18 year old runaway

[ccsmod15]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are going through a very stressful time, and we are sorry to hear that. Stress can be a lot to handle at times, and you said you have contemplated hurting yourself- www.twloha.com is a great site full of resources. You mentioned you have dealt with this stress for quite some time, and are considering leaving. Given that you are 18 years old, you are legally an adult. This means that your mom could not file a runaway report if you left home. We are here to listen and can help you explore options. We are here to talk 24 hours a day at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

[Unregistered]

18 yr old runaway

I'm 18 yrs and a female. Im in a relationship with a guy who is the same age as me however we both have really complicated home lives that we both want to escape. I have really strict parents who only put me down and make me feel really low. I honestly just want a little bit of freedom. They put our relationship .. And he has been very good to me. I feel alone and I never wanted to leave as much as I do know. I have a job and I make decent money but I'm ready to break free. Please help

[ccsmod8]

RE: 18 yr old runaway

Hello –

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline on our public forum. We are here to listen to you and here to help in any way that we can. Hopefully by helping you through this, there are others that are reading through the thread that will find it helpful as well. Since you have stated that you guys both are the age of 18 years old you are both considered adults and are able to leave your house without parental permission.

But it sounds like you have been thinking about leaving from home for quite some time now. What would your overall plan be (i.e long term housing, transportation, financial stability, access to food/clothes, school, etc.)? Having a solid plan about what you are planning on doing it might be a good idea so that you can think about what is reasonably possible for you to do and want isn’t. If you don’t have a real resource to support yourself you can always look into a youth shelter or TLP program in your city and state. So what TLP does is it offers a comprehensive services to young people between the ages of 14 to 24 who are unstably housed or experiencing homelessness at their current time. They provide tools that youth need to thrive. Things like stable housing, employment and education opportunities, primary and mental health care, lasting connections with caring adults, and/or the skills to live a healthy and independent life. So that might be something that you can look into if there is on in your city or even in one of the surrounding cities nearby that you can easily get to.

Since you didn’t provide us with your location, one resource that you can use to find some adult shelters (18 +) and/or TLPs would be "Homeless Shelter Directory.” By accessing that website it will be able to show you all the adult shelters in your city and state (http://www.homelesshelterdirectory.org). Perhaps you can look through the list and pick which ones sound like a great fit for your needs.

If you give us a call on our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we could help you find resources in your area and could potentially help you brainstorm a possible solution to the issues you are having. We would love to talk to you about what has been going on recently that is making you want to leave home. We also have an online chat service available every day.

[Unregistered]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hi, I am 18 years old and live in California. Due to my tough family situation at home, I'm going to run away. I was wondering what documents should I take with me before I leave (ex. SSN, HS Diploma, ect.)?

[ccsmod1]

RE: Re: 18 year old runaway

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out. We are sorry to hear that your situation at home is tough, and it was smart for you to think ahead and contact us before leaving home. Since you are 18 you are considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful, and it is smart to think about what kind of documents you will need. The three main documents you will need for various purposes are your Social Security card, birth certificate, and state ID. Any other official documents or ID you can get would be good to take along (such as passport, green card, etc.) If possible, get a copy of your health insurance card if you have insurance. Other documentation depends on your future plans. You might want to look into what documentation is needed if you plan to enroll in college, such as medical records and tax or financial records. This is not a complete list, but should give you a good start thinking about what kinds of important documents you may eventually need. Moving is a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. We can help talk through all your options and help you make a plan to deal with your situation and stay safe. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.

[Unregistered]

I don't know what to do

I'm currently 17 but I will turn 18 in two months and I am completely in love with this guy but my parents don't approve of the relationship my childhood what's a mess because if their divorce and I just want to be happy what will happen if the day I turn 18 I disappear.

[ccsmod14]

Re: I don't know what to do

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you have found someone you really care about which is great to hear. Growing up in a household when divorce is happening can be very hard and it sounds like you are ready to get out of that environment.

We’re not here to tell anybody what they should or should not do, we’re just here to help keep you safe in what you decide is best for your situation. We’re not legal experts, but generally speaking if you leave before the age of a legal adult (18 in most states) then your legal guardian would have the right to make a runaway report. If a report is made, and the police find you they typically would just bring you back home. It sounds like you are thinking about leaving once you are 18 years of age, which likely is considered an adult in your area but to be absolutely sure, you can either call or local law enforcement or refer to this website here: http://sexetc.org/.

