Leaving home without telling parents at 18

[ccsmod11]

Hi, and thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.

Since you are 18 you are considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. Moving can be a huge step, and can feel scary and isolating, but you are not alone. We are here to listen and help however we can.

We could likely help best if you could call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us (www.1800RUNAWAY.org) as we are unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin.

Hope to hear from you soon, NRS

Im 18.. 19 in september and im in Arizona Im planning to move out soon and i have a job n everything. Im planning to move into my boyfriends and im scared that they will hurt us. I also dont want to tell them im moving out either. But i dont want to call the police because i dont want my little sister to be living with her dad... What should i do. Im scared but i need to get out

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like your boyfriend is in a pretty frustrating situation and it makes sense that he wants out. It also seems like he has a reliable and trustworthy support in you. Unless he is in Mississippi, at the age of 19 he is considered a legal adult. He has the right to live lawfully wherever he pleases and can move out of his parents home if he wants to. His parents no longer have the right to force him to do anything or live anywhere. If his dad showed up to your property uninvited and endangered you guys, you would have the right to call the police to remove him or protect you. If he continues to be unable to respect your boyfriend’s boundaries, you could consider pursuing a restraining order. While we are not legal experts, we do have a great deal of experience with runaways. If you would like to, you can verify any of this information with your local police department by calling them on their non-emergency number. You can also call us if you have any other questions or concerns that you would like to talk about. We are reachable at 1-800-786-2929 or 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

My boyfriends parents emotionally frustrate him and he is the age of 19. He feels so smothered and manipulated. The parents never listen to him and often cut him off when they think they are right. They are what’s known as helicopters parents. The parents think they are always right and won’t ever listen to what there son has to say. They cuss him out and when he wants down time from college and work they call him lazy. When my boyfriend goes out with friends or me for example they call him excessively about 25 times a hang out to fight about the same things. There is at least a 5 minute gap between each call. They say things about me and they tell him things but never come to me to talk about it. They want every detail of his life and they jump to conclusions like asking him " are you on drugs?" That’s really hurtful for him. He feels like his parents think of him as trash when they ask those sorts of questions. He can’t stand up for himself because his dad will get aggressive. He just feels totally and literally smothered and he isolates himself at home. Me and my boyfriend has been planning to move him out with me so he can start a new and finish college without feeling worried about coming home. He has a job and can pay for food and his bills. I just don’t know what to do if his dad shows up to my house starting trouble after he reads the letter my boyfriend is going to write for his mom and dad and as well seeing his empty room. His dad will be outraged, he has bad anger issues. Please give advice!

[ccsmod15]

Hi there, thanks for posting! Sounds like you are wanting to become a bit more independent and are struggling with how to talk to your parents about it. We are glad you reached out for help!
It can be tough to have these big conversations. We do offer conference calling with parents, where you can call us and we set guidelines for the call, whatever you'd like, and then we serve as an advocate on the call to make sure your parents here your side and understand your point of view.
You could also consider leaving a note when you go. We have known other youth to do that so their families do not worry. Others sometimes ask a trusted family member or friend who knows both you and your parents to help facilitate a conversation between you all.

We hope some of this is helpful. It generally requires so much strength to ask for help! We are here 24/7 1-800-786-2929 and by chat on our website so reach out anytime!

I'm 19 and at the legal age to leave/move out of my parents in Maryland. But the only problem i have is telling them pyshically which I'm lost on and have no idea how to. I know i have the right move freely without their premission, my main problem is that I've been planning to move out of the state with my boyfriend of 5 years and we've been planning this for sometime after i graduate. Now that i did graduate I'm struggling with how to tell them knowing that they dislike him and dknt even want me to be there with him. I know it'll cause alot of drama after wards wben it happens but right now I'm just lost and confused on how i should tell them fearing what the drama of the situation could bring with consequences.
if there's anyway to tell them anything would be useful to me to help out on this.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,

You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your parent’s permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

Be safe,

NRS

Hi my name is Lucie and I’m 17 and I really want to leave home because my parents are so strict because they won’t let me hang out with some friends. I don’t know why they don’t trust me yet still. I’m moving in with a roommate and he has a mum so I’m gonna be having a foster mum. My parents wouldn’t let me have social medias as well which is so sad.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

I'll be 18 in 2 years and I plan on moving to Nebraska from Michigan but I don't want my mom finding me so I'm gonna change my whole name. How do I do this without her calling the cops or reporting me.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community-based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis-related laws is limited to the USA. You may want to check out https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/ for resources in Lebanon.

We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

Be safe,
NRS

hi, I’m 19. I live in lebanon and I have a big problem with my family, my family ungodly(not christian) and I believe in jesus and I tell them that I want to be christian, they refuse and hit me and burn all my books and also my bible ... , I tell them that I was lost and stupid and I will never think about Christian again . But really I don’t believe them , I believe that christian is the correct path . now I hate my self and hate my life , my church tell me that they can only give me a room and they will try to help me to complete in university and I want to work and live my life . soo I can’t choose between stay in my bad life and in a lie with my parents or live alone in my own life my own religion and I have a room to live . what should i do?!

!!!! my parents prevent me going out with my girlfriend or my friends , they control my life , from university to home then to work , I have enough time to spend time with my friends but my parents refuse , but I love them but better for me to leave is that true ? !!!!!!!!! please some one give me advice.

[ccsmod9]

Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

Hi I’m 18 about to be 19 and i love in California and I’m trying to leave home because my parents are extremely strict and Really can’t do much with my life with my parents always trying to look over my shoulder and treating me like a 5 year old I was trying to figure if there would be any law problems or if they would contact the police and they would make go back home. I’m going to be temporarily living with my girlfriend and i really am trying to figure if this is right decision because I went off to college last year but I had to come back for the summer. I’m really frustrated because i just want to live my own life and move out but my parents think that if I move out I don’t love them. I’ve jus been feeling depressed today and I don’t think it’s healthy for me to stay here. I told my parents yesterday of how I truly felt but they told me if I move out I’m not welcomed back in. I’m jus scared that if I chose my happiness and healthiness is going to mess up my relationship with my parents but if I chose for my parents to be happy and stay with them I’m always going to be depressed and annoyed by jus living at home. I’m the oldest of 3 and they make me seem like a bad influence to my younger brothers and it seems like they want me to ignore my feelings and jus live with them. I’m going to be going back to college in August but it’s already been a month I’ve stayed at home and I jus feel really depressed and I don’t think I can stay here any longer.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home where there was a lot of tension and you are mistreated by your parents. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

You brought up that your parents are abusive sometimes and it sounds like there may be some neglect happening because of their drinking. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

You mentioned that you tried committing suicide before because you felt like you couldn't deal with your parents. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

It can be really hard to live with someone who struggles with an addiction to alcohol. We want you to know that you are not alone. If you’d like to talk to other young people who are dealing with friends or family members who have drinking problems you can check out Alateen. You can find more information about this support group, or find a local meeting here: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS