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16 year old living in an emotionally abusive house

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  • #31
    emotionally abused at home

    Hay the am 16 I used to leave with my mom but now I don't couse she choose her boyfriend over me she would say words tht are just not meant to be said nd I asked her to just find me new perants ....that all I want new family
    Please tell me what to do

    Comment


    • #32
      RE: emotionally abused at home

      Hello there –

      Thank you for reaching to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. We hope that by helping you on our public forum that others that might be in similar situations, can read through and find our reply helpful. Seems like your mother is acting pretty unfair towards you right now. Particularly since she is taking sides with her boyfriend rather than standing alongside you. It can be very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel with everything going on or even to know what steps you’re going to take next. Hopefully we can help you out a little.

      Now we are mostly here to provide support to those that call in and/or talk to us electronically, but we aren’t here to tell you what to do at any time. We are non-directive here so we cannot advise you one way or another and that’s because you know your situation a lot better than we do. Another thing is that there isn’t any way to just get a “new family” because you don’t like living with your current one. The only way that you will be removed from your mother custody legally and live somewhere else is if you were to report any abuse that was happening at home and there was an investigation or if you filed for emancipation (every state is different, but you have to be 16 years or older) or if there was a court decision to transfer custody to someone else. Those are the only three ways that you could legally leave home at 16. For transferring custody from one person to another isn’t that easy. They will have to go to family court, petition to be your legal guardian, and your parents would have to be willing to give up their own rights.

      Now we do offer a service that is basically a Conference Call where the parent, the youth, and us would be on the phone talking about what has been going on. This way there can be a mediator in between keeping things calm and productive. If you’d feel more comfortable with doing that, just know that it’s always available. It might be a great way to talk about how you feel betrayed that she chose her boyfriend over you. Certainly a way to open the lines of communication. If you give us a call on our 24/7 fully confidential hotline, at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) we could help answer some of those questions you have and could potentially help you brainstorm a solution to the issues you are having. We also have an online chat service available every night from 4:30-11:30PM CST that is available through our website (www.1800runaway.org) if you don’t feel like calling in to talk on the phone.
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

      Comment


      • #33
        Hey.
        so I am 16 years old and I live in washington. I've been trying to get away for years, but I have only contacted DCFS and the such. They did not help at all, they just dropped my case. Well that happened twice, and after 4 years of dealing with it, I finally want to get emancipated. But I dont know exactly what to do. I know I have to fill out a form and send it in but I dont have a job, and i dont have a license. My parent doesnt want to help me get those so i am not sure if they would reject my request or not. The parent has been physically abuse really bad to not at all off and on for my whole life, but has been emotionally abusive the whole time. My question is, would the court help me find a place to stay and a job and such while the emancipation is being filed? Because as soon as the parent finds out, shes going to either kick me out or seclude me from the internet, tv, and probably school too. Would they give me a place to stay until it is officially filed and done? And what if i cant give them my birth certificate? Also i have a step father that is only kind of in the picture, but he lives in texas. He doesnt have custody, but would that interfere with the process?
        im sorry i have so many questions. But thank you for helping. You dont know how happy i am that im getting help.

        -sage

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello,

          Here at NRS we are not legal experts, so we are unable to give legal advice and tell you exactly how the process works in your state. If you are considering emancipation, you would need to contact the courts directly to see if they can give you any information about what qualifies and what they consider to approve your case. It is unlikely that the courts would give you a place to stay until your case is decided, since courts often ask youth to prove that they can support themselves while being considered. You can contact your local office of children and family services for more help. Also you can reach out to Northwest Youth Services at 360-676-1022.

          Best of luck!

      • #34
        Hello. I also have an abusive mother and a father that can't understand how she is. Maybe it's me. I just don't know and this is the worst part. What even is physical or emotional abuse. I just don't know anymore.

        Comment


        • ccsmod1
          ccsmod1 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for getting in touch. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now at home. No one should be abused, and no one has the right to treat you that way. It sounds like you are not getting a lot of support from your father. Perhaps if there is another family member or friend you feel comfortable talking to, they would be able to offer some support when it comes to dealing with your mom. A counselor might also be a great idea, because they're there to help you and support you. Another thing you could think about doing is filing a child abuse report. Childhelp.org is a great website to find out more information on what abuse is (since you asked that question earlier!) and how you can go about filing a child abuse report. You can also call into their hotline at 1-800-422-4453. Also, if you would ever like to talk with us about your situation in more detail confidentially, we are here 24/7 by phone at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or by chat at www.1800runaway.org. Again, no one has the right to treat you that way. Thank you for reaching out.

      • #35
        If my dad says that he is Fina punch me in the jaw wen I don't see it coming can I leave and tell the police I don't want to go back

        Comment


        • ccsmod7
          ccsmod7 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello there, thanks for reaching out.

