Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

[Guest]

I'm 16, and my dads only child. I live with my dad and his girlfriend. My parents are separated, and have been for 4 years, but they aren't divorced yet. My dad drinks and so does his girlfriend. We argue a lot, but I try to do everything to please the both of them. There's a lot of emotional distress and abuse there, and I visit with my mom sometimes. I've had talks with my mom about wanting to move back in, too. One time 3 years ago, I tried to move back in with my mom, but my dad said I couldn't and that my mom would never be able to raise me and my brother both. I tried 2 more times within a 2 year time span and my dad said no again and then we moved into a house. Recently, my dad and his girlfriend have been drinking more than usual. There's been times where he's gotten drunk and come into my room naked and laid in my bed. He never remembers that he does that. So he has me do chores and he's really strict and all that. He's also in the military so I guess he feels like he's entitled to treat me like I should do everything in the house. I wash the dishes and take the trash out and clean the bathroom. Normal chores, and I don't have a problem with doing any of those things go. But when j don't take the trash out to the road when the garbage truck comes, he gets all mad and it stresses me out because his girlfriend never does anything. She just sits on the couch and when things don't go her way, she starts to attack me verbally and whenever my dad goes out of town for work, she drinks more and she uses me as a target for whatever she is feeling. Lately, they've just been against me and my dad takes my phone and I'm unable to talk to anyone. I'm unable to talk to my mom, and my brother. I just want to move back to my moms because I'm genuinely unhappy here. I turn 17 February 1st and I plan on telling my dad for the fourth time, that I want to live with my mom. Please help.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you decided to reach out to us.

We are sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time at home. You don't deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like your safety is at risk at times when your dad gets drunk. You have the right to file an abuse report. if that might be an option for you. You could call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 and they can help you provide information on filing an abuse report. You can also call 911 if your dad is to enter your room in a drunk state like that again. You shouldn't have to go through that. You could also contact legal aid at www.lawhelp.org who can help find if there is a way for your mom to get primary custody.

Talking to people who you trust like your mom, friends and school counselors can be helpful as well. You can also contact SAMHSA and they can help provide you counseling resources at 1-877-726-4727.

You are acting strong by reaching for help before taking any steps. We wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon.

Best
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I’m a girl from Canada and my parents are separated. My mum doesn’t live in the same city as my dad, and it’s really hard to go back and forth. I love being at my mums; there I’m though of, treated well, and always loved but at my dads I feel depressed and he never does anything with me or even makes an attempt to. I have posed the question to him or moving, but he keeps saying no. I feel like I am alone in this and my situation is hopeless.. I love my friends and my pets but I’m extremely unhappy with my dad and I’ve always wanted to move. My mom and step-dad and sisters want me there, and the only thing keeping me here is my dad. Please help me, I don’t know what to do but I really don’t want to wait 2 years before I can choose who I live with. My dad has custody as well, and I don’t know what to do. I’m not suicidal and I don’t want to run away, I just really need help and I need to know what to do because I have no clue. Please help me.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,
Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what is going. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and especially in a time where you have a really tough and complex situation at home. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: http://childhelpinternational.com/

We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.


Best, NRS

[Guest]

Want to live with mom but not sure what to tell dad

Ever since my dad married my step mom life has just sucked I get treated unfair compared to her kids , when I was little my sis moved out because of my step mom. My step mom likes to talk a lot of crap about me to her family and friends. When I need help with something i have to talk to her because my dads always working and if I have a problem like being depressed she brushes it of and says deal with it and likes to talk crap about my dads family like that’s going to help. I can’t take it anymore I have no life when I’m here I’m on my bed always looking at the roof or looking how everybody else is happy except me. I love my dad and mom but I rather live with my mom. At least she can help me withought talking crap. Please help me.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: Want to live with mom but not sure what to tell dad

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It sounds like it would be nice to have someone listen and not be judgmental. During times that are tough it is also important that you remember to exercise self-care.
Reaching out to NRS was very good on your part. Good job.
Sometimes having a place to vent and explore some options can be helpful.
It sounds like you have a good feeling about talking with your mother.
We want you to know that we are here to listen and act as support to help you through this challenging time.
We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and possibly help you come up with a plan on how you might have better communication with your dad and or stepmom. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS

