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15, parents separated. I want to live with my stepmom.

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  • 15, parents separated. I want to live with my stepmom.

    I'm 15 and my parents are separated. They have been married almost 10 years. My biological mom hasn't seen me in 5 years and my stepmom has raised me for the past 9 years. My dad and stepmom live in different cities in Florida. I'm homeschooled and I stay with my dad one week and my step mom one week. But, I will be going back to public school in August and I won't get to see my stepmom much. The divorce will be final in October or November and I'm afraid my dad won't let me see her again because of his new girlfriend. I don't want to go back and live with my dad. There are other issues with him. My stepmom isn't the "fun" parent. She's very strict and makes me listen to the rules, so it's not that. She is the best parent I've ever had, better than my dad and bio mom.

    If I don't want to leave can the police make me? Do I have any rights to stay with her? Can I at least stay until they go to court since they are still married?

  • #2
    Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like your stepmom is a responsible, loving caregiver and you would rather live with her than your dad. That is understandable that you want to continue living with her. You deserve to have a stable home.

    You mentioned that your dad has some issues. If abuse or neglect is the situation, please reach out via phone or chat if you would like to talk about reporting it to child protective services.

    It sounds like your stepmom might have adopted you and has some custody rights since you mentioned you spend every other week with her. You might ask her about what custody she has over you. If that is the case, she would not lose custody when their divorce is finalized. Rather, they would work out a custody agreement. If you haven’t already, you might make it clear to her that you would rather live with her than your dad. She might be able to take steps in court to work out having split or primary custody.

    It is hard to say what police would do if your stepmom does have some custody rights. We are far from legal experts, but we can speak generally. It might be hard for police to get involved in a custody issue, especially with the divorce not finalized. If your dad has sole guardianship, he can attempt to file a runaway report for you. If police accept the report and find you, they would typically return you home.

    Please do not hesitate to call or chat if you have additional questions we can attempt to answer.

    Best of luck to you,

    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod7; 07-31-2017, 05:05 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I am 12, and my mom has full custody of me and my 13 year old sister. We visit our father and stepmom every other weekend. We both want to live with our dad, but were afraid of what our mom and stepdad might do to us. There have been many occasions where our stepdad has hit us (he claims it's not child abuse if there's not more than 1 bruise), there is visible and accessible weapons (guns) in our house, and he is cruel and calls us stupid, retarded, sped, etc.even though we are both straight A students. He also cusses at us ALL THE TIME for little reasons like we forgot to fold a towel and put it away. He forces us to do things, and call our father stupid, fake, idiot, etc. He insults our father in front of us and expects us to like him. We are too scared to tell him he hate him. But my dad and mom are going to court in 2 days, and i don't know what to do. Child Protective Services has been called numerous times, but they never do anything. My mom and stepdad thinks it's my father calling CPS, But many different people have called including, our friends parents, our school, and people from my brothers karate. I want to live with my dad, but he lives an hour away from my mom and i would be leaving all of my friends.

      Can i refuse to go to my mom's house? Will the police make me go? How fast can custody be changed? How should I block out everything my stepdad says about me?

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi there,

        Thanks so much for reaching out to us and you are really brave for doing so! We are here to support you in any way that we can. One things we would encourage for you to do is to find ways to advocate for yourself during this process and making sure you get a voice in the decision the judge makes for custody. Is there someone that is representing you in the court process? We aren’t legal experts, but we hear that police don’t like getting involved in the middle of custody issues, and would more rely on what the custody papers say and go by what is laid out in that.

        You asked how you can block out everything that your step dad say, that is something that will be hard to do, since that is out of your control, but it is in our control of how you respond to it, start recognize how it impacts you and either reflect on it, write about it, or do something that helps you have an outlet. It seems that the things that your stepdad says about you aren’t true and is not okay, you don’t deserve that. It may be good to write these things down for your court hearing like you shared with us today.

        Again, We are here for you and will support you in anyway that we can. Please feel free to call into us directly as we can talk further about your situation and find resources that are best for you in your area. Stay strong and you are not alone in this! Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY we are open 24/7.

        -NRS

        We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey.

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          My dad and his girlfriend never got married but they have been together for a long time, I am 16 now and my mom is still in my life. But my dad has to move in with my cousin till he can find another place. Legally can I still stay with my dads ex or do I have to stay with my dad and mom?

          Comment


          • ccsmod0
            ccsmod0 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello,
            Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you would like to know if you would be able to stay with your fathers ex. We want you to know that we are not legal experts but since you are a minor it would be up to whoever is your guardian would have final say in where you can and cannot live. Perhaps you would try talking to them about your wishes to live with your fathers ex. We want you to know that we are here to support you and if you would like to talk more about your situation you are always welcome to give us a call 1-800-786-2929
            We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: We care what you think

        • #6
          I want to live with my step mother. My dad and her were engaged but then it ended. Now they are seperating and my step mom wants to live else where . I am 15 and my biological mother wants nothing to do with me anymore. But i cant live with my dad because when he is alone all he does is drink and it gets scary for me. I would be safer and happier with my step mother. Is that legal. Can i choose

          Comment


          • ccsmod10
            ccsmod10 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,

            You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your parents permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your dad. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

            Please reach out soon so that we may offer support and resources to you. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

            Be safe,

            NRS

        • #7
          My dad has sole guardianship over me because my biological mom drugged me and left me. My ex stepmom is a better parent than my dad. My dad only cares about his new girlfriend and told me he loved her more than he loved me and so they took everything i own and threw it away the only thing i own is clothes and a blanket. Is there any way i can live with my step mom? She and my dad got divorced about 4 years ago and he has had two girlfriends since both of whom i disliked and he chose to tell me he loved them more than me. I'm just trying to get help.

