Leaving home without telling parents at 18

[Guest]

hello my name is Gloria

I want to leave home without telling my parents I'm eighteen and I'm also looking for a job but I'm still in high school in my Junior year. So how should I do that moving out I want to do by next summer 2021 at list that's my goal moving somewhere else far away and I want to cut lines as soon as personable. What should I do?

[ccsmod9]

Hi Gloria! First of all, thank you for reaching out to NRS today. It was a very brave thing to do. We are sorry your home life puts you in a position that makes you want to leave. Another option is a Transition Living Program. These types of programs offer longer term living situation for different individuals depending on where you live. You can look into these programs online by providing the state you’re in. As for getting a job, since you are 18 you would most likely not need parental consent to work anywhere. Many jobs hire those who are 18 and up so looking online for jobs in your area may be of help for that. One service that we offer here at NRS is something called a conference call if you decide you want to talk to your parents about how you are feeling. You reach out on our hotline, give us a little background of what is going on, and then ask to have a conference call allowing you to speak to your parents with the support of one of our liners.They will be able to mediate the conversation and allow you to talk to them that way. It might be a great way to talk about what you are going through and where this feelings might be coming from or to maybe build on your relationship and make it better. Something constructive so that it certainly opens the lines of communication, but that service is completely up to you. Lastly, you can use our chat service to have a more in depth conversation and explore a few more resources. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY and our website is https://www.1800runaway.org. We are here 24/7 and always ready to listen so do not hesitate to contact us again. We are so glad you reached out to us and know it is sometime difficult to ask for help.

[Guest]

hi, I just turned 18 and im wanting to move out because my parents are emotionally abusive.My problem is i love them and dont want to hurt them and i dont have the money to leave. Im not sure what to do anymore, its all just to much

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of stress at home and abuse of any kind is never okay. It's understandable you would want to leave a situation where you are not feeling supported. It's also okay to still love your parents and be hesitant about taking the step to move out. We are here as support for you 24/7 if you would like to talk more in detail about this.

Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live.  We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.  

We are available 24/7 for immediate support by phone at 1-800-786-2929 and through live chat at 1800runaway.org. Please don't hesitate to reach out so that we can provide support and resources.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi I’m 20 and currently live in New Jersey. I have decided to move out of my home from my toxic family and in with my boyfriend. I am planning on leaving a note so they are aware of me leaving. In addition, I have a job and will be paying my own bills. However, my mom is trying to discourage me and prevent me from changing my bank account from custodial to general. In addition, she will not remove her name from my account. Is there a way for me to get my account from her or remove her name without her knowledge?

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

We're sorry to hear home life is toxic right now. That sounds difficult to deal with. Fortunately, at 20, you have every right to move out without any legal difficulties. As for your question regarding your bank account: the best thing to do would be to contact your bank about this. Likely, they may ask for proof of identification and that you are no longer a minor. Beyond that, we can't really say. Hopefully it won't come to it, but if you need any legal assistance we have numerous legal aid resources in our database that may be able to help. But, hopefully, changing accounts will be a simple matter.

Of course, moving out of your parent's home for the first time is still a major life turning point. If you'd like to talk about this or need other resources (e.g. counseling) we are here for you any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or by chat via www.1800runaway.org. We are open 24/7 and are confidential.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 15 right now and live in Michigan, I want to move out of my house the week I'm legally able to because of personal reasons. I don't have any family or friends who can help me prepare. I plan for a college but will most likely not have any financial aid. How can I go through with this and prepare from an early age? I also can't get a phone or computer due to my family insisting that the only thing I need is a chromebook.

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out. It is resourceful of you to find us and brave of you to reach out for support. It also sounds great that you are thinking of steps you can take to support yourself. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

Because you sound so motivated in school, you might consider if there is a school counselor or trusted teacher that you can talk to about how to plan for college. It is up to you how much detail to share about the reasons for wanting to prepare in advance. You mentioned personal reasons as why you want to move out. If you would like to chat about that in more detail with us, we’re confidential and available 24/7 by phone or online chat. If you want, we can also look up if there are counselors for youth in your area if you contact us.

When you turn 18 years old you will more than likely be considered a legal adult which means that you will likely be able to move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will support yourself can be very helpful. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment for income, or to save up money for moving expenses. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living.

We can best help by phone or chat if you are able to use your chromebook to chat in with us if you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically.

We are here to listen and help however we can. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the CHAT button).

[Guest]

i'm 18 years old and i want to move out because i'm done with my parents telling me what to do and how to live my life but i don't want my parents to know

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension, it makes sense that you would want more independence. Since you are 18 you are considered a legal adult and can live where you wish, despite your parents' thoughts. If you do opt to leave home you may want to consider leaving behind a letter so your parents know that you are safe and left on your own accord.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

[Guest]

Hello, I'm 1 month away from turning 18, and my mother is saying I can't move out till I graduate, but she and my dad make it so hard to live with them. For the last 4 1/2 months, I've been getting in trouble over nothing, getting poorly treated, and when I try to stand up for myself or try to express myself without being disrespectful, they claim I'm disrespecting them, or my mom pulls a guilt trip card and makes me cry. When I turn 18 I wanna move out and live with my grandparents at least till I graduate, I'm trying to find a job but with the pandemic, I've been having trouble getting a job. My parents make my anxiety skyrocket through the roof, and the only time I'm truly happy is when I'm either staying with my grandparents, my boyfriend, or my best friend. I wanna move out so badly after I turn 18 but I don't know if my mom will let me. What should I do?

