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Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

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  • I’ve wanted to live with my Dad for almost a year now, I have lived with my Mom since I was 2 and I am now 16. I lived with my Dad for 3 months when we were planning on relocating to Colorado, my Mom seemed fine with it till last minute she said I can’t go. We have now been in court for the past 8 months with no progression. I am not allowed to know the details of court nor can I talk to anyone in the court system. Is there anything I can do to make this go faster?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon. We unfortunately are not legal experts so we do not have the answer to your question. We can help direct you to some legal resources if you call or chat with us!
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • how can I live with my mom my parents hate eachother and I miss my mom and brother so much I just want to see them

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • My parents were never married so they aren't divorced but they have had split custody over me my whole life. I really want to live with my mom full time because being at my dads really affects my mental health in a very bad way. I'm 15 and I'll be 16 in about 6 months. Another issue though is my dad had another kid (my half sister) and I can't imagine leaving her alone in that house. So I have thought about just dealing with it and staying at my dads, but I'm afraid my mental health will get so bad that I end up doing something that could've been prevented if I just stayed at my moms. I was planning on telling my mom about this but last time I did she just ignored the subject.

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling very confused on what to do. You’ve mentioned how living with your dad has affected your mental health and are afraid you’ll end up doing something that could’ve been prevented.

      Your safety and your well-being is important. If you’re currently at risk of any danger, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out in addition to our crisis services.We understand that this is challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re felling to your mom and dad and express how you want to live with your mom instead. We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help you by phone or chat, if you’d like to talk more in detail. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY(786-2929); or www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). Please feel free to call or chat soon.




      Take care,

      NRS.

  • I want to live with my mom it is to hard live with my dad he have so much kids in his house he won't let one go i hate my dad

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for contacting NRS,
      We know it is brave of you to share what's going on at home with your dad. From what it sounds like is that you are just not able to feel like you have room with so many kids. There are a few things that you can keep in mind. You can try and ask your mom to see if she can get a lawyer who can help her get full custody of you. That way you can stay with your mom as you want. Another maybe is to just ask your dad with another adult. See if he is willing to be a bit flexible. Maybe you both can work out a compromise so that you both feel like you get something out of the deal.
      We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

      Be safe,
      NRS

  • Hi my name is ***,im a trans guy and i want to live with my mom she kinda supports and would let me cut my hair and dye it and be myself but my mom and dad have custody over me.my father is manipulative racist, and homophobic/trans-phobic. i have hurt myself because of him and i still cant get away from him its like everywhere i go he is there.life always seems good then i have to go to his house.my mom and dad have sent me to a therapist but she cant help.im getting unmotivated and depressed my body dysphoria is getting worse. and idk what to do because im only a child....
    Last edited by ccsmod3; 04-16-2021, 12:37 AM. Reason: Edited to maintain confidentiality

    Comment


    • ccsmod3
      ccsmod3 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step.

      It sounds like you're really having a tough time with your dad and some of his views, which is totally understandable. We're sorry to hear that you're not getting the support that you need from him, though we're glad that you have your mom. You deserve to be yourself and receive all the support and acceptance in the world. Since you're not getting that from dad and want to live with mom full time, it might make sense for you to try and have a conversation with mom about how you're feeling and see if that's something she's open to discussing with your dad. If that doesn't pan out, your mom might have to hire an attorney and go to court to try and adjust their custodial agreement. Depending on your age and the state that you live in, you might also be given the opportunity to share your thoughts and rationale on where you'd like to go and why, though the ultimate decision would be up to the judge.

      You mentioned seeing a therapist but that she can't help, which might also be something worth exploring. Finding the RIGHT therapist is important, so if you're feeling like the one you're seeing at the moment isn't helping, it might be worth trying to find a better fit. You might also find it that much more effective to try and see someone who shares lived experiences with you or is otherwise LGBTQ+ affirming. Consider checking out The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org, 866-488-7386) for ongoing support and referrals to therapists who might be better suited for you. The Association of LGBTQ+ Psychiatrists (https://www.aglp.org/) is another good org to reach out to for local therapist referrals.

