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16 Year Old wants to move out/emancipation in New York State

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  • #16
    I’m 15 and I lived with my grandparents my ENTIRE life. My grandparents never took custody of me because my mother willingly let them keep me. Recently she decided she want me back and she took me from my grandparents. I’m planning on running away and going back to them when I turn 16 in five months. Is there anything legally I can do since my grandparents raised me?

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello There,
      Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to listen and support you. It sounds like you are going through a frustrating time in your life right now. You could consider talking to your grandparents and your mother of how you are feeling. At NRS we offer conference calling, where if you call us we can call out to your mother or grandparents. Conference calling can help you be heard and can also help mediate the conversation, so the conversation is productive. Another option could be talking to your school counselor about what is going on, sometimes talking to a professional can help us feel better.
      You mentioned wanting to runaway once you turn 16 years old. We are not legal experts but we do have general information on the laws. If you were to runaway, your mother has the right to file a runaway report. If the police found you they most likely would bring you back home. You could try and file emancipation. Emancipation could take 6 months to a year, it is a different process in each state. If you would like to learn more about emancipation, you could call your local court office or you can call us. If you do decide to runaway, your safety is our top concern. You may want to consider how you would get to your grandparents, and the consequences of getting caught.
      We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support to you. We wish you the best of luck!
      NRS

  • #17
    Hello I’m 15 about to be 16 soon and my parents are really neglectful to me. They feed me and they buy me stuff, but their not there for emotional support and they act really toxic when I have an opinion on something, but overall they’re toxic about everything. They have given me dirty remarks when I tell them something funny or anything of the like. One time I was laughing at a video my friend sent me of me laughing at my other friends and my dad was playing a video game and he asked me oh what are you laughing at, it sounded like he was trying to be funny when he was asking me that, but then I said oh I’m laughing at my laugh, it’s sounds really stupid and obnoxious and it makes me happy hearing me laugh like that since I don’t laugh genuinely a lot. He answered with the snarky remark of I’ve never heard anyone laugh at the own laugh before. The way he said that made me shut down, I stopped laughing and I went quiet all together and then I said well I was laughing at my friends to since their really funny and they make me happy. After I said that he ignored me and continued playing his game. Over the years of me living with my parents they’ve made me become emotionally, mentally, and socially stunted. In a lot of cases I don’t know how to act, I can be annoying, up close and personal too much with my friends and I feel terrible about it. I never get showen love and attention at my house, It’s like I’m not aloud to be upset, I can’t show everyone I love them, I try hard to I make them cards since I draw, I draw them stuff all the time to try and show how much I love them. I try asking to do stuff with them but they ignore me. I’ve gotten told multiple times to be quite because it wasn’t convenient for them to talk to me. I can say I’m grateful to not be abused physically, but they have socially, and especially emotionally and mentally. I’ve been messed up greatly by everything that they’ve told me and it hurts all the time. It’s caused me to have bad anxiety and depression, and neither of them understand when I try to speak to them. They either ignore me, give me quick answers, or tell me I shouldn’t be feeling like this because I'm too young. When I was about 4 years old give or take my birth mother left me because she didn’t want to take care of me and left me with my dad. He was there but at the same time he wasn’t, I was mostly raised by my grandmother and aunt, I found out later that when she left me when I turned about 5 or 6 she got pregnant and moved to another state. After sometime passed when I was 13 I met my mother when I was with two of my friends, one is now my current boyfriend who my parents do not like bc I was gone all the time, they kept telling me he was changing me making me into a bad person. All of the people that knew me at the time saw how happy I was, I was bright, bubbly, and energetic, I wanted to go out places and explore everywhere. When I turned 14 some conflicts happened and my dad got a restraining order from me to my boyfriend so we would have to break up, but then I turned 16 an we got back together without my parents knowledge, until I told my step mother who was very upset since neither of my parents like him. She gave me a lecture about how he’s not a good person and how I should want someone that’s clean. Ay first I didn’t understand what she meant but I understood really quick with what she meant. She was complying that my boyfriend had slept with 1 girl 3 years ago and she kept saying well when you sleep with him and nd he breaks up with you bc your not special anymore no guys gonna want a girl that’s been around the block. I want to try and move in with my cousin and her grandma by the end of May or early June so I’ll be 16, and I can try and move in but my parents won’t give consent to that I can tell you that much. I would love some help to get out of this household as soon as possible so please and thank you for the help.

