Im 17 and need some help with getting out of my house.

[Unregistered]

Im 17 and I need help. I am at my ropes end with my situation and I need to get out of my house. I am 17 and I want to know if there is any legal way I can leave without my parents permission. I really don't want to call CSB on my mom but I don't know what to do. Im at the point where I do everything I can just to not be home. when I am home there is hardly no food in my fridge and most the time if there is its expired. its getting to the point where my boyfriends parents are sending me home with food and buying me clothes and shoes. I will be 18 in 9 months but I cant wait that long to get out of my house. the other day I was locked out of my house for an hour when it was below 32 degrees because she wouldn't come home from work which is 5 mins from the house to let me in. instead she had my stepdad who works 30 mins away from the house come let me in. I just need to get out of my house.

[ccsmod5]

re: Im 17 and need some help with getting out of my house.

Hey there,

It seems like you’re in a really frustrating situation at home. It’s unfair of your mom to make you stay at home when there isn’t enough food or clothing there.

There are a couple ways you can leave home legally. The first one is, like you wrote, calling the police. They might find that your home isn’t safe and place you in a foster or group home. The second one is called emancipation. It varies by state, but basically you would petition to be declared an adult before your 18th birthday. Usually you need to demonstrate that you can support yourself, and it can sometimes be expensive and time consuming. The last way to leave legally would be to get your mom’s permission to stay at a shelter or with a friend or another family member.


Police departments sometimes respond differently to 17-year-old runaways that younger runaways. Some do not take runaway reports for 17-year-olds. The best way to find out what the rules are in your area would be to call the non-emergency number for your local police department and ask them how they would respond to a 17-year-old runaway.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we are here 24/7 and would be more than happy to listen and to help you in the best way we can. We wish you the best of luck in whatever it is you decide to do.

Stay strong,

NRS

[Guest]

Im 17 and a mother to a beautiful 9month old baby I will be turning 18 in a couple of days mabey about 24 days I dont want to live in my moms anymore I tryed eveeything from calling the cops Which unfortuantly didn't help me to Calling the courthouse But nothing I dont knoe what to do anymore , I dont feel like its a safe pls for my daughter To be Theres to much dirt sometimes There isn't hot water beacuse My mom won't buy gas tanks , There days where We can without eating a my daughter needs Food , I'm going crazy And I wanna go out my house I just dont know whatto do , Ive left my house more the 3 timesi tryed explain ng explain ng the cops what's going on but Im afraid they will call cps N my mom will get in trouble , Please help , I dont know what to do anymore , I go to school , I can't work beacuse my mom won't let me , But I've worked before And ik I can Work , I with graduate in the beegining of next year please please help

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS for help! We’re sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time with your mom. Finding a safe place for you and your daughter is an important priority for you to have.

If your mom isn’t providing food for you, that could be considered child neglect. You always have the right to file a complaint with Child Protective Services. You could also tell people who are considered “mandated reporters,” like your school teacher, doctor, etc. They have to file the same report and it might be easier for you to talk to someone you already know.
If you don’t want to file a report, is there another family member or family friend who you could talk to about the issues at home? Would they let you stay with them? Sometimes having another person in a conversation with your parent can help resolve a situation. If you can’t stay out of the house overnight, maybe you can minimize your time hope during the day by staying w/ family and friends?

If you want to talk more, you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We’re open 24x7 and completely confidential.

Best of luck.

[Guest]

Hi I need to get out of my house because I am getting abuseive language thrown at me I really need to get out

[ccsmod2]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. It takes a great deal of courage to seek help. We are sorry to hear that you have been verbally abused at home. It sounds like you would like to leave your home. In most states, the legal age in which youth can leave home without their parent’s consent is 18. You could ask your parents if you could live with a family member or friend. If you were to leave home before the age of 18 without your parent’s consent, they could file a runaway report. With a runaway report, the police may find you and return you home. Although running away is not illegal, if you decide to stay with a friend or family member they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway.
Child Help (1-800-422-4453) is a great resource to discuss the verbal abuse and you may even decide to report it. They may also be able to assist you in getting custody transferred to a family member.

If you have any other questions or concerns please feel free to contact us through our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), or via email, live chat.

- Good Luck !