      If you'd like to chat in more detail about what's going on and how we can help, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

      Take care.

      NRS

  • Hey, my mom had left me with my dad at a very young age and neither of them ever got custody. I’ve been in contact with my mom recently and she said she would love to take me in. My dad refuses to let me see her even when she’s in town. There is a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I’m 13 and I know I have the right considering my dad nor my mom have custody. She would be willing to go to court but my dad refuses. He doesn’t have a job but he still gets payed for having me. My grandparents and my aunts have tried to talk to him but he won’t listen. He’s got multiple mental health disorders and refuses to take his meds. If it wasn’t for my close friends and family I don’t think I’d be here. They help keep my mental health stable. It’s hard living with him when all he does is yell at me. He also makes me clean everything. Like scrub the floors, clean the stove, pick up his trash. It would be okay every once in a while but he never cleans. I don’t know what to do to be able to live with my mom.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there thank you for contacting NRS,
      It sounds like you have a complicated family situation and aren’t sure how to get the chance to live with your mom instead of your dad. You don’t deserve to be treated as free cleaning services by your dad like that, or yelled at all the time like that. It sounds extra difficult because of your dad’s mental health challenges for which he doesn’t appear to be addressing.
      It is good to hear you have others around you who are supportive of you and raise you up through this difficult situation. It seems like who your current guardian is might be undecided or unclear. Usually if neither of your biological parents have custody you would be put into the foster system, or into the care of a relative like and aunt/uncle or grandparent. Since your dad is being paid, and gets to decide who you are allowed to be in contact with it appears he might actually have full custody of you and not the state, or another family member. If that is the case, or if you are in state custody, your mom would need to petition the court system to prove that she is capable of caring for you, or in a better position to care for you than your father. This might result in her getting full custody of you, or partial custody. It is unlikely that your dad has to also choose to go to court, as if he refuses to show up for court he would just automatically lose the case, or be found in contempt of court and then lose the case.
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
      If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in to our hotline at 1-800-786-2929. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • I want to live with my mom but my dad wont let me because he said he got custody what can i do

    Comment


    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like there is a lot that you are facing at home with your dad and you would feel more comfortable living with your mom. While we are not legal experts, we can help you explore some possible options. Here is what we know about laws that might affect your situation. 18 is usually the age you are able to leave home without permission from your legal guardian (in this case it sounds like dad is your legal guardians). If you were to leave home without permission from your dad, he may be able to report you as a runaway and have you returned.

      One option, would be to make a report to child protective services if your safety is a concern. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation.

      Another option would be to speak with your mom about this. Laws regarding custody and modifying custody agreement can vary by state. Your mom could speak with a lawyer to learn more about your options may be in this situation and if she is able to have the custody agreement changed. We would be happy to provide a legal aid resource if you contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through the live chat. Please do not hesitate to reach out any time to talk more about your situation and explore all of your possible options. Often having a safe place to talk about what you are experiencing will raise ideas not thought of previously.

      Stay strong,
      NRS

  • I am a 17 year old girl living at my grandparents is place. My dad on one hand is psychologically ill but doesn’t admit it he tends to get abusive and very aggressive towards me. I used to live with him and his wife and kids but his wife ended up treating me worse than he’d treated me. So that’s why I’ve been at my grandparents place for almost more than a year now. My grandparents are divorced and really no one cares about each other. On the other hand my mother and two brothers are living in another country. I’ve been begging my dad for all this time now to just send me back to my moms place but he refused. I’m stuck and angry and depressed i am 100% sure that I’ve developed mental health issues but I don’t know what to do. I need my mom I can’t live with out her any longer. I don’t know what to do all I want is to go and live with her but unfortunately there isn’t a strict law in the country that I’m at so i have no clue where to move from here. And it shows that I’m very desperate to come and write my story on here but I just need all the help I can get.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there, thanks for reaching out to us at NRS. It sounds like it has been pretty devastating being separated from your mother and brothers, not to mention experiencing abuse and/or neglect by the people who have been responsible for you. You deserve to live in a home where you feel safe and that your basic needs are being met. While we’re not legal experts and aware of the laws for countries outside of the US, you do have the right to report abuse and neglect if that is something you would be interested in pursuing: (800) 422-4453 (childhelp.org may be a good resource to start with). There is also a Child Helpline International (https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/) which might be useful if you either do not live in the US, or you have questions specific to going to live with your mom in a different country.