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello There,
      Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story, we appreciate you sharing that with us. It seems like you have been going through a lot in the last couple of years. We are happy that you have friends that make you genuinely happy and that make you laugh It sounds frustrating how your dad reacted when you told him the reason you were laughing. One option could be to talk with your dad about how that makes you feel. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we can call out to your father. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation and provide support to you. It also seems like you have been dealing with a lot of emotions that can sometimes be difficult to deal with alone. One option you may want to consider is talking to a school counselor or therapist about how you are feeling, sometimes talking to a professional can help us feel better. Also sometimes a professional can provide us with resources that we may have not thought about on our own. If talking to someone in person is not an option you can contact NAMI (National alliance for mental health). They can be reached at 1800-950-NAMI.
      You mentioned wanting to get out of your household as soon as possible. We are not legal experts but we can do our best to help you. Because you are a minor if you were to leave home without permission you could be considered as a runaway. If the police were to find you they would most likely bring you back home. You could try and file for emancipation, the process of emancipation is different in each state. To find out about emancipation you can call your local court office or you can call us and we can provide some legal aid numbers over the phone. Keep in mind emancipation can be costly and can take 6 months to a year to complete.
      We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to talk more about your options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide you with support. We wish you the best of luck!
      NRS

  • #18
    I’m 17 going on 18 in three months. I was currently living with my boyfriend for three weeks due to an argument with my dad, who has placement and custody of me. My mom found out and threatened him with court so he called the cops and I was forced to come home. Now to my understand you are emancipated when you leave the house, have a job, and can manage your income. So why was I forced to come home and put my mental health at risk.

    Comment


    • ccsmod16
      ccsmod16 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been going through such a tough time, but we are here to support you and help you in any way we can.

      We’re not legal experts here at NRS. Generally, if your father has custody of you, you should not be able to be forced to live somewhere else. Also, generally, emancipation is not an automatic thing, it can be a long and potentially expensive legal process. Just so you know, we have legal aid resources here if you have specific questions about the laws in your state. You could also consider calling your local nonemergency police department to ask about their policies.

      There are also many resources that could help you find a safe place if you’re in need or help you with anything else you may need. If you want to talk more about what’s been going on, or if you would like more information about resources, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

      You mentioned some potential struggles with mental health concerns. If you want further information about mental health resources, you could check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA); 1-877-726-4727; samhsa.gov; findtreatment.samhsa.gov/.

      If you haven’t already, you could consider reaching out to a trusted adult, relative, worker/teacher/counselor at your school for help and support. You could also consider talking to your parents about how you’ve been feeling. Just so you’re aware, we have a conference calling service here where we could help mediate a conversation between you and your parents.

      Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you’ve been going through a really hard time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these challenges and reaching out for help. If you ever need anything in the future, please feel free to call us or chat with us online. We’re always here to listen and here to help.

  • #19
    Hi I’m 16 turn 17 in June my family wants to move to ct but my credit will get messed up in the process. Making me work harder to graduate. So I was wondering what I can do I order to stay in ny and finish high school.

    Comment


    • ccsmod3
      ccsmod3 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you are dealing with a frustrating situation with your family considering moving out of state.
      With your parents’ permission, you can live anywhere. If you have friends or family that are staying in the area that your parents would give you permission to live with, you may want to try to arrange something.
      If your parents don’t give permission and you decide to stay somewhere, you would be considered a runaway. We are not legal experts but how this typically works is that it’s a status offense, not a crime. If law enforcement found you they could return you to your parents’ home.
      Even as a runaway, you would be allowed to go to school. If you have questions about that you can contact the National Center for Homeless Educational Helpline at 1-800-308-2145 (nche.ed.gov).
      Thanks again for reaching out to us when you are facing this big decision. If you have any questions or would want to talk to someone in person, please call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY or start a digital chat at 1800runaway.org. We are here to help anytime 24/7.

  • #20
    I'm 16 years old, 17 this November, and I've been raised in a strict, Muslim home. I was perfectly fine with all the rules and I cooperated with the family expectations for a long time. After reaching this age and being exposed to the real world a bit more, I no longer have the same beliefs. My parents assumed that I've had sex and that I only want attention from boys. There were times where I was physically abused and it has traumatized me. I don't want to deal with the police or any Child Protective Services because I've tried that, and the results did not aid me. I don't have a phone to use to get myself mental help, and my mom will not allow me to get help no matter what I try. I've talked to family friends and they've suggested getting help to my mom. My school counselor even sent my mom some information on different psychiatrists and therapists but my mom says that there are many people around the world dealing with the same things. My mom says if I want to leave the house then she won't stop me, and I'm ready to leave no matter what. But I don't want my family taking some sort of legal action to bring me back. I have a plan sorted out so that I can live my life in a way which is healthy for me mentally. My mental health has been exhausted while living here and I want out.

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your parents permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

      Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

      Be safe,

      NRS

  • #21
    Hello. I am 15 and almost 16 and I can’t stand living at home w my parents anymore. I live in NY, NY and I have dealt w repeated berating and yelled at by both parents about how I am practically useless. I am transgender and both parents repeatedly express their disapproval of me because of it. My father has even gone as far as calling me slurs on repeated occasions. My mom has also been getting worse w the yelling but not as bad as my dad. A couple of years ago, ACS came because my dad had hit me after I came out to him but after finding out it never happened again, they never officially opened a case. Since then, both my parents have been weary about being reported again and constantly being up how I could have potentially “ruined the family”. My father has never laid a hand on me after the ACS workers came but still calls me names.

