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Running Away From Home 20 Years Old

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  • Running Away From Home 20 Years Old

    I am currently a student at a four-year university. I have recently made the decision to cut ties with my parents due to emotional and verbal abuse. I am trying to make a plan to make a clean cut with them, and I would like advice or feedback on what else I would need to consider in my plan. If I mess up somehow, they will come to my door and harass me, and my situation will be aggravated even further. Here is what I am thinking:

    1. Move to a new address that is still near the school to continue getting a degree. (Afford with financial aid)
    2. Change my phone number
    3. Call the police to notify them of my situation, and to ask them to make a statement that I am not missing but I do not want to disclose my whereabouts to my parents. I live in California and I'm not sure if it is legal for police to let them know my whereabouts.
    4. Call the school to ask them not to disclose my information to my parents. I'm not sure if this is already their privacy policy.
    5. We are a low-income family, and I have already filled out FAFSA for my last school year. I have some savings that I project will sustain me until I get my degree, and I am looking to work part-time when I am able, but due to clinical depression, I am unsure if I can juggle both superb academics and the energy to earn some income. My application for food stamps has been accepted, and I am hoping the money I would have been using for groceries will go towards medical costs (psychiatry, therapy), gas, and other necessities.
    6. I have medi-cal under my parents, but I also have school insurance. Would I be eligible for medi-cal on my own?
    7. I have my passport (expired) and SSN card, my own bank account, no credit card yet (I'm trying to get one), and though my dad has my original birth certificate, I am looking to get a copy if needed. I have a car in my name though it is old, it works.
    8. I am also avoiding areas where I would run into them, and areas that they will search for me after they realize they cannot contact me anymore. I am also trying to minimize the chances of running into anyone they might know that would tip them to my whereabouts.

    Above all else, I am scared. I fear that somehow they will get a hold of me and my situation will become twice as toxic as before.This is the biggest decision I have ever decided to make, and I haven't really got anyone to reference. I know I am legally an adult, and I'm putting all of my marbles on that fact, hoping that will be enough to keep me safe. This is why I have not attempted to runaway at a younger age. I did not feel like emotional and verbal abuse would be enough for social services to help me when they had to deal with more serious physical cases. Anyway, please give any feedback or advice or experiences, words of assurance etc. I am so afraid, but so excited to finally be relieved of an unhealthy environment.

  • #2
    Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you have put a lot of effort into coming up with a plan so you can cut ties with your parents due to emotional abuse.

    Your plan sounds pretty thorough and it covers your living situation, fiances for school, and blocking contact from them. You have some really good ideas. You could tell the police that you are not missing if you know that your parents will attempt to report you missing; you are right, they would not disclose your location to your parents. You could also leave a note for your parents or let them know in some way or another that you do not want to have contact with them. If you have a trustworthy family member, you might have them tell your parents or deliver a letter. You can apply for Medicaid at 20 years old. You also might reach out to your school health services first to see if they can help you go over your health care options.

    It is great that you have your own bank account, so your parents cannot interfere financially. You might reach out to your bank to see what next steps you need to take to be eligible for a credit card. As far as obtaining your birth certificate and if you need assistance getting an ID you might look at this link to see what you need to do to obtain those documents in California: https://www.nn4youth.org/wp-content/...Copy-FINAL.pdf.

    It sounds like you have put a lot of thought into this decision, and you know what is best for you. As a legal adult, you do not have to stay in a toxic environment with your parents and are free to live your life how you want, away from the emotional abuse you have endured for a long time now. You are incredibly brave for working through your fears, and making this hard decision. Please know that you can always call or chat us if you need support or have additional questions. We want to be a support for you during this stressful time.

    We wish you the best in gaining your independence and getting away from that toxic environment,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Hello, I'm 20, and I'm thinking about running away from home and starting from scratch because of emotional and physical abuse from my family. But I'm not eligible to get a job or got to college because I was in the ESE program. But I am in the process of getting my GED. But I don't know what to do and where to go. Can I have some advice please.

      Comment


      • ccsmod6
        ccsmod6 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you're in a pretty confusing and stressful situation but you don't have to go through it alone. we are here to help. There are definitely resources like transitional living programs that we would be happy to look up for you if you give us a call at 1800RUNAWAY or chat us through 1800runaway.org. These are programs that are usually at least 6 weeks in length and involve transitioning you to independence. They may also help you work towards your GED. There is oftentimes a waiting list to get into these programs, and we would be happy to find you an emergency shelter for the near future. Nobody deserves to be abused and we would be happy to try and help you find a more stable situation. Just give us a call at 1800RUNAWAY or chat us. Thank you again for reaching out.