Sometimes, even as a technical legal adult, leaving at 18 can be difficult. It can be hard to become entirely financially, emotionally and mentally independent if you have not properly prepared. If you would like to talk through anything with a liner here at NRS confidentially, please do not hesitate to call or chat with us. We’re here to support you and help work through your options and develop a plan to help keep you safe and off the streets.

Best,
NRS

[Mak]

18 year old runaway

Hi, I am writing this bc I am confused about the situation I am in. My parents immigrated to the US when I was around 10. Now I am 18. Let me say that my parents, especially my father, is a very strict Muslim man that will never have his mind changed about something even if InBev him for it. He has been talking about marrying me off ever since I was probably 16. I think it's very young to be married at that age. I have convinced them to let me finish my studies at the age of 22 even tho I know I will never want to marry that young. I just wanted a little more time to distract them. My dad has been talking about moving back to his country after I finish my studies here bc he thinks the life there is more suited for him. Now let me say I hated that idea bc I am accustemed to the here and have already planned out how I want my life to go, where to work, what to do and basically how to run my own damn life. I do not want to go back. I told this to my parents and they still don't listen and tell me that I will finish my studies, go back to my country with them, find a job and get married. My country is a very traditional and sexist country where they think women should stay home and take care of their husband and have children while they've still young. I hate this idea so much. So I am thinking since I will be well into my early 20s when they take me, I will leave them and move to a different state to build my own life and finally file for citizenship which they were soooo against bc I think I am entitled to live the way I am want. Does this sound stupid? Also, there is no room to talk to my parents about this bc they are assholes who don't care about what I want.

[ccsmod0]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hello there,
It sounds like your parents are really set in their ways and they have a specific plan of how they want your life to go. It is amazing that you know what you want too. Having a plan for your education and your future is something that you can be proud of. It just goes to show how smart and independent you already are.
Being independent and knowing what you want you want does not sound stupid. You mentioned that once you are in your early 20’s you will move away to a different state. We would like you to know that as a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving is a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It is also helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can. If you feel comfortable you can give us a call anytime 1-800-RUNAWAY

[Unregistered]

Re: 18 year old runaway

so you can not provide advice , but you will validate any thing under the son. You will enable a wrong or right decision. and then not be there if the 18 yr old adult's life is ruined.
It probably is not your JOB.
Before helping this person to runaway from the safe haven of parent's house have you discussed with parents .What if this person is mentally unstable. Would you still enable.
Most of these are girls who want to do something irrational and want to move in with a guy or party around. Have you provided additional resources to them if
they get raped, abused or molested.
Have you enabled with the power to go back if they realize their mistake.
People like you make it difficult for families here to try to bring an individual back from a detour . You help them ruin their opportunities and squish their potentials
cause it doesn't serve your business.

[ccsmod9]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hello,

Thanks for providing your input.

Here at National Runaway Safeline, we do not enable or coerce. In fact, we stress that youth do only what they feel comfortable doing. We will not tell anyone what to do, but we will raise safety concerns and let someone know when they have come to a conclusion that might not be safe or factual. Whatever that youth’s decision ends up being is ultimately up to them and we’re there to make sure they do it in the safest way possible. If they get into a worse situation due to the decision made, we’re here to help them through that too.

NRS has provided non-judgmental, non-directive support for homeless, runaway and at-risk youth for over 40 years. It sounds like you or someone you know had an unpleasant experience. If you’d like to discuss this further, we’d love to hear your feedback on how to improve our services the best we can. We’re open 24/7 in our call center at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You raised some legitimate concerns and we’d be happy to talk to you about these concerns in more detail.

All the best,
NRS

[Guest]

I live with my mom with my two stepsisters and their very bad at treating me just because I have a different (dad) my mom always get strict with everything that I do every time I go to school she would always say "Go Home Straight, Don't Hang Out With Your Friends" she never ever let me hang with the people I wanna see. Sometimes she would physically abuse me if I do my chores wrong, I feel like Cinderella most of the time.. I'm currently 17yrs old, and will be turning 18 in 5 months. My mom doesn't know about me having a bf, me and him have known each other for such a long time were considered as high school sweethearts. His turning 18 this July 10 and his planning on taking me with him to Big Island which is a minute away from here in Oahu,Hawaii Him, and his dad have decided to let me live with them only when I'm 18 so In Nov, past my my birthday I'll have to Run away from them and go to the spot where we plan to leave. I've tried to talk to my mom and sisters nicely to treat me better but they would just ignore and I felt depressed and ignored all the time..so I decided that since I'm gonna be 18 soon, I wanna start living my life. your story truly gave me confident that I'm not alone.

