Leaving home without telling parents at 18

[Guest]

Hello ,
I live in Texas i am 19 years old. I live with my uncles and I just can’t live with them anymore it has become toxic and they treat me like a little girl when i’m a college student. They have control over my credit cards , my passport, SSN ( Everything!). My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and his family offered me to move in with them and I really want to they make me really happy. I don’t know what to do I have been taking clothes to his house little by little without them knowing. But nobody in my family knows i’m doing this. Not even my mom that lives in another country. can I just leave an leave a note?

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that your uncles are so invasive of your personal space. It isn’t fair for them to be interfering in your affairs and your life so severely. First of all, as a legal adult in Texas you are legally entitled to your personal documents- they are your property. If your uncles refuse to give them to you, you can call the police and ask them for a “civil escort” to retrieve your documents. Secondly, as a legal adult in Texas you are legally entitled to live where you please. You can move out with or without a note and they do not have the authority to force you to return home.

If you want to talk about your situation further or if you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hello, I'm 18, almost 19 in a week... I live in Las Vegas...
I have been thinking about leaving home for a long time now but I don't know what to do. I want to move back to Italy because I realized that that is where I feel happier. I have tried to speak to my mom about it but she would every time get mad and starts arguing. I am scared because I don't want her to suffer but at the same time I need to do something for myself that will make me happy. Also I have a boyfriend that lives in Italy and he comes often to see me but we have talked about having something more serious and I am ready to make this big step. I would like to read your thought about this. Thanks!!

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry it sounds like your mom is not being supportive of the way you want to live your life. Moving back to Italy and being with your boyfriend sounds amazing. You may not be able to convince your mom to be happy about this decision, though, and that is something that you’re going to have to consider as you make it. It might be a good idea to make a list of the pros and cons of moving to better visualize whether or not it is the right decision for you. It could also help your mom feel more comfortable about moving by making a detailed plan, so she knows that you are being thoughtful and careful. If you want to talk more specifically about what’s going on or what other options you have, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

hi. on my 18th birthday i got a tattoo and my father beat me because of it. i told them i was going to leave that night but my mother convinced me that probably wouldn’t be the smartest option. a few months later i find the perfect roommate, we find an amazing apartment, and were expecting to move out in less than 15 days. the only problem is, with my sensitive mother and my physically abusive father, i don’t know how to tell them i’m leaving so soon. they think i’m moving out in may of next year. i already put down my security deposit and app fee so it’s pretty much set in stone.
im in austin TX btw.

what do i do?

[ccsmod8]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out! These situations can sometimes be difficult to talk about, so we understand that reaching out takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you may have experienced physical abuse from your father. And, you seem to be taking some big steps to remove yourself from their house but you’re struggling with how to tell them about it.

You definitely know your parents better than we ever could, so maybe it could be ideal to think about how you best communicate with them or with your mom (if you feel safer communicating with her). Sometimes there may be times and spaces when they or she may be in better moods to receive new information. It sounds like you have been thinking about this for a while, and you may have made your mind up. Maybe there are some things you can think about that will give some evidence as to why this is the best plan of action for you. Maybe finding ways to express how you will support yourself and remain independent will help build your case.

If talking with them is difficult, maybe writing a letter or text could be more helpful to get all of your points across. Here at NRS we offer conference calling services where we facilitate a conversation between parents and youth. Maybe this could be a way to get across what you need to say with a non-biased facilitator. If this is something you are interested, both you and your parents, or your mom, would be able to set ground rules to have the most productive call possible.