    • #4
      I'm 21 and I need help to grow. My painstakingly selfish, isolating and (verbal/mental) abusive parent has kept me stumped, shockingly and ridiculously for my whole life and I need to get away. I'm furious. I can't take it. I'm having suicidal urges and it's getting too strong to say I'm stable anymore. I'm planning to run away soon I already have my things in my bag. I have no money, job, car or any education. I have my id/license (but you can guess I don't know how to drive). Is there anywhere I can stay while I try to get my education for a job? I can't even look for or get one because of my "parent's "knowledge". Disgusting. My emotions are pouring out. I can't take it anymore. I am trying to (START) to get my education now, but I'm holding onto a string. I'm giving it under some days. I need to know I have somewhere to go to because I do not by a handful think things are going to work. I know I can't think clear at all after this build up, and I know I'm going to run out with nothing but my things because Im being pushed too far. I need help because I have no one.

      Comment


      • ccsmod9
        ccsmod9 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Please know that we wish to help and want to help. However we do need more information in order to set you up with a shelter/transitional living program. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe, NRS

    • #5
      I'm 21 turning 22 and my family is constantly monitoring everything I do and I know I need to create a distance between them preferably location based. I am going to grad school for three years so I need to plan my escape by the point after I get my degree so I can run off right after. They live in New York but I'm going to school in California, a state I will most likely stay in after graduation. I figure I need to get a new debit card, find a place where I can hide (most likely with friends), new phone, new car if it's not under my name (I don't have a car yet) but if I get it under my name am I in the clear? My problems are is I don't know how to do any of that! It's such a big process and if I want to get it right I need to do it perfectly so what are some first steps I could do?

      Comment


      • ccsmod9
        ccsmod9 commented
        Editing a comment
        Since you are 21 you are considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

    • #6
      Hi! I am 20yrs old female from India. My parents never had a lovable relationship. 9 years before my father stopped working and since then my mother is running the family. I have been mentally physically verbally abused. My father is a drunker but a generous and kind hearten man when not drunk. My mother has ego a lot of ego. She does not love my father. My father is annoying and a real mental abuser when he is drunk. My mother has an outside affair and often my mother and father gets into a physical fight and dont spare me when I go to interrupt them. When I was small I used to harm myself and curse myself for having them in my life and now I want to run away. I have no job I am having my last year for graduation. Things have got hard and I seem to give up soon. I need real help

      Comment


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

        We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

    • #7
      I am 20 and I live with an abusive family. I wish to get out of here but it doesn't sound easy and I don't know where to start from

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out! We’re here to assist you in any way that we can.

        To begin with, you mentioned that you want to run away from home, because you live with an abusive family. It sounds like you’re in a very tough situation, and you’re really brave for coming forth about the abuse at home. In most states, anyone under 18 is considered a minor, and you stated previously that you’re 20. An option to consider, would be to reach out to your local authorities, and let them know what type of abuse is occurring in your home. They may be able to let you know if charges can possibly be made against your abusive family id they are being physical with you.

        Along those same lines, and option you could explore would be to consider moving out of your home. Moving out can be scary, especially when you don’t have the funds for it, but there is always shelters out there that you can try to get into, and some of them offer transitional housing when you can live on your own. A good resource for a transitional living programs and shelters is the homelessshelterdirecory.org.

        We hope that the resources and options that were brought up today can further assists you. You’re really brave for reaching out for help, and if you need any additional help or resources, you can give us a call at our 24/7 hotline number at 1800) 786-2929. Best of luck!

    • #8
      Hi. I am 20 years old. I want to get away from my family for awhile. Only temporarily but I don’t have a place to stay. I feel like they just gave up on me and just don’t care anymore. I have a lot of physical health problems going on and having a lot of issues at work so it’s too much stress for me to the point where I’m getting sicker. I have told my parents about this and they just completely disregarded it. The first thing they said was “Well you’re going to get fired.” And honestly I did feel a type of way because they didn’t even show one ounce of concern. They didn’t even ask me if I was okay. And I am schizoaffective so all the stress is making my mental health situation worse. I really don’t know what to do. I have expressed to my parents plenty of times about my health in general and they just look at me like they don’t care. They think that I try to use it as an excuse even though I am really concerned about my wellbeing. I did attempt to run away before but I came back because my mom threatened to call the police and I didn’t want to start a big commotion. This has been happening for a while. All of my family members were mad at me, calling me immature because I tried to run away. It’s to the point where I can’t even talk to them about what’s been going on and I can’t tell my other family members because they honestly act the same way my parents do. I feel like they don’t care about me. I don’t know what to do. They don’t even attempt to help me get through this tough time that I’m having and I feel like I have no one there for me. Can you give me any advice because I feel like I need a temporary escape but I don’t have a place to go to

