15 year old in north carolina.

[ccsmod10]

Thank you for telling us your story. It can be difficult telling others what has happened to you and you have shown great strength reaching out. We want you to know that no one deserves to be abused, and you should not have to go through that. If you haven’t already, you could consider reporting the abuse you have experienced. You can do this anonymously if you are concerned about your grandpa finding out. If you want more information about abuse reporting or if you want to file a report, you could call Child Help at 1-800-422-4453.

If you don’t feel safe and feel like you need to get away Nationalsafeplace.org provides a safe location for you to meet a staff member who can take you to a designated place where you can discuss all options about how to stay safe. You can text 44357 the word “safe,” and your location to find a safe location in your area. Once you arrive let someone who works there know you need help connecting with a staff member.
Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do. We’re not legal experts here at NRS. Generally it’s not illegal to leave home, but your guardians could file a runaway report, the police could get involved, and they could bring you home. If you want to go stay with your mom and she does not have full custody of you she could potentially get in trouble for harboring a runaway if your guardian files a report. You could consider calling your local non-emergency police department to ask about their policies. We also have legal aid resources here if you have specific questions about the laws in your state.

You mentioned depression and anxiety. If you’re not currently getting mental health resources, it can be really helpful to get treatment .As your mental health suffers, you have -limited ability to handle the other stressors in your life. You can contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) to connect you to mental health resources at 1-800-950-6264 or NAMI.org Another resource that can provide support is to write love on her arms TWLOHA. com. You may also want to talk to your school because they should have a counselor for you.

One service we can offer is to conference call with your parents. This way you could have a conversation with your parents but you would not be alone. For example, it may be hard for you to explain to your grandparents why you want to leave and live with your mother instead. Sometimes those conversations go better in a conference call because we can advocate for you. If you want to reach us, you can chat with us anytime at 1800runaway.org or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We’re here 24/7, and we are ready to listen and help however we can.

Please help me



Hello NRS,
I am a 15 year old female. I am currently living with my grandparents in North Carolina for things that my parents have done in the past, but have overcome. I was wondering if I could potentially "run away" to my mother without her being charged for anything. I can’t stand living with my grandparents anymore, it’s gotten too overwhelming. I am only allowed to see my father every other weekend, but not my mother or my siblings. I know for a fact that my grandparents hate my mother and siblings, and dislike my father. I am always caught up in the middle of things. It’s like I’m the rope in a tug of war competition. I was told by someone that when I was younger I was touched inappropriately by my father, yet he wrote a song about me, has tried to buy me anything I wanted, and has always been there and loved me. Now I am being told that was my grandma/pa who touched me inappropriately, so now I am at a cross roads and don’t know who to believe. I just think it would be a good idea for me to move in/ runaway to my mother because a female teenager needs her mother more than ever at this age. Grandparents are great for some things, but understanding this generation is not one of them. I have depression and anxiety and because I am too depressed some days to get out of bed or do anything, really my grandparents say that I am lazy, and I have to admit it, I have harmed myself, but not to the point of suicide whatsoever. Sometimes I think I started harming myself because of my grandparents; the things they say to me, behind my back, or about my family. Yes, I am on medication for my depression and anxiety, but I don’t think they help at all because none of my problems have been taken care of such as what I said that my grandparents have told/said about me. The only reason that I have not run away yet is because I’m afraid of what might happen to my mother. My grandpa is a county commissioner so he has some control over the law, and I just don’t know what to do because I don’t want my mom to get hurt anymore because of me. Please just help me, I’m at my breaking point. I need to get out of this house before i hurt myself anymore. All I’ve ever wanted was a "normal" family, not a broken one. Please help me.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: im in a court case between my mother and my grandma

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. You have every right to be safe and not abused by anyone. It is not your fault that he verbally abuses you. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, you know your situation best and it sounds like you have your grandmother for support. You might consider speaking with her about your fears and about your plan.

We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
NRS



We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us

I’m in a court case between my mother and my grandma, my grandma has always taken care of me ever since I came home from the hospital, my mother never wanted anything to do with me until she met a guy, and my mother forced me to move in with her and him. He is verbally abusive and he has very bad anger issues, I’m afraid to live here with him cause I’m afraid that he will hit me. I’m considering leaving tonight in the middle of the night. My grandma only lives like 200 feet away from my mother. cause of the court case both my mother and grandma has temporary custody over me. Would it be safe to run away tonight?

[ccsmod15]

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to us during this difficult time. It sounds like things at home have been very stressful and you are feeling like your mom has placed all the responsibility of your siblings on your shoulders. It is not fair for you to be worried about feeding your siblings if there is no food in the house. Here is a quick resource https://www.foodpantries.org/ to help. It also sounds like you care a lot about your siblings and are worried that if you leave your mom will take out her anger on them instead. It might be helpful to talk to a counselor or a trusted adult about what you are going through.

You also mentioned you were considering suicide. Please know that you can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 at any time, they also have a live chat program if you do not feel safe calling them from your home.

Just to let you know, we are not legal experts and we cannot tell you what you should or should not do. If you are a minor and leave home, the parent or legal guardian does have the right to file a runaway report. Typically, in most places running away is considered a ‘status offence’. This means that even though it is not against the law, anyone you are caught with could possibly be charged with ‘harboring a runaway.’ Before leaving, you might want to consider asking yourself what your plan would be, and who could help you, and if they would be willing to take that risk.