    I was wondering if there is anything I can do once I turn 16 in terms of leaving this house for good? My parents know that their words are causing me emotional stress but yet they still seem to berate me. I’ve been diagnosed w depression and they take me to a therapist and psychiatrist. The stress I endure at home is too much for me to handle and has become overwhelming. My friend’s mother has offered to take me in and I would live w them but my parents refused. She said the offer still stands if I was to get out of the house in some way. Is there anything I can do to get out once I turn 16???

    Comment


    • ccsmod7
      ccsmod7 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are experiencing emotional abuse at home, and are not accepted by your parents. That seems incredibly hard to deal with, and it's clear that is has really taken a toll on you. Here at NRS, we truly want to be a support for you during this difficult time.

      So in NY the legal age you can leave home without permission without the risk of being filed as a runaway is 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your parent's permission. It sounds like you have already tried that though and they said no, that must be frustrating The second way is through ACS if safety is a concern. Verbal abuse is not okay and you still have the right to report it, generally, especially without evidence, it can be hard to make the case that verbal abuse is dangerous enough to remove you. However, ACS can still intervene with family services. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

      You mentioned being in NY. If you do leave, know that there are resources there (including LGBTQ affirming ones) if you need to get to a safe place. Please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us at 1800runaway.org for those resources. You might also reach out to the Trevor Project at 1-877-565-8860 or www.thetrevorproject.org if you are interested in talking to an LGBTW mental health focused hotline. Please know that you are never alone.

      Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you need. Good luck with everything,

      NRS

  • #22
    I'm 14 and I can't stand living with , my parents anymore, my sister is13 and we want to move out together, because we just can't stand it, can we live on our own in New York state? Is it possible?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out to us and sharing a little bit about what's going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It can be really hard living in a home where you are uncomfortable. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if you and your sister do opt to leave your home your parents can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor. If a runaway report is filed and you two are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned to your parents.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #23
    I'm 16 gonna be 17th in December. I have a one year old son and I'm with my childs father. Can I go into a shelter or I have to be emancipated?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. Leaving home is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if you do opt to leave your home your parents (or legal guardian) can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor (under the age of 1. If a runaway report is filed and you are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned to your parents/guardians.

      Unfortunately, we can’t give you any legal advice as we are not legal experts. Emancipation is an option in some states but there are certain rules and qualifications about who can and cannot be emancipated. Emancipation can often be a lengthy and expensive process. If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #24
    I have a friend who is about to turn 16, she is in a very stressful situation at home with her parents who don’t let her go anywhere, do anything, and yell/ scream at her everyday. When I am at her house I get yelled at as well and get told we are both sneaky and very untrustworthy when neither of us have done anything to be sneaky or untrustworthy about, they don’t allow her to come to my house because they think we will find trouble. We are both very good young adults and my parents trust us 100%. When she turns 16 would she be aloud to leave home and stay with us. We both live in the same school district in NY.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what's been going on with your friend. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if your friend does opt to leave home her parents can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor. If a runaway report is filed and she is located by the authorities, she will most likely be returned to her parents.

      It may be a good idea for your friend to contact us directly to go into further depth about the situation and to explore other options available to her. We can be reached by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or via chat by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #25
    Im turning 17 next month and I left my mothers house and as a precaution so that she couldn’t have the cops force me back there. Now they’re not letting me stay with friends so that I can finish my tests and making me stay with my grandfather which is worse if not just as bad. Now I’m trying to move in with my boyfriend and now they’re telling me to go to family court and everything but my mom doesn’t want me to be with her so now I want to try to close the case and then just move in with my boyfriend and his mom.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It sounds like there is a lot of tension between you and your mother and grandfather, it must be really hard to have to live in environments where you don't feel comfortable. From what you've described it seems like there may be a current CPS case open and the court system may be involved. We aren't legal experts here at NRS, and it could be beneficial to work with a legal aid agency (they offer free or low-cost services) as well as the caseworker assigned to your case. They might be able to help you through this process. If you'd like, you can find local legal aid groups here: https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help/

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #26
    Hi, I just turned 16 and my conditions at home aren't really the best, I have so much anger lodged in me because of everything my parents put me through. They are extremely controlling and they constantly put me down and make me feel worthless and its gotten to the point where i am unable to do anything, they are always accusing me of doing something I never did, and i just feel so unhappy at home that i see no choice but to leave, and i still want to be able to live in the city i live in because i have friends whose mothers are willing to hold me in and take care of me for the time being, but I don't want to be filed as a runaway report since i live in new york and im technically still considered a minor under the law. What do i do?

