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I cant think of anything other than running away

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  • I cant think of anything other than running away

    my life seems like a complete wreck. i'm 17 and'll be 18 this sunday, but that doesn't seem to matter to me since i still feel like a teenager. i cant cope with my mother, who i live with, anymore; not only is she a hypochondriac and a germaphobe, but she is overcritical, and often blames me for problems totally unrelated to me. she's always making me feel guilty and bad about myself in general, and this has largely contributed to my low-confidence and low self-esteem. and she can never accept any one else's opinion, especially mine. i hardly ever talk to her now because of that; i think and am usually right that whatever i say will not only be ignored but be used against me. no matter what i try to do, she doesn't change. i don't want to sound like a whiny teenager because i hardly ever complain, and i know my life could be much, much worse, but i know that my relationship with my mother is not a healthy one at all. the low confidence that her constant back-biting and ridiculing as well has instilled in me has affected my grades; i know i'm a smart kid yet i cant seem to keep up with my education. my friends see me as a different person, one without the same level of enthusiasm for life as i once had. and i'm afraid that if i were to get a job i'd only get fired due to my inability to think on my own two-feet and with confidence. the only other family members in my life are my father and my grandmother; my father's living conditions cant accomodate me and my staying with my grandmother would be too much of a burden, considering her old age and that she already takes constant care of my disabled uncle. i really have no where to go, and i wont lie and say that i havent considered suicide from time to time. i doubt that in the last year i havent thought about getting on a bus and heading somewhere far away at least once a day. i realize there's more to running away than just running away, but right now the urge to just leave far outweighs the reality that i'm sure to face. whatever advice you have to give, i'd extremely appreciate it.

  • #2
    Re: I cant think of anything other than running away

    Thanks for writing in. It sounds like you’re dealing with an extremely difficult situation. It seems that the relationship with you and your mother hasn’t been going well for quite some time. It also sounds like this has started to affect your grades at school and even your friends are noticing a change in you. It can’t be easy living in a situation where you feel constantly judged and are being put down. Nobody should ever have to go through that, especially in there own home. Now you mentioned that you are going to be 18 in less than a week. In most states the age of majority is 18, so if you did decide to leave there probably wouldn’t be the same consequences as if you were underage, and you wouldn’t necessarily be considered a runaway. It sounds like you have thought about this for some time and it’s understandable that you are thinking of leaving. You mentioned having thought of a couple of family options, but thinking that none of them would really work out. You did say that you could stay with your grandma but you are afraid of being a burden. What if you just stayed with your grandma until you got on your feet? Would you be able to get a job and save up some money in order to get your own place? Have you spoken with your grandma and heard what she thinks about the situation? Have you thought about what you want to do after you finish school? Are there any options that you have thought about? If you feel that isn’t an option, do you have any friends you might be able to stay with? Have you thought about looking into a transitional or independent living program? It’s understandable that you are feeling frustrated about this situation, but it also sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and really have an idea about what you want, it’s just figuring out how to get there. You did mention thinking about suicide at times. How often do you have suicidal thoughts? Have you ever tried to commit suicide? Have you spoken with anyone about these feelings you’ve had?
    It’s wonderful that you’ve felt comfortable opening up about what you have been going through. It’s definitely a difficult situation and it’s understandable how you’ve been feeling and that you’ve thought about leaving. Just to let you know if you want to talk more about your situation and want some help looking at all the options we are always here to help. You can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY anytime; there is someone here 24 hours a day. Even if you just want to call in and vent about the situation, we are here to listen. Also, if you do decide to leave or already have left and need to find a safe place to stay, we could always look up some resources for you. Best of luck with everything and give us a call anytime.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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