          That sounds really scary that your dad said he is going to punch you when you are not looking. No one deserves to be harmed or threatened like that. If you ever feel like you are in immediate danger you can always call 911. It is hard to say exactly what police response will be, especially with a threat like that. It might depend on when your dad said that and if they feel like you are in danger. They might get child protective services (CPS) involved to investigate. CPS could provide you all with a case worker or remove you if the abuse is found highly dangerous. To find out more about what an abuse report could look like your situation, you might contact the expert child advocates at Child Help 1-800-422-4453. Again, please call 911 if you feel like you are in danger.

          If you would like to talk more about your situation so we can provide support and possibly brainstorm some additional options with you, please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or live chat us so we can best help.

          Stay safe,

          NRS

      • #36
        I am 16 years old turning 17 next month. I don't really know where to start but even when I was a little girl I never liked being around my mother. I never had a real reason, just a feeling that I couldn't prove or explain. My mother and father went back and forth for 10 years trying to gain custody of my sisters and I ( only in it for the money, which I found out later on since they didn't want to work or have another job to pay child support) my mother would treat us so terrible or you can just tell she'd find any excuse to be away from us. But every time they fought for custody my mother won. my father gave up custody and just waited for him and my mother to split the money for the house we live in. My dad moved away 2 years ago and lived in Florida, never heard from him again. Then all my mother says to us is that she is our only hope so we better suck it up with all the rules she has. She publicly humiliates me in church every Saturday for not knowing the language and for what I like and things like that. If we don't go she hits us really bad and leaves us home. She cancels my service on my phone when I don't do exactly what she says. But she always had favored my older sister since day one, which is the worst child out of all of us. (I am the middle) she uses drugs, went missing for days and weeks at a time, left the state without telling anyone, got pregnant at 15,left her child alone in the dark, unemployed, bringing the baby to random guys houses and no one knows where she goes. My mom always is there to welcome her back home like she never left. I am a perfect student at school 90+ average and working and my mom always is there to tell me what I do is easy and I shouldn't complain about anything and since I have a big mouth with her she just assumes Im a terrible student. Then fakes it to everyone outside saying she knows I'm the perfect kid. So recently I got into a physical fight with my older sister (with a broken hand that my mother refused to take me to the hospital with for an entire week) and busted her lip and got her eyes swollen. My older sister had broken $3000+ worth of my things and has the nerve to send me videos and stuff. So while we were fighting a guy a was waiting outside for her and came in and punched me in the face and pulled my hair and she left with him (he's the drug dealer and also her pimp) Oh and she also sells all of our things online to make extra money. Plus her drug money is the her baby's child support money. So my mother behind my back goes to a hotel with my sister that she paid for. And I have a completely empty fridge and wearing thermal leggings in the summer but she somehow has the money to go to a hotel and not tell anyone. I found out through a friend of mine who follows my sister on Instagram. I called and blew up my moms phone asking where she was and no answer. So then I find out the same way that my mom paid for my sister and the baby to go live in Florida for 2 months with the cash she doesn't have or should I say "doesn't have" since she has no credit cards and me and my mom bond a little more with her gone. Police say I can get her arrested for what she did and all the damages and other things as well and my mom gathers up all the information and then chooses not to do anything with it. During this time my mom was warning my sister and my sister was threatening me to burn all the rest of my things and tells me to kill myself. And I know this is off topic for now but I have a 20 year old boyfriend ( yes I've gotten the lecture a million times I know I know and still choose to be with him so please respect my decision he is very good to me and supports me and honestly is what keeps me going in the morning I've thought about suicide and he just calms me down and is just such a down to earth person, believe it when people say one thing can save a live because he is always there for me, when everything fell apart, even me he held me tighter and that means the works to me since I don't have a lot of friends or any real ones but back to the story) my mom is okay with him but it's every time I do something. She doesn't like she threatens me with getting him arrested. My mother is the most negative woman on the earth, she sucks the life and happiness and hope out of you to the point where you blame yourself. He was pissed when my mom never did anything about the guy that hit me. He used to drop me off at my corner so my mom wouldn't know we hung out bc she only lets me see him once a week for like 6 hours so he would pick up his brothers from school and drive me home since I'm on the way and he never does that ever again and makes sure I get through the door before driving off. God bless him right? So perfect. But on Fourth of July he comes over and my mom pulls me assume to tell me she's bringing my sister back home and she's staying regardless and basically she doesn't care what happened before. So I left for the night with him and since I couldn't stay at his house bc she knew where his family lives we got a hotel, I was really upset but he always got me and supports me and is proud of me, someone to finally be there for me and people like that you must value in life. So my sister comes back and her and my mother are a team again here to take me down and make me feel like trash always. Things she does for my older sister she would never do out of her right mind for me. And now my mom cancels my service left and right even when I say something that she doesn't agree with. All she ever does is talk about me to other people and they look at me like why would you do this to your mom. But obviously my mom is a selective story teller. And ever since I started not to care everything feels a little easier especially since it's summer too. And now my mom side with my sister in every argument and everything is back to the same old. Selling our stuff. Dissapearing at night. Leaving the baby alone. It's just a disaster and my mom is just against my every move and every word I can't even say or do anything around her. I am depressed and I'm suffering alone, and what bothers me most is that I need my mother like by law I can't go to the doctors by myself I can't do anything by myself. I am alone and I'm so tired of being stepped on. I have no next move. Someone help me please

