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Want to live with my mom but dad won't let me

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  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I'm 15. I've been living with my dad for 2 years, 3 in september. When I first moved here, my mom wrote a letter to give my dad stating that he has full custody unless otherwise. I don't think they ran it through the court though. I was only supposed to be her for a year. Then I decided to just stay. Now i'm second guessing that. I've been emotionally depressed plenty of times because of him & my stepmom arguing and constantly fighting. He has a problem with name calling. He calls me names too, some that you shouldn't call a child. I want to move back home to my moms, but he won't let me. My mom is scared of my dd, in a way. So whenever I say I wanna move back to her, my dad calls her and puts her on speaker and asks if she wants me back there. she says its best for me to stay with him. She tells me all the time she wants me back home. I called the police on him before because of violence between him & my uncle, and later that night, he told me that if i ever called the police on him again, he was kicking me out because he doesn't need snitch living with him. I've thought about running away, but I don't know what'll happen. I don't want to get sent off, or arrested or put in foster care. I just want to go back to my moms.

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  • ccsmod11
    commented on Guest's reply
    It sounds like you are going through a difficult time, so we are glad you are reaching out to us because we are here to help! While we aren’t legal experts, we can help you think of a few options to consider!

    You mentioned that your dad and stepmom won’t let you speak the truth. Have you tried reaching out to someone you trust to help you talk to your dad and stepmom, or talk on your behalf? Sometimes, having an adult (such as trusted family member or counselor) can help some adults listen in ways they may not listen to you. If you can’t think of anyone to do right now, we do have a “conference call” service at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS) that may be of use. While we will not speak on your behalf, we will talk to you on the phone about the situation to help you think of options. We would then reach out to your parents, and then we would join the calls. Someone from NRS would be on the line to help keep the conversation constructive and allow both sides to be heard.

    You also mentioned that you wanted to live with your mom. How has conversation with her about moving in with her been going? If she is on board with the idea, she may be able to help talk to your dad and stepmom about the reasons why you want to live with her. Hearing your thoughts and feelings from her might help take some of the pressure off of you.

    As we said, we aren’t legal experts, so we don’t know the full details of the custody rulings, but we can get you in contact with legal aid if you are interested! If you wanted to receive legal services contacts, look into the conference call servoce, or think of other options, our hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929!

    Best of Luck

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Divorce

    I want to live with my mom, but the last time I asked my dad said that I didn't love him, and that he would take away my college money and he would do anything he could to make sure I went to a different school district. Also, he said that whenever I'd see him we wouldn't do anything fun, and my stepmom said that I would spend all my time "paying back energy" aka doing a ton of chores all day every day. I've been called a pathological liar, said that I have mental health issues, and my dad told me I love you but I don't like you. CPS came by one time and my dad and stepmom twisted it so that I sound like a kid complaining, and they put the blame and focus on my own personal issues instead of the way they've been treating me. They also won't let me speak the truth, and if I try I'm "lying" and if I lie so that they can stop calling me a liar, I lie. It's joint custody right now, but I want to live with my mom full time.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,

    Thanks for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline- we’re glad you did. It sounds like things are pretty tense at home and you don’t want to live with your dad. You mentioned that your dad is treating you in a way you feel you don’t deserve to be treated. If you feel that how your father is treating you is abusive, you do have the right to report it. No one should be treated that way. If you do report abuse, you can do this by calling the National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453) or visiting their website at childhelp.org. Also, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY- we are here to help.
    You mentioned that you want to live with your mom but you don’t want your dad to find out. This seems like a really tough position to be in, but we are happy to help you. If you leave home and your dad can’t find you, it is possible that he will file a missing persons report and the police will become involved in searching for you. If you would like, you could try talking to your dad about maybe living with your mom or asking your mom to take steps to change the custody arrangement.
    Again, we thank you for contacting us- it takes a lot of courage. If you have any questions or simply would like to talk, do not hesitate to give us a call or send us a message on our website.
    Best of luck,
    National Runaway Safeline