    Comment


    • ccsmod7
      ccsmod7 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like your in a really difficult situation at home with your parents being put down so much. That must be really hard to deal with. Here at NRS, we truly want to be a support for you and inform you as best we can.

      18 years old is generally the age that an individual may leave home without permission from their parent or legal guardian in New York. We are not legal experts here but we can speak in general terms. If you leave home without permission, your parents may file a runaway report with the police. What actions the police take once you are filed as a runaway can vary a lot from state to state and even city to city so we cannot predict exactly what would happen in your case. Generally speaking, if you encounter a police officer while reported as a runaway, you will likely be returned home. Another thing to consider is that while running away is not a crime, a legal adult who allows you to stay with them may be putting themselves at risk for being charged with harboring a runaway. One way to find out the laws in your area is to call your local police and ask what their policies are regarding runaway youth.

      Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We are here as support to help you and your friend through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. We can talk through your options with you and look for youth shelters near you if you need a safe place to go.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org.

      We’re here to listen and to help and hope you or your friend can reach out soon.

      Take care,

      NRS

  • #27
    Im turning 17 in december and I want to leave my father’s house and as a precaution so that he couldn’t have the cops force me back there. My father kicked me out last night because i was protecting my mom and he’s not letting me stay with friends. He told me to pack all my stuff and go and is now telling me if i don’t come home that he’s going to file me as a missing child. Now I’m trying to move in with my boyfriend but my dad doesn’t want me to be with him so now I want to just move in with my boyfriend and his mom. Only thing is my father has soul custody of me. My father constantly talks down to me and calls me a whore and i don’t like it and it just makes me want to leave, i can’t stand it anymore.

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. Another thing to keep in mind is that you should record all evidence you might have texts, videos, audio, etc. That proves your dad kicked you out then the police would help get you to a safe place
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
      If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • #28
    I'm 16 about to be 17 in December and I'm a senior. Life wasn't working out with my dad or my "mom" so I ended living with my father's mother again in New York. So far we've had a lot of arguments and I just feel like it's not gonna work out by the middle of the school year. I spoke to my grandma and dad about me moving back to Ct or even doing half the year in New York and the rest in Ct. But we had this huge argument and now they just want to hold me down and not allow me to go anywhere. I've been wanted to get emancipated since I was 14 but I didn't do anything about it until now. By the way, none of my parents have legal custody of me. So what do I do, I want to get emancipated but how do I do that?

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      It sounds like you are interested in emancipation. We are not legal experts, but we can help you get a general sense of how emancipation works. Our general understanding is some states offer formal emancipation statutes while others do not unfortunately. Laws vary depending on your location, but in many states a minor can petition the court for emancipation to take responsibility for their own care before they turn 18. Generally speaking, courts are wary about granting emancipation. In most cases, you would have to prove in court that you have an income and can care for yourself financially, and that you are able to live separately from your parents. It also helps to be in good standing at school. The court will also factor in the mental and physical welfare of your parents in order to establish your best interest. Usually your legal guardian would have to agree to this in court. Once you are emancipated, you can legally choose where you live, but you might still find that you cannot sign a lease or build credit until you turn 18. The emancipation process can take several months or up to a year, and may cost money in the form of court fees and other expenses. Usually, the best way to learn about emancipation in your state is to contact a lawyer. You may also find information at your county family court. We can look up legal aid resources that may be able to help you with the process. Please do not hesitate to call or chat if you have questions, need legal resources, or need to talk. We can explore your situation, go over all your options, and come up with a plan and resources to deal with your situation over the phone or on live chat. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.

  • #29
    I want to leave my mom who is mentally abusive,and married the same guy who raped my sister. I have arrangements with my mother' twin. She lives in Washington state. What should I know,before putting my plan to action

    Comment


    • ccsmod7
      ccsmod7 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there, thanks for reaching out today.

      Sounds like you are in a really unsafe situation at home with your mom being abusive and with her husband who raped your sister. You so deserve to live in an environment where you do not fear for your safety. You do have the right to report abuse that is going on in your house and what your mom's husband did to child protective services. To learn more about how CPS would respond to your situation, you might reach out to the expert child advocates at Child Help 1-800-422-4453.

      It sounds like you are focused on going to your mom's sister's place. If you are hoping to go there legally, the easiest way is with your mom's permission. If you leave without permission, that is when you could be listed as a runaway by local police. You always want to plan around your safety, so if you are going a far distance having each detail figured out with how you will get there. You might make sure to bring enough food and water and money for your trip. You might also stay connected with your aunt each step of the way so someone knows where you are at all times.

      Seems like you are wanting to go over your plan with us. Please call or chat us if you would like to run through your plan or if you have any questions or concerns. We are here 24/7 for you.

      Best,

      NRS
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