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Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I want to live with my mom but my dad wont let me because he said he got custody what can i do

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there thank you for contacting NRS,
    It sounds like you have a complicated family situation and aren’t sure how to get the chance to live with your mom instead of your dad. You don’t deserve to be treated as free cleaning services by your dad like that, or yelled at all the time like that. It sounds extra difficult because of your dad’s mental health challenges for which he doesn’t appear to be addressing.
    It is good to hear you have others around you who are supportive of you and raise you up through this difficult situation. It seems like who your current guardian is might be undecided or unclear. Usually if neither of your biological parents have custody you would be put into the foster system, or into the care of a relative like and aunt/uncle or grandparent. Since your dad is being paid, and gets to decide who you are allowed to be in contact with it appears he might actually have full custody of you and not the state, or another family member. If that is the case, or if you are in state custody, your mom would need to petition the court system to prove that she is capable of caring for you, or in a better position to care for you than your father. This might result in her getting full custody of you, or partial custody. It is unlikely that your dad has to also choose to go to court, as if he refuses to show up for court he would just automatically lose the case, or be found in contempt of court and then lose the case.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in to our hotline at 1-800-786-2929. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hey, my mom had left me with my dad at a very young age and neither of them ever got custody. I’ve been in contact with my mom recently and she said she would love to take me in. My dad refuses to let me see her even when she’s in town. There is a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I’m 13 and I know I have the right considering my dad nor my mom have custody. She would be willing to go to court but my dad refuses. He doesn’t have a job but he still gets payed for having me. My grandparents and my aunts have tried to talk to him but he won’t listen. He’s got multiple mental health disorders and refuses to take his meds. If it wasn’t for my close friends and family I don’t think I’d be here. They help keep my mental health stable. It’s hard living with him when all he does is yell at me. He also makes me clean everything. Like scrub the floors, clean the stove, pick up his trash. It would be okay every once in a while but he never cleans. I don’t know what to do to be able to live with my mom.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step.

    It sounds like you're really having a tough time with your dad and some of his views, which is totally understandable. We're sorry to hear that you're not getting the support that you need from him, though we're glad that you have your mom. You deserve to be yourself and receive all the support and acceptance in the world. Since you're not getting that from dad and want to live with mom full time, it might make sense for you to try and have a conversation with mom about how you're feeling and see if that's something she's open to discussing with your dad. If that doesn't pan out, your mom might have to hire an attorney and go to court to try and adjust their custodial agreement. Depending on your age and the state that you live in, you might also be given the opportunity to share your thoughts and rationale on where you'd like to go and why, though the ultimate decision would be up to the judge.

    You mentioned seeing a therapist but that she can't help, which might also be something worth exploring. Finding the RIGHT therapist is important, so if you're feeling like the one you're seeing at the moment isn't helping, it might be worth trying to find a better fit. You might also find it that much more effective to try and see someone who shares lived experiences with you or is otherwise LGBTQ+ affirming. Consider checking out The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org, 866-488-7386) for ongoing support and referrals to therapists who might be better suited for you. The Association of LGBTQ+ Psychiatrists (https://www.aglp.org/) is another good org to reach out to for local therapist referrals.

    If you'd like to chat in more detail about what's going on and how we can help, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi my name is ***,im a trans guy and i want to live with my mom she kinda supports and would let me cut my hair and dye it and be myself but my mom and dad have custody over me.my father is manipulative racist, and homophobic/trans-phobic. i have hurt myself because of him and i still cant get away from him its like everywhere i go he is there.life always seems good then i have to go to his house.my mom and dad have sent me to a therapist but she cant help.im getting unmotivated and depressed my body dysphoria is getting worse. and idk what to do because im only a child....
    Last edited by ccsmod3; 04-16-2021, 01:37 AM. Reason: Edited to maintain confidentiality