We hope this helps you some while you decide on how best to approach them. It sounds like you know and are capable of making decisions you feel are best for you. If you need more help brainstorming options, talking through your options, or you want to move forward with our conference call services please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We would love to support you in any way that works best for you.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

I’m 17 and I live in a household that I need to get out of. I know I have to stay with my parents till I’m 18 but what can I do now to start preparing? I’m also scared about my stepmom calling the police on me and not letting me get my stuff out of their house. Overall I just feel lonely and worried even though my birthday isn’t for a while. I also don’t plan on telling my parents I’m moving out till the day of, they currently believe I’m living with them till I leave for college

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear you are feeling so down and out, but you’re taking the initiative is very commendable and you should feel proud of yourself. First thing to focus on might be making sure that you have a place to move into. If that’s already taken care of, then that is great. But if not, it might be a good idea to ask friends or family members or give us a call and we would be happy to look for shelters/transitional programs in your area. A second thing to do could be saving up some money or looking for a job that can help you sustain yourself financially once you leave your parents’ house. A third thing to do might be making a list of exactly what you want to take with you, so that when the time comes to leave, getting your belongings can be as quick and as smooth a process as possible. These are three good places to start, but preparing for a big move like this can and will take a lot more. If you want to talk to us and flesh out what your plan is going to look like, please don’t hesitate to call us on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

I am 18, living in Maryland and my father is so strict it’s beyond controlling to be honest. I want to leave home but I fear if I leave, it will affect my little brothers negatively seeing as I wouldn’t be able to see them without seeing my parents. My dad is signed on to my car and has made himself financially imbedded in my life as he pays for my health insurance, my car insurance, and some of my tuition. How do I detach him without him knowing?

[ccsmod7]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to NRS. We understand that these situations can be really difficult to discuss and try to figure out, and it takes a lot of courage asking for help. It sounds like you may be feeling really controlled and unheard by your dad.

Since you are 18, it is perfectly legal to become independent of your dad. And it does sound like you feel he has a lot of control over your life. But, it could possibly be difficult detaching from your father without him knowing, especially things that regard money. Some things to think about are ways you can possibly feel like you gain more control over this situation. Whether that be financial stability, leaving, or communicating better with your dad.

It’s understandable why you would feel you need some distance and independence, especially because you are 18. Something to think about could be ways in which you can communicate these feelings with your dad, mom, or another trusted caregiver. Maybe think about what productive conversations normally look like between the two of you. If talking is too difficult, sometimes writing a letter can be beneficial even if it is just to get all of your thoughts and feelings out. Here at NRS we also have a conference call service, where a volunteer could help mediate a productive conversation about possible boundaries you need and feelings you have. We would love to support you in this way if you feel you could benefit from it. Our phone number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

We hope this information can be helpful for you, and if you feel you need to brainstorm or talk more please feel free to reach out via chat through our website or phone call. We are open 24/7 and would love to support you in whatever way you feel you need. This sounds like a difficult decision to think through, but we are always here to listen and help.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi I’m about to turn 18 this week on Friday and I’m planning on going to a hotel with my friends and my gf and just like chilling there nothing bad and I’m staying there but my doesn’t like me staying with my gf no where and to mention I am gay and I know she doesn’t like it she don’t gotta say it but her actions but anyways I want to move in with my gf she has said she could and my dad said I can move in with him but that means switching schools and this is my last year and I just want to finish my year at this school but the reason I want to leave is a lot like for starters she has brought someoen in our household that has destroyed our lives from the end of my freshman year to now like he sold all our stuff in our apartment we had to move around like to other schools rn this is my third high school and than on top of that she doesn’t accept me I don’t want to be around people who don’t accept or just keep causing hell to my life and than the other day she started hurting me in my face bc I stayed the night over my gf house bc there was like about to be a tornado and she wasn’t going to drive in that and than one time I told her I felt depressed bc I would barely get out of my bed I was losing weight I would barely talk to my gf and she would try to get me out the house and I would constantly cry to myself think I wasn’t good enough and just ended up worse and I told her and she just said your now telling me this and was just like no you just don’t want to leave your gf like she bring my gf into everything but my gf has stood by me no matter what has happened my mom has tried to break us up tried to keep her away from me even when I didn’t go to school bc she would be out somewhere and couldn’t take me to schooo my gf would check on me even if she wasn’t allowed over there she cares and I see that and like my mom she cares but she don’t care about my feelings and it’s like she is controlling bc she wants me to go to this college and I Said oh I already shot my colleges picked out and where I wanna go and she Said no your going to go to these and than we can look at 1 of my colleges and I told her this is my life and my decision I have always kept my grades up I’m on a varsity basketball team havejng a job and keeping up with my grades and can handle being out late and just doing what I need to and I get she wants the best for me but she is being controlling bc when we argue I don’t like argue I say what I say in a respectful way and than she argue and screams and then throws in my face I did this and that for y’all and y’all aren’t grateful and it makes me feel bad and than i started to realize that’s manipulative bc I know she has but just bc I want to make my own decisions she doesn’t like it and starts to say I do Thai for you I don’t know what to do I want to leave the house there’s so many things going on I am just ready to go to college and start on my career it’s going to be tough but it’s better than pleasing someone else than myself and I live in Texas and I’m planning to move out on Saturday the day after my birthday which I’ll be 18