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us. It sounds like the previous forum posts have been helpful to you, which is great to hear---that’s what we’re here for. We’re sorry to hear that you aren’t treated well and don’t feel heard at home. No one deserves to be abused. Your safety is important, and if you are in danger at home while you are still under 18 one option available is contacting CPS (Child Protective Services) and making an abuse report. If you would like to pursue that, we can assist in that process if you call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or you can contact Child Help, a national child abuse hotline, at 1-800-422-4453.

It sounds like you’ve really thought through your plans for the future and leaving home after you turn 18. It is great that you are making your own safety and happiness a priority. If you would like to discuss your plan in more detail or develop a backup plan, feel free to contact us by phone or on our live chat when open. We’re always here to help.

We wish you the best of luck,

NRS

[Guest]

I am 18 years old I live in New Mexico, my boyfriend lives in Oklahoma. I've been dying to see him, we've never met because my mom will not let me with her strict rules. I'm so very tempted to runaway and go see him. I tell myself I'm 18 I'm able to do whatever I want now. If I were to run away, turn off my phone and drive to see him can my parents put out and Amber alert or even contact the police im 18 so will it matter?

[ccsmod1]

Hello,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us for help. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. It is understandable that you would want to meet your boyfriend in person. Since you are 18 years old, you are considered a legal adult. This means you can choose where to live, and your mom can't legally stop you from going to see your boyfriend. Your mom no longer has any legal authority over you, but this also means she has no obligation to provide you with housing or financial support. You may want to consider whether you would be welcomed back home if you leave without your mom's consent. Your parents cannot put out an amber alert or report you as a runaway since you are 18. However, they could call the police and report you as a missing person if they don't know where you are. The police will probably not take a report if they know that you left on your own. For this reason, you may consider letting your parents know where you are going. It sounds like you plan to drive. If the car is in your own name and you own it, this should not be an issue, however if the car is in your parents' name, they could report the car stolen. It may also be a good idea to plan ahead and make sure you have enough money for your return trip in case things don't work out how you plan. Here at NRS, we often hear from youth who left home for an online relationship and ended up in crisis if things didn't work out as planned. It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend and are ready to meet him in person. It might be good to make sure he is expecting you and to know a timeline of how long you could stay there. If he lives with family, you may want to talk to them in person to make sure that you will be able to stay there. Having a plan B is always a good idea in case things don’t work out the way you think they will. If you need any resources or want to talk through your situation, don’t hesitate to give us a call. We can help you make a plan to deal with your situation and stay safe. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.

[Guest]

Hi, i'm 18 & I used to live alone to go to high school in another state, my parents provided everything of course, but even so I feel like I am much more responsible. I have a job now that I am on summer vacation & have been living wtith them again, even so they took away all the freedom I had when I was living alone, I have no social life thanks to them. I've had a boyfriend for 3 years now, & he live 9 hours away, I saved up money to go see him,and I tried having a civilized comversation with my parents about my going, & they just insulted me & said very mean & rde things. My dad said that if I were to leave to go visit him, to take all my things & never come back. I already packed, should I go? Oh by the way i'm on my way to navy bootcamp next month, so I feel like I deserve a little bit of freedom

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,
Thanks for reaching out to NRS. We appreciate you taking the time to explain a bit about your situation. We will try our best to help in any way we can. Unfortunately, we are non-directive at NRS so we’re unable to give out advice or tell you what to do. You’re the expert on your life.
It sounds like your parents have been making life really difficult, it’s understandable why you’d want to leave for a bit and take a break. It looks like you’re 18, in most states, you are considered an adult at 18. So you are legally able to go visit your boyfriend, or move out. We offer to call out to local police with youth to double check the laws, so if you call into our safe line we can do that with you. If you want help planning the move out, we can also help you do that and find resources that you think would help you get on your feet.
Again, our safeline is open 24/7 and we also have a chatting service via our website. Were here to help in any way we can!
Be well, NRS

