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  • should i stay or should i go?

    16 years old, I plan on graduating highschool as my parents wish, and as I want. I just can't take it here anymore, I have seen to much of my mothers lies over the oh 8 men I have seen her through since I was born. I am now the oldest of 4 (step-children) and am seen as the "bad influence" even though I've never been drunk, never done drugs ect. I don't get to go out often at all, I am being forced to move away i have not seen any of my friends in a month. my mom is verbally abusive. I've dealt with it for to long, I'm not happy. I am depressed.

    I can arrange a get away.
    the questions are...

    If I am a runaway, can I go to college before I am 18 or will they send me back home?
    Can I get housing before I am 18?

    I plan on leaving nad being in college by 16. I would like to be able to do this under my real name. I don't want to be sent back home if I go.
    That would be worst than anything.

    if you know the answers, input would be great!
    thank you!

  • #2
    Re: should i stay or should i go?

    Hello,

    Wow. Seems like you are going through a very intense situation right now and the support you are looking for doesn't seems to be at home. It also seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're trying to figure things out before you make any big decisions...very responsible of you. We're glad you decided to reach out and we'll try out best to answer your questions.

    As far as we know, the main thing that can happen if you leave home is that your guardian may call in a "runaway report" with the local police department. The only thing that can happen after that is if you are found with another adult or family, they can be held with charges of "harboring a runaway". Other than that, it'd be hard to say if a school would accept you or not. Do you think you'd be willing and able to call the school directly and see what (if any) input an adult would need to have for you to live/attend there?

    Seems like that covers it. Is there any way that your mother would understand and let you attend school? Doesn't seem like you would be asking for much. Is there someone else in your family/school that could speak with her and help you have her come to reason about college?

    If you need more help and are willing to call in, please fell free to utilize our hotline 24hrs a day. 1800 RUNAWAY

    Best of luck. We hope to hear from you soon.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: should i stay or should i go?

      Originally posted by ccsmod5
      Hello,

      Wow. Seems like you are going through a very intense situation right now and the support you are looking for doesn't seems to be at home. It also seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're trying to figure things out before you make any big decisions...very responsible of you. We're glad you decided to reach out and we'll try out best to answer your questions.

      As far as we know, the main thing that can happen if you leave home is that your guardian may call in a "runaway report" with the local police department. The only thing that can happen after that is if you are found with another adult or family, they can be held with charges of "harboring a runaway". Other than that, it'd be hard to say if a school would accept you or not. Do you think you'd be willing and able to call the school directly and see what (if any) input an adult would need to have for you to live/attend there?

      Seems like that covers it. Is there any way that your mother would understand and let you attend school? Doesn't seem like you would be asking for much. Is there someone else in your family/school that could speak with her and help you have her come to reason about college?

      If you need more help and are willing to call in, please fell free to utilize our hotline 24hrs a day. 1800 RUNAWAY

      Best of luck. We hope to hear from you soon.

      -NRS


      THANK YOU, so very much.

      I have a few more questions.
      Obviously, I don't want to be caught by my mother because...she is what I am running from. This is not some Oh my parents and I had a huge fight i want to run, this is something I have thought about for years, and calculated and planned.

      so more questions, I wanted to get legal emancipation, however my mother and my step-father are both lawyers and have...friends and high places per say. I know i could not obtain it, and it would only cause me more trouble to try. I am so controlled, I have not seen any friends in almost a month (outside of school). I am not your average run away, it appears I have a good life but my mother has metal health problems, and my (new) step-dad...I have recently found his character up to this point deceiving. He is extraordinarily controlling.

      The point is, i want to do this right where I could ensure myself the future I want. I don't want this to ruin me.

      1. If I lived with someone as a roommate, and they did NOT know that I am a runaway could they still be guilty of harboring me?

      2. What can I do about using my real name? if I am a runaway, I can't use my real name in fear of my whereabouts being found. I want to finish out school (should I not have my diploma before I run) , and go to college. But can I use my real name, I can't just admit i'm a runaway to someone...
      How can I be sure to maintain my education?

      I believe that is all for now, i might have more as i work this out.
      thank you so much.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: should i stay or should i go?

        Hello,

        So nice of you to get back to us so soon with more questions as you try to figure out what is the best way to deal with your own situation. We commend you for caring enough about your own issue to get the best out of it and trying to fight back against such powerful parents certainly takes a lot of courage. It doesn't matter what sort of connection or power your parents possess. The power to let you emancipate sometimes rest with them but it can also be decided by a judge in court. If the judge feel it is in your interest to live on your own, this can lead you to adjust to live as an adult right away. We are not saying that parents cannot use their own pull to redirect others to side with them but these matters are left to the courts to decide but it is often expected for your parents to sign off on certain documents and if they disagree, you can appeal in some cases if there is even a code for emancipation in your state. Let us know for use what state you are in, in order for us to tell you if this is the case or not. You certainly need to prove to the family or juvenile court that it is in your best interest to get emancipated, once you are able to prove that you are capable of maintaining your social and financial affairs. However, remaining in school is a key component to this and proving you have a plan for the future.

