Almost 18.

[Unregistered]

I'm not sure if this is a dumb question to ask since I'm so close but I am VERY curious. My mom left me for about 8 years with my grandpa for her boyfriend and living there was already pretty terrible. But, when I turned 16 my mom wanted to move so she took me along because her and her boyfriend broke up and she had no one to take care of my little sister. It started out okay we fought like usual but it wasn't a big deal at first. Then, she made me drop out of high school to take care of my sister and to clean. Basically I'm living like a housewife by force. My senior year I went to a credit retrieval high school and managed to get 5 credits in 3 months and graduated but I still was taking care of my sister. I went to night school for a few hours and even then my mom was furious that I was gone so long or working on my work at home rather than cleaning up or keeping up with my sister. Now to my mom's personality... my mom is a very, very angry and controlling person who will both mentally and physically attack you. If I don't clean or do something the perfect way she wants it she will throw a tantrum and call me horrible things and throw everything around the house (shes broken some of my items during these fits) and then make me say sorry and clean it. I don't really have friends, I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't even curse. I have my boyfriend and that's it. Yet she says I'm a horrible person and I'm stressing her out and slowly killing her. I'm really doing the best I can but I'm never good enough. Now for the question... I turn 18 in 2 days and 12 hours and my boyfriends parents, who are extremely sweet and helpful, offered me a spot in their home and I am going to take it. I wanted to know if I can leave tonight and not be reported at a runaway or if they can be charged with harboring a runaway since I'm not technically 18 yet. I'm in Las Vegas, Nevada if that helps with certain laws...

[ccsmod8]

RE: Almost 18

Hello there,

From what you have told us, it sounds like this is a very frustrating and a hard situation to be in. It sounds like from what you have written that your mom feels the needs to have this control over you. No one deserves to be treated like that. Especially when you’re at home; a place that is supposed to be a safe and loving place for you. You always have the right to report any abuse to your local police department or child protective service in your state. You have been an incredible sister to your sibling for taking care of her and still working on going to school. That’s an incredible achievement.

Here at the National Runaway Safeline we do want to stress that we are not legal experts so we can’t tell you what exactly would happen to someone that is two days away from 18 to leave home. In terms of harboring a youth, again it all depends on the state and what the laws are. There are some states that view those that are 17 years old to be adults and not even take runaway reports for them. In general though is it best to get into contact with your local non-emergency police number to get more of a solid answer to that question. If you do leave tonight without telling your mother, how do you think she would react to finding you gone? What would be your overall plan (i.e how long are you allowed to stay at your boyfriends house, transportation, financial stability, etc)?

Once again thank you for writing into the NRS, we are always here to listen and here to help you with everything we can. You can also call into our 24hour hotline (1.800.RUNAWAY) for a more immediate response, as well as connect you to some resources that we might have. If you aren’t too comfortable with calling the police yourself and would like some assistance with that as well you are welcome to call and we could set up a conference call between us. Another service that we offer here at the NRS is our chat room which is offered from 4:30pm to 11:30pm/CST (www.1800RUNAWAY.org). If you feel more comfortable with that opinion we are more than welcome to contact us through there.

Look forward to talking with you and best of luck.

[Unregistered]

almost 18

I was planning on leaving my mom a lengthy note that was supposed to be on my 18 but last night was the last straw and I can't wait anymore. I put my sister to bed and went to hang out with my aunt and my mom said my priority family is here and I need to stay here and she threw pots at me and was screaming in my face because of this. I don't want to call CPS because I would feel horrible for my little sister if she was taken away from her mother... my boyfriends parents said I can stay as long as I need to stay as long as I stay on the right track. They have their own business and they're going to let me work with them and make money there and I'm going to apply for FAFSA and they're going to help me the whole way through. His father said he's going to treat me like his own and get me on the right path to success. I can't tell my mom face to face because I know she will hurt me. I tried to move out when I was 15 with my dad (who is no longerrors in the picture) and she locked me in her room for 2 days and gave me bruises everywhere. Now that she knows she won't be in control of me soon I think she will do something terrible to me while she IS in control. I've seen people online telling others to "grow up" because they wanted to leave a note... that's my only option for her. Is that wrong of me?

[ccsmod10]

RE: almost 18

Hello,
We are so sorry to hear that. We can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. It sounds like you have a lot of conflicted emotions. We are not here to tell you what is right or wrong because ultimately you know what is right for you. Have you considered what you mom might do if you do leave? The National Runaway Safeline actually has a message service. Basically what that means is that a youth can leave a message with us, and we can relay that message to the youths parents as long as it's constructive. Then if the parents leave a message and the youth calls back, they can retrieve the message. We are anonymous and confidential, so we don't disclose any information to the parents, only what is in the message. If that is something that you would be interested in doing, you can call us, we are here 24 hours a day. Our number one goals is also to ensure that youth are safe, wherever they are. If you would like, we could also look for a transitional or independent living program if that is something that you would find helpful. You have taken a great step by reaching out to us and we are here to help you and support you in any way that we can.

If you would like, you can call our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Alternately, you can contact us via our live chat service which can be found on our website, www.1800runaway.org. The live chat service is open 4:00 pm- 11:30 PM CST. However, our hotline is open 24 hours a day. We look forward to hearing from you and wish you the best of luck.

- NRS