Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I’m kinda in the same situation

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
It sounds like you are quite frustrated with your current living arrangement with your father.
You don’t deserve the mental and verbal abuse he is inflicting upon you.
There is no excuse for this type of behavior and you are certainly not to blame for it.
Though we understand your feelings it does seem that you have people that are supportive like your mother and others. Sometimes it takes legal action and court to bring about a change in custody from one parent to another.
It may take some time. Reaching out is important. Talking with others can help when things seem a bit too much. Having a parent, counselor, friends etc. can be of some comfort.

You did something good today by reaching out.
NRS is here to listen and here to help.
We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi I'm going to be 16 in a few months I want to live with mom but my dad has full custody over me and keeps denying for me to live with my mom.. Reasons: -health care, I never go to the dentist or eye doctor I don't even have my own doctor yet also my dad and his girlfriend keep losing my health card. - There’s too many people in the house, there are only four bedrooms and eight people, and I have anxiety issues so it's hard to be around everyone. -entertainment- I used to do gymnastics, singing lessons, swimming lessons, skating lessons everything and then all of a sudden it all had to stop because my father took me away, I moved in two years ago and I haven't done one sport or anything I got into singing lessons because I signed up and it was at my school other than that nothing, absolutely nothing. When I'm with my mom almost every day we do something together which explains why were so close we would do everything together but at my dad's there always watching TV and I'm cooped up in my room doing nothing I make my own plans I pay for my own stuff I'm nowhere near being close to my dad plus he's never home he's always out at his dumb job and never spends time with me. So that makes me spend more time with his girlfriend, I don't like her she annoys me she's mean she talks bad things about my mom I tell her to stop but she just keeps going. We get into arguments so often it feels like that’s all I ever do in my life. - I love my mom. She's my best friend. I can't take it anymore I never get to see her and when I do we both always end up crying because of how much we miss each other. I want to be like how it used to be, how I would wake up every morning and snuggle up with her and do the same thing before I go to bed and make sure she's ok... I ball my eyes almost every night I never told my dad this but I do it hurts so much to not be with her... So I'm hoping you guys can help me I would like to do this without court and If I have to then I would like some advice on how to convince my dad to say yes for me to have the greatest life. Please help me.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: Hi I'm going to be 16 in a few months

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you might want to leave your current situation and would like to explore some options on how you might be able to stay with your mother.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you during this difficult time.
It sounds like you are very frustrated about the lack of time you spend with your dad and the lack of respect his girlfriend demonstrates towards your mom.
We understand how this could upset you. It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your mom. It’s only natural that you would want to stand up for her. You did a great job reaching out today. Sometimes talking to someone about things or issues you are having can bring about solutions not thought of before.

We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We look forward to hearing from you.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

So Child Services confiscated the Custody over me when I was 13 years old. Since I’m 15, almost 16, will I legally be able to move back to my mother despite her custody being stripped away?

[ccsmod3]

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time, but we are here to support you and help you in any way we can.

We’re not legal experts here at NRS, but generally, if you are under the age of 18 you are still under the custody of a legal guardian. It’s not illegal to run away from a legal guardian, but your mother could potentially get in trouble for allowing you to stay with her if her custody was revoked. If you haven’t already, you could consider talking with your case worker about your situation. We also have legal aid resources if you have more questions about the specific laws in your state.

If you haven’t already, you could also consider reaching out to a trusted adult, relative, worker/teacher/counselor at your school for help and support. You could also consider talking to your parents about how you’ve been feeling.
There are also many resources that could help you find a safe place if you’re in need or help you with anything else you may need. If you want to talk more about what’s been going on, or if you would like more information about resources, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you’ve been going through a hard time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these challenges and reaching out for help. If you ever need anything in the future, please feel free to call us or chat with us online. We’re always here to listen and here to help.

-NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I recently moved closer to my dad so my parents could share custody 50/50. my dad has been physically and emotionally abusive and I am turning 16 in Feb. I was wondering what the process is to possibly be able to chose to only live with my mom
thx

[ccsmod4]

Reply:Hi, i recently moved closer to my dad


Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. You don't deserve to be abused in any way.
It is not your fault.
You have the right to want to be safe.
It sounds like you would like to only live with your mom and would like to have the right to choose legally to do so.

You might consider speaking with your mother about possibly consulting with a legal expert in regards to any forward changes to the custody agreement she has with your father.

Another option is that you or your mother have the right to file an abuse report with the state’s child protective services division. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone trustworthy as far as transferring custody.

You did a great job reaching out today. May there be a positive change in your situation.


Be safe and take care,
NRS

[Guest]

im 16, my dad left when I was really young and until a year ago I hadn't seen him in 5/6 years, after my birthday in August (i just turned 16) they said they wanted me to stay with them for a while at first I was really mad and upset with my mom for even contacting him. so I went for the week I got excited thinking oh I can totally move and just start fresh, but eventually, I went back up north in Minnesota. It was supposed to be my last week in my hometown, but my last day I had broken down saying I didn't want to leave my friends and my life that I have lived, so my mom said that I didn't have to move if I didn't want to so I said I didn't but she said I had to go for the week. she made plans behind my back, but she has full custody of me. I want to move back home and leave the place im in now, but every time I say I wanna go home my stepmom says she will send me to lock up if I keep complaining about it. what do I do to go home because I can't get kicked out cause she will send me to lock up they also called cops on me because I was crying? She was trying to get me locked up.