[Guest]

Hi, I am a 17 year old girl who has been dealing with emotional abuse for about 4 years of my life. My mother was an alcoholic for 5 years of my life, and during that time I was raped. She was not there for me when I needed her most, and now she is threatening to not pay for college, and to send me to a treatment center. I have had 4 CPS investigations on account of my mother and my father using abusive language or abusive actions against me. My sister kicked me very hard yesterday because she was mad at me for cursing. She is constantly making me feel terrible about myself. I really would like to get out of the house, but I'm worried if I go to a group home or something that I will not be able to go to college or be successful in the ways that I want to be. My parents think that I am unhealthy but they don't understand that its because of the way they treat me. I would be so much happier if I was just on my own at this point. They do not allow me to have a phone or a license, even though I have done nothing but try my best for the past 6 months to get back on the right track. I have had my permit for almost 3 years now as well. I turn 18 next September. I don't know what I should do. Please help. I don't want to hurt my family but I cannot stand the situation I am currently in.

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,
Thanks so much for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot these past few years – more than anyone should ever have to go through. Your courage in persevering through all of this is admirable. It also takes courage to reach out for help.
Family relationships are usually complex and multi-layered, and it sounds like yours is just that. It’s understandable to hear that you don’t want to hurt your family. However, it is also completely unacceptable for your parents to treat you the way that they have been treating you for years. Physical and emotional abuse is a horrible thing to endure and nobody should have to put up with it. One resource for you to utilize is the National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4454 or childhelp.org). You’ve already dealt with CPS and that could be another resource for you to turn to now.
You also mentioned that you were raped, which is a traumatic and horrible encounter to experience. If you’d like to discuss that specifically, one resource you can turn to is RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network). They can be reached at 1-800-656-4673 and are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Their website is rainn.org.
It sounds like you are currently in a toxic, harmful, and destructive environment. You shouldn’t have to be in that situation. We are not legal experts, but there are a couple of options for you. First, as a minor, if you have parental consent, you are able to leave home and live somewhere else (potentially with a friend or another family member). If you don’t have parental consent and you choose to leave home, as a minor this would be considered a “status offense.” A status offense is not a crime, it is something you cannot do because of your age (on par with smoking a cigarette). If you decided to leave without parental consent, your parents would be obligated to file a runaway report. If the police found you, they would most likely return you to your home, but probably not hold you and it would not go on your record. Finally, once you reach legal age (18 in most states), you are able to leave home with or without parental consent.
You mention that you might be worried about your future if you decide to leave home (paying for college, etc.). This is definitely understandable and taking that step can be a scary thing to do. However, caring for yourself, making sure that you are in a supportive environment, and healing from what you’ve been enduring the past few years are all critically important as well. Choosing to do these things for yourself can help set you up for success in the long run and ensure that you have a healthy and happy life moving forward.
Thank you again for reaching out. If you’d like to talk through any of this in more detail, please give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and would love to listen. We also have a chat service that is available from 4:30 PM-11:30 PM (CST), 7 days a week.
We hope to hear from you soon and we wish you the best of luck.
-National Runaway Safeline

[Guest]

Hi, I am 17 years old and just recently my mom threatened to kick me out of the house because she told me if I was pregnant that I wouldn't be allowed to live there anymore. I'm not sure if she is serious or not but I really want to move out if I am. My parents are not very supportive at all and don't understand that accidents happen and they keep treating me like I'm a child and not responsible. I feel like if I am I do not want to be around them because they will just make the situation worse. Also, my mom made me take a pregnancy test at home and didn't even show me afterwards because she made me give it to her. I just want what's best for me just in case I am. I would be able to move in with my boyfriend and his parents. I just really need to know if this is okay or not and if I would be considered a runaway or not. Thank you.

[ccsmod11]

Hi, thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like this is a stressful situation and we are here to see how we can help you.

You mention wanting to know if it is okay for you to move in with your boyfriend and his parents if you are pregnant. As a 17 year old, you are considered to be a minor, which means you are required to live with your parents or guardians unless they give you permission to live elsewhere. If you did move in with your boyfriend and his parents, you would then be considered a runaway and your parents could file a runaway report. This would mean that if you are picked up by the police, you will be taken home. It sounds like this would be fairly likely, since your parents would have an idea of where you would be. However, this changes if your mom kicked you out of the house, considering you would not have run away in that situation.

It sounds like your potential pregnancy is a stressor for you and your mom, especially because your mom didn’t show you the result of the pregnancy test. Here at NRS we have a conference calling service where youth and their parents can talk on the phone with someone here to mediate the call. This may be a good opportunity to tell your mom how you feel, and maybe a place for your mom to tell you if you are pregnant or not. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) to get this process started. If a conference call isn’t the right fit for your situation, maybe there is another adult in your life that you feel comfortable with that can help you have this conversation with your mom.

