been pysically/mentally abusive to her. She was afraid to go home and reported the abuse to the police. Police phoned CPS they told her to return home. They came to an agreement that she would go to her Grandmother's. She did for the night and now has run away. My ex has 100 percent pysical custody, we share legal. I am her mother and live in Las Vegas. Is she able to come with me and if so what do I need to do to protect her and myself? What rights does she have if she chooses to stay at her friends house? I am so very scared for her. Please help!!!!!

  • #2
    Re: daughter

    Hello

    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are in a really tough situation right now. On the one hand, you know that your ex has 100% physical custody of your daughter and so, following that, she is expected to live with him or where he places her. On the other hand, you also know that you daughter is being physically and mentally abused at home and so that might not be the safest place for her.

    From what you wrote, it sounds like there is a case open with CPS right now and that instead of staying with her father, CPS directed your daughter to stay with her Grandmother. How long was that arrangement supposed to last for? Do you know if CPS placed her in her Grandmother’s house so that she would be safe while they investigated the situation? If this is so, what do you think led her to runaway?

    From the questions you asked in your post, it seems as if you are interested in finding out if it would be legal if your daughter came to stay with you in Las Vegas even though your ex has 100% legal custody and she is supposed to be staying at her Grandmother’s right now. What do you think about the legality of this situation? We are not legal experts here and so we cannot give firm legal advice, but our understanding is that since she is still a minor she is still in her father’s physical custody and so, unless CPS places her in your physical custody, she would technically be considered a runaway even if she was living with you. Hence, her father could report your daughter as a runaway to the police. Furthermore, you (or her friends) could in theory be prosecuted for harboring a runaway. Once she is 18, however, she will legally be an adult and then should be able to choose for herself where she wants to live. What do you believe is stopping your daughter from staying with her Grandma until she turns 18?

    It sounds like you are very scared for your daughter. Have you been able to have any contact with her? Is she currently in a safe situation? We are here 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY to speak with you or her. We could help find a safe place for your daughter to stay and/or help come up with a plan that feels comfortable.

    Good Luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: daughter

      Staying at her Grandmother's is the root of her father being abusive. The original source of the abuse. This all started back in 1996. I was being abused by her [edited for anonymity] father. My ex originally called CPS because he knew that if he could make the children lie, that it would prevent me from divorcing him. Children's Court has presidence over any other Court. It worked. Since then he has remarried and has a child with her. They are in the middle of a divorce and the mother has called CPS to advise them of his abuse. This man has a history of abuse and is still getting away with it. I would think CPS would finally see this.

      When I instructed my daughter to go to the Police it was to protect her, now CPS believes once again the abuser. What does it take. For him to physically do damage? Now, she has run away. I have 50% legal custody, he has 100% physical. He has got in the way of my visitation for years. He knows the only thing I can do is take him back to Court. He has police records a mile long of past abuse. The only reason this man has my children is because of his money. I did not have an attorney and had no clue of what I was doing.

      I can tell you she [edited for anonymity] has been hanging in there just waiting to turn 18. It must have been pretty bad for her to run 23 days before she turned 18! When CPS spoke with her she told them she would prefer to go to a foster home!!!!!!!

      This is just my one daughter, my youngest [edited for anonymity], is mild mental retardation. She is in trouble medically. If anyone looked at her back they would see she has a big problem. Her back is shapped like an "S". Now I find out he has her in Tennis. She has a brace but because he does not want to clean it she is wearing this brace only at night. The last time I visited. She sat in my arms and cryed. What is wrong with CPS people? I thought they were to protect my children.
      I do not know where Patricia is and am worried sick. I am going to drive down tomorrow to try and find her. This is ridiculous. Please help

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: daughter

        Thank you for continuing to share with us. This definitely sounds like a serious situation. From what you wrote, it sounds like you are very frustrated with CPS—and rightly so. It is understandable that feel like CPS isn’t making decisions that are for your daughter’s best interest. One possible resource that you may want to check out is Justice for Children. Their mission statement is: To raise the consciousness of our society about the failure of our governmental agencies to protect victims of child abuse, to provide legal advocacy for abused children and to develop and implement collaborative solutions to enhance the quality of life for these children. You can reach them at 1-800-733-0059. You could also view their website at http://www.jfcadvocacy.org for more information.

        It sounds like both of your daughters are very brave and we are glad to know that they have you to turn to for support. How old is your youngest daughter? We gathered from what you wrote that she is also living with your ex husband. Is that correct? Would you want her, along with your older daughter, to also live with you? We know that you wrote that the only reason your former husband has custody is because he was able to afford an attorney. Even though your eldest daughter will soon be 18 and so there may not be time to get physical custody of her before she is already able to decide for herself where she will live, it sounds like you are also worried about your younger daughter’s well-being. Are you thinking of trying to get physical custody of her? If you are interested in learning about your legal rights, alone with Justice for Children you could also try calling Westcare – Women and Children’s Services (702-385-2020) or Catholic Charities (702-385-2662).

        For now, it seems like your plan is to drive to California and try and find your eldest daughter. Do you have any idea of where she might be? Once you find her, what do you think you will say to her? What is your plan? If you are interested in finding services in California that may be able to help her, you can certainly call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

        It sounds like you care for your daughters very much and we wish you all the best of luck.
        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: daughter

          [edited for anonymity] my youngest is 15. Yes of course I want to have her with me. My ex has her going to a regular High School where clearly she should be in a special school. There is also the child from his other marriage. It seems to me that the mom has given up on her child and I would love to have her with me as well. She is 7 and scared to even speak when her father is there. God only knows what the hell is going on in his house. Yes I plan to go back to Court to try and get both of them out of the abusers home. However, I am really worried about Patricia right now. I do not have any idea where she is and hoping the good lord will keep her safe and perhaps put us together when I get down there. If I do find her I would like her to go speak to a childrens advocate and perhaps the run-away number you have provided me could possibly help. I pray that she is O.K. My ex just phoned me and said "Patricia is a Stupid ****" Does this sound like a normal parent to you. I can only pray to God that someone see's through this destructive human being and Justic is Served. Thank you so very much for your help. God Bless you!!!!!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: daughter

            We are sorry to hear that you and your former husband had such a negative interaction today. You’re daughter definitely doesn’t deserve to be talked about that way. However, it sounds like you have a good idea about what you would like to see happen and that you are intent on keeping your daughter safe. Best of luck to you and the National Runaway Switchboard (1-800-RUNAWAY) is always here to help!
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment

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