18 year old runaway

[Guest]

Hello.. Well I'll start off with the fact that I am 18 years old and I live in California. I've lived here all my life and I'm under my parents authority 24\7. They are strict and I basically have no control over my life and not only that but I lack a social life because of how they are. I suppose they were raised differently because they were born in a different country (India) but it's just not fair how its going for me and I'm starting college after this summer is over and unfortunately it's a college right by here so I'd have to live at home still and have my life go exactlly the same with the same restrictions. Stressing out. Worrying. My dad is abusive mentally (not physically anymore). I just don't know what to do anymore and I have a way out to be with someone I absolutely love. I don't even care much about the freedom I just want to be with him and I know I will never be able to (seeing that I am not aloud to speak to guys, AT ALL). No matter when this happens, they will always disown. 10 years from now. 20 years from now. So I figure I should just start my life now, and for once do something for myself and for once be happy. He plans on coming here in 2 weeks to take me away to Texas. I'm wondering if theres anything that could happen to him by law or to me? Or if I'd be sent back home.. is there anything that could happen? Thank you.

[ccsmod1]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hi there. Thanks for taking the time to share a little about your life with us. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time staying at home with your family under their strict rules and restrictions. It’s probably so difficult to be living in a house where you don’t have the freedom to be who you want to be. You’ve made it a long way to get to this point! From what you wrote, it seems there is a way out of all of this; you just want to know of any legal implications to you leaving. Once you turn 18, you are a legal adult. This means that your parents no longer have any legal responsibility or rights over you. If you leave, no one can make you go home since you’re 18. This also means that the guy you leave with wouldn’t get into any legal trouble.

The only thing that your parents can do is file a missing person’s report. This just says that you’re an adult and they don’t know if you’re safe or not. All you generally have to do to get a missing person’s report off, is call the police (or go to a police station) and tell them you’re okay. You may also have to prove you’re the person with the missing person’s report. This isn’t anything that could get you into legal trouble. It’s just a tool that families can use when other family members go missing and they think there was some kind of foul play (hurt, kidnapped, etc).

Do you think you’d be safe with this guy? How do you know him? How do you plan on surviving once you leave your house? It’s important to really think through some of these things, since you wrote that going back home won’t be an option once you leave. Is there anything that could change about where you’re living now so that you don’t feel like you have to leave?

If you want to talk about any more of this in depth or need any resources (legal aid numbers, shelters, counselors, etc) in your area, give us a call. Our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY, is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We’d be more than happy to talk to you about any of this and help you in any way we can. Good luck with everything.

[Guest]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Thank you so much for your response, that really made me feel confident and less afraid, it really did. I definitely believe I will be safe with this guy and I also believe that I will be happier. I know him through friends and have been with him for almost 3 years. He has a house ready for us already and I feel secure and ready to start my life with him and once I get there I will start a job and he has money from working also.

I honestly believe there is no way out of this. Not only am i determined to be with this guy but I also have never been able to talk to my parents. When I try, it gets shot down. If I cry and show emotion, they look at me like I'm crazy. I feel so bad for leaving but I feel at this point it is my only option and if I don't leave now, I'm almost afraid I'll do something stupid in the near future.

[ccsmod1]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Well, it sounds like you've really thought this through and at this point you feel your best option is to leave. You mentioned you'll have a place to stay and money to live off of, especially if you're able to get a job too. We're so sorry to hear that you've never been able to talk to your parents and feel comfortable in your own home. Your happiness is important and it sounds like this guy will be able to lead you to a life of more freedom and ultimately happiness. It will probably be hard to leave your family behind, even with the pain they’ve caused you. Hopefully you’ll be able to work through this; maybe someday your family will surprise you and want you to be apart of their lives again. We wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out as planned. You have your whole life ahead of you!