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for contacting NRS,
    We know it is brave of you to share what's going on at home with your dad. From what it sounds like is that you are just not able to feel like you have room with so many kids. There are a few things that you can keep in mind. You can try and ask your mom to see if she can get a lawyer who can help her get full custody of you. That way you can stay with your mom as you want. Another maybe is to just ask your dad with another adult. See if he is willing to be a bit flexible. Maybe you both can work out a compromise so that you both feel like you get something out of the deal.
    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I want to live with my mom it is to hard live with my dad he have so much kids in his house he won't let one go i hate my dad

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling very confused on what to do. You’ve mentioned how living with your dad has affected your mental health and are afraid you’ll end up doing something that could’ve been prevented.

    Your safety and your well-being is important. If you’re currently at risk of any danger, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out in addition to our crisis services.We understand that this is challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re felling to your mom and dad and express how you want to live with your mom instead. We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help you by phone or chat, if you’d like to talk more in detail. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY(786-2929); or www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). Please feel free to call or chat soon.




    Take care,

    NRS.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    My parents were never married so they aren't divorced but they have had split custody over me my whole life. I really want to live with my mom full time because being at my dads really affects my mental health in a very bad way. I'm 15 and I'll be 16 in about 6 months. Another issue though is my dad had another kid (my half sister) and I can't imagine leaving her alone in that house. So I have thought about just dealing with it and staying at my dads, but I'm afraid my mental health will get so bad that I end up doing something that could've been prevented if I just stayed at my moms. I was planning on telling my mom about this but last time I did she just ignored the subject.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    how can I live with my mom my parents hate eachother and I miss my mom and brother so much I just want to see them

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon. We unfortunately are not legal experts so we do not have the answer to your question. We can help direct you to some legal resources if you call or chat with us!
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I’ve wanted to live with my Dad for almost a year now, I have lived with my Mom since I was 2 and I am now 16. I lived with my Dad for 3 months when we were planning on relocating to Colorado, my Mom seemed fine with it till last minute she said I can’t go. We have now been in court for the past 8 months with no progression. I am not allowed to know the details of court nor can I talk to anyone in the court system. Is there anything I can do to make this go faster?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,

    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are very sorry to hear that you are experiencing such a difficult time with you dad. School is hard, especially online school, and it sounds like you could really use some encouragement and support at home as you navigate this challenging time. You certainly do not deserve to be verbally abused for any reason. You’re actually to be commended for seeking help…that takes a lot of courage.

    It’s challenging to switch schools but, if you are able to identify a teacher or counselor, early on, that you feel comfortable with, you might consider talking to them about what you are going through, both at home and academically. You’re a new student, and they may have support services to help you transition or to help with tutoring. Teachers really appreciate students who ask for help; it shows initiative.

    You talk about going to live with you mom. If you aren’t aware of the details of your parents’ custody agreement, you could ask your mom to explain this. It might help to know the legal guidelines if you want to pursue this option. This could also make her aware of what you are going through with your dad, if she doesn’t already know.

    You can always contact us at NRS either by phone, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or on a live chat through out website, www.1800RUNAWAY.org. Both are available 24 hours a day/7 days a week. We can look for helpful resources in your area or work on coping strategies with you. NRS also offers a conference call service in which we will mediate a call between you and your parents. It allows you to set some ground rules, and we can make sure the conversation remains civil and on topic. We are here to listen and to help. We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,

    NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    im 14 and i want to live with my mom. My dad curses and threatens me and says im gonna end up dead in the ghetto or commit suicide because im a quiter just because i have bad grades, my dad and my stepmom put me and my little stepbrother in a private school and i barely passed my middle school last year which was a public school and im trying to explain to him that im not ready for this school because this is a private school and i have 8 classes and he's been verbally abusing since 5th grade im in 8th grade now and last night he called me a disappointment and thats why i want to live with my mom she's the best mom i could ask for and im doing online school too so she doesnt have to drop me off to school every morning i really dont know what to do.

    Leave a comment:

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