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at NRS. It sounds like there is a lot that you are facing at home and you are considering leaving home. Home is supposed to be somewhere you feel safe and you deserve to be treated with respect.

While we are not legal experts we can speak generally on this. 18 is usually the age you are able to move out without permission from your parents. At 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult with the legal freedom to choose where you live even if you are still in high school.

We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or through live chat at 1800runaway.org.

We wish you the best,
NRS

[Guest]

i am 19 and i live in a very controlling home where my parents fight constantly. i love my mom dearly but i cant take the atmosphere of my home any longer. my dad controls everything my mom and us do. my dad will not allow me to get a job or my drivers license making it impossible for me to get into a financial situation to be able to leave. he also doesnt allow any communication about any thing to any one and shuts our family away from everyone. on top of this i have been fighting a very rare condition for the past year that leaves me in chronic pain and has forced me to see several doctors and try several prescription medications and treatment options that have all failed so far so i continue to have frequent doctor appointments and seek after treatment options in search of help for pain reduction so i can get through therapy in hopes of getting better which could take a couple years multiple medical physicians have told me leaving me rather dependent on the health insurance im getting right now. my dream is to be able to go to the pensacola christian college in florida i live in washington but would be expensive to get there. also if i somehow was able to make arrangements and move out i would have to make sure my dad never found out about any of it and i left without his knowing or he would be sure to stop me and i would never get out. the other problem is even if by some miracle i was able to get there and cover all my expenses i probably wouldnt be able to do well at all until i see improvement in my health because i would probably end up having several absent days from feeling so poorly with massive pain and medical appointments and i would probably find it very hard to concentrate in classes as well as studying for tests and exams. it looks like im in a big jam of trouble in every direction i just dont know what to do anymore.
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i think i might have figured it out now i hope. i am 19 and to summarize my long story ive written twice now i live in a very controlloing home where my dad controls everything everyone does and doesnt allow us to have any communication with anyone. my parents are constantly fighting i love my mom dearly but cant take the atmosphere of this home any longer. my dad wont allow me to get a job or drivers license making it impossible to ever be able to get set up financially to move out. i am suffering from a complicated case of a rare condition that has me in chronic pain ive been experiencing for a year that also leaves me dependent on the health insurance im currently getting. i long to go to college but dont know how to get there another thing my dad wont allow

[ccsmod3]

Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you made that step. We're sorry to hear that things have been so tough for you, especially in regards to your health and your relationship with your dad. Because you are 19 and legally considered an adult, if you want to do things like get a job, get your license, move out, or go to school, those are decisions that you can legally make for yourself. Of course we know that this is easier said than done, especially because some of your concerns are centered around your health and your access to health insurance. Unfortunately this does put you in a tough position, where it sounds like you have to decide what to prioritize first--your physical health or your mental health. That can be a pretty challenging spot. While you work through this, it might be a good idea to try and connect with a therapist or social worker who can help. A social worker might be especially useful for you, as they can help you figure out next steps like getting your own health insurance or enrolling in school. At minimum, they can connect you with the resources you might be looking for in order for you to have a little more independence.

If you'd like to chat more about your specific situation and/or find resources that are applicable to your situation, we can help. Please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us live through our website at 1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7, and are always happy to help.

Take care.

NRS

[Guest]

I am 17 years old and my mom is verbally abusive and was also physically abusive in the past. I haven’t told anyone about it besides my dad and boyfriend. When i told my dad what was happening he was very upset because he didn’t know none of the things that were happening were going on. He lives in a another state. When he asks her how i’m doing she always says fine and acts like she’s mom of the year. It has taken a toll on my drastically. I cry myself to sleep every night and i’m miserable here at home. Sometimes I don’t feel safe here. I turn 18 in 4 months but I can’t wait that long anymore. Every time she calls her sister she says “she can leave idc”. My sister also over heard her tonight talking to my brother saying “ i hope she leaves fast”. I don’t want to stay in a house where i’m not wanted,loved, or cared about . If my dad comes and gets me in the morning is that okay? I feel like she would call the police and have them bring me back and I don’t want that to happen because something bad will happen when i return home. I don’t want to get my dad arrested or in trouble. I just need to leave .

