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**ccsmod8** · 02-03-2008, 11:09 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Switchboard about your situation. It is not fair to you that you are being verbally and/or emotionally abused by your parents. You certainly do not deserve any of what they are dishing out to you. The fact that your mother starves you is actually something that Child Protective Services could consider neglect. We are not in the position to define abuse but we are mandated reporters and are responsible for filing abuse reports/neglect if you were to offer us names, addresses, and numbers for your parents. However, we are confidential and never judge you in case you wanted to call us to vent about your situation or simply have someone listen to you. Are your parents station in NC for a bit longer or are you subject to go elsewhere in the future? You stated earlier that you have thought of suicide.

Do you have a plan for committing suicide? Being that you tried to commit suicide before, do you plan on trying to commit suicide again? Do you have a method that you thought about and will you use the same method the next time, or have you chosen a new one? How do you feel about the fact that you tried to commit suicide? How do you feel about your parents (or other significant people in your life?) How long have you been thinking about suicide? Do you know anyone who has committed suicide? Have you ever tried to get help before and would you consider getting help now? Is there someone in your life who provides you with support? What do you expect death to be like? When you look ahead to your future, what do you see? Have you been feeling depressed? For how long? Do you really want to die? We ask these questions as a way for you to start thinking about other ways to find time away from home more or get into doing something that you enjoy or even distract you from some of your thoughts.

The fact that your parents hit you in the past is not okay. It is illegal and we can file or you can call Child Protective Services if you feel comfortable to file a report also. However, it could mean that you are not ready and that is normal. In the mean time, is there a way you can talk to your parents to get you to stay with friends with their permission? If not, do you plan on staying permanently and what is your plan for that? Do you have money saved up and what you expect life to be like if you were to leave home?

In terms of emancipation, North Carolina has it that a juvenile who is 16 or older may petition a court in the county in which he/she resides for emancipation. Some of the things that the court considers are the parental need for the juvenile's earnings, the juvenile's ability to support himself/herself, the stability of the juvenile's living arrangements, and parental supervision and support. If the court grants emancipation, the juvenile has the same ability as an adult in areas such as contract and business. A juvenile may also become emancipated upon marriage. The decree of emancipation is irrevocable.

The last thing to remembe is that is it not a crime to runaway but you do get a status as a runaway with the police if your parents file a runaway report. The cops are supposed to return you home if you are caught. The issue with filing a report is that it allows your parents also file charges against anyone harboring you. We hope that some of what we wrote can be helpful to you as you are figuring out your next best move. Until we meet again, please find ways to stay empowered and remain safe. Good luck.

-NRS

**Guest** · 02-09-2008, 06:06 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Thank you for your response.

Are your parents station in NC for a bit longer or are you subject to go elsewhere in the future?
We will be stationed in NC most likely for two more years.

Do you have a plan for committing suicide?
Being that you tried to commit suicide before, do you plan on trying to commit suicide again?
Do you have a method that you thought about and will you use the same method the next time, or have you chosen a new one?
How do you feel about the fact that you tried to commit suicide?
How long have you been thinking about suicide?
Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

I have been so beat down in the past that I was suicidal for a long time, but as I said, I was stopped by a friend who I was very close to.
We have been out of contact for two years now, and I will admit I still miss him even though he said some cruel things right before I moved to NC.
I do not have a specific plan for trying to commit suicide again, but it has crossed my mind several times as a solution to my problems.
I am trying to hold out in hope that things will get better, that is basically the only thing keeping me alive right now.
I believe I received my first suicidal thoughts in the fifth grade; that should tell you something right there.
Not many fifth graders are out there wanting to kill themselves.
I do not know anyone who has commited suicide.

How do you feel about your parents (or other significant people in your life?)
I do not feel any love for my parents.
They are just there.
But I doubt they love me, either.
To them, my life is "worthless".
I do believe I am mentally sick because of them.
My father once told me to walk across a bridge that was very busy with cars going across at a significant speed.
I was afraid, he told me he didn't care.
At that moment I wanted to push him into the cars.
Sometimes I still wish I did.
[I was forced to walk across in the end, though, and almost got hit myself.]