Thank you again for contacting us today. We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.

[ccsmod11]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out. We hope we can help you through this difficult time.

It makes a lot of sense that you would want to move out of your home if your mom is threatening with kicking you out. Regardless of your pregnancy status, you deserve to feel safe and comfortable at home. You also deserve to feel like your parents find you responsible and capable of making decisions properly. And of course, accidents do happen. You also deserve to know whether or not you are pregnant. It must be frustrating that your mother took your pregnancy test results back from you without you being able to see the results from yourself. If you would like, we can try to connect you to healthcare resources that provide pregnancy tests to youth in your area. We would simply need more information about your circumstances in order to do so. We cannot give information about local resources over our forum post because it may compromise the confidentiality of the youth who reach out to us. But you can call us at 1-800-786-2929 24/7.

As for your questions about running away, we are not legal experts but we can give you general information. If you leave your home without your parents’ permission, they can file a runaway report on you with the police. If this happens, police can search for you and if they encounter you, they can return you home. In most parts of the U.S., running away is a status offense, meaning it’s unlikely that runaway youth will be arrested or detained. However, adults who harbor you as a runaway may be criminally responsible for doing so. You can call your non-emergency police department hypothetical and anonymous questions about your situation to receive more specific and concrete information.

Hopefully this information was helpful for you. We encourage you to reach out to us for further assistance.

-NRS

[Guest]

Hey,

I’m 19 and I live at home with my folks. I also work at my parents business but because things are getting hard I have to sacrifice being paid for long periods of time and just barely pay the bills. My mum and dad always argue and my mums quite mentally abusive. As well as that I’m gay and they don’t really accept my “lifestyle” and it’s very hard. I can’t find another job or their business will fail and I haven’t got the money to move out! What do I do.. I’m so tired of being treated like I’m worthless when I’m always trying my best for them and everyone.

[ccsmod5]

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It takes a lot of courage to explain your personal situation to us. We are very sorry you are going through this challenging time as it must be stressful. No one should feel mentally abused and put in a stressful environment.
You mentioned that you work for your parents and are not getting paid for a long period of time. It must be very stressful when trying to pay bills. You also mentioned that your parents do not accept your lifestyle and that must be very hurtful. No one should feel like they are not accepted especially by family members. That has to be very difficult to deal with. No one should feel worthless while doing the best they can.
You brought up the possibility of moving out. Because you are 19 and are the age of majority, you will not be given the status of a runaway if you move out of your parent’s residence. However, there are certain things that are important to think about when deciding to move out. You mentioned that you are not financially able to move out. If you do decide you want to move out, you could speak with your parents about maybe getting another job in addition to or replacing your current job. This could open the lines of communication between you and your parents while communicating your needs. You could use that money to move out and pay your bills. However, you would need to think about housing as well. If you have a friend or family member that would be willing to let you stay with them, they would not be seen as harboring a runaway in the eyes of the law. If you do not decide to move out, you can try and facilitate a conversation with your parents to explain your situation and how you are feeling. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what is best for you.
You mention that you're gay and your parents don't accept this. Please know that you are not alone and you deserve to feel supported and accepted by your parents. If you ever need to talk, you might consider reaching out to the LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564.
Again, thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are a 24/7 service, toll free, and always available to chat and discuss option and resources. You can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Best of luck.

[Guest]

Hi I'm 17 years old. I've been dealing with physical and emotional/mental abuse for as long as I can remember. After my parents divorced, my mom had a stroke and moved to Tennessee. I have not seen her for 3 years up until a month ago. She is a drug addict and chose drugs and money over taking care of me and my brothers, she left us to live with our abusive father. My dad married my step mom and she is an alcoholic. She hates me and constantly tries to make me feel bad about myself and calls me names and threatens me-my dad does the same. For example, just recently my step mom got wasted and broke a window in my room and threw glass and shoes at me and was screaming at me. I had to sneak out of the house and call a friend to pick me up and call the police because I had cuts all over me. A few days ago my dad told me I was a disappointment and threatened to beat my face in until I'm bloody and he said he still wouldn't go to jail for it. My life sucks and my parents hate me. They also neglect me. My family has money and we always have food in the house and things like that, but since my step mom is always drunk and mad, and my dad is always at work so I don't see him, I never get to eat or get the things I need. They never bring me to the store or ask me if I need anything. They do not pay for my lunches at school or even get me shampoo and conditioner. It's terrible because it always seems like since they have money and we have food in the house I'm being cared for-when I'm not. I can't eat at my house because I'm scared to be around my step mom or to go even go in the kitchen. I'm super depressed and things are getting bad I just want to leave. Child protective services have been at my house so many times before and I've even been put into foster but they decided to put me back with my family. Honestly if I don't find a way to get out of this house soon I feel like the only way out is taking my own life. I started self harming and I think about dying almost everyday because of how unbearable my life is. I know my parents have seen my scars but they refuse to acknowledge that I need help and they need to let me go. There's no point of me staying in a house with people who hate me. The day after my last suicide attempt I told my dad to bring me to a hospital and he told me I'm ********ed up and nothing is going to fix me. That just makes me feel even more helpless and worthless, they refuse to get me help, to be good parents, and to actually take care of me. I hate my life. What should I do?