We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

[Guest]

I am 15 turning 16 in 2 months my parents currently have 50/50 custody of me but I want my mom to have full custody of because I do not love my dad anymore. He constantly tears my self esteem down and I cut and don't eat at his house. He won't let me go to my moms full time and i am completely out of ideas. I fear if I have to keep living I will harm myself

[ccsmod6]

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that your dad’s house is an incredibly stressful and unhealthy environment for you. Custody arrangements are usually decided by the people involved and their lawyers so if you haven’t already spoken to your mom about trying to change the custody arrangement, it might be a good idea to start there. Additionally, it might be a good idea to bring up to your mom or a therapist/counselor that you trust that living with your dad makes you feel unsafe and like a danger to yourself. If you do not talk to a therapist and you are interested in doing so, a good place to seek one out would be NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They are reachable at 1-800-950-NAMI or at nami.org. Having a therapist might help you organize your thoughts and understand what your options are more completely. We would also be happy to discuss what other options there might be if you wanted to talk in greater detail about your situation. If you are interested, please don’t hesitate to contact us on our 24/7 hotline 1-800-786-2929 or on chat at 1800runaway.org.

[Guest]

hi i want to live with my dad but he ;lives overseas and i don't know how to tell my mum because i'm only 12
i cant stand my step dad
i am being emotionally abused!

[ccsmod10]

Thank you for reaching out to us and telling us your story. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time right now and we hope to be able to help. We want you to know that no one deserves to be abused, and you should not have to go through that. If you haven’t already, you could consider reporting the abuse you’ve been experiencing. If you want more information about abuse reporting or if you want to file a report, you could call Child Help at 1-800-422-4453.

If you don’t feel safe and feel like you need to get away Nationalsafeplace.org provides a safe location for you to meet a staff member who can take you to a designated place where you can discuss all options about how to stay safe. You can text 44357 the word “safe,” and your location to find a safe location in your area. Once you arrive let someone who works there know you need help connecting with a staff member.

You mentioned you wanted to go live with your dad but you don’t know how to tell your mom. One service we can offer is to conference call with your parents. This way you could have a conversation with your parents but you would not be alone. For example, it may be hard for you to explain to your mom why you want to live with your dad. Sometimes those conversations go better in a conference call because we can advocate for you. If you want to reach us, you can chat with us anytime at 1800runaway.org or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We’re here 24/7, and we are ready to listen and help however we can.

Best of luck
-NRS

[Guest]

I’m kind of the opposite but at the same time, the same.
I personally want too live with my dad, but my mom won’t let me. I’ve talked too my dad about it but he almost seems to avoid the question, I’m too scared too ask my mom for some reason. I’m only 13 but everytime I come home after school, I dread being there and hate it. I’m never happy when I’m here and just angry or upset all the time. I’ve talked too my dad about it in person and he seemed okay with it I guess but he also knows that my mom would not Be okay with it and so he doesn’t want too get involved. I don’t want too go to court though because I don’t like feeling under pressure but if I absulutely have too just too get away from my mom, I would consider it. Any suggestions would be appreciateated... Thanks.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us and sharing a little bit about what’s going on, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and tell your story. It must be really hard to live in a home where you feel so much tension and unease. You mentioned having a hard time talking to your parents about wanting to live with your dad, one service we can offer is to conference call with your parents. We would help mediate the conversation so you can have a safe space to talk to your parents but you would not have to be alone.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on and why you feel so uncomfortable at your mom’s in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

My parents have been divorced for a long time, and I am currently living with my mom. But I want to move to my dad's house. My mom doesn't physical or mentaly abuse me, and there is nothing wrong with my moms house. I just really want to live with my dad. Is there anyone I can call when 13 years old or anything I can do when 13years old to move to my dad's house?

