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Leaving home without telling parents at 18

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  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you made that step. We're sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you, especially in regards to your health and your relationship with your dad. Because you are 19 and legally considered an adult, if you want to do things like get a job, get your license, move out, or go to school, those are decisions that you can legally make for yourself. Of course we know that this is easier said than done, especially because some of your concerns are centered around your health and your access to health insurance. Unfortunately this does put you in a tough position, where it sounds like you have to decide what to prioritize first--your physical health or your mental health. That can be a pretty challenging spot. While you work through this, it might be a good idea to try and connect with a therapist or social worker who can help. A social worker might be especially useful for you, as they can help you figure out next steps like getting your own health insurance or enrolling in school. At minimum, they can connect you with the resources you might be looking for in order for you to have a little more independence.

    If you'd like to chat more about your specific situation and/or find resources that are applicable to your situation, we can help. Please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us live through our website at 1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7, and are always happy to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    i am 19 and i live in a very controlling home where my parents fight constantly. i love my mom dearly but i cant take the atmosphere of my home any longer. my dad controls everything my mom and us do. my dad will not allow me to get a job or my drivers license making it impossible for me to get into a financial situation to be able to leave. he also doesnt allow any communication about any thing to any one and shuts our family away from everyone. on top of this i have been fighting a very rare condition for the past year that leaves me in chronic pain and has forced me to see several doctors and try several prescription medications and treatment options that have all failed so far so i continue to have frequent doctor appointments and seek after treatment options in search of help for pain reduction so i can get through therapy in hopes of getting better which could take a couple years multiple medical physicians have told me leaving me rather dependent on the health insurance im getting right now. my dream is to be able to go to the pensacola christian college in florida i live in washington but would be expensive to get there. also if i somehow was able to make arrangements and move out i would have to make sure my dad never found out about any of it and i left without his knowing or he would be sure to stop me and i would never get out. the other problem is even if by some miracle i was able to get there and cover all my expenses i probably wouldnt be able to do well at all until i see improvement in my health because i would probably end up having several absent days from feeling so poorly with massive pain and medical appointments and i would probably find it very hard to concentrate in classes as well as studying for tests and exams. it looks like im in a big jam of trouble in every direction i just dont know what to do anymore.
    --
    i think i might have figured it out now i hope. i am 19 and to summarize my long story ive written twice now i live in a very controlloing home where my dad controls everything everyone does and doesnt allow us to have any communication with anyone. my parents are constantly fighting i love my mom dearly but cant take the atmosphere of this home any longer. my dad wont allow me to get a job or drivers license making it impossible to ever be able to get set up financially to move out. i am suffering from a complicated case of a rare condition that has me in chronic pain ive been experiencing for a year that also leaves me dependent on the health insurance im currently getting. i long to go to college but dont know how to get there another thing my dad wont allow
    Last edited by ccsmod3; 01-01-2021, 08:23 AM. Reason: Edited to add additional comments from poster to one post

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  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at NRS. It sounds like there is a lot that you are facing at home and you are considering leaving home. Home is supposed to be somewhere you feel safe and you deserve to be treated with respect.

    While we are not legal experts we can speak generally on this. 18 is usually the age you are able to move out without permission from your parents. At 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult with the legal freedom to choose where you live even if you are still in high school.

    We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

    We wish you the best,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello, I'm 1 month away from turning 18, and my mother is saying I can't move out till I graduate, but she and my dad make it so hard to live with them. For the last 4 1/2 months, I've been getting in trouble over nothing, getting poorly treated, and when I try to stand up for myself or try to express myself without being disrespectful, they claim I'm disrespecting them, or my mom pulls a guilt trip card and makes me cry. When I turn 18 I wanna move out and live with my grandparents at least till I graduate, I'm trying to find a job but with the pandemic, I've been having trouble getting a job. My parents make my anxiety skyrocket through the roof, and the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm either staying with my grandparents, my boyfriend, or my best friend. I wanna move out so badly after I turn 18 but I don't know if my mom will let me. What should I do?

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  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension, it makes sense that you would want more independence. Since you are 18 you are considered a legal adult and can live where you wish, despite your parents' thoughts. If you do opt to leave home you may want to consider leaving behind a letter so your parents know that you are safe and left on your own accord.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    i'm 18 years old and i want to move out because i'm done with my parents telling me what to do and how to live my life but i don't want my parents to know

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks for reaching out. It is resourceful of you to find us and brave of you to reach out for support. It also sounds great that you are thinking of steps you can take to support yourself. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

    Because you sound so motivated in school, you might consider if there is a school counselor or trusted teacher that you can talk to about how to plan for college. It is up to you how much detail to share about the reasons for wanting to prepare in advance. You mentioned personal reasons as why you want to move out. If you would like to chat about that in more detail with us, we’re confidential and available 24/7 by phone or online chat. If you want, we can also look up if there are counselors for youth in your area if you contact us.