[Unregistered]

18 runaway

Hello,
To start off i too am another 18 year old born and raised in California.All my life I've been going back and forth between my mother and father ever-since their divorce,being stuck in the middle having to deal with the different stories of my mother and father has taken a terrible toll, leaving emotional scars on my body and psychological health, but let me fast forward to the reason as to why i am here.During my freshman year in high-school i met the love of my life, we've been together for almost four years now. During my junior year he signed himself into the Navy and i haven't seen him since.To make the distance less bearable we wrote letters and emails to each other, but now it just isn't enough. Him not physically being here has made my love for him slowly fade. Awhile back i tried to break it off with him, but i couldn't knowing of the pain it would cause him.A couple months later he told me that once he was out of the service (3 years) he wanted to start living his own life with his own place.During the period of my loneliness i met someone, a 24 male who shared a house with his roommate. We would talk to each other everyday through phone,text and webcam; we had both fallen for each other.As time passed we both began talking about meeting each other face to face, we loved each other and had many things in common and the same dysfunctional family background.I told him about my past and how i wanted to get out of CA so badly. He told me he would send me a plane ticket after my second semester of college was over to come live with him, but sadly i broke it off.He was heartbroken and told me that we would've made it, and that he doesn't have the will to search for another again.And now all i do is think about him constantly.I feel as if i threw away my chance of freedom.I don't know what to do, all i know is that ii have a lot to think about before its too late.

[ccsmod6]

RE: 18 runaway

Hello

Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you have been through some challenging relationships in the past. We are sorry to hear about the emotional and psychological trauma you experienced while your parents were going through their divorce. It seems that the past two relationships you have been in have led you to do a lot of thinking and now you’re wondering if you have made a mistake with the last. It sounds you decided to call off your last relationship for reasons unknown to us. Do you still remain in contact with him? It seems that you want to make some kind of mends before it is too late. Have you thought about discussing your feelings and what you have been thinking about with him? Sometimes the conversations that you have to have are also the toughest. Expressing how you feel can be difficult and sometimes it does take time to gather your thoughts together before doing so.

It may be easier to discuss things more in depth through one of other forms of communication such as our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), available 24/7; via email at [email protected]; or through our Live Chat which is available between 4:30pm and 11:30 pm CST and can be accessed by visiting www.1800runaway.org and clicking on the red button.

We can understand that being able to locate support during tough times is an important component to being to process your thoughts and try to move forward. We would like to wish you the best of luck with everything. We also look forward to hearing from you.

~ NRS

[Unregistered]

18 runaway

I called off the relationship because 1.i'm just a kid compared to him what would his mother and friends think of me being with a full grown man 2. what if i don't met his expectations 3. what if all we do is end up fighting, if i get kicked out then id be stranded in the middle of nowhere with nothing 4. i was still the other guy because i was to scared to let him go (hurt him) but he didn't know about that 5.we broke up twice in the past, but we still both have feelings for each other, its because of the distance. After the second breakup we both apologized to each other . I can't talk to him about my feelings, it will be a trigger for him and me.Why trade one hell for another ya know.I think he still has feelings for me, he just bottles them up .I don't know what would be the better choice because my heart has feelings for both.Should i wait for three more years or leave after my second semester of college.My parents no nothing of the 24 year old.I'm a monster :"(. like mother like daughter.

[ccsmod0]

Re: 18 runaway

Hi,
Sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now about your past break-ups. Relationships can be very hard and making decisions involving them can be confusing and stressful. Unfortunately, we cannot make these decisions for you. Do you feel like it's possible that neither of them are right for you right now in your life? It can be very difficult to move forward after a break-up but do you think that having a bit of time just for yourself might help you figure out where you want your life to go right now?
We're very sorry that you're going through this struggle right now. You're not alone in all the confusing feelings it sounds like you're dealing with. Sometimes talking to people who have been through relationship issues before may help, or just having someone to bounce your thoughts off of. And as we mentioned before, seeing what the other people involved have to say; sometimes it will put you in a different place.
It sounds like what your parents have put you through has taken a real toll on you and continues to do so. If you would like to get some resources for counselors or any other resource we can try our best to do that for you. If you would like to talk more about your situation please reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through chat from 4:30-11:30 pm CST every day.
We really wish you luck in your situation,
NRS

[Unregistered]

18 runaway

I'm just afraid to let go of the guy who's in the service , because i don't know if it would be the right choice.Im scared to do it because its the longest relationship ive ever been in and im used to him since ive been with him so long.Either stay with the person whose been with for almost four years, but he's not physically here which is really really hard to deal with.Or runaway with a 24 year old who wants to be around me,wants to introduce me to his family and friends,wants to travel etc.