[Guest]

hi, i just turned 19 and i think i need help. My parents are very strict and everything has to be their way. I guess i got used to living like this since this is how they raised me. They never let me talk to anybody because they think everyone is a bad influence. But i lied and snuck during high school and even cut school to hang out with friends. I fell in love during high school and i was with him for about a year but i dated him without my parents knowing because i am not allowed to date in my religion of Islam there is only arranged marriages. My parents found out about him because my dad saw me walking from school with some friends and two of them were boys, which were honestly just friends since middle school, ( I was only a sophomore in high school, I was 15) and he took me home and beat me. I had a black eye, a busted nose, and a busted lip and bruises. After that he didn't let me go to school i was only half way through my sophomore year so i didnt get to finish the second semester of 10th grade. When he took my phone my boyfriend had texted me because i was going to meet with him and my dad saw the text and he could't even look at me. He was disgusted by me. We ended up moving to a different state during the summer and my dad decided to give me a second chance by letting me finish my education but home schooled. I finished the rest of 10th, 11th, and 12th grade in about a little over a year since i had so much time on my hands from literally having no life. So my education became my life.I didn't get to have a graduation ceremony like i always wanted or go to a prom or senior trip. i begged my parents to let me go to college and i did all i could so that they wouldn't have to pay a penny. I got financial aid and scholarships and they agreed i could go. even tho i get to go to college I am still not allowed to hang or have friends. I can't even go somewhere on my own unless im with my mother or father. It's really embarrassing since im 19. I don't even have my drivers license because they are afraid i might go somewhere or get into a wreck. I see all the other people my age starting their life and having freedom and i want to taste that kind of freedom. I have 5 other siblings and one of them just turned 18 last week and he ran away. It breaks my heart that i will probably never see him again since me and him were so close. But in ways im jealous he doesnt get to live under my strict crazy parents anymore and he has freedom to start finally a life. my parents have done horrible things to me while growing up and it scarred me mentally. i cry all the time sometimes i cry without any reason what so ever. I just feel heartbroken and damaged like something is wrong with me. I have nightmares of my father and mother. I admit they scare me. I try to talk to them and tell them how i feel but they always think they are right because of the way they were raised. Because my brother ran away my parents want to send me and my other siblings to my country. But i dont want to go.In my country a girl my age must be married. I am the first girl in the family to actually go to college and i want to actually have a future that i want not what my parents want. I feel I already gave most of my life and I want the rest of my years to be mine i want control over my own life i want to make my own decisions. I always wanted to run away but i love my siblings. Im afraid if i go something will happen to them. I am the oldest and my siblings are very young. It's like i want to be selfish but i can't because i care about them too much. I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck like i can't do anything to make myself feel better just a little bit.

[ccsmod6]

Thank you for reaching out to us. Often just reaching out and tellng someone what's going on is the hardest part, so you've taken a big step forward in reaching out to us. It sounds like you're going through a very difficult situation, and feeling scared mentally and not knowing what to do, has to be incredbily difficult. Also it's never ok to hurt a child, and can only imagine how hard this must have been for you, and how hard it still is for you. It's understandale also that you are concerned about your younger siblings if you leave.

In terms of you leaving, given you are the age of majority, that is of course your option at any time, but very much understand your concern about leaving your siblings. In looking at the abuse, you didn't mention whether or not your siblings are being abused, but if they are, you have the option of calling the local abuse as well as calling Child Help, the National Child Abuse Reporting Hotline, 1-800-422-4453. Law enfourcement wants to always do what is best to keep a family together, but there priority is to always make sure the youth is safe. We could certainly talk through this with you as well if you would like to call into our crisis line, 1-800-786-2929. We are here 24/7 and here to listen and help. Another potential option is looking at an alternative living arrangement for your siblings. Some options could include other family members.

Given what you mentioned on the mental toll this has all taken on you, another option might be for you to talk to someone. All the crying and being scared of your parents has to be incredibly difficult for you. If you have financial concerns, there are options of people you can talk to without a heavy cost. Without knowing where you are, we can't provide the specific options, but if you call into us, we can certainly help with that. We also do have conference calling options also if you would like us to talk with you and your parents together.

Hopefully we've provided a few options for helping you, and thank you again for reaching out to us during this difficult time. We want to remind you also that we are here 24/7 at the number mentioned earlier. We're here to listen. Here to help. Best of luck.