    When you turn 18 years old you will more than likely be considered a legal adult which means that you will likely be able to move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will support yourself can be very helpful. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment for income, or to save up money for moving expenses. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living.

    We can best help by phone or chat if you are able to use your chromebook to chat in with us if you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically.

    We are here to listen and help however we can. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the CHAT button).

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, I'm 15 right now and live in Michigan, I want to move out of my house the week I'm legally able to because of personal reasons. I don't have any family or friends who can help me prepare. I plan for a college but will most likely not have any financial aid. How can I go through with this and prepare from an early age? I also can't get a phone or computer due to my family insisting that the only thing I need is a chromebook.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    We're sorry to hear home life is toxic right now. That sounds difficult to deal with. Fortunately, at 20, you have every right to move out without any legal difficulties. As for your question regarding your bank account: the best thing to do would be to contact your bank about this. Likely, they may ask for proof of identification and that you are no longer a minor. Beyond that, we can't really say. Hopefully it won't come to it, but if you need any legal assistance we have numerous legal aid resources in our database that may be able to help. But, hopefully, changing accounts will be a simple matter.

    Of course, moving out of your parent's home for the first time is still a major life turning point. If you'd like to talk about this or need other resources (e.g. counseling) we are here for you any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or by chat via www.1800runaway.org. We are open 24/7 and are confidential.

    All the best,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi I’m 20 and currently live in New Jersey. I have decided to move out of my home from my toxic family and in with my boyfriend. I am planning on leaving a note so they are aware of me leaving. In addition, I have a job and will be paying my own bills. However, my mom is trying to discourage me and prevent me from changing my bank account from custodial to general. In addition, she will not remove her name from my account. Is there a way for me to get my account from her or remove her name without her knowledge?

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  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of stress at home and abuse of any kind is never okay. It's understandable you would want to leave a situation where you are not feeling supported. It's also okay to still love your parents and be hesitant about taking the step to move out. We are here as support for you 24/7 if you would like to talk more in detail about this.

    Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live.  We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.  

    We are available 24/7 for immediate support by phone at 1-800-786-2929 and through live chat at 1800runaway.org. Please don't hesitate to reach out so that we can provide support and resources.

    Best of luck,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hi, I just turned 18 and im wanting to move out because my parents are emotionally abusive.My problem is i love them and dont want to hurt them and i dont have the money to leave. Im not sure what to do anymore, its all just to much

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  • ccsmod9
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi Gloria! First of all, thank you for reaching out to NRS today. It was a very brave thing to do. We are sorry your home life puts you in a position that makes you want to leave. Another option is a Transition Living Program. These types of programs offer longer term living situation for different individuals depending on where you live. You can look into these programs online by providing the state you’re in. As for getting a job, since you are 18 you would most likely not need parental consent to work anywhere. Many jobs hire those who are 18 and up so looking online for jobs in your area may be of help for that. One service that we offer here at NRS is something called a conference call if you decide you want to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. You reach out on our hotline, give us a little background of what is going on, and then ask to have a conference call allowing you to speak to your parents with the support of one of our liners.They will be able to mediate the conversation and allow you to talk to them that way. It might be a great way to talk about what you are going through and where this feelings might be coming from or to maybe build on your relationship and make it better. Something constructive so that it certainly opens the lines of communication, but that service is completely up to you. Lastly, you can use our chat service to have a more in depth conversation and explore a few more resources. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY and our website is https://www.1800runaway.org. We are here 24/7 and always ready to listen so do not hesitate to contact us again. We are so glad you reached out to us and know it is sometime difficult to ask for help.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hello my name is Gloria

    I want to leave home without telling my parents I'm eighteen and I'm also looking for a job but I'm still in high school in my Junior year. So how should I do that moving out I want to do by next summer 2021 at list that's my goal moving somewhere else far away and I want to cut lines as soon as personable. What should I do?

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  • ccsmod6
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello, thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand that it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what is going on. It sounds like you are worried about your personal belongings. We understand that it can be frustrating not being able to work to support yourself. It’s nice that your aunt is willing to allow you to stay with them until you gain stability. We are not legal experts, however, we do have a lot of experience working with runaway youth. It is our understanding that running away is not illegal. Once you turn 18, you will be considered a legal adult in the state of Pennsylvania. It might be a good idea to reach out to your local police and inquire about gathering your personal belongings from your mother’s home if she refuses to give them to you. You may also want to consider having the police to escort you to the home so you can gather your belongings safely.

    We are here to support you during this challenging time. We can best help you by telephone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice on the forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail, please call or chat us.

    We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786- 2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk, in any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    Be safe,

    NRS
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