Have you ever tried to get help before and would you consider getting help now?
I want to be helped, but I don't want to be helped.
I don't like change, I like things to remain familiar.
I have gone to a few school counselors before; they were no help at all.
They got me into even more trouble in fact, by calling my home and telling my parents what I had told them.
I basically don't trust telling anyone anymore because of that.
Not to mention most school counselors are looney.

Is there someone in your life who provides you with support?
No.
I have friends, but I do not tell them the details of my family.

When you look ahead to your future, what do you see?
I wonder if I'll make it to adulthood, and I wonder if I do if I'll be totally sane.
I am looking into colleges that help me graduate high school early so that I can get out as soon as I can.
I want to work overseas and be as far away as possible from my parents.

Have you been feeling depressed?
For how long?
Yes. Since the fifth grade.

Do you really want to die?
I am not wishing death upon myself at the moment, but if it did come, it would be a relief.

In the mean time, is there a way you can talk to your parents to get you to stay with friends with their permission?
No.
I have tried asking to move out for a while and they won't let me.
They have some strange idea that everyone must think our family is perfect, so if I do anything slightly abnormal they go hysterical.

If not, do you plan on staying permanently and what is your plan for that?
Staying at my friend's house permanently or my parent's?
If I could, I'd like to move in with my friend until I am capable of supporting myself.
I do not want to live with my parents that long.

Do you have money saved up and what you expect life to be like if you were to leave home?
I began saving money to move out when I was twelve.
My parents began stealing from what I had saved.
Though most of the stealing has stopped, I do notice some of my money missing occasionally, and it is never replaced.
I have tried hiding it, but they tear my room apart to find it again.

I do not have some fantasy paradise life planned for when I leave home.
I do not expect it to be easy, but I do believe it will be better for me.

********************

I tend to over-analyze things, which has kept me home.
I look ahead.
I know that if I was to leave, I would have to come back home eventually.
And I know that when I did come back it wouldn't be good.
They would be furious that I left, not worried.
Their punishment is often extreme.
Once I went out with my friends, and we were going to go to the mall but went to a movie instead.
I felt guilty [I always feel guilty when I don't do exactly what I told my parents I would do, they have raised me this way], so I told my mother we went to a movie instead the next day.
She went crazy.
I was to come home directly after school each day, straight to my room.
She broke off all of my contact with the outside world, and ruined many of my friendships.
I lived in my bedroom for three weeks.
I believe I should also mention that the lock on my door is turned around so that my parents can lock me in my room, but I can't lock them out, do to an incident that happened a few months ago.

I will probably describe this incident to you later, but I am not up for talking about it at this moment.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you for reaching out to me.

**ccsmod7** · 02-09-2008, 09:16 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Thanks for writing us again. The situations that you are describing are not easy by any means. The fact that you feel comfortable opening up about this is really wonderful and you should feel very proud of yourself. It sounds like you have been feeling depressed, and at times suicidal, for quite some time now. Dealing with feelings like that is never easy, especially since it seems you are not getting the support you need from your family. It’s understandable that you feel apathetic towards your parents; especially if that is the way you are being treated by them. Nobody deserves to be yelled at or put down, especially by people who should be there to pull you up and make you feel better.

The one thing that you wrote that was so amazing, is when you said you are trying to “hold out in hope.” Hope can be a miraculous thing and it sounds like you have hope and aspirations for the future. You spoke about collage and wanting to work overseas. Both of those ambitions are great things to strive for, and although it may not seem like it now, can be very much attainable.
You mentioned wanting help, but not wanting it at the same time. It’s understandable that you feel apprehensive, and like you said change isn’t always an easy thing, but sometimes change can be a wonderful thing as well. You mentioned liking the familiar, but at this time it seems the familiar is not making you happy right now

When you wrote about leaving home, you mentioned not having grand ideas of having a “fantasy paradise life.” At this point it seems that it not about finding perfection or “normalcy”, but finding what is going to make you happy with where you are and what you want to do. Nothing is ever perfect, and who even knows what “normal” is. Those words tend to be different for every person; it’s more about finding what you want and what works for you.