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It's very impressive to plat basketball on such a high level and also to maintain your grades and you should be proud of yourself! Once you turn 18 you will be considered a legal adult and can leave home to stay with your girlfriend or with your dad if you wish. It sounds like your girlfriend is a great support to you, but your mom doesn't understand how much she means to you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I will be 18 in March (legal adult in Texas) I am thinking of moving out to a friends house. Her parents said I will only need to help with groceries. I work as a server part time. My parents won’t have any idea where I would be. I will be texting them and letting them know I am safe. Things at home are hard and they don’t understand who I am nor accept that.

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear things at home are difficult to a point where you feel like you need to leave. Living in an environment where you do not feel understood or accepted can be stressful and intense and it makes sense that you need some space away from that. If you are asking whether or not what you are doing is legal or allowed, yes, once you turn 18, you have the right to live wherever you please with or without your parents’ permission. They cannot make you return home. If you have any other questions or would like to speak more about your situation, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

I am 18 almost 19, live in the Boston area. My relationship with my parents has not been healthy for the past 3-4 years because of their religious conservative points of views. I feel oppressed in my own home. The problem is that they have always provided for me and I have always had all my necessities provided by them. Since I started working, all my wardrobe is mine and school related items. I have been wanting to move out for a while but have known that I financially cannot. But now my boyfriend, who is 21 and has a very good income, said he would take me in but we are neighbors which would make it strange. I want to move in with him as soon as possible and she is alright with it. I am scared of my parents reaction.

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.

We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

My sister JSUT told me that now one likes having me around and I’ll be 18 in two years and my mom still wants me to live by her rules. SHE CANT CONTROL ME ALL HER STUPID LIFE

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen.
It sounds like you are going through a tough time. It sounds like your sister has said hurtful things to you and you do not deserve that. We are not legal experts but if you were to leave home before 18 your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police do find you they most likely would bring you home. In most states the legal age to leave home is 18 when you would be considered an adult.
We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

I turn 18 in April (I live in Mississippi), and I’m wondering if I will be okay to move out of my parents place without the police getting involved OR they forcing me to come home. I don’t like staying with them anymore and I would really like to take the next step to becoming an adult. I have everything planned out to where I will stay, how I will pay for my bills/car/school, and how I will be okay as I start my life on my own. Can someone please explain to me if I will be forced to come home or the police getting involved here? Thank you.

[ccsmod6]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you have a tough situation going on at home. It shows a lot of strength reaching out to us and we are here to listen. We are going to talk about a few things and we are always here 24/7 to talk more about any options we bring up and brainstorm more if those don’t seem to fit your situation best. You can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us at 1800runaway.org.

While we aren’t legal experts, 18 is generally the age of adulthood in most states. If you do decide to leave home before turning that age, your parent/guardian may file something called a runaway report. As you mentioned you are in Mississippi, we are unsure what their age of adulthood is with more certainty as it has been noted that the age of adulthood could be 21 years old in MS. Generally, running away isn’t illegal per say, it is something called a status offense. Similar to curfew, you would not be arrested or charged (unless other circumstances exist like being on probation, running away habitually, etc.). In most cases the police will take a report to help try to find the youth and bring them back to their parents/guardians. Some police stations may not take runaway reports, or they may take a report and not make a youth go home, if you are close to the age of adulthood. This is not a guarantee and there is always a risk that the police may try to bring you home, but it could vary state to state, and even police station to police station.