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    my parents are divorced and i want to move with my mom and im already 13 and my mom knows i wanna go with her because my dad is mean and many stuff but idk how to go with her w out my dad knowing

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey,
    Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you want to live with your mom but there are custody issues. Unfortunately we are not legal experts, so we cannot with 100% certainty. If you have a case worker, they may be able to give you an answer. Another option is for your mom to see a lawyer and ask for advice. If you need help finding a legal resource, you can give us a call.
    Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

    Stay safe!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Well here’s the thing I want to live with my mom but she lost custody of me. Can I still see her or live with her? Can she get custody back for me?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been going through such a tough time, but we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. We want you to know that you are worth it and that there is hope for you. We also want you to know that no one deserves to be treated that way, and you should not have to go through that. But it sounds like your dad is a really supportive person for you!

    If you ever feel that you are in danger of hurting or killing yourself, you could call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255; suicidepreventionlifeline.org) or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online. If you ever feel that you are in danger, you could call 911 for immediate help.

    If you haven’t already, you could also consider reporting the way you’ve been treated at home. If you want more information about abuse reporting or if you want to file a report, you could call Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 or you could call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

    If you haven’t already, you could consider reaching out to a trusted adult, relative, worker/teacher/counselor at your school for help and support. Your therapist may have some ideas to help you through this as well. If you haven’t you could also consider talking to your parents about how you’ve been feeling. Just so you’re aware, we have a conference calling service here where we could help mediate a conversation between you and your parents.

    There are also many resources that could help you find a safe place or help you with anything else you may need. If you want to talk more about what’s been going on, or if you would like more information about resources, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

    Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you’ve been going through a really hard time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these challenges and reaching out for help. If you ever need anything in the future, please feel free to call us or chat with us online. We’re always here to listen and here to help.

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    I am 16 and have been mentally challenged most of my life, including thoughts and an attempt at suicide. I am on medication and am doing better, but my mom brings the thoughts back everytime. she calls me names, she calls my friends names, she calls my friend's moms names, she cusses me out, she screams at the top of her lungs until she can't scream any longer, I truly cannot take this any longer. My parents have been divorced for almost 2 years and ever since their divorce I cannot deal with my mom and I need to get out. her most recent time yelling at me she screamed to the point where I was crying and shaking on the ground, she called me a 5-year-old and screamed at me to get up and cussed me out. These things just bring back my feelings of depression and thoughts about suicide and I feel scared in my mom's house. In my dad's house, I feel much more comfortable and he always helps me talk through my issues. I see a therapist every two weeks, but I cannot stand my mom anymore. Please help me get out of this house, what do I need to do and who should I contact.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey,
    Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you’re in a tough position and we’re glad you’ve reached out. Based on your post, it sounds like you don’t want to live with your dad any longer and that your mother is willing to take your dad to court for custody of you. Given your relationship with your stepmother and recent move, it makes sense that you would want to live with your mom. It sounds like you’d like to live with your mom and that it would be a healthy move for you for a lot of reasons, so we’re glad this option is available to you. You’re clearly a very caring and empathetic person, so it makes sense that you don’t want to hurt your dad’s feelings. On the other hand, you deserve to feel safe, supported, and loved in your own home just as much as anyone else. Your feelings are just as important to consider. If you’re concerned about how your dad might respond, you might consider bringing the topic up to him with another adult around, like a guidance counselor or a therapist. Another option is to have your mom reach out to your dad to let him know that she plans to file for custody. Here at NRS, we are also able to facilitate conference calls, so please feel free to give us a call if you need help having a fair, calm conversation with your dad.
    Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

