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Leaving home without telling parents at 18

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  • #46
    Hello ,
    I live in Texas i am 19 years old. I live with my uncles and I just can’t live with them anymore it has become toxic and they treat me like a little girl when i’m a college student. They have control over my credit cards , my passport, SSN ( Everything!). My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and his family offered me to move in with them and I really want to they make me really happy. I don’t know what to do I have been taking clothes to his house little by little without them knowing. But nobody in my family knows i’m doing this. Not even my mom that lives in another country. can I just leave an leave a note?

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry to hear that your uncles are so invasive of your personal space. It isn’t fair for them to be interfering in your affairs and your life so severely. First of all, as a legal adult in Texas you are legally entitled to your personal documents- they are your property. If your uncles refuse to give them to you, you can call the police and ask them for a “civil escort” to retrieve your documents. Secondly, as a legal adult in Texas you are legally entitled to live where you please. You can move out with or without a note and they do not have the authority to force you to return home.

      If you want to talk about your situation further or if you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #47
    Hello, I'm 18, almost 19 in a week... I live in Las Vegas...
    I have been thinking about leaving home for a long time now but I don't know what to do. I want to move back to Italy because I realized that that is where I feel happier. I have tried to speak to my mom about it but she would every time get mad and starts arguing. I am scared because I don't want her to suffer but at the same time I need to do something for myself that will make me happy. Also I have a boyfriend that lives in Italy and he comes often to see me but we have talked about having something more serious and I am ready to make this big step. I would like to read your thought about this. Thanks!!

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We’re sorry it sounds like your mom is not being supportive of the way you want to live your life. Moving back to Italy and being with your boyfriend sounds amazing. You may not be able to convince your mom to be happy about this decision, though, and that is something that you’re going to have to consider as you make it. It might be a good idea to make a list of the pros and cons of moving to better visualize whether or not it is the right decision for you. It could also help your mom feel more comfortable about moving by making a detailed plan, so she knows that you are being thoughtful and careful. If you want to talk more specifically about what’s going on or what other options you have, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #48
    hi. on my 18th birthday i got a tattoo and my father beat me because of it. i told them i was going to leave that night but my mother convinced me that probably wouldn’t be the smartest option. a few months later i find the perfect roommate, we find an amazing apartment, and were expecting to move out in less than 15 days. the only problem is, with my sensitive mother and my physically abusive father, i don’t know how to tell them i’m leaving so soon. they think i’m moving out in may of next year. i already put down my security deposit and app fee so it’s pretty much set in stone.
    im in austin TX btw.

    what do i do?

    Comment


    • ccsmod8
      ccsmod8 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you so much for reaching out! These situations can sometimes be difficult to talk about, so we understand that reaching out takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you may have experienced physical abuse from your father. And, you seem to be taking some big steps to remove yourself from their house but you’re struggling with how to tell them about it.

      You definitely know your parents better than we ever could, so maybe it could be ideal to think about how you best communicate with them or with your mom (if you feel safer communicating with her). Sometimes there may be times and spaces when they or she may be in better moods to receive new information. It sounds like you have been thinking about this for a while, and you may have made your mind up. Maybe there are some things you can think about that will give some evidence as to why this is the best plan of action for you. Maybe finding ways to express how you will support yourself and remain independent will help build your case.

      If talking with them is difficult, maybe writing a letter or text could be more helpful to get all of your points across. Here at NRS we offer conference calling services where we facilitate a conversation between parents and youth. Maybe this could be a way to get across what you need to say with a non-biased facilitator. If this is something you are interested, both you and your parents, or your mom, would be able to set ground rules to have the most productive call possible.

      We hope this helps you some while you decide on how best to approach them. It sounds like you know and are capable of making decisions you feel are best for you. If you need more help brainstorming options, talking through your options, or you want to move forward with our conference call services please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We would love to support you in any way that works best for you.

      Best of luck,
      NRS

  • #49
    I’m 17 and I live in a household that I need to get out of. I know I have to stay with my parents till I’m 18 but what can I do now to start preparing? I’m also scared about my stepmom calling the police on me and not letting me get my stuff out of their house. Overall I just feel lonely and worried even though my birthday isn’t for a while. I also don’t plan on telling my parents I’m moving out till the day of, they currently believe I’m living with them till I leave for college

    Comment


    • ccsmod6
      ccsmod6 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear you are feeling so down and out, but you’re taking the initiative is very commendable and you should feel proud of yourself. First thing to focus on might be making sure that you have a place to move into. If that’s already taken care of, then that is great. But if not, it might be a good idea to ask friends or family members or give us a call and we would be happy to look for shelters/transitional programs in your area. A second thing to do could be saving up some money or looking for a job that can help you sustain yourself financially once you leave your parents’ house. A third thing to do might be making a list of exactly what you want to take with you, so that when the time comes to leave, getting your belongings can be as quick and as smooth a process as possible. These are three good places to start, but preparing for a big move like this can and will take a lot more. If you want to talk to us and flesh out what your plan is going to look like, please don’t hesitate to call us on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #50
    I am 18, living in Maryland and my father is so strict it’s beyond controlling to be honest. I want to leave home but I fear if I leave, it will affect my little brothers negatively seeing as I wouldn’t be able to see them without seeing my parents. My dad is signed on to my car and has made himself financially imbedded in my life as he pays for my health insurance, my car insurance, and some of my tuition. How do I detach him without him knowing?