[ccsmod10]

18 year old runaway

Hello,

Thanks again for contacting us. Unfortunately we cannot give advice and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. However, we can offer you resources and help you explore options. Here at the National Runaway Switchboard we are here to listen without judgment and help you reach your own conclusions. It sounds like you are in a difficult position and have some decisions to make.

We would love to hear from you at 1-800-RUNAWAY or you can contact us at www.1800runaway.org by live chat, just click on the big red button in the corner from 4:30pm-11:30pm. Good luck and we look forward to hearing from you!

-NRS

[Unregistered]

18 & runaway

SO basically, my life at home is horrible. I've been feeling depressed and whenever things go wrong, my parents never listen. I've tried to talk to them but everything seems to get shut down and doesn't get anywhere. I know I want to runaway permanently, and I have money in my bank account that I can use. But my issue is I don't know where to go. I'm 18 years old and I know this is what I want, but I don't know where to start.

[ccsmod8]

re: 18 & runaway

Hi and thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline through our bulletin boards. It sounds like you have tried to talk with your parents about how you are feeling and that you’re not being heard. It can be hard to share what you are going through and not have a supportive response. Is there anyone else in your life that you can reach out to? You mention that you are 18 years old and want to runaway. Although we are not legal experts, in my places you are considered a legal adult at 18 and would be allowed to live apart from your parents. It seems like you are thinking ahead about how you would support yourself but are unsure of where you might live. If you want to contact us, we are available at 1-800-RUNAWAY 24 hours a day or through live chat from 4:30-11:30pm CST to help you. We would be glad to talk through some independent or transitional housing programs that might be available to you. Again, thanks for contacting us. We hope to hear from you,

-NRS

[Unregistered]

18 year old runaway

hi im 18 years of age and i want to move out i live in North little rock,Arkansas but my parents wont let me..ive been locked in my room,i cant leave to go anywhere i cant even hang with friends...my mom says that im not an adult yet and i have to listen to her..ive been abused [mentally and physically] i cant go on like this i always end up in the point of suicide..ive done suicide three times and survived i just dont know what to do anymore..

[ccsmod3]

Re: 18 year old runaway

Hello there,

We’re glad you decided to reach out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are having a really difficult time and do not feel as though you can leave home. We are not legal experts here, but most cities/states consider the legal age of adulthood as 18. To be sure, you could always contact your local law enforcement. Sometimes at 18, it is more about figuring out where you’ll live and how you will support yourself. We did find a housing resource in Little Rock called Vera Lloyd and it looks like they have a couple of different residential/housing/shelter programs. You can find more information on their website, http://www.veralloyd.org/programs.html.

If you find a way to leave your home, it sounds like there are other things going on too. We are sorry to hear you’ve been mentally and physically abused. You also mentioned that you’ve attempted suicide three times which sounds pretty serious. We would like you to know that we do take safety seriously and that you have a right to feel safe. If you begin to feel suicidal again, you do not have to deal with it alone, there is support out there. We are available for support and there is also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ is their website.

If you would like to continue talking about your situation and trying to come up with options, we encourage you to try contacting us directly whether through our Live Chat or by calling our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Live Chat is open everyday from 4:30 to 11:30pm CST and all you have to do is visit our homepage and click on the red “Live Chat” button. Or, we can be reached 24/7 by calling our hotline. Good luck!

-NRS

[Unregistered]

This explains my situation exactly. I'm 18 years old and my parents still control my life. They tell me who I can and can't be friends with. They tell me where I can go and for how long, but I can't go anywhere. They tell me how to act, dress, talk, think, and pretty much everything. My mother used to be physically abusive. Now she just says mean things to me like "you are not worth anything".
I am in love with someone and they tell me to forget about him because he is Muslim(that's me). I am in love with him and I know we will get married some day.
Before I even read this I had already decided to move out. I was going to go to the police to tell them that I will be safe and so that they already know what I'm doing if my parents call the cops. I will not be living with my love. I will be living with my best friend.
This really helped me to understand that what I am doing is right.