        Comment


        • ccsmod3
          ccsmod3 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello and thank you for reaching out on our forum. It sounds like you’ve been through far more than you deserve and we hope you realize you do not deserve to be abused or neglected in any way. Having your mom humiliate you in church, hit you, and not take you to the doctor after a fight with your sister are all things you do not deserve. You also do not deserve to deal with feeling depressed alone and it sounds like you’ve reached a breaking point. If you’d like to talk more about the times you’ve thought about suicide we are here to listen. There is also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

          We are not here to judge you or tell you what to do; however, we do care about your safety. It sounds like you are already aware of potential risks in having a boyfriend who is older and he is currently serving as your support network. Your main focus appears to be figuring out how to access help while acknowledging it can be difficult not having your parent/guardian on board. We are here to listen and provide support to the best of our ability. If you would like help reporting abuse or neglect we can help you through that process. There is also Child Help, https://www.childhelp.org/. Or, if you feel you can keep yourself safe through other options we can also discuss alternatives with you.

          We want to give you credit for publicly sharing such a difficult situation. You shared a lot and we hope you feel comfortable reaching out directly to continue discussing your situation. Despite everything you’ve been handed, it sounds like you are an incredibly strong and resilient person. We hope this response helps a little bit and look forward to you calling or chatting with us when you are able.

          Best of luck,
          NRS

      • #37
        im 17 turning 18 soon i do now know what is wrong with me but i have a stepdad who was with me for almost 8 years. He said stuff that made my grandmother cry and i heard all about it. He also shaved my sister's eyebrows and the teachers at her school almost reported this but my mom talked to the teachers. Ever since he came in our lives i have this fear that every time he is in a bad mood or whatever he will put it on us. I lack a lot of confidence to say out loud what i wanted to say and i also thought of doing suicide for couple of months now. I just moved to CA and i got homesick. I know my life is better here but i cannot stay with my stepdad any longer. Even in the smallest thing like when he couldnt find the nail cutter/clipper, he would yell at us and call us "idiots, stupid and etc. He also made us write a sentence but 10000x on bond papers, my sister wrote 150000x. I really cannot take this anymore please help and i need some advice of what to do when he is gonna be mad at us again, because i really am so tired of my life, i hate my life. please help dont know what to do anymore.

        Comment


        • ccsmod10
          ccsmod10 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hello, thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you are in a really tough situation. We are here to help.
          We are not legal experts but can speak in general terms. It is not illegal or a crime to run away without parental consent. It is called a status offense, which means you cannot do it because of your age. In Florida, you must be 18 to move out without parental consent. So if you do leave without your parents’ permission, they could file a runaway report which lets the police know you are gone. If the police do find you, you will likely be returned back home.
          Have you considered speaking with your parents about staying with your sister or another family member? If you have your parents’ permission, staying in a different home may be a possible option for you. We do offer conference calling if you think it would be beneficial to speak with your parents with NRS on the line too. We play the role of an advocate for you and act as a neutral third party. Sometimes having a third party can be helpful in stressful situations.
          You may have already done this, but you could consider speaking with your sister as well to confirm if she would be willing to have you live with her. Perhaps she could act as a mediator in a conversation with your parents too.
          Again, thank you so much for reaching out. You are smart to think of some different options for yourself. Please call us or live chat us on our website. We are here 24/7 to listen and help you.

      • #38
        Hey, I'm a 16 year old from Ohio and im verbally, emotionally and have been neglected.

        My father abandoned us when I was barely a year old. My mother is verbally and emotionally abusuve as she has also been physically abusive in the past. Depression and bipolar disorder both runs in my family. My mother had bipolar disorder and I have depression. I'm also a very passive person and my mother is an aggressive person and those don't mix well. I can't handel conflict and she knows this. She also calls me names and goes out of her way to make me feel worthless. I've thought about suicide many times I've also thought about cutting yet no matter how awful I feel I can't bring myself to do it, especially now that I have a sweet caring bf who is literally the only reason im still alive now, without him I probably wour be herw anymore... so yeah... I just don't know what to do anymore

        Comment


        • #39
          Reply: Hey, I'm a 16 year old from Ohio and im verbally, emotionally and have been neglected.