At this point perhaps thinking about what’s going to help you cope with the situation at hand is the best thing to think of. As you have expressed, things at home are not the best. But you always talked about dreams and aspirations and those are important things to think about. You mentioned trying to speak with school counselors before and them not being of much help. Just to let you know if you do need to talk with someone, even just to vent, you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline, so whoever you speak with on the phone, your conversation is strictly between you and that person. There is also someone here 24 hours a day to help in anyway. Also if you feel like you are ready to open up to someone face to face and you want us to look up any counseling resources in your area we could do that as well. There are people out there to help; you don’t have to deal with these situations alone. Even though you may not feel it at times, you sound like an extremely strong person and want to work towards the future. If you ever feel like you need to talk, don’t hesitate to call.

**Guest** · 03-19-2008, 03:03 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

It's been a while.

I called Child Protective Services, they were not helpful at all.
I told them about my physical and emotional abuse.
Though they wanted to do an investigation, they said they would have to question my parents.
I do not want to be with my parents after the questioning is over, and made that clear, but they said that they could not remove me from their custody.

I tried reporting my abuse before to a school councelor.
She told my mother, and I was punished.
My mother was outraged.
However, she is a very sly woman, and she managed to sweet-talk the councelor into thinking that I had been lying.

So, I could call for an investigation, but I would be hurt in the end.
I don't really know what to do.

**ccsmod8** · 03-19-2008, 08:04 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us again and we are pleased that you have entrusted us with offering you some support from time to time. Since your last response, it has really dawned on us how much you have suffered from this situation at home and imagine that the little hope you have left must come from your resiliency. We assure you that we do not want for you to get hurt since it is never certain what the outcome of filing an abuse report is going to be. We do not want you to end up in a worse situation than you are already in. We just want to let you know that it is still available as an option because you deserve better. However, we simply want to give you some emotional support and this can best serve you to vent a little to someone who is going to appreciate what you are going through. You are welcomed to call us at our 1800RUNAWAY number, anywhere you happen to be. You are the only person who is capable of knowing what needs to change and if you cannot rely on your parents right now, you at least have a place to call for help. We are confidential and we never judge you.

When you say you do not know what to do, we imagine that this is because you are lost, frustrated and confused but it doesn't mean you do not know what you hope for yourself and the life you no longer want to be apart of. We want you to know that we empathize with you and that this life is not one that most people can survive through but we know that you are a survivor. We appreciate you bravery in taking the time to reach out and we certainly commend you for caring and putting yourself first. It is hard for us to know for sure how we can help but if there was one thing we can do, please let us know. We are here 24 hours a day for you and want to find you resources to get started on realizing a better life for yourself. We are optimistic by saying that you are indeed an intelligent human being and it is going to be a shame if all your talents gets wasted. There got to be a way out for you but we need to know what steps we can start to get you to a better and safer place. Although you are not sure now, it doesn't mean that this won't change later. Please take this time to consider some of the options we stated above and we hope that by keeping our communication open, that something might change for you. Good luck.

-NRS

**Guest** · 04-18-2008, 01:15 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

HI...i AM 15 AND i LIVE IN NC TOO .... my dad is extremley religous and controls every aspect of my life.....I was raped by one of my "friends" and he has blamed me ever since....he calls me a slut and a whore and constintly locks me in my room.....he tells me I am fat and stupid and I'll turn out just like my mom who is a drug addict.....all I want is out......maybe we could contact each other if you want and make plans....I hate how we can't be helped for emotional abuse and only for physical.....then when we tell people or try to leave our parents get even madder and we're forced to go back home where everything is even worse than before.....they should make laws on emotional abuse but since there aren't any I'm just going to leave.....

