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Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

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  • I’ve wanted to live with my Dad for almost a year now, I have lived with my Mom since I was 2 and I am now 16. I lived with my Dad for 3 months when we were planning on relocating to Colorado, my Mom seemed fine with it till last minute she said I can’t go. We have now been in court for the past 8 months with no progression. I am not allowed to know the details of court nor can I talk to anyone in the court system. Is there anything I can do to make this go faster?

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon. We unfortunately are not legal experts so we do not have the answer to your question. We can help direct you to some legal resources if you call or chat with us!
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • how can I live with my mom my parents hate eachother and I miss my mom and brother so much I just want to see them

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,
      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • My parents were never married so they aren't divorced but they have had split custody over me my whole life. I really want to live with my mom full time because being at my dads really affects my mental health in a very bad way. I'm 15 and I'll be 16 in about 6 months. Another issue though is my dad had another kid (my half sister) and I can't imagine leaving her alone in that house. So I have thought about just dealing with it and staying at my dads, but I'm afraid my mental health will get so bad that I end up doing something that could've been prevented if I just stayed at my moms. I was planning on telling my mom about this but last time I did she just ignored the subject.

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling very confused on what to do. You’ve mentioned how living with your dad has affected your mental health and are afraid you’ll end up doing something that could’ve been prevented.

      Your safety and your well-being is important. If you’re currently at risk of any danger, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out in addition to our crisis services.We understand that this is challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re felling to your mom and dad and express how you want to live with your mom instead. We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help you by phone or chat, if you’d like to talk more in detail. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY(786-2929); or www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). Please feel free to call or chat soon.




      Take care,

      NRS.

  • I want to live with my mom it is to hard live with my dad he have so much kids in his house he won't let one go i hate my dad

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for contacting NRS,
      We know it is brave of you to share what's going on at home with your dad. From what it sounds like is that you are just not able to feel like you have room with so many kids. There are a few things that you can keep in mind. You can try and ask your mom to see if she can get a lawyer who can help her get full custody of you. That way you can stay with your mom as you want. Another maybe is to just ask your dad with another adult. See if he is willing to be a bit flexible. Maybe you both can work out a compromise so that you both feel like you get something out of the deal.
      We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

      Be safe,
      NRS

  • Hi my name is ***,im a trans guy and i want to live with my mom she kinda supports and would let me cut my hair and dye it and be myself but my mom and dad have custody over me.my father is manipulative racist, and homophobic/trans-phobic. i have hurt myself because of him and i still cant get away from him its like everywhere i go he is there.life always seems good then i have to go to his house.my mom and dad have sent me to a therapist but she cant help.im getting unmotivated and depressed my body dysphoria is getting worse. and idk what to do because im only a child....
    Last edited by ccsmod3; 04-16-2021, 12:37 AM. Reason: Edited to maintain confidentiality

    Comment


    • ccsmod3
      ccsmod3 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step.

      It sounds like you're really having a tough time with your dad and some of his views, which is totally understandable. We're sorry to hear that you're not getting the support that you need from him, though we're glad that you have your mom. You deserve to be yourself and receive all the support and acceptance in the world. Since you're not getting that from dad and want to live with mom full time, it might make sense for you to try and have a conversation with mom about how you're feeling and see if that's something she's open to discussing with your dad. If that doesn't pan out, your mom might have to hire an attorney and go to court to try and adjust their custodial agreement. Depending on your age and the state that you live in, you might also be given the opportunity to share your thoughts and rationale on where you'd like to go and why, though the ultimate decision would be up to the judge.

      You mentioned seeing a therapist but that she can't help, which might also be something worth exploring. Finding the RIGHT therapist is important, so if you're feeling like the one you're seeing at the moment isn't helping, it might be worth trying to find a better fit. You might also find it that much more effective to try and see someone who shares lived experiences with you or is otherwise LGBTQ+ affirming. Consider checking out The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org, 866-488-7386) for ongoing support and referrals to therapists who might be better suited for you. The Association of LGBTQ+ Psychiatrists (https://www.aglp.org/) is another good org to reach out to for local therapist referrals.

      If you'd like to chat in more detail about what's going on and how we can help, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

      Take care.

      NRS

  • Hey, my mom had left me with my dad at a very young age and neither of them ever got custody. I’ve been in contact with my mom recently and she said she would love to take me in. My dad refuses to let me see her even when she’s in town. There is a lot of verbal and emotional abuse. I’m 13 and I know I have the right considering my dad nor my mom have custody. She would be willing to go to court but my dad refuses. He doesn’t have a job but he still gets payed for having me. My grandparents and my aunts have tried to talk to him but he won’t listen. He’s got multiple mental health disorders and refuses to take his meds. If it wasn’t for my close friends and family I don’t think I’d be here. They help keep my mental health stable. It’s hard living with him when all he does is yell at me. He also makes me clean everything. Like scrub the floors, clean the stove, pick up his trash. It would be okay every once in a while but he never cleans. I don’t know what to do to be able to live with my mom.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there thank you for contacting NRS,
      It sounds like you have a complicated family situation and aren’t sure how to get the chance to live with your mom instead of your dad. You don’t deserve to be treated as free cleaning services by your dad like that, or yelled at all the time like that. It sounds extra difficult because of your dad’s mental health challenges for which he doesn’t appear to be addressing.
      It is good to hear you have others around you who are supportive of you and raise you up through this difficult situation. It seems like who your current guardian is might be undecided or unclear. Usually if neither of your biological parents have custody you would be put into the foster system, or into the care of a relative like and aunt/uncle or grandparent. Since your dad is being paid, and gets to decide who you are allowed to be in contact with it appears he might actually have full custody of you and not the state, or another family member. If that is the case, or if you are in state custody, your mom would need to petition the court system to prove that she is capable of caring for you, or in a better position to care for you than your father. This might result in her getting full custody of you, or partial custody. It is unlikely that your dad has to also choose to go to court, as if he refuses to show up for court he would just automatically lose the case, or be found in contempt of court and then lose the case.
      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
      If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in to our hotline at 1-800-786-2929. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
      We hope to hear from you soon.
      Be safe,
      NRS

  • I want to live with my mom but my dad wont let me because he said he got custody what can i do

    Comment


    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like there is a lot that you are facing at home with your dad and you would feel more comfortable living with your mom. While we are not legal experts, we can help you explore some possible options. Here is what we know about laws that might affect your situation. 18 is usually the age you are able to leave home without permission from your legal guardian (in this case it sounds like dad is your legal guardians). If you were to leave home without permission from your dad, he may be able to report you as a runaway and have you returned.

      One option, would be to make a report to child protective services if your safety is a concern. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation.

      Another option would be to speak with your mom about this. Laws regarding custody and modifying custody agreement can vary by state. Your mom could speak with a lawyer to learn more about your options may be in this situation and if she is able to have the custody agreement changed. We would be happy to provide a legal aid resource if you contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through the live chat. Please do not hesitate to reach out any time to talk more about your situation and explore all of your possible options. Often having a safe place to talk about what you are experiencing will raise ideas not thought of previously.

      Stay strong,
      NRS
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