Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

[ccsmod3]

Hi thank you for reaching out. That sounds unfair that your dad will not allow you to speak to or see your mom as she is your mom. It’s also understandable to be scared to talk to dad about it seeing as how he gets physical when he is angry. An option could be for mom to go to court or get a lawyer to try and get custody even split custody. We can talk more about this and also provide some legal aid resources. If you would like to talk more about why you are wanting to leave dad or some possible options to help, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

I'm 16 years old 17 in October and my dad absolutely will not let me see my mother or even visit her. I have considered emancipation, but I don't think that'll work. I'm afraid to ask him about because he doesn't know I'm talking to her and has taken my phone away before for doing so. I've also seen how physical he can be when angry. Me and my mother both agree that it isn't fair but there isn't much she can do either I think. I also think my step mother might have something to with it. I don't know what to do. Plz help...

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like you have been living with your dad after your parents divorced while you mom was getting on her feet.
You don't deserve to be kicked out and then beaten and kicked by your stepmother. We are very glad that you told all of this to your mom who says she will come pick you up.
Whether she can might depend on the custody agreement over you from the divorce. She will know what her legal rights are in this situation. You may also consider talking to a teacher to file a child abuse report against your stepmother for kicking you out and then beating you and kicking you.
We do hope that you might reach out to us via our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY or that you chat us through this website so we can better support you.
Sincerely,
NRS

I dont wanna live with my dad anymore , I moved with my dad to give my mom time to get on her feet again after a devorce then i have brought it to him many times he never listens . then I recently started acting out to try and get sent back with my mom but it didnt work my stepmom kick me out and i went to a friends house she called the police and said i was a runaway then i had to lie to the police about the whole thing. then my stepmom gets abusive she thinks beating me up and kicking me is a punhishment i just dont wanna be here anymore and i know my dads not gonna let me go with my mom but my mom said after i told her everything she woulld pick me up this week.but idk cuz my dads probably not gonna let me go ...

[ccsmod10]

It sounds like your living in your dad's home has been making you really unhappy; that's not what you deserve. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Custody can be complicated, and unfortunately it can be really expensive for our parents to make changes to it, and sometimes they simply don't have the money to do that even if they really want to.
If you are getting abused and want to report it, you can contact us (1800runaway.org or 1-800-RUNAWAY) or anyone at your school. It can also be useful to tell people simply and directly when their comments/jokes hurt your feelings, and to ask them to stop.
You don't have to handle this alone; we are here to help.

i want to live with mom but dad wont let me i have been here before and got abused and cry on the way home because i dont feel safe here and dont feel loved i had athletes foot i went to my moms and she looked it up and got stuff for it i went home they said your dirty nasty and when i eat the say im a garbage disposal and they say if i need somthing i need to get a job

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like things have gotten overwhelming with your dad and you want to live with your other parent.

We aren't legal experts, but usually this situation would depend on your parent's custody agreement and their willingness to go to court. However, if you call or chat us we can direct you to legal services in your area that would be able to provide further clarification. In the mean time, it's within your rights to report any kind of abuse happening at home. Childhelp (www.childhelp.org) can be a wonderful resource, we can also help you in filling out an abuse report if that's a good fit for you.

We are here as support through this challenging time and we can best help by having a conversation with you either by phone on our hotline or chatting us through our website. We truly hope to hear from you soon so that we can listen and help.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

Be safe,
NRS

I'm 15 about to be 16 in August. I want to live with my mom but my dad keeps denying it and giving me a really hard time saying i can't. I'm visiting my mom in Massachusetts sense it's summer , My dad lives in New York. I don't want to go back. It's really bad there there's a lot of emotional abuse and at a time there was physical. It makes me wanna die being there. I just want to stay here permanently. Can he make me come back once I'm 16? Or if I have to go back what can I do so I can move with her? I need answers ! PLEASE HELP AND TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET OUT OF MY DADS HOUSE.

hello! i am also dealing through the exact same situation as you, execpt im turning 16 in just a few days. your problably 23 by now! i hope things went well for you!! if they did, could you maybe advice me and help me out of this situation? or tell me what happened with you? please, and thank you