[ccsmod5]

Hi,
Thank you so much for reaching out. It takes a lot of courage to share your story, especially because it sounds like you’ve been through so much. It sounds like the adults in your life have not given you the love, support, and respect that you deserve. It must be so frustrating that you’re in this situation, and we understand that you must feel hopeless. We want you to know that you are not alone. We stand behind you and we believe you. You are important. You matter and your life matters, and you deserve to know that.
You mention that you’ve attempted suicide and that your father refused to get you help. That is absolutely not okay. Please know that if you ever feel like you might want to hurt or kill yourself, you can always call 9-1-1 and ask for assistance in getting to the hospital. If you’re not comfortable with this, you can also consider telling a teacher or guidance counselor what’s been going on and they can get you the help you need and deserve. You never, ever should have to do this alone and it’s infuriating that your family has put you in this position. Another resource that you might find helpful is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, whose number is 1-800-273-8255. Yet another resource that you might find helpful is To Write Love on Her Arms, which is a great resource for teens who are self-harming. You can find their website at twloha.com. They also have a textline; if you’re in crisis, you can text 741-741. Please know that you’re not alone. Even if your family refuses to help you, there are other options. If you ever need to talk, we’re also available 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929.
You’ve mentioned that child protective services have been involved many times, so you’re probably already aware that your situation likely qualifies as abusive and neglectful, particularly because you’re being denied access to mental health care and food. You don’t deserve this and you have the right to file an abuse report through the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Given your experience with CPS, it’s completely understandable if you’re hesitant to go that route.
Finally, if you feel unsafe at home it is an option to leave home. Since you are 17, you would need your parents’ permission to leave home. If you leave without permission, your parents would have the right to file a runaway report and if the police find you, they may return you home. If you let them know that there’s abuse going on at home, they’re supposed to investigate that. That being said, sometimes police choose not to pursue 17-year-old runaways. To find out what your local police policy is, you can call your local non-emergency line. If you’re uncomfortable with this, we can also make that call for you.
Thank you again for reaching out. You sound like an incredibly brave, strong, and resilient young person. You deserve all the support and love in the world. Please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-786-2929. We’re here 24/7 to listen, brainstorm options, and help you locate resources. We wish you all the best and we hope that this was helpful. We welcome your feedback of our resources at the following link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think. Stay safe and stay strong!

[Guest]

I’m 17 and my mom treats me like I’m her maid she makes me give her 80$ every paycheck she says it’s for my phone but I always need wifi in order for it to work properly and she’s always saying I’ll beat your ass and always saying how she’s going to make my life a living **** and I’ve told her I wanna kill myself and I don’t know what to do at this point everyone says death isn’t an option but I beg to differ and if I don’t leave this place I’m gonna lose my ******** she’s also always saying how she’s gonna kick me out and all this other ********

[ccsmod0]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like living with your mother has become unbearable for you. It is understandable that you would have the negative feelings that you do, with a mother that threatens your life. You mentioned that you have to get out of the house. Perhaps you can go and stay with a family member for a few days until things have time to cool off. Often having a safe place that you can go to can help you get a better understanding of your situation.
We know that you mentioned that you have been feeling suicidal. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. People care about you and want you to succeed. If you continue having these feels please contact someone at the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
Again, thank you for reaching out. We hope this information helps. If you have any follow up questions please give us a call. 1-800-786-2929
We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: We care what you think

[Guest]

Hi, I’m a 17 yr old from NY who turns 18 in 6 months. I’m really looking to get away from home, I’m left home alone constantly without food while my mom goes out and parties. My dad has offered to let me live with him but then he took back his offer because my mom threatened him. I also haven’t been to school in 2 years and I told my mom I would like to get my GED and she’s done nothing to help me get it. My boyfriend is 20 and his family are really supportive of me and often help feed me and take care of me. What is the worst that can happen if I run away? Will they force me to come back? Are there runaway shelters I can go to?

[ccsmod5]

Hello there,
Thank you so much for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We’re so sorry to hear about the situation you’re dealing with at home. You mentioned your mom often leaves you home alone without food and without resources to get an education. It’s never okay for anyone to treat another person this way. This could be considered neglect. You may choose to contact the National Child Abuse Hotline and file a report at 1-800-422-4453, or visit their website at childhelp.org.
It’s great that your boyfriend and his family are so supportive of you and are willing to help take care of you. In NY a youth is not considered an adult until they are 18. If you were to run away, your mom may choose to file a runaway report. We’re not legal experts, but we can tell you that running away is not necessarily a crime. In most cases, if the police were to come into contact with you, they would just bring you home. However, each police station handles runaway reports differently. Since you are so close to 18, it’s possible that they may not actively go looking for you. You could call the non-emergency line for your local police station and ask. As far as a shelter, you may need parental consent, however shelters may be willing to work with you considering what’s going on at home.
Thanks again for reaching out. If you have any other questions, please feel free to reach out to us at 1-800-786-2929. We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
Stay safe!
NRS

[Guest]

I am going to be 22 in a little over a month..my parents control me! i can rearely see my boyfriend, get yelled at when i want a job (but my siblings get help when they want one) and f i want my license or permit (yes i have no job or lcense bc my family esp mom) they say ill never get it and we going to nothing or its bc of my boyfriend. i have people at my boyfriends job and other pleces i have gone that say things about me and they dont evn know me, im starting to wonder what is wrong with me. i beg anyone, please help me!! please i need out! i have no car or job and no one to support me! my bfs family is not much better. i dont know where to turn, please!!!

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS. We are here to help you in any way we can and we’re open 24/7.

It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time lately, don’t give up! You’re being really strong and you do have options. We are here to help in any way we can. A resource that is always available is, United Way, you just call 211. They are the local non-emergency number and have resources for cab vouchers, hotel vouchers, and know about local shelters that have space, etc. There are also social service agencies in your area that can help give you housing and help you get your feet on the ground , such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living (employment, school, etc.). They help youth work on their goals, while they're living there. If you’re interested in that option please give us a call.

If you’d like more help brainstorming other options, we’re always here! We are open, 24/7 if you needed us to try to find more resources!

Best, NRS

[Guest]

I'm a 16 year old girl, I will be turning 17 in 3 months, I'm trying to find a job to start saving up money, living with my parents has been rough, i have 4 siblings but I'm the one who gets treated like crap, i get called lazy even though i watch after my brothers and sister a lot of the time. I want out, my parents never let me out of the house, they never let me spend time with friends, sometimes i feel mentally abused, being home makes me want to hurt myself and I'm scared that if i don't get out i will do something to hurt myself, i have struggled with self harm in the past... something needs to be done, when I'm home I'm not aloud to do anything but clean, they took my phone away about a year ago so it's hard to keep in touch with friends... i need help as soon as possible

[ccsmod10]

Hi, thanks for reaching out to us at NRS.

It sounds like living at home has been pretty frustrating, feeling relied on for doing housework and looking after your siblings but not being recognized for it and having privileges taken away. You mentioned sometimes wanting to harm yourself; while we're not sure if you are referring to seriously harming or ending your life, we'd like to share a hotline that might be helpful in times of crisis: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255. SAMHSA, or Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration, is another organization that can connect you to mental health services, if you happen to be interested in counseling or getting more emotional support regarding these issues: (877) 726-4727.

You mentioned wanting to get a job and start saving money. If you were able to become employed and support yourself, emancipation would be a legal way of living independently from your parents. It can be a lengthy process that involves standing up in court, and there are different procedures depending on the state you live in. If you are interested in being connected to more information for this, you are always able to call us at (800) RUNAWAY. We are open 24/7 and completely confidential. We are also here to listen further about your situation and explore other options, including shelter. Homelessshelterdirectory.org is otherwise a good resource where you can search local shelters, if you feel like you need to leave immediately.

Best of luck to you!

NRS

[Guest]

I have a job, I need to get out.

[ccsmod7]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you doing so. Sounds like you are wanting to leave home since you have a job. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org.

If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe,

NRS