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It sounds like you’re in a bit of a sticky situation since your mom has custody but you want to live with your dad. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but often times, custody issues can be drawn out processes and court appearances may be required. It might be a good idea to talk to your dad about custody and from there work with a family lawyer about how to transfer custody.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

I want to hangout with my friends and my dad won’t let me. Idk if that’s legal, not letting me go somewhere.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there
Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It takes great courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you decided to reach out.

It sounds like you are having a hard time at home with your dad and you would like to spend more time with your friends. Spending time with your friends seems important for you. Talking and sharing with your dad how you fell and having a conversation with him can be helpful. Talking to other family members and friends and may be even a school counselor can of great help in many situations. You can also contact SAMHSA at 1-877-726-4727 and they can help provide you counseling resources. We are not legal experts but until you turn 18 your parents are responsible to take care of you. If you would like you can call us at our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY(786-2929) or live chat with us at www.18000runaway.org and we can listen to you, explore your options and provide any resources

You are being strong by reaching out for help. We wish you the best to hope to hear from you soon.
Best,
NRS

[Guest]

i want to go back and live with my mom but my dad won’t let me because of the guy she’s with but i met him and use to live with them and he’s perfect he treats me amazing and I just want to go back to my mom... I was happy and living with my dad I’m not... I want to go back ASAP

[ccsmod6]

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that living with your dad is not enabling you to be happy. While we’re not legal experts, we do have experience with this kind of stuff. Typically, when parents are separated, custody is specifically arranged between the two of them and their lawyers. It might be a good idea to reach out to your mom in order to talk about how your custody could possibly be rearranged to have you live with her if you feel like the living conditions at your dad’s are not adequate. If you are interested in talking more about your situation and what’s going on, we might be able to help you out with some more specific information. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us on our 24/7 hotline 1-800-786-2929 or on chat at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Sole Physical Custody

Hi, im 17 years old and my dad just got custody of me when I was 16. I was with my mom my whole life until he took custody. I want to live with my mom because my father and I have a very toxic relationship, and im much happier with my mom. My dad gets super angry whenever I ask to go visit my mom when it's not her weekend and yells at me telling me I can't go, also saying "too bad". He also talks really bad about my mom and I can't stand when he does it. I also feel like im never heard in my household because whenever I share my feelings about me wanting to go visit my mom, my dad doesn't care. He also adds my grandma into the whole situation and it makes me very angry because she shouldn't be involved in this, she's not the parent, she had her chance. If I share my feelings to him about the situation without sounding disrespectful, he threatens me that I can't see her, and other things such as my phone, my car (that I payed/pay for), etc. What should I do about this situation? I don't want to live with my dad, and I never wanted to. I didn't even get to testify at court about the custody battle. The court order even states I have every right to visit my mom when I want to. I really need some advice, because this is very stressful for me. Thanks.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: Sole Physical Custody

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It is unfortunate that your father is ignoring the visitation agreement with your mom. It sounds like because of this and other things you have become quite frustrated.

We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail, explore options and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

I want to live with my mom. Right now I live with my grandparents and it is very unhealthy. They often get into verbal and sometimes physical fights. My grandma tells me not to tell anybody but I get emotionaly abused almost every single day. My mom wants to get custody of me my brother and my sister. The reason my mom couldn't get custody the first time is because she didn't have money for a lawyer. My mom lives in a clean environment and she has more than enough room in her home for me and my siblings. The only thinges keeping me away from my mom is financial problems, and no concentrate from my grandparents. I can't call any of the holiness because I don't have a phone to call of of. I need help I NEED to get away from my grandparents. My grandmain has disabilities and it's often me and my siblings taking care of her rather than her taking care of us. When my grandpa gets home from work he always fights with my grandma. They have gotten to a point where he hits my grandma and pushes her down keep in mind she has disabilities. My grandpa is gone for months at a time for his job and my grandma can't take care of us by herself. My grandma and I have a very un healthy relationship. We get in fights and she gets into my face and verbaly and emotionaly abuses me. I can't contact the child abuse hotline because I have no way to. I NEED to live with my mother please help!!!