[ccsmod10]

Hi,

Thanks for reaching out to us at NRS. It sounds like a pretty frustrating situation you are in. Have you talked to your mom about your situation to see if she will allow you to come back? Being your legal guardian, your mom can make the final call about where you are living. If interested, at NRS we would be able to mediate a conference call between you and your mom to help you address your situation and explore options for returning home or finding an alternative living arrangement that might be a better fit for you. We are available 24/7, even if you just want to talk yourself (800) RUNAWAY.

Running away from home isn’t technically illegal or something that can get you locked up—however, if you engage in other illegal behaviors, that is another story. We are not legal experts, but it might be helpful to talk to your parents’ custody lawyer or your local police department to address your situation and verify your rights and options.

Best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

hello, i'm 16 and have deeply always disliked living (literally switching homes every other day) at my dads ever since i was 10. obviously, my parents are divorced and i have a much deeper connection with my mom. we both are on the same page about reasons on why he's so closed minded, selfish and irrational however, i don't know a way (or if it's even possible) if i can just live at my moms. am i legally allowed to stay at my moms for these reasons? my dad doesn't necessarily cause physical harm, but he does cause stress due to himself being so closed minded along with his wife. he doesn't even provide for anything compared to my mom (healthcare, clothing, etc.) i'm also so tired of living up to his expectations and have even thought about running away to my moms since she doesn't live that far (of course that'll cause trouble). anyways, is it possible for me to just stick with my mom? for my sanity?

[ccsmod9]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.

Although NRS is not a legal agency, we can try to give a general idea of possible outcomes if you were to run away. As a minor, you are still under your parents’ guardianship, therefore at any point when you are gone, they are legally within their rights to file a runaway report. Being a runaway is a status offense, and while you would not be charged with a crime, if police came across you, they would probably return you home. They could also potentially press charges against people who took you into their care for “harboring a runaway;” these charges would be misdemeanors, but still criminal offenses.

In regards to your plan of living with your mother, we would encourage you to speak with your parents if you haven’t already about this. Some things to consider would be guardianship, school enrollment, how you would take care of your needs (eating, sleeping, healthcare), and how you would care for your safety if something were to happen. If you were interested, we also offer conference-calling as an option, where we would mediate a constructive conversation between your parents and yourself in order to reach an understanding.

You mentioned that your dad does not provide for you, which under child care law could be considered neglect. You do deserve to live in a safe home, and if you wanted to talk more about child abuse reporting or wanted support, Child Help (National Child Abuse Hotline) could be a resource for learning what reporting would look like, they can be reached by phone at 1-800-422-4453 and online at childhelp.org.

If you would like to talk about other resources and support, feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
We hope this information was helpful and take care.
National Runaway Safeline
[email protected] (Crisis Email)
1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

[ccsmod2]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to NRS and having the strength to share your story with us. We are sorry to hear about your situation and what you’ve been dealing with. Ideally, home would be a place where people feel safe, loved, and valued, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. You’ve been very courageous to reach out for help and try your best despite the circumstances.

Although NRS is not a legal agency, we can try to give a general idea of possible outcomes if you were to run away. As a minor, you are still under your parents’ guardianship, therefore at any point when you are gone, they are legally within their rights to file a runaway report. Being a runaway is a status offense, and while you would not be charged with a crime, if police came across you, they would probably return you home. They could also potentially press charges against people who took you into their care for “harboring a runaway;” these charges would be misdemeanors, but still criminal offenses.

In regards to your plan of living with your mother, we would encourage you to speak with your parents if you haven’t already about this. Some things to consider would be guardianship, school enrollment, how you would take care of your needs (eating, sleeping, healthcare), and how you would care for your safety if something were to happen. If you were interested, we also offer conference-calling as an option, where we would mediate a constructive conversation between your parents and yourself in order to reach an understanding.

You mentioned that your dad does not provide for you, which under child care law could be considered neglect. You do deserve to live in a safe home, and if you wanted to talk more about child abuse reporting or wanted support, Child Help (National Child Abuse Hotline) could be a resource for learning what reporting would look like, they can be reached by phone at 1-800-422-4453 and online at childhelp.org.