      Comment


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Please know that we wish to help and want to help. However we do need more information in order to set you up with a shelter/transitional living program. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe, NRS

    • #9
      I am 20 years old, mentally ill, and currently enrolled in community college, my parents aren't abusive per se but they are emotionally immature and manipulative. I don't think I'm ready to run away and cut off all contact with them just yet, but I'm still desperate to get away from them and have some time to myself even if it is only temporary. The problem is I don't know where I can go to where my parents will not be able to easily track me down. I have a license but no car, a bank account and a debit card but no job (the only thing I have close to a stable income is selling whatever I can on eBay). I know my parents love me but they just don't seem to understand what is best for my mental and emotional well-being and I've come to acceptance that no amount of family counseling is ever going to fix the way they think, talk, and act around me. I feel as if I'm already at my emotional breaking point with every little thing they do towards me just makes me want to hide in my room and break down crying. If I'm going to be stuck with these people for the rest of my life and never find solace in my own I might as well end up killing myself.

      Comment


      • ccsmod7
        ccsmod7 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you are understandably trying to move out of your parent's house. You mentioned being worried that they might track you down, just so you know, legally you have the right to decide where you live at 20 and they cannot force you to return home. You have the right to get police involved if they stalk you or try to force you to return home. Here at NRS, we truly want to be a support for you during this difficult time as you are working to transition out of your parents' home.

        It sounds like all the stress of living with your parents has made you think about killing yourself if you stay there. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and we are so glad that you did. Your life has worth and our top priority is your safety. If you feel this is an emergency you could consider calling 911 for emergency assistance. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. You can also call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you need to talk.

        Again, since you are 20 and considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

        Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you would like to talk in detail about your situation or if you need any resources. 1-800-RUNAWAY; www.1800runaway.org

        Best,

        NRS

    • #10
      This seems like a nice way to let out feelings, my mom is a wonderful mom but i keep making the same mistakes I did since I was a teenager. My parents are on vacation and I’m home here but I ran into some trouble with a coworker at work. We did things that shouldn’t have happened at work. I just started a relationship with my mom because all my childhood years I wasn’t obeying my parents. I want to run away from here I live in a small town. My town has a bus station and I recently wanted to buy I ticket.. I told a coworker about my situation she know doesn’t want me to leave work or the town.. I feel so drained and I know it’s going to be HELL when my mom has to hear about the situation. Especially when I built up trust she’s going to freak out on me I’ll lose all privileges and everything including our relationship and I can’t face this... I am 21 years old. My parents expect my behaviour to be adult like but I’m not ready to tell my mom this..

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        We are sorry to hear you're in a tough spot with your parents. It makes sense that you would have some fear about displeasing your parents, especially since you live with them. Fortunately, since you are 21, you are a legal adult and can leave home without permission. Of course, that doesn't solve all the issues you have with your parents and leaving home and being on your own may seem daunting and filled with new challenges. Alternatively, perhaps there may be a way to resolve the issue with your parents without moving. If you'd like to discuss this situation further to see how we might be able to help, feel free to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Perhaps there are some housing or transitional living resources we can connect you with. We also have counseling resources that may be helpful to you. Or, if you prefer, you can also chat with us online via the portal at www.1800runaway.org.

        Good luck in whatever you decide. Let us know if we can further assist you in some way.

        NRS

    • #11
      I’m 21 and I want to leave my house because my parents aren’t accepting the person I want to be with I’ve got a place to stay and everything I’m just scared on how to deal with them not causing havoc at my work as they know where I work and the times I work and need advice on how to go about this situation please help as I’m going next week and can’t afford to lose my job....

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks for reaching out,
        It seems like you are trying to push out on your own for the first time and get out of your parent’s grasp since they aren’t being understanding of you as a person. Since you are an adult you have completely free reign to leave if you wish. It’s understandable to be worried about how they will react. If they do try to harass you at work it is within your works’ rights to not allow them on the premises. You may want to talk to your manager or boss and ask them about how they would handle the situation. If your parents continue to harass you personally you can also contact police and ask for protection.
        Hopefully this info is helpful for you, if you need to talk more through the situation or have more questions you can reach out to our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We wish you good luck!
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