        We are glad to hear that you want to do this right to ensure a bright future and you do deserve one. It is not easy for us to know whether your roommate is likely to get into trouble if they are not aware of your situation. However, getting an apartment requires background checks, having credit, or for landlords to call previous people you rent with before. Is this going to be an issue for you? In the matter of them looking into your past and knowing you are a runaway, we are not sure whether they are going to have access to such info but it is best to find out from legal services or the police in this case. You are welcome to ask your local police these questions by calling them and not giving your name. Harboring a runaway comes down to whether an adult or their children willfully withhold info when your parents or the police inquire about you but to live and have your own place usually require having the rights of an adult through emancipation.

        In terms of using your real name, we are not sure whether people are going to have access to your records or do background checks in most cases but not using your real name and not having documents to back you up can sometimes not get you the help you need. We hear you on not trying to have people figure out who you are but we commend you for wanting to finish school although we cannot give you advice on whether you should finish it. We can only say that it helps in the long run to stay in school or get emancipated. You do have a right to an education even as a runaway but if you show up in school and your parents file a report with the police, they can get a call from school or the police can get you and take you home. However, if you manage to avoid the police or survive without getting caught, as you get to be 18, it tends to void most runaway reports but this is something you can find out with the local police. In terms of admitting you are runaway, we employ you to use your best judgment with telling people if you do not want them to know or if it is not necessary but there are limited places to go legally and rights you have in some cases when you are a runaway and not free to act as an adult. We hope that you find ways to stay strong and to remain inform and keep doing right by yourself until we hear from you again.

        -NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: should i stay or should i go?

          Originally posted by ccsmod8
          Hello,

          So nice of you to get back to us so soon with more questions as you try to figure out what is the best way to deal with your own situation. We commend you for caring enough about your own issue to get the best out of it and trying to fight back against such powerful parents certainly takes a lot of courage. It doesn't matter what sort of connection or power your parents have, the power to let you emancipate sometimes rest with them but it can also be decided by a judge in court, if the judge feel it is in your interest to live on your own. We are not saying that parents cannot use their own pull to redirect others to side with them but these matters are left to the courts to decide but it is often expected for your parents to sign off on certain documents and if they disagree, you can appeal in some cases if there is even a code for emancipation in your state. Let us know for use what state you are in, in order for us to tell you if this is the case or not. You certainly need to prove to the family or juvenile court that it is in your best interest to get emancipated, once you are able to prove that you are capable of maintaining your social and financial affairs. However, remaining in school is a key component to this and proving you have a plan for the future.

          We are glad to hear that you want to do this right to ensure a bright future and you do deserve one. It is not easy for us to know whether your roommate is likely to get into trouble if they are not aware of your situation. However, getting an apartment requires background checks, having credit, or for landlords to call previous people you rent with before. Is this going to be an issue for you? In the matter of them looking into your past and knowing you are a runaway, we are not sure whether they are going to have access to such info but it is best to find out from legal services or the police in this case. You are welcome to ask your local police these questions by calling them and not giving your name. Harboring a runaway comes down to whether an adult or their children willfully withhold info when your parents are the police inquire about you but we are not sure about a roommate exactly but to live and have your own place usually require having the rights of an adult through emancipation.

          In terms of using your real name, we are not sure whether people are going to have access to your records or do background checks in most cases but not using your real name and not having documents to back you up can sometimes not get you the help you need. We hear you on not trying to have people figure out who you are but we commend you for wanting to finish school although we cannot give you advice on whether you finish it. We can only say that it helps in the long run to stay in school or get emancipated. You do have a right to an education even as a runaway but if you show up in school and your parents file a report with the police, they can get a call from school or the police can get you and take you home. However, if you manage to avoid the police or survive without getting caught, as you get to be 18, it tends to void most runaway reports but this is something you can find out with the local police. In terms of admitting you are runaway, we employ you to use your best judgment with telling people if you do not want them to know or if it is not necessary but there are limited places to go legally and rights you have in some cases when you are a runaway and not free to act as an adult. We hope that you find ways to stay strong and to remain inform and keep doing right by yourself until we hear from you again.

          -NRS

          Once again, thank you so much for this information!

