not ready to tell my mom

[Guest]

hi,
i've been cutting and burning myself for a while now, and recently ive been overdosing on pills to make reality not as painful. i live with my mom in california and we constantly fight over stupid things. she's told me that im "aging" her and that i constantly bring dissappointment to the family. my parents are separated, but i still see my dad. but he calls me insulting names whenever he gets the chance. they say i havent matured since the sixth grade (im a freshman) and nothing about me is unique or special. last year, i told my parents i was lesbian, and ever since then, when i see a friend who just happens to be a girl, they say "oh, is that your girlfriend?" and they tease me about my sexuality constantly. it makes me feel stupid and unaccepted. i get called enough names at school. and when they call me names, it really proves to me that i truley dont have anywhere to go where i wont be judged. home life is a wreck, and i want OUT.
for the past few months i've isolated myself from activities with friends and any contact with anyone outside of school. my grades have dropped so bad that the dean is threatening to send me to a continuation school. ive dug myself a hole so deep that im not sure i can dig myself out. sometimes i just want to fall asleep and never wake up.

my half sister lives 3 miles away from me, and she has offered to take me in for a few months, just to get me back on my feet. she would drive me where i needed to go and feed me and everything. but knowing my parents, they absolutley forbid it. im thinking of going anyways. i want to tell them that if i stay any longer, ill end up killing myself. i want to tell them so bad, but i cant bring myself. and the only way they would let me go with my sister is if i told them what was going on. and then if i told them the truth, they would send me away (as they have tried to do before).
sometimes i want to die.
sometimes i want to run.
sometimes im not even sure if im alive.



please help.
& fast.
everyday it gets worse.

[ccsmod2]

Re: not ready to tell my mom

Thanks for contacting us here at NRS. It seems that there are a lot of things going on in your life right now that you feel as if you cannot handle. Most of it seems to be coming from the arguments between you and your mother. What are some of the things you and your mom would fight over? You mentioned that you have been cutting and burning yourself for a while. What is a while? Has anyone noticed or said anything to you about it? You also mentioned that you overdose on pills, where do you get the pills that you are taking and what kind of pills are they exactly? How do you feel normally after you cut, burn and take friends? It doesn't sound like your parents are very supportive of what it is that you make of your sexuality. They also don't sound very encouraging outside of that area based on the examples you mentioned. It isn't fair that you are teased at school and then come home to the same things.

It is normal for you to feel how you do and not want to do any extracurricular things with your friends. You say that you have dug yourself in a deep whole that you cannot get out of. What are some of the problems that makes it seem like you can get out of your situation?

Are you seriously thinking about suicide? Is this something you have thuoght more about and actually have a plan for? Have you talked to either of your parents about how you are feeling? What about going to counselor, is than an option for you,

We are glad to hear that you have at least one person to support you. Your sister must be really concerned about your well-being by offering you a place to live until get on your feet. You don't think that your mom would allow you to do this? You said your mom may try to send you away as she has done before. When was this and where exactly was she planning to send you?

Here are few resources we have to offer due to your situations
Safe Alternatives 1-800-DONTCUT. ww.selfnjury.com

National Suicide Hotline 1-800- 273-TALK

Also, if you can tell me what city and state that you are in, I can look up some more resources like counseling facilities in your area.

We am glad that you contacted us in an effort to get some help! How did you hear of us? Well, we are a 24 hour confidential youth hotline with tons of information that we can provide to you as resources. You may give us a call at anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY when you are ready to talk or you can reply back to this message. Good Luck from not on until we hear back from you.

[Guest]

Re: not ready to tell my mom

i live in mission viejo california, & im thinking of checking myself into a group home. i havent talked to my mom about it yet. but i think its the right thing to do at this point. i dont know what im capable of at this point, and i realize i need professional help.
can you please give me a list of local group homes?
(im a female)


thank you so much.

[ccsmod1]

Re: not ready to tell my mom

Thanks for posting back. It’s great that you feel like you’re ready to seek professional help. It takes a lot of strength to realize you’re too weak to do it on your own. There is absolutely help out there for you. As far as “group homes” go, they aren’t really places you can just check yourself into. Usually you have to be referred by other agencies or programs (like a therapist, the courts, social services, etc). One option is to go to any hospital and explain how you’re feeling and thinking about harming yourself. They will have to admit you for 72 hours and you’d be able to receive immediate care. From there, they would likely be able to help you come up with a long-term plan, and may even be able to find some residential home for you to go to. A lot of long-term programs may require you do this first anyways.

We did also find an organization in Orange County, which has mental health outpatient clinics that would very likely be able to assist you. Their clinic for children and youth is located at 25171 Moor Ave. They can be contacted at 949-770-0855. They do evaluation, therapy, crisis intervention, etc. They can also make referrals to hospitals and residential treatment. There’s also a Community Service Program, Inc-Youth Shelter in Santa Ana. Their number is 949-494-4311. They have 24 hour crisis intervention, shelter, residential program, therapy and information/referrals. They may have great resources to provide you in the area.

Also, that website we provide you with before, http://www.selfinjury.com, has a great list of other websites that offer support networks for people recovering from self-injury. This is something to just keep in mind for the future, after you get this immediate helping you’re looking for.

We’d be happy to talk to you more in depth about this, including your fears and apprehensions (if there are any). Also, you mentioned you haven’t told your mom yet. How do you think she’ll react? Do you have a plan of how you’re going to tell her? One thing we can help you with here is to do a conference call between you and your mom to help facilitate this conversation. The way it works is you would call us here, 1-800-RUNAWAY, talk to the liner that answers to phone a little about the situation and how you’re feeling. Then the liner would call your mom, explain we have her daughter on the other line that wanted to talk to her about something, see if she has time and is willing to talk, and then bring her into a three-way call. In the beginning of the call, we set up “rules” like no interrupting, listen to other person, no yelling, etc. Then you can start by talking to her about whatever you want to. She could respond, and so forth. The NRS liner’s role is to mediate, make sure that both are getting a chance to speak and help you come up with a plan that you’re both comfortable with. If this is something you’d like to do, give us a call anytime you think your mom would also be available. If you’re not sure about the conference call, that’s okay. You can call us to just talk and express your feelings. We’d be happy to also conference a call to local agencies (like the ones provide above) to see if they have the services you’re looking for. We know that sometimes it can be intimidating to call them on your own. We’re here to help in anyway we can.

Well, that’s a lot of different information above. Take this time to think through all the options and remember you know yourself best, so you can make the right decision for you. Just by writing on our website, you’ve shown your commitment and dedication for getting help. We encourage you to give someone a call, whether it’s us, another hotline or a local agency to find a professional to offer you assistance and guidance through this difficult time. Someone is always here, day or night.