          Hello,
          Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

          We appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.
          Some situations can be disappointing and even upsetting thus making things uncertain about what to do or where to turn.
          It sounds like it has been a difficult road for you as you try to cope with your parental and personal issues. You don’t deserve to be abused and we hope that you know you are not at fault for how others behave.
          We understand and we want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We are also glad to hear that you have turned away from self- harm and it also sounds like you have the support of your boyfriend. Good for you.

          If you should have bouts with suicidal thoughts etc. contact the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
          NRS is here to listen and here to help.
          If you would like to speak more about your situation or explore options of help we can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance.

          If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
          Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org.

          Again tell us what it is you would like us to help you with and we will be happy to explore some options with you.
          We hope to hear from you soon.

          Take care,
          NRS
          Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

          National Runaway Safeline
          [email protected] (Crisis Email)
          1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

          Tell us what you think about your experience!
          https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

          Comment


          • #40
            I'm 23 years old, and I'm planning on running away from home if I don't get a housing residence assigned to me before I go back to school because my parents are emotionally abusive towards me and are trying to break me by pounding on my self-esteem and self-worth. I am planning on getting an internship for my senior year in college with the help of one of my professors in order to get a steady job at a theatre after I graduate. And I still live with my parents, so I feel trapped. I want to get away from them completely.

            Comment


            • #41
              Hello,

              Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you're going through some rough challenges at home with your family. Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. It's quite unfortunate that you are not feeling supported by your family and that they are putting you down instead of lifting you up.If you are in need of some help exploring options, we can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment (paid internships) if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can. Feeling trapped often is common for young people in similar situations as yours but those feelings generally will pass in time.

              Feel free to reach us by phone or chat if you would like more information.

              We wish you well,

              NRS
              Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

              National Runaway Safeline
              [email protected] (Crisis Email)
              1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
              Tell us what you think about your experience!
              https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

              Comment


              • #42
                Originally posted by Guest View Post
                I'm 23 years old, and I'm planning on running away from home if I don't get a housing residence assigned to me before I go back to school because my parents are emotionally abusive towards me and are trying to break me by pounding on my self-esteem and self-worth. I am planning on getting an internship for my senior year in college with the help of one of my professors in order to get a steady job at a theatre after I graduate. And I still live with my parents, so I feel trapped. I want to get away from them completely.
                Hello,

                Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you're going through some rough challenges at home with your family. Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. It's quite unfortunate that you are not feeling supported by your family and that they are putting you down instead of lifting you up.If you are in need of some help exploring options, we can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment (paid internships) if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can. Feeling trapped often is common for young people in similar situations as yours but those feelings generally will pass in time.

                Feel free to reach us by phone or chat if you would like more information.

                We wish you well,

                NRS
                Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                National Runaway Safeline
                [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
                Tell us what you think about your experience!
                https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                Comment


                • #43
                  15 from Michigan


                  I have no idea what to do..My mom is really crazy we have housing problems and she wants to move to the public park?!?! When we could stay where we are now and it's much better here and my mom and I don't get along at all...I get called all the names in the book by her and she also hits me from time to time...I have had suicidal thoughts and i don't want them to become actions...
                  Last edited by ccsmod4; 08-17-2017, 06:57 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #44
                    Reply: I have no idea what to do..

                    Hello,
                    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.
                    We appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems that you and your mother are in a situation of being homeless. Moving to a public park does sound unsafe and furthermore it sounds like you have been a victim of some physical abuse.
                    The situation has you so upset emotionally that you have had some thoughts of suicide. We are glad you reached out. Good for you.

                    Some situations can be frustrating and even upsetting thus making things uncertain about what to do or where to turn. We understand and we want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
                    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this.
                    You do not deserve to be hit or harmed in any way. This situation you are in is not your fault.

                    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

                    We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
                    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or www.1800Runaway.org.

                    Again tell us what it is you would like us to help you with and we will be happy to explore some options with you.
                    NRS is here to listen and here to help.

                    Take care,
                    NRS

                    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

                    National Runaway Safeline
                    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
                    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

                    Tell us what you think about your experience!
                    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

                    Comment


                    • #45
                      Hello I am 16 I’m going to be 17 in September 12 I can’t handle living with my grandparents no more they are always telling me that I am the one to blame for all the problems in the house that I’m the black sheep that I am a worthless person I already ran away from home because the same reason and I was happy with my boyfriend but they got me they send me to an orphanage and they went for me and said everything was going to change but it’s the same thing and it hurts
                      Last edited by ccsmod4; 08-23-2017, 01:30 AM.

                      Comment

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