**ccsmod7** · 04-18-2008, 05:53 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Thanks so much for writing in and sharing your story. It sounds like your dealing with an extremely difficult situation as well and that it has been going on for some time now. We are sorry to hear that you have had to deal with all of this. Nobody deserves to be called names or feel unsafe and hurt in there home. You mentioned before that you had been raped by one of your “friends.” How long ago did this happen? Was the incidence ever reported? If it hasn’t been, have you ever thought about doing so? You have every right to report what happened and try and get help. It seems that most of the emotional abuse stems from the relationship with your dad. Do you live with only your dad? Is there anyone else in the household that knows what’s going on? Have you ever talked with anyone else about the situation? A friend, teacher, or counselor? It is frustrating that often times Child Protective Services (CPS) doesn’t take emotional abuse as severely as physical or sexual abuse, especially because emotional abuse can be just as scaring and horrible. Have you ever talked with a CPS worker or made an official report? Do you think that would ever be an option?

It takes a lot of courage to talk about this kind of situation and you should be very proud of yourself for opening up in this forum. Just so you know if you ever need someone to listen, you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day. Obviously making a report is something you might not want to do at this time, but if you ever do decide that you want to look into making a report with CPS, we can help with that and be there to support your cause. We are also here just to listen if that’s what would help. Best of luck with everything and take care.

**Guest** · 04-22-2008, 12:07 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Well if i were to make an official report than they would just look into it and my dad would find out and i'd be in more trouble than before.....i live with my dad and step mom and 6 siblings.....the guy who raped me died a few months ago and the rape happened back in August.....i've done alot of research and if i leave the police are just going to bring me back....there isn't anything thing to do......

**ccsmod5** · 04-22-2008, 03:19 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Hello,

If you make a report, Social Services has to (by law) talk to both you and the person being accused of the abuse. But as you stated, sometimes it can be hard to be in the same home when the person finds out that they just had social services called on them. Is there a place where you can go and stay for a day or so to try and be safe?

If you do runaway, the police will essentially bring you back but do you think you can work it out and try and stay with a relative or friend that your family is okay with you staying? Are there other ways that you can think of to try and avoid your father if you do decide to make the report?

-NRS

**Guest** · 04-24-2008, 10:09 AM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Well the state wouldn't allow me to live with my mom because she is jobless and lives off welfare.....my dad would figure out where i was to easily and id be dragged back home....then things would be worse so why leave unless i leave the country or go somewhere i can't be found

**ccsmod6** · 04-24-2008, 01:14 PM

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Thank you for continuing this dialogue. From what you have shared so far, it seems as though things must be really hard for you at home with your father. You certainly don’t deserve to be called names or locked in a room. And you definitely do not deserve to be punished for being raped. You must be incredibly strong to have been dealing with all of this. How have you been coping? Are there any activities or hobbies that you enjoy that you are able to find some emotional release in? Is there anything that has helped you feel better, even if it was just for a while?

You mentioned that you were raped in August and since then your dad has been emotionally abusive towards you. How was your relationship with your father before you were raped? How long do you feel as though he has been emotionally abusive towards you? Also, I’m wondering how the rest of your family feels about the way your father treats you and if he treats them in a similar manner. You shared that you have six siblings and stepmother. How is your relationship with them? Do you get along with your stepmom or any of your brothers or sisters? Have any of them been helpful or supportive? Do you feel as though you could talk to any of them or go to them for help if you needed? Everyone needs someone to talk to—especially when dealing with an unsafe home situation and being raped. If your family members aren’t an option, is there anyone else in your life you feel like you could talk to? As we said before, you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day. Sometimes it can help to just have someone that will listen, but we could also help you come up with options and a plan that you feel comfortable with.

It is understandable that you do not want to make a report with CPS about how your father treats you and we would certainly never force you into that. Did you ever file a report about being raped? From what you have said, it sounds as though your family knows about the attack. Was any sort or counseling or therapy ever brought up as an option? Do you think your father or stepmother would ever agree to this? If you are interested in going to a counselor, we could help find a place in your area. Or, you could call the Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-4673. This number will automatically route you to the nearest rape crisis center and someone there could talk with you more specifically about the services that may be available to you as a minor (and what you can and cannot do if you do not have your parent’s consent to seek professional counseling). If you don’t feel comfortable calling RAINN, you could also visit their website. They actually have an anonymous on-line hotline where you can talk with trained individuals. You can find that at http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national- ... ne-hotline. Hopefully, if you would like to talk to someone about being raped one of these options will work out.