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home where you are unhappy. It sounds really frustrating to have to stay with your grandparents when they are failing to provide a healthy and safe environment. You mentioned that your mother is working on getting custody of you and your siblings but is having legal trouble. If you'd like you can contact us for legal aid referrals or you can go to https://www.lawhelp.org/find-help for help locating a local legal aid office.

You mentioned some things about physical abuse that raises concern for your safety and well-being. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

I want to live with my mom and not my dad and to be honest I dont know why I just love being at my moms and I have tried to stay but my dad just wont let me dandy dont get me wrong I love my dad but I would just much rather live with my mom

[ccsmod6]

Hello,
We are glad you reached out to us. It is understandable that you might prefer to live with one parent over another, and it does not mean you don’t love the other parent. It sounds like a frustrating situation considering especially after talking to your dad about it.
Some things you might want to consider are possibly talking to your mom about this too if you see her. She might be able to provide some help and support with the situation. It might also be worth trying the conversation again with your dad and discuss how the situation makes you feel and work toward a compromise. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your dad one on one but still might want to talk it through with him we do offer a conference call service where one of our liners can help mediate the conversation, just call us at 1-800-786-2929 and ask about it. If there is any lingering questions or you just need to talk we would be glad to listen just give us a call.
NRS

[Guest]

I'm 15 and will be 16 in decemeber my situation is pretty severe at the moment. I have been going. Through a lot since my transition from middle school to high school and there have been some bumps. I got caught smoking but it was once I was cussing online with my friends not on a public server just that my friend could see and my dad went 0 to 100 with all his punishments mind you my brother had gotten into drug his junior year and started selling senior year and now is going to college my dad actually kicked my brother out the ladder part of his junior year so now you would think that I might get it easier because I don't do as much but now it's 0 to 100 with punishments there is no in between for my dad he's very mentally abusive. He's threaten multiple times to put me in a correctional facility and back in foster care and he finally tried to about a month ago and it didn't work so he told my caseworker that night that I couldn't go back to his house because EVERYBODY felt unsafe with me in the house cause I was a threat the only person I have ever been a threat to is myself because a little ways back I had a self mutilation problem. When he used to get drunk a couple years ago it did get physical a few times. But, the mental abuse is just really bad. So the night he tried to put me back in foster care and they said there are many more children that need foster care more than you do he placed me in the huckleberry house for about a months maybe 3 weeks. It was nice down there gave me a place to regain my sanity but, he absolutely despises my mother so he told them she wasn't aloud to visit only him and whoever he brings. My thing is that he is always trying to tell people that he doesn't do anything to make me think I shouldn't love my mom or shouldn't want my mom to be in my life because they are divorced. I have been saying for a couple months I absolutely do not want to go back with my dad but then I kind went back and forth cause I was scared my mom wasn't gonna win the case and I would have to go back anyways so, I'm currently staying with my grandma until everything works out but, I believe my dad is sole custodian and he says he'll put me in foster care or with another one of HIS family before he lets me go with her even tho he has told me multiple times you know what you can just go live with you mother I'm done so, I am reaching out in desperate need for help cause I do not want to go back but I have invested so much of my self into the school district with marching band and softball so I'm caught between a rock and a hard place HELP!!

[ccsmod11]

Thank you for reaching out to us. It’s not always easy to say that you need help, so we’re glad that you did.

It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time right now, trying to figure out a workable and stable living situation. Certainly you shouldn’t have to deal with mental or physical abuse at any time. If you ever find yourself in a dangerous situation with your dad, call 911 to keep yourself safe. Also, if you find yourself struggling with self-injury again and need someone to talk to, you can text TWLOHA to 741741; this is a crisis line for To Write Love on Her Arms, which is a support organization for youth dealing with self-harm.

It’s good that you are able to live with your grandmother in the immediate. If you’re interested in discussing your situation and figuring out next steps, you can chat with us online or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, and we’d be happy to talk through some possibilities. We could also conference call with your father, if you want, to act as a mediator while you discuss your living situation.

Thanks again for contact us. We are a 24/7 hotline—please feel free to chat us or call us at any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY to talk more about what to do next.

Best, NRS