[ccsmod15]

Thanks for reaching out to NRS,
That sounds like a really tough position to be in where you are being verbally and physically abused, then have your mom turn around and say she doesn’t want you in the house. You don’t deserve to be treated like that by anyone especially family. It is good to hear that you have support in your dad and boyfriend.
We aren’t legal experts but this would likely boil down to a bit of a custody battle if your dad was to come and pick you up and bring you to his house. If he has at least partial custody it is likely OK for him to at least come pick you up for a while. After his normally allotted time of custody is up it is possible your mom could try and bring a custody battle to court and then have police come and bring you back to her house afterwards. Since you are so close to 18 it would be unlikely the case gets resolved that quickly unless there is worry of you being unsafe with your father. If you are especially worried about the custody things reaching out to a lawyer or legal aid might be a good option to learn more about the possible legal consequences.
The other option might be to explore child abuse reporting, although being so close to 18 it is also possible they take little action. If you want to explore this option reaching out to www.childhelp.org who can better assess the situation and even help with an abuse report should you choose to make one.
Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We are here as support to help you and your friend through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We’re here to listen and to help and hope you or your friend can reach out soon.
Take care

[Guest]

Hey im 18 and i cant live with my parents anymore because my dad is emotionally abusive and it is taking a toll on my mental state and i hate it here. How do i move out and get a new place ready, so then i can tell them im leaving and already have a new house in place so they cant try to keep me here ? Please help.

[ccsmod9]

Thanks for contacting NRS,
We appreciate you reaching out to us and trusting us to look into your situation. We are sorry to hear that your dad has been emotionally abusing you. No one should ever have to feel like they arent cared for emotionally. Please know that at any point you can feel free to leave home. You can even call the police to help escort you and your things out if necessary. As far as doing something like getting a place and keeping it a secret you might need to set it up on the side and earn moeny to pay for it all. You could also look into seeing if any friends want to join in and live with you. Legally please know that at 18 you are an adult and have the right to do as you see fit.
Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We are here as support to help you and your friend through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We’re here to listen and to help and hope you or your friend can reach out soon.

Take care,

NRS

[Guest]

hey im 18 ad i want to move out without telling anyone but i have a disablity and my family been doing me wrong and i cant take it no more and i plan on moving with my boyfriend. What should i do ?

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,

Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time and we want you to know that you are not alone.

We are not legal experts but in most states the legal age to leave home without permission would be 18, so in your case you may be legally allowed to leave home. You mentioned having a disability, your guardian may have extended custody you may want to consider finding that out before leaving. You can also contact your local police to ask if you can legally leave home at 18.

We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are available to you 24/7. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

I'm 26 years old and my father is forcing me to stay in their house and being verbally abusive and toxic and I'm stressed out an have no where to go and i want to leave I'm 100 % ready but I'm autistic and my father is skitsofrantic and not my guardian and I want to live alone

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us and sharing a bit about what's going on. We are very sorry to hear your father is treating you so badly. Since you are 26 you are considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live.  We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.  You can reach out to us via our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us via the chat feature found at the top of our website: www.1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon!

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I have just turned 18 and am leaving home in about a month. My friend from Texas is driving down to pick me up and I am leaving due to the emotional abuse from my family and the hatred they have for me for being born. It is a big step and I don’t have a lot of money and I also am worried my family will find me. My older brother is a scary man and I am scared he will find me. I don’t really know what I am doing and I am worried my family will call a police and find me. Should I leave a note saying I’m leaving? And I having posted on anything like this before and I haven’t talked to many people about it.

[ccsmod15]

Hi, Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you have been dealing with a toxic environment at home and are planning to leave home with a friend from Texas now that you are 18. We're sorry to hear that you've been going through that at home and NRS is here to help in any way we can. While we are not experts on the law and depending on your state, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parents may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with, may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. Since you have not provided the state you live in, we cannot give individual information on age of majority and whether you would be considered an adult and whether a report could be filed. So, hypothetically, if you live in a state where the age of majority is 18, your family cannot file a runaway report on you since you are legally an adult and therefore the police would not be forced to return you home.


For more specifics on the law in your county and state, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions. If you are looking for legal aid help in your area, a great resource is contacting United Way by calling 211. United Way is a free and confidential service available 24/7 that you can contact to find local resources in your area.


In addition, you stated that you are worried about finances after leaving home. A great resource is Job Corps. They are a national program fully funded by the federal government. Job Corps is available for individuals 16-24 years old and can provide free room and board and educational/vocational training. You can fill out the form to apply online at www.jobcorps.gov or call 1-800-733-JOBS (5627).



We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

Hello, I (Indiana) am going to be turning 18 right after I graduate high school. I want to move in with my boyfriend (Maryland) (will have been together for nearly three years by then). I want to move without my mom knowing and then contact her later when I am stable. She does not allow me to talk to my boyfriend and has contacted police before, no charges were given to him though. If I move out with him can she call the police and have him arrested? I'll be eighteen and old enough to move but I dont know if she can try to get him in trouble. Thank you.

[ccsmod15]

Since you will be 18 you would more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live and therefore there is no law we know of preventing you from living with a significant other if that is where you wish to be. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet.
Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, im 16 in CT if i leave home and tell my mom i'm leaving and where i'm going but she doesn't want me there can i go to jail ?

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS