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15 and Confused

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  • 15 and Confused

    I'm 15 and I live in Pennsylvania. I'm not entirely sure why but the past few months have been really hard on me. It might just be stress, but I really don't know. I've had suspicions for awhile, but I think I might be depressed. A lot of times everything feels like too much, and it's a struggle to get up in the morning; many times the only thing that gets me through the day is music by the band 5 Seconds of Summer and a theater group called Starkid. I'm very scared because my mind has unwittingly toyed with the idea of suicide on multiple occasions; I know that I don't want to because I love life and I could never do that to my friends and family, but sometimes it seems like a viable option and I'm terrified. Things are made worse because no one has noticed anything; not one of my family members or friends has noticed anything wrong. At home, I'm constantly under stress because my dad tells me every day that I'm doing too much and something has to give, and my mom is always breathing down my neck about my grades. I cry almost every day because I'm becoming increasingly more sensitive, and many times I think to myself, 'What does it matter anyway? We're all going to die someday.' I've never had these thoughts before. I've thought about leaving home and living with one of my friends, and each time it starts to sound like a good idea, I think about how good my family can be, and I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    RE: 15 and Confused

    Hello,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. Sorry to hear how hard things are for you lately. It can definitely feel isolating and make things worse when it seems like no one around you has any idea of what you are going through. It is great that you have interests that pull you through the day; it is important to have passions in life- things to look forward to. It also seems like your family and friends are good motivators for you to keep yourself healthy.

    It seems like a lot of what is going on is made worse by keeping it bottled up and not letting any of the people that are close to you know what is really going on. An option for you may be to try and talk to someone about the depression you feel. It may be beneficial to, at first, pick someone that you trust (someone you are close with, friend. Family member, or even a school counselor.) Sometimes a lot of what we need is to let our emotions go out into the open to let some weight off of our shoulders. Being open with your parents may even get rid of some of the stress that they put onto you.

    You mentioned that you have thoughts of suicide. It may help to call the National Suicide Hotline if you have these thoughts, or even if you just need someone to talk to about depression. You can also contact us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24/7. We hoped this helped and we hope to hear from you soon. Good luck.

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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