          Comment


          • ccsmod1
            ccsmod1 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like you are facing a lot of hardships and that you have in the past as well with your mom. It is understandable that you would want to live with your ex step mom. You do not deserve to be treated in that way by your dad, it is unfair that he said such things to you and threw away the things you own. You are brave for seeking help and looking for some options.

            To start off, when it comes to living with someone other than your dad you may have to get his permission since he is your sole guardian. Although we are not legal experts here at NRS, we may be able to answer some questions or find any resources that may be helpful. We’re confidential and available 24-7 at 1-800-786-2929. We would also like to offer another reference known as NAMI, they’re also free, confidential and available 24-7. Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone about thoughts or feelings for emotional support, the number for NAMI is 1-800-950-6264.

            Again, we’re really glad that you reached out to us. It takes a lot to ask for help and you are trying to figure out your options which is really good to see. You seem like a very intelligent and brave person, and you are a valuable human being. If you would like to talk further about your situation, please do not hesitate to call or chat with us. We’re here to listen, here to help.

            -NRS

        • #8
          i am 16 and i choose and want to live with my step mom and not my biological father or mother . i choose to live with my step mom because she been taking care of me for 6 years since my dad and her have been together .she has been pushing me to do great and she the one who got me an invitation into a school and a scholar ship . i choose my step mom because she’s way better than my real parents . i can talk to my step mom about anything . i can’t talk to my father or real mother bat anything . my step mom have been here for my lowest to highest . On the other hand my dad is a selfish . controlling person . the year we are in now they begin getting . my dad had cheating on my step mom and left me and my step mom home to go with his other gf . he remove my step mom off of everything and put his new gf on everything . And his new gf betas mad bites him and breaks all of his things . he lets her beat him . my. father is never at home when he was living with my step mother he was always working or going to his gf house . when he is here he only sleeps and goes right back to work . my father is controlling over me not being with my step mom because he think she berain washing me when she not . on the other hand i choose not to live with my biological mother because she has 13 kids but her first 4 don’t live with her which is me out of the 4 . but i’m 1 out of the 4 that visits her on the weekend . but i i choose not to live with her becausei don’t have anybody to talk to there like my step mom . all of my mother kids are age 10 and down . when i’m over there i sit in my room all day and don’t come out i only come out to eat and take showers . i love my mother and all but i don’t feel to stay with her . i feel she takes my dad side when it comes to me sayin i want to stay with my stepmom . when she already said i can , but once my dad gets in her head she change everything . myself now i’m a good child i listen to both my parents and grades high . and i never talk back to any of my person or teacher . i never had any complaints from school . i don’t smoke or drink i stay to myself i don’t have many friends . over all i feel safe and comfortable at my step mother house . And i really want to stay at the school i’m with at my step mom house because doing medical .

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hello,

            Thanks for reaching out to us and sharing a little bit about what's going on at home. It sounds like life with your biological parents is difficult and you want to live with your stepmom. That may be a possibility, but we really would need more information from you to see how we can best assist you. The best way we can do that is for you to call our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). You can also reach us via chat at www.1800runaway.org. When you call we can discuss your options to help you figure out what the next best steps for you are. We hope to hear from you soon!

            Stay safe,
            NRS

        • #9
          I’ll be 16 in three months. I want to live with my step mom because she’s always shown me that she cares for me and she hears me out and she doesn’t judge me. I can talk to her about literally everything and she’s just always been there for me when I needed her. My step mom and my dad have been married for a good couple years now but they don’t live together at the moment. I’ve known my step mom my whole life I met her when I was like 3 and we have just always been close but as I’ve gotten older our relationship has gotten stronger. Another reason I want to live with her is because my home situation isn’t good for me or my mental health. There’s constant fighting and things being said that I shouldn’t hear between my mom and her bf and I don’t get along with him. I hate to be the bad guy and leave my mom but she would still have my brother with her I just can’t handle the fighting anymore it’s gone on for way too long and I feel like my Step mom’s would be a good place for me mentally and physically. I’ve told my biological mom that I can’t handle it anymore and she keeps telling me she’ll make a change but never does. I’ve been dealing with this for almost three years now. So what should I do? Should I text my step mom and talk to her about it? Is it possible for her to get guardianship of me? I need help because everything has gotten so bad idk what to do.

          Comment


          • ccsmod10
            ccsmod10 commented
            Editing a comment
            First off, we are very grateful that you contacted us. It sounds like you've been dealing with some really tough stuff for a while now, and we want to help as best we can. Reaching out for help isn't always easy and we're thankful you did so.

            It sounds like, even if she wants to, your mom has been struggling to make the changes needed for you to feel safe/comfortable at home. You deserve to live somewhere and with people where you feel safe and supported. Leaving home would not make you "the bad guy." It sounds like it would be a choice you aren't making lightly, and one that you are making to take care of yourself, which is very admirable.

            It might be worthwhile to talk to your stepmom and see if it would be possible for you to stay with her. Custody can be complicated, and changing it can often be a tough and expensive process. Often, parents or step-parents who want to make changes to a minor's custody aren't able to, even when they really care. It is certainly an option at least worth exploring.

            You don't have to go through this alone. We are here to provide counsel and relief every step of the way. You can text chat us at 1800runaway.org or call us at 1-800-786-2929 to speak more.
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