It sounds like you are trying your best to better your life by planning out everything for when you decide to leave. It sounds like you are mature and trying to start your life and reaching out is a really good step. If you want to brainstorm more about the situation we are always here 24/7 over the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY or on our online chat system at 1800runaway.org. We can also safety plan with whatever you do decide to do. It seems like youre in a difficult situation and appreciate your openness. Don’t hesitate to reach back out to us! We wish you the best of luck.

Best, NRS

[Guest]

Hi I’m turning 18 in NY state and was wondering if my parents can get law involved if I simply leave a note stating I am moving out?

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. Since you are 18 yrs. old and considered a legal adult it means you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving is a big decision.

Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as an emergency shelter where young adults can stay temporarily and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

One place you might consider looking into is Covenant House New York (212) 613-0300
covenanthouseny.org/

We hope this information is helpful to you.

Take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hello, Im moving out Wednesday. Quite frankly I'm scared. My parents have kicked me out multiple times but anytime that I tried to leave they would stop me. I know with this time, it is dangerous to fly but honestly living with my boyfriend is safer than living with them. They also don't want to give me my social card, birth certificate, or diploma. Any advice? I'm from florida.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

We are sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time at home right now. It makes sense that you might have some fear moving out, especially if your parents are unsupportive. Since you posted in a thread about moving out at 18, we will assume that you are that age. In Florida the age of majority is 18, so there would be no legal reason preventing you from moving out without permission.

It sounds like your parents are withholding vital documents from you. We aren't legal experts so we can't say whether or not what they are doing is illegal. However, there are ways of obtaining these documents (or duplicates of them) on your own. You can contact your school and the hospital you were born in to see about getting replacements for your diploma and birth certificate. The Social Security Administration has a website with a page about obtaining a replacement social security card. Here is a link to that: https://www.ssa.gov/myaccount/replacement-card.html. You could also consider calling your local police non-emergency line and asking them for their input on acquiring anything else from your parents that might belong to you. We have even heard of youth getting a police escort to collect their belongings from their parent's home. So, that's another option.

You don't have to face this process alone. We are here for you at 1-800-RUNAWAY and by chat via the portal at www.1800runaway.org. We have a large database of resources: things like shelters, legal aid, counseling, and the like. Even if you just need to talk things through, we are here for you. Whatever you do, please be safe. We hope to hear from you soon.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

Hey im 17, and when I'm 18 I want to leave home, I have my boyfriend of 2 years to move in with and we're going to save up and get a place of our own. I don't want to tell my parents that I'm going, is it best to leave a note on the table saying I'm going to be safe and theres no need to worry I just need my own life. My mother is mentally abusive to me and favours my brothers over me. I need to leave.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension - you shouldn't be made to feel like your mother favors your brother over you. Leaving home is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if you do opt to leave your home your parents can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor. If a runaway report is filed and you are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned home.

It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your parents so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

Stay safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I am currently 18 yrs old, and i am trying to leave my parents home.But everytime I have tried leavig they knock me down to the floor to stop me. They say that if I leave I wont take anything with me even if I bought it, They say I will have to leave naked. They say that everything that is in their home is theirs even if they didnt buy it.

[ccsmod0]

Hey there,

Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

If you are fearing for your safety while leaving the home, you can call your local nonemergency police number and ask that a police officer escort you out of the home. What you can take will be dependent on the laws in your area. You can ask them ahead of time what your rights are.

Best of luck,
NRS

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[Guest]

I´m 18 years old and plan on leaving tomorrow night and going to friends house to stay. I´m going to leave a note but I´m scared of what my mother reaction will be. I know i can legally move out without her permission but i just don´t want her to come to my friends that i´m staying at force me to come back home. I don´t know what to do

[ccsmod0]

Hey there,

Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. Your mom can't force you to go back home against your will. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

Best of luck,
NRS

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