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How Can I Leave My Mother's House?

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  • How Can I Leave My Mother's House?

    Hello, I live in New Bern, North Carolina. I currently live with my mother, step-father, 3 half-sisters, and full brother. Me and my brother's father died in 2012 and his mother is currently trying to advise me on how to navigate my situation, but she can only do so much. I am currently 17 and would like to leave, I am a senior and would like to attend college but my mother doesn't want me to as she would prefer for me to join the military to "teach me respect". She is not supportive of me going to college and this is why I would like to leave as living with her will only make it harder to further my education. My boyfriend's family has offered to take me in and help me in any way I can. My mother doesn't like his family and I'm sure she wouldn't let me go, though she tells me very often how tired of me she is. I would like to find a way to become independent of her, perhaps a ward of the state, simply out of her custody. There has been a history of abuse in the house (everything except for sexual abuse) and both my mom and step-dad have done this to me and my brother but not my half-sisters. I don't want to report this abuse and get my siblings taken away because I fear for what would happen. Is there any way that I can leave my mother' custody and live with my boyfriend's family without admitting to the abuse? I would like to be out from her custody sometime in the winter or early spring. Thank you to anyone for any help.

  • #2

    Hello, Thank you for taking the time to write to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It must be really hard to live in a house where your family is not being supportive. It is great that you have your boyfriend and his family to lean on instead of your own. You mentioned that you would like to find a way to get out of your mothers custody. We only know of three ways to get become independent before the age of majority: become emancipated, CPS removes custody, or your parents signing over their rights.
    Additionally, it sounds like you might have some misconceptions about the mission of Child Protective Services. The goal of CPS is not to tear families apart or to just take children from their homes. CPS’s main concern is protecting children by any means necessary. Once an agent assess a youth’s house for potential danger or neglect they then have the authority to decide the fate of that family. This is not to say that the end result is going to end in the youth being removed from the home. That is typically left for cases of extreme abuse or neglect. In other cases the case worker could call for the parents to undergo family counseling, anger management, parenting classes or something along those lines, where the children remain in the household but the family is monitored periodically. Even in cases where the agent deems that the home is an unsafe place for the youth, this does not mean that youth is going to be placed in a group home or foster care. If the child in question has a relative or close family friend that can take them in, then their house could be a potential temporary placement. It should also be noted that just because one child is experiencing abuse or neglect this does not mean that all of the children in that home are. So in cases like this then the worker might just have the one child who is having a negative experience be removed from the home.
    We wanted to give you this information so that you can make the best informed decision for yourself. We understand what all of this must mean to you and we want to offer our services to you. If for any reason you would like to talk more about your situation we are here for you 24/7. You do not deserve to be mistreated or hurt by anyone. We hope you think over giving us a phone call. 1-800-786-2929
    Best wishes,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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