    Stay safe!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi Im 16 and I struggle a lot living with my dad, I don't get along with my stepmom a lot and my dad always tells me that I can change it. But I have and I'm honestly so tired of trying to fix my relationship with her. I don't really like her and I respect and appreciate things she does for me like makes my food and does my laundry. But we dont communicate and my dad always make it my fault saying I don't talk to her. But she has emotionally abused me and a little bit of physical abuse, me but not bad. She took some of my clothes out of my closet, and she hides food from me. We just never got along I don't really like her, it sucks because she's a stay at home mom so I see her 24/7. So I like to stay in my room a lot because it's were i won't fight with her, and that makes her mad. Then i tell my dad the things i need/want and he tells me to talk to my stepmom. Ive been talkingto a boy for awhile and he says i cant have one if i cant talk to my stepmom, im just so annoyed with this. Then my dad wanted to move to a new state. So that ment a new school and it sucks he's working all the time and I'm home with my stepmom. I don't really have any friends at my new school, and I just want to move back with my mom so I don't have to feel this way anymore, and have a healthy relationship with my mom and be with my friends again. I keep asking my dad if i can live with my mom. But he just gets really mad, takes my phone and says I'm not leaving. I just can't do it anymore its emotionally draining. I tell my mom this and she tells me that she can get a attorney ,but that just puts a whole lot of stress on me. i dont want to do that to my dad because that will just make him even more mad. I don't like hurting his feelings, but i cant live here anymore. please help

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi There,
    Thank you for getting in touch with us. You’ve gone through a lot lately. We’re sorry that you’ve felt unsafe around your dad and stepmom. Abuse is never okay and you do not deserve it and do have the right to report it. We want you to know that you do have the right to make a report with Child Protective Services. Child Help USA is an information and referral line that can connect you with your local CPS abuse hotline. That number is 1-800-422-4453. If you ever felt like making a report or needed help, we are here to assist with that. We understand that making an abuse report can be intimidating so if you like we can call together to provide support.
    From what you’ve shared, moving to a new state, missing the support and closeness of dear friends and family, and the pressures of navigating a new school are making things even tougher. Right now with everything that is going on, it is getting hard for you to manage the anxiety and depression you’ve experienced since middle school. If you ever wanted to talk to someone about self-harm you can try reaching out to https://twloha.com/
    You’ve shown a great deal of strength by reaching out. At the National Runaway Safeline, we’re happy to listen and help in any way that we can.
    A good idea could possibly be to talk to your mom about how you are feeling and see if maybe she can talk to your dad about everything. Maybe your mom could get him to loosen up a little bit and give you some more freedom. Some other resources that might be helpful to you could be seeing a therapist, talking to a counselor, or talking to a trusted teacher. They are there to help you, and being able to talk about these things with someone could take a lot of pressure off of your shoulders. It seems like you’ve got some really great friends that care about you too, which is awesome.

    It sounds like you have a strong connection with your mother and stepdad. Have you shared with them at all about what is happening with your dad and stepmom? While we are not familiar with the specifics of your situation or the custody agreement in place, there are many options that can be explored together. If you want more details about available resources, or if you’d like to talk more about what you’ve been going through, please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

    Remember, you are not alone. Best of luck!

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    i want to move in with my mom. i'm 15 and live with my dad and stepmom. recently, (within maybe the last two and a half months), they've gotten abusive. we moved from north carolina to georgia at the end of october and it broke me. i'm exactly 252 miles away from the love of my life. we still talk to each other everyday, but it's not the same as seeing each other everyday. the stress of trying to fit in and make friends and make the cheer team has made me severely depressed and my anxiety been worse than ever in these past six months. i started self-harming in seventh grade. it got worse when we moved. my thighs are completely discolored now. my mom is a much better person than my dad and stepdad. she recently got remarried in november. my stepdad is amazing. i love both of them very much. i want to move in with my mom and stepdad but i'm scared to tell my dad and stepmom. i don't know how they'll react or if they'll slap me or choke me or something. help.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runway Safeline. We appreciate you contacting us in your time of need, it was very brave of you.

    It sounds like your parents are putting you in the middle of their issues, which isn’t fair for you and must be really stressful on you. You should have a say when it comes to which parent you’re going to live with. You never deserve to be talked down to or brought down. If your dad is the one with custody of you, being your legal guardian, he is the only one who can give you permission to live elsewhere. So that means that if you did leave to live with your mom, without his permission, he could report you as a runaway. If the police find you, they will return you to your custodial parent (which would be your dad).

