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My Girlfriend Needs To Get Out - New York

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  • My Girlfriend Needs To Get Out - New York

    I'm here out of desperation.

    My girlfriend (17) lives with her mother, who is verbally and emotionally abusive, relentlessly controlling, and incredibly demanding. She's very likely bipolar, psychotic, and/or delusional, but I don't know enough about mental health to diagnose her. She may also be physically abusive and/or withhold food and other necessities, but my gf hasn't explicitly told me of any recent incidents. My girlfriend only very recently moved in with her (she used to live on her own couch surfing after leaving her also abusive father) and I'm immensely worried for her. As time goes on she only gets worse and worse.

    Her only other family she's in touch with is her grandmother, who is sympathetic towards her but also does everything the mother says. No help there.

    I'm 19 years old, currently enrolled in a community college with a part time job, but I also work on my father's farm and mow a lot of lawns during the summer. I have a fairly substantial income for a college student still living at home. I live with my parents and am beginning to consider the possibility of her moving in with me to escape. I would do this for her regardless of whether or not we're still together. If she broke up with me I wouldn't kick her out, is what I'm saying.

    The problem is, her mother is the type of person who needs to be in control. I've tried looking up New York's laws regarding emancipation, but I'm really not finding anything that would help us figure out where to go from here. If my gf tried leaving, her mother would absolutely do everything she could to keep her.

    So - I need advice.

    Under the assumption that my family is willing to take her in, and she wants to, what are our legal options? I don't want her to run away illegally and be forced to return to an even worse situation. Waiting it out until graduation or until she hits 18 next December is looking worse and worse every day, though.

    I appreciate any help we can get.

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that things have been difficult for your girlifriend at home. She does not deserve to be abused but rather, deserves to be in a loving, supportive environment. It’s really great that she has someone that is concerned for her well-being and is willing to look out for her. If she is at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you and her to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to Child Protective Services. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 Child Help is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

    We’re not legal experts here so it is hard to say what your legal rights would be in this case. We could offer some referrals to some legal services but we would need to know your city and state. Please consider giving us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or talking with us through our chat option at

    Take care,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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