If you would like to talk about other resources and support, feel free to call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or use our Live Chat.
We hope this information was helpful and take care.
National Runaway Safeline
[email protected] (Crisis Email)
1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

[Guest]

I am in the same situation! There's no drugs but lots of alcohol and even though I've never seen them get actually drunk, my dad leaves me with his girlfriend and she begins drinking at noon. They're very emotionally abusive and leave me to babysit two kids ages 10 and 7. I've tried to commit suicide multiple times and I really need help. I've been starved and humiliated for no reason at all. I cry every day. I have a lot of issues with acne and none of them do, so I have been told that I am not trying, that im lazy, and that I am a failure. Even though I am often deprived of food and water, I still can't lose weight and I have been called fat and ugly. I wear bright makeup to school to get attention bc I don't get any at his house. I have tried to tell him that his girlfriend is mean, but he doesn't listen and let's her treat me like a prisoner. I am also not allowed to have a door closed at any time, excluding the bathroom. Earlier, I caught her snooping around in my underwear drawer. I want privacy and safety, which I only find at my mom's house. I am 12.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a very tough time. You don’t deserve to be emotionally abused or to be treated the way you described. Have you may be considered seeing a counselor? This may be something that you may consider speaking to your dad about. Also, you may want to consider reaching out to The National Suicide and Prevention Lifeline. The number to their confidential hotline is 1800-273-8255. Another option to maybe consider is discussing with your mom about your situation living with your father and if it’s possible for you to come live with her. You might also want to let her know that you don’t feel safe. We hope this was helpful. If you still feel like you need to talk and explore more options please feel welcome to reach back out to us via call, chat, or email. Thank you again.

[Guest]

Moving in with dad

I want to live with my dad but I don’t know how to bring it up with my mum . She can be quite controlling and when I’m around her I feel like I can’t bring up the fact that I want to live with my dad or the fact that I’m unhappy because I feel as if she will tell me off . In a way you could say I’m scared of her . I’m 12 years old and my mum and dad got divorced when I was 6 and I didn’t get a choice in where I could stay . My dad really wants me to move in with him because he knows he’s missed half my life and he still wants to see me grow up and I want to live with him too . My mum and dad don’t get along that well as it ended badly for them so I don’t know how to bring up the fact I want to move in with my dad . Please help !

[ccsmod6]

Thanks for reaching out to us and telling us what you’ve been going through. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time with your mom. We’re sorry you’re going through a difficult time. We’re here to listen and help the best way we can.
You mentioned that you’re scared of talking to your mum about living with your dad. Do you have any family members that can help you have this conversation with her? It might help to have another person there for support and to mediate if things get heated. If you don’t have someone that can help you, we offer conference calling between you and your mum. You could call in and we would reach out to your mum to set up the conference call. We would also lay some ground rules (no swearing, no yelling, etc.) so you could have a productive conversation. If that sounds like an option, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. If that doesn’t sound like an option you’d be comfortable with, have you thought about writing your mum a letter? That way you could talk your time and really make sure you get your thoughts down.
If you feel like you need to talk, you can always reach out to us by calling or using our chat line. There might be other options available based on your situation. We are sorry that you’re having such a rough time. Good luck and stay strong!

[Guest]

hi,

so i really cant stand my dad, im not saying that because of some petty acusation, he has been emotionally devastating me and my mother since i was about two. no lie. i hate the thought of him and i just don´t want to see him. is there anyone that can do anything!? he has put me in horrible emotional states and driven me to suicide attempts. please just help me.

[ccsmod10]

Hello there,

Thank you for sharing your home situation with us through our online forum. We’re sorry to hear that things at home are going so rough that you don’t feel like you can continue living there. No one deserves to live in a negative environment where you are driven to suicide. We want to begin by providing the resource for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, your safety is our biggest concern and please reach out to them at 1-800-273-8255 if you ever need.

You mentioned being in horrible mental states and a good resources for assistance with that is an organization called NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) they can be reached at 1-800- 950-6264. Some other resources that might be helpful to you could be seeing a therapist, talking to a counselor, or talking to a trusted teacher. They are there to help you, and being able to talk about these things with someone could take a lot of pressure off of your shoulders. If you would like to report this abuse by your father, please contact Child Help at 1-800-422-4453, they are a great resources that can provide support through this tough time.

We are absolutely here to help in any way we can and that can include discussing options such as figuring out ways to talk to family members or reach out to school personnel or other resources. We are available over the phone at 1-800-786-2929 or online at www.1800runaway.org and are available 24 hours a day 7 days a week and confidential. We hope to hear from you soon.


Best,
NRS

[Guest]

My mom and dad have been divorced my whole life. I have always loved with my mom and I visit my dad, but my mom is an abusive parent and manipulative. They have joint custody. Can I legally choose to go live with my dad to escape my moms abusive household?

[ccsmod3]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline as it sounds like you are going through a difficult living situation as no one deserves to be abused. We are legal experts, and your situation is hard due to already having joint custody and any changes in living situations, your dad would most likely go to court, hire lawyers, and a judge would have to find your mother unfit. If you are being abused, you have the right make an abuse report with your local abuse hotline which you can find the number to at Child Help (National Child Abuse Hotline) 1-800-422-4453 or call into us and we can support you through reporting. Also, if you reach out to us directly we can see if there are any local legal resources that could provide you with more specific questions.

We are here for you and will support you in anyway that we can. Please feel free to call into us directly as we can talk further about your situation and find resources that are best for you in your area. Stay strong and you are not alone in this! Our hotline ( 1-800-RUNAWAY) and chat are open 24/7.

-NRS