    Comment


    • ccsmod7
      ccsmod7 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you so much for reaching out to NRS. We understand that these situations can be really difficult to discuss and try to figure out, and it takes a lot of courage asking for help. It sounds like you may be feeling really controlled and unheard by your dad.

      Since you are 18, it is perfectly legal to become independent of your dad. And it does sound like you feel he has a lot of control over your life. But, it could possibly be difficult detaching from your father without him knowing, especially things that regard money. Some things to think about are ways you can possibly feel like you gain more control over this situation. Whether that be financial stability, leaving, or communicating better with your dad.

      It’s understandable why you would feel you need some distance and independence, especially because you are 18. Something to think about could be ways in which you can communicate these feelings with your dad, mom, or another trusted caregiver. Maybe think about what productive conversations normally look like between the two of you. If talking is too difficult, sometimes writing a letter can be beneficial even if it is just to get all of your thoughts and feelings out. Here at NRS we also have a conference call service, where a volunteer could help mediate a productive conversation about possible boundaries you need and feelings you have. We would love to support you in this way if you feel you could benefit from it. Our phone number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

      We hope this information can be helpful for you, and if you feel you need to brainstorm or talk more please feel free to reach out via chat through our website or phone call. We are open 24/7 and would love to support you in whatever way you feel you need. This sounds like a difficult decision to think through, but we are always here to listen and help.

      Best of luck,
      NRS

  • #51
    Hi I’m about to turn 18 this week on Friday and I’m planning on going to a hotel with my friends and my gf and just like chilling there nothing bad and I’m staying there but my doesn’t like me staying with my gf no where and to mention I am gay and I know she doesn’t like it she don’t gotta say it but her actions but anyways I want to move in with my gf she has said she could and my dad said I can move in with him but that means switching schools and this is my last year and I just want to finish my year at this school but the reason I want to leave is a lot like for starters she has brought someoen in our household that has destroyed our lives from the end of my freshman year to now like he sold all our stuff in our apartment we had to move around like to other schools rn this is my third high school and than on top of that she doesn’t accept me I don’t want to be around people who don’t accept or just keep causing hell to my life and than the other day she started hurting me in my face bc I stayed the night over my gf house bc there was like about to be a tornado and she wasn’t going to drive in that and than one time I told her I felt depressed bc I would barely get out of my bed I was losing weight I would barely talk to my gf and she would try to get me out the house and I would constantly cry to myself think I wasn’t good enough and just ended up worse and I told her and she just said your now telling me this and was just like no you just don’t want to leave your gf like she bring my gf into everything but my gf has stood by me no matter what has happened my mom has tried to break us up tried to keep her away from me even when I didn’t go to school bc she would be out somewhere and couldn’t take me to schooo my gf would check on me even if she wasn’t allowed over there she cares and I see that and like my mom she cares but she don’t care about my feelings and it’s like she is controlling bc she wants me to go to this college and I Said oh I already shot my colleges picked out and where I wanna go and she Said no your going to go to these and than we can look at 1 of my colleges and I told her this is my life and my decision I have always kept my grades up I’m on a varsity basketball team havejng a job and keeping up with my grades and can handle being out late and just doing what I need to and I get she wants the best for me but she is being controlling bc when we argue I don’t like argue I say what I say in a respectful way and than she argue and screams and then throws in my face I did this and that for y’all and y’all aren’t grateful and it makes me feel bad and than i started to realize that’s manipulative bc I know she has but just bc I want to make my own decisions she doesn’t like it and starts to say I do Thai for you I don’t know what to do I want to leave the house there’s so many things going on I am just ready to go to college and start on my career it’s going to be tough but it’s better than pleasing someone else than myself and I live in Texas and I’m planning to move out on Saturday the day after my birthday which I’ll be 18

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It's very impressive to plat basketball on such a high level and also to maintain your grades and you should be proud of yourself! Once you turn 18 you will be considered a legal adult and can leave home to stay with your girlfriend or with your dad if you wish. It sounds like your girlfriend is a great support to you, but your mom doesn't understand how much she means to you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

      Stay safe,
      NRS
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