[ccsmod16]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems like your home life has become uncomfortable and you are understandably upset.
You are within your rights to report any abuse happening inside the home, www.childhelp.org can be a great resource when looking to report abuse, and we can also assist you in filling out an abuse report if you call or chat us. If your mom is willing to go to court to gain primary custody of you, that may be an option. If you are close to 18 the courts may stand by your decision to move in with her, but it's hard to know for sure and we are not legal experts. There are also many LGBTQA+ support groups such as https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ that can offer coping techniques for living with transphobic parents.
We are here as support through this challenging time and we can best help by having a conversation with you either by phone on our hotline or chatting us through our website. We truly hope to hear from you soon so that we can listen and help.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

[ccsmod9]

Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. From what we’ve read it sounds as though you are really going through a difficult time and we want you to know that you are not alone. It takes courage to reach out and we are happy that you decided to reach out to us. You mentioned that you are currently closeted and we understand that it is difficult to closet yourself, especially under circumstances in which your dad is transphobic. Being a transgender male is an amazing thing. We totally agree and understand that it is difficult not being able to live with the person that you want to live with. Your feelings are valid. We are also sorry to read that your dad emotionally neglects you and is aggressive towards you. A potential option to consider would be to talk to your mom more about you living with her permanently, we know this may be hard considering the situation with your father. Another option would be to speak with someone that your father listens to and respects to make it slightly easier to communicate your needs. We hope some of these options will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any questions or would like to explore other options please give us a call. We are here for you 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!NRS

My brother physically verbally and mentally abuses me and my dad and stepmom do jacksh!t about it. Not to mention theyre transphobic and im trans. my moms house is practically the opposite of my dads and i love it there, but my dad despises my mom.

For context, I'm a currently closeted transgender male and my dad is transphobic. My parents live in seperate states so I only see my mom one weekend a month and during summer, which is difficult as I'm still quite young (<13) and love her very much. My dad emotionally neglects me and is rather aggressive, making me cry easily. He is a Republican and very conservative and racist too, which disgusts me to no ends. There are several reasons I don't want to live with him, and several other reasons as to why I would like to live with my mom. For my certain case, I get to choose who I want to live with at 13 but quite frankly I feel as if that's too long of a wait. Also, this is going to be a very difficult topic to introduce to my father, as he is not fond of my mom in the slightest. What do I do?

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out, we hope to help as best we can. You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

You mentioned having already been involved with CPS, so you may be familiar with some of the process. You may be able to either have contact with the last worker and be placed with your mom instead or they may need to open a new case. You deserve to feel safe in your own home, and if your mom still has parental rights you should be able to have visits with her too.

If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help.
Take care,
NRS

I want to live with my mom and my dad said that we aren’t even allowed to see her when we should. I just don’t feel safe with him because of abuse in the past. And I just want to live with my mom again i haven’t got to see her in months and my sister has to lie that she is going with her friend but she’s really secretly going to our moms. CPS has been over and asked if I wanted to live with him when my mom got arrested, and Me and my sister said yes because we were afraid we would be put somewhere or separated. I feel helpless I don’t know what to do.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are so sorry that you’re having to deal with this emotional abuse from your father. No one deserves to be yelled at every night, and it sounds like you know this treatment is unfair to you. You sound like a very thoughtful person who is looking out for yourself, and looking for help coping with your father’s behavior, and that’s a good thing.

It makes sense that you want to live with your mom, when your dad is drinking and yelling at you every night, saying things that make you feel terrible. You’ve taken the step of telling him that his behavior makes you think about ending your life, and he hasn’t reacted in a helpful manner. That’s not right—you deserve support with how you’re feeling right now.

You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’re able to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we are available 24/7 to talk anonymously and confidentially about how you’ve been feeling, what you’re facing at home, and what your options could be for what to do next. There is always someone available to talk to who cares how you’re feeling. Likewise, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org and 1-800-273-8255, is another hotline you can contact any time if you’re ever thinking about hurting yourself. Additionally, if you are looking for support in coping with your father’s treatment of you when he’s drinking, you can find additional support from Alateen, a support group for teenagers dealing with a parent’s drinking: al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/

It sounds like you know your father is not treating you the way he should, and it makes sense that you want to move out. You might try talking to your mom and other family members in your life about this, or other adults whom you trust to really listen to you. You might also try talking to a trustworthy adult whom you know your father will listen to, to see if that person can help him see your side of things. Additionally, if you think it could be a helpful option, you can contact the NRS at 1-800-RUNAWAY and one of our liners could help facilitate a conversation between you and your dad.

You don’t have to go through this alone, we are always available to talk. Good luck!