You said in your first post that “all I want is out” but that you feel as though if you do leave home the police will just bring you right back and things might be worse for you then. Do you still feel like you want to leave home? Have you thought about where you might go or how you might survive? What do you think you would bring with you? If you did leave, is there anyone that you would want to keep in touch with? Would you still want to attend school? Where would you live? If you do choose to leave home, we could help you find a safe place to go. But, it is important that you know that most shelters would need to notify your legal guardian where you were and some would need their permission to let you stay there. Also, shelter workers are mandated reporters. That means that they would have to file a report with CPS about any abuse in the home. Usually, however, they usually won’t make you return to an unsafe place. I can understand why you might feel as though you have no options or that you are afraid to try and change your home situation as it might just get worse. Are there any steps you might be willing to take? I hope that the strength that has upheld you so far, continues to help you make it through this.

Good luck,
NRS

**Unregistered** · 07-16-2015, 08:04 AM

15- and 16- year old with dilemma

Hi there. I am 15 years old, and my stepsister is 16. We have been siblings as far as I can remember. My dad and her mom are married, and we have a sister that we share. I went to Mexico to visit my mom in June for my birthday and found out my dad was staying at an unrelated woman's house the whole time. Not only that, my stepsister found a letter back home (we live in NC) from that woman BEFORE the trip, with a picture. The letter was basically saying how much she missed him and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. I met the woman in Mexico. Later, me and my stepsister did research on my dad, and found out he blocked me and my stepmom from Facebook because he posted, "Hola amor!!" (Hello, love!!) and tagged the woman in his post. And then she greeted him back, "Hola amor!" We told my stepmom, and she kicked my dad out of the house. But a week later, she told us she was going to forgive him!! So my dad has become even more emotionally abusive to me and my stepsister! We have been thinking about running away or something, but we have no one to go to in this state and no money. Help us, please??

**ccsmod1** · 07-16-2015, 10:11 AM

RE:15- and 16- year old with dilemma

Hello-
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you and your sister are going through a rough time at home and are very frustrated with your dad. Nobody deserves to be abused, and it is hard to deal with parents having relationship problems. We are glad you contacted us and we are here to help you in any way we can.
You mentioned you were considering running away, but are worried about where to stay and how to survive. It is great you are thinking about these things to make sure both you and your sister are safe. If running away is an option you chose, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we can discuss with you a plan you can make to make sure that you remain safe. You can also try nationalsafeplace.org. On this website you can search safe places in your area that you and your sister can go to get away for a few days, if that is something you decide you want to do. Just to let you know, because you and your sister are under the age of 18, if you runaway and your dad or stepmom report you missing, then can ask the police to try and find you and bring you home. We just want to make sure you are aware of what could happen if you do decide to runaway.
You also mentioned that your dad has been emotionally abusive. Do you have anyone that you trust that you can talk to about this? Sometimes it helps to talk to friends or family about what is going on at home. Another option would be to talk to your school counselor about what is going on at home, and they can help you better understand the situation and your feelings.
We encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We can provide you with support and help you think of a plan to get through this issue. Over the phone we can ask you questions and get a better idea of what is going on. We are a 24/7, confidential and anonymous hotline. We are also available on live chat from 4:30-11:30 pm central standard time at 1800runaway.org. We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.

**Guest** · 05-30-2017, 03:16 PM

If your parents abuse you and threaten to kill you like mine has I believe your a loud to leave I am consider a "runaway" I have run away 2 times in 2015 and 2017 I asked my cop if I could move out at 16 he said yes you can as long as you let your parent know where you are at they can call the cops but they can not bring you back (some ppl say they can bring you back only 3 or 2 times the. They are done chasing you) but if your parents are beating on you and ******** tell a cop record him or her verbal abusing you and abusing you then you have evudnece a cop can not bring you home if you feel unsafe there and if you have evidence of what your parents do to make you feel unsafe you get to stay where you are

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15 year old in north carolina.

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