          I spent 2 hours today discussing emancipation with my school guidance counselor. After two hours of conferring and talking with legal aid, we do not think it is plausible that I can get emancipated. My mother would fight tooth and nail, as would her husband. My mother will not let me get a job, making it where I can not even file for emancipation. My communications are so closely monitored that I have to pull some technical genius to erase that i visit this site from my history.

          I can not get my transcripts transfered over to complete high school, because obviously contacting my old school would make them contact my parents and say where I am getting my transcript sent. (GAHH!) SO as of right now, my plan would be to get my GED (which I can pass, easily. I have tutored people that I have received their GED). And then start college as soon as I can possibly manage it, with my name. I will have to call police I suppose and ask what they think is best as far as applying under my real name. ect. I would go to community college for two years seeing as I would have to pay for it, and then get in state to where I am going.

          I am not staying in the same state as I am now, I am going...far away to say the least.


          as far as rooming. I plan to stay with a friend of a friend (who has no idea what is going on...none at all) just for a week, maybe two. I am welcome for as long as I need but I want to get on my own feet quickly. I am getting a job FIRST, and plan on looking in newspapers and online for a suitable roommate. Who obviously, already OWNS or rents the apartment on their own, and my name would not have to be on it? I would just give my portion of the rent to them.


          I also plan on purchasing a fake I.D. with my new name, to use for daily purposes. I will not have a need for a car, and can take public transportation, therefore a drivers license won't be necessary.

          I am not your typical runaway, I have a lot of things going for me. I would have many opportunities if I stayed, but I know personally I can not do that. I know I can not survive another year. I am headstrong, I am intelligent, and I'm going to be a doctor on day. I know this, I just need to get this part of my life completeled so I can move on to my hopes and dreams.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: should i stay or should i go?

            Thanks for updating us on your plans. It definitely sounds like you’ve thought through all the different scenarios and barriers you may encounter when you leave. We wish you luck with all your plans and hope things work out for you. You sound like you have some great hopes and dreams and the determination to reach them! Just remember we’re here 24/7 if you need anything, anytime. Our hotline is free from any pay phone and if you were to call, we’re completely confidential and anonymous. Best of Luck.
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: should i stay or should i go?

              okay, sooooo once again I am touching up on a few questions.

              hopefully by this time next week I will be headed to my new home! I'm scared, i'm excited.

              My question, is i am leaving the state my parents reside in. Is there anyway I could arrange getting emancipated from the state I will be in, and my location still remaining anonymous? or Is that wayyy to much to hope for?

              I am planning on calling my dad (who I believe will support my decision to run away merely because my mother is so controlling she won't even let me go live with him, even though he is stable and has a GOOD job) I'm hoping at that point he can either sue for custody, and let me get emancipated, or help me with the process. I know I will have his support.

              My mother, on the other hand I plan on messaging(?) in the beginning, and just telling her i am safe. Possibly a call to see how she feels about my emancipation. Other than that I will only have communications with my dad. I don't want my mother to be a part of my life.


              once again, I can't express my gratitude . This site (and the people who run and work it) are a god send.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: should i stay or should i go?

                We are glad you decided to post on this bulletin board again and continue our discussion on the practicality and pros/cons of leaving home. After reviewing all of the information you have shared with us over these last couple of days, it is obvious that you are determined to make a good life for yourself. Because your education and success in life is so important to you, we want to make sure that your plan will not end up hindering you in life. While we are certainly not here to try and dissuade you from doing what you feel like you need to do, we wonder if running away from home and assuming a new life “under the law” (with a fake ID etc.,) might keep you from attaining your goals. We would really like to talk to you over the phone so that we can help you to the best of our abilities. If you are able to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY we could have an honest conversation about your plan and we might be able to talk with you about things that you haven’t thought of yet. We really hope you call us before you leave home; but either way you can call us anytime just to talk or pass a message to your mother.

                -NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: should i stay or should i go?

                  once again thank you.


                  I can not call is one of the reasons I am leaving home. I am so closely monitored that i can't even get help, and my situation is getting worst. I am about to be moved to a new town where I know NO ONE. All communications (phone, net) will be gone. I have made up my mind.

                  I am not assuming a new identity per SAY. Just enough of one to get a job. I will also be working with my attorney to help me get fully emancipated. If I can not find a way to continue my schooling while I am under 18 and not emancipated then I will pursue it the moment i turn 18. At that point, my father would be willing to provide financials.

                  I will call, once I am gone.
                  defiantly.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: should i stay or should i go?

                    We'll be here when you're ready and able to call. Best of Luck.
                    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                    National Runaway Safeline
                    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                    Tell us what you think about your experience!
                    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                    Comment

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