      If moving out of the country to live with your mom is not a readily feasible option, are there any other family members or adults you might be able to stay with in the meantime? Having your legal guardian’s consent to live with another responsible adult could be another option to pursue. Additionally, if it is determined that there is abuse or neglect happening in the home, Child Protective Services could also ensure that you have a safe place to live until you turn 18.

      You mentioned the impact that all of this has had on your mental health, which is completely understandable. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration or SAMHSA might be a helpful resource where you can search for counseling services by zip code: samhsa.gov or by calling the National Helpline (800) 662-4357 for help with finding resources. The National Alliance on Mental Illness is another organization that provides education, advocacy, and support to individuals impacted by mental illness, including family members as you mentioned your dad might also have a mental illness: https://www.nami.org/Home.

      Please know that you can always reach out to our 24/7 completely confidential hotline (800) RUNAWAY if you want to discuss your situation in more detail and explore additional options. You don’t have to go through this alone.

      Good luck,

      NRS

  • I am a 16 year old girl who is dealing with an emotionally abusive father and I want to go live with my mom. But my dad has full custody of me and I don’t know what to do. Every night my father drinks and yells at me about everything I do. He always makes me cry after he yells and makes me want to end my life because that’s how he makes me feel. I’ve admitted to him that I’ve had these thought and he doesn’t care about them. I just really want to live with my mom.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are so sorry that you’re having to deal with this emotional abuse from your father. No one deserves to be yelled at every night, and it sounds like you know this treatment is unfair to you. You sound like a very thoughtful person who is looking out for yourself, and looking for help coping with your father’s behavior, and that’s a good thing.

      It makes sense that you want to live with your mom, when your dad is drinking and yelling at you every night, saying things that make you feel terrible. You’ve taken the step of telling him that his behavior makes you think about ending your life, and he hasn’t reacted in a helpful manner. That’s not right—you deserve support with how you’re feeling right now.

      You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’re able to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we are available 24/7 to talk anonymously and confidentially about how you’ve been feeling, what you’re facing at home, and what your options could be for what to do next. There is always someone available to talk to who cares how you’re feeling. Likewise, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org and 1-800-273-8255, is another hotline you can contact any time if you’re ever thinking about hurting yourself. Additionally, if you are looking for support in coping with your father’s treatment of you when he’s drinking, you can find additional support from Alateen, a support group for teenagers dealing with a parent’s drinking: al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/

      It sounds like you know your father is not treating you the way he should, and it makes sense that you want to move out. You might try talking to your mom and other family members in your life about this, or other adults whom you trust to really listen to you. You might also try talking to a trustworthy adult whom you know your father will listen to, to see if that person can help him see your side of things. Additionally, if you think it could be a helpful option, you can contact the NRS at 1-800-RUNAWAY and one of our liners could help facilitate a conversation between you and your dad.

      You don’t have to go through this alone, we are always available to talk. Good luck!

  • I want to live with my mom and my dad said that we aren’t even allowed to see her when we should. I just don’t feel safe with him because of abuse in the past. And I just want to live with my mom again i haven’t got to see her in months and my sister has to lie that she is going with her friend but she’s really secretly going to our moms. CPS has been over and asked if I wanted to live with him when my mom got arrested, and Me and my sister said yes because we were afraid we would be put somewhere or separated. I feel helpless I don’t know what to do.

    Comment


    • ccsmod5
      ccsmod5 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thanks for reaching out, we hope to help as best we can. You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

      You mentioned having already been involved with CPS, so you may be familiar with some of the process. You may be able to either have contact with the last worker and be placed with your mom instead or they may need to open a new case. You deserve to feel safe in your own home, and if your mom still has parental rights you should be able to have visits with her too.

      If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

      Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help.
      Take care,
      NRS
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