    We offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your dad about how you're being treated at home, we're always here to make that call with you. Sometimes just being able to talk can be a way to open up the lines of communication, and see the best way that everyone can compromise.

    We have heard in some cases, where the judge will listen to the child’s input on which parent they would rather live with. You may want to ask your dad about that. We also have a database of legal aid resources, that help youth for free. If you wanted us to connect you with those resources, don’t hesitate call into our safeline.

    We hope our response is helpful. In addition, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

    Be safe, NRS

  • Guest
    Guest replied
    Hi I am 16 years old and I want to go back to joint custody With both of my parents.



    Growing up my parents always fought and then decided to have a divorce. so since my dad left I started thinking that my mother was the one who caused our family to separate. My father had brained washed me from when I was young *hes very convincing* that my mom was this "witch" the entire time--although she did do some things to me where she could have disciplined me differently, but now that I've gotten older to understand, she isn't always the best parent either. She was just perhaps hurt that I "took sides" and didnt bother to listen to her side of the story. Since the convincing story that my father presented to me at a young age changed the way I've thought about my mother, we'd had constant arguments with each other. Despite the arguments, we both still had a fun times such as, every year we'd go on vacation with the family, I'd always have conversations with her that I felt it was necessary to talk about in my life,a.k.a. "Counselor", i had many great times with friends around my moms area, went out, and you know, the fun teen stuff and I still felt comfortable. I feel like the reason our relationship was constantly on getting back to "bad terms" was not only because of her nagging obnoxious ways lol, but the young mentality that I had about her growing up. We, one day, gotten to an argument, which then turned a little physical and later lead her to call the police. Luckily enough, my dad was near the area to pick me up. I was fourteen at the time, and the court decided it was simply best for me to have my dad temporarily have custody of me until I go back, which is this sept. 18 of this year. I've been living with my dad for two years now and "the grass is not green on the other side". I've thought that things would've been better but now I see the importance of having a mom in your life. For ex, ever since I've left, I've even lost my virginity. Which demonstrates the impact from the absence of a "mother-figure". My fathers relationship has gotten weaker. I sometimes feel like half of the times I'm raising myself. I would need to do things that only a wife should do. Like am I even supposed to be washing his underwear? Am I supposed to be considered "the women of the house"? Do I have to look after his things when he's not here? And. Most times he's never home--yes he's working, but I feel deeply isolated from my friends in school. It's so severe that I even find myself talking to myself. I don't even have a phone so I don't even know what it is to interact with people besides seeing them face to face. He doesn't even want me on the house phone anyways and if I do, he has calls being recorded so he would often question who I'm talking to. He claims that healso have cameras in the house--he has one installed in the computer and tv-- and one outside the apartment so obviously he would know if I went out. I honestly feel like I'm being caged. I feel like he doesn't want me to interact with know one which is probably the reason why I didn't even have a sweet sixteen, while my mother was trying to plan one anyways. He's also not a promising persons either. I'm sick of it and I don't know if this is healthy as a teen or not. I miss having a mom where I can tell my things to--he wouldn't understand and get it if I talk to him, which is while we always lack communications with each other. I miss going out and stuff like that. And whenever i do something wrong he would Say that"ima dog" or "a piece of s$&t). when i asked if i Could he would deny it and state all the negative excuses why I can't. Yes my mom made mistakes but we just needed a break. Now I understand what she's talking about. My life had been so much better before, she's even planning things for me to get a job etc. and my father would deny it because that's be too much interaction etc. and he although have done a lot of me and still is so i still don't want to give him up just to be with my mom however, I feel like we emotionally, have problems. I'm sorry for the long paragraph but I HATE TO FEEL LIKE IM CAGED. HE'S VERY CONTROLLING AND OVERBEARING.

    Leave a comment:

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