If you feel like you are being neglected and abused at home, you do have the right to make an abuse report. A mandated reporter such as a teacher, coach or other adult should be able to help you with this. We are also able to help you file an abuse report if you need help.

Thanks again for calling us, we are available 24/7 by phone and by chat if you would like to reach out to us. We wish you the best of luck and please stay safe.

Hi I’m a 15 yr female who really want to runaway and separate from my mother. She is unfair to me from all my other siblings I can’t do anything my older sister could when she was my age. My sister at my age would be out clubbing and dancing with all her friends without doing anything at home I am now 15 and instead of going out on a Friday or Saturday night and having fun like her I’m stuck home and I have to take care of my siblings and clean the house and and study to get good grades and make sure my siblings get fed and do everything the need to. When I try to my mom that I’d like to go out with a friend she says no and yells at me and says I never do anything and I just ask and ask to go out and she says im a horrible ungrateful daughter that i should learn to thank her I do everything she is suppose to as a mom i basically make sure my siblings have everything they need for school ready she yells at me when they get in trouble or when the have low grades in a class she says she’s that I’m the older one I need to help them but that all I do I have no life instead of worrying about outfits and everything teenagers worry about I have to worry what are they ganna eat there no more food or what should I make for them to eat I’m tired of this even my friends can see the difference she has between me and my siblings it’s like she doesn’t like me she always comparing me to my older sister and saying I do nothing giving my older sister credit for what I do and when I try to talk to her she yells saying I always make her the bad mom and that why dont i go ask my dad for money and to buy us things instead if she’s such a bad mom I’m absolutely tired of it I hate it I’ve tried everything even thought about committing suicide and running away but I just can’t leave my younger siblings behind bc i know she’ll take her anger out on them please help me.

[ccsmod15]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that you’re going through such a difficult situation at home with your adoptive parents. It is never ok for anyone to be abusive towards you, and you deserve to feel safe at home. It sounds like you’ve got questions about whether you’d be able to live somewhere else. We’re not legal experts, but from what we understand, if you’re considered a minor in your state and you leave without your legal guardian’s consent, they would have the right to file a runaway report with your local police department. In many states, they would return you home or have your legal guardian pick you up. You have the option to inform the local police department of what’s going on, and they would then go on to report to child protective services. As you’ve noted, there is no guarantee that they would remove you from the home. Perhaps it would help to speak with your dad and stepmom to find out if they’d like to reach out to your state children and family services about pursuing custody. Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you.

If you need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We won’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay safe regardless of what you decide to do. You can reach us 24/7 via phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929), or via chat every day from 4:30pm – 11:30pm CST. We wish you the very best of luck. Stay safe!

-NRS

I'm 15 and in North Carolina if I ran away do I have to go back they are my adopted parents and they are very abusive and I've already ran away once to my dad and step mom's house which is about 9 miles away from where I live now but I'm tired of having to change in front of them I have no privacy I'm not allowed to do anything to talk on the phone I'm not allowed to be on a computer they are homeschooling me so I don't even have a chance to be away from them they're constantly emotionally physically abusing me I'm scared to even go to sleep at night is there anyway if I ran away to my dad's house would I have to go back I don't want to go back to their house after the last time I ran away I was beat so bad but they wouldn't take me to the hospital I've called so has my dad and my step-mom child protective services and they did nothing they said they found no abuse or neglect in the house but that's only because they wouldn't talk to me and they didn't believe anything I had to say only what my adopted parents had to say I'm at a loss and if I don't do something I will take off or I will make it to where I don't have to be living in this home anymore

[ccsmod0]

Hello,
Thank you for taking the time to write to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. Yes, you are right in in informing this other user that they do have the right to keep themselves safe, even if that includes leaving the home. If you or anyone you know are experiencing abuse or are receiving threats from family members you can always make a report with Child Protective Services. Child Help 1-800-422-4453 is a support hotline where you can report abuse that is happening to you or someone you may know. We mention this as an option because we cannot agree with the previously mentioned comment about the police not bringing you back home, because to our knowledge they can. Since police are not social workers they generally do not ask about the reason for a youth leaving home.
We want to thank you for your support and words of wisdom to this other user. We want you to know that we are here to support you in your time of need. If you would like to talk more about this, abuse reporting, or any other issues you are more than welcome to give us a call anytime. 1-800-786-2929

If your parents abuse you and threaten to kill you like mine has I believe your a loud to leave I am consider a "runaway" I have run away 2 times in 2015 and 2017 I asked my cop if I could move out at 16 he said yes you can as long as you let your parent know where you are at they can call the cops but they can not bring you back (some ppl say they can bring you back only 3 or 2 times the. They are done chasing you) but if your parents are beating on you and ******** tell a cop record him or her verbal abusing you and abusing you then you have evudnece a cop can not bring you home if you feel unsafe there and if you have evidence of what your parents do to make you feel unsafe you get to stay where you are

[ccsmod1]

RE:15- and 16- year old with dilemma

Hello-
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you and your sister are going through a rough time at home and are very frustrated with your dad. Nobody deserves to be abused, and it is hard to deal with parents having relationship problems. We are glad you contacted us and we are here to help you in any way we can.
You mentioned you were considering running away, but are worried about where to stay and how to survive. It is great you are thinking about these things to make sure both you and your sister are safe. If running away is an option you chose, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we can discuss with you a plan you can make to make sure that you remain safe. You can also try nationalsafeplace.org. On this website you can search safe places in your area that you and your sister can go to get away for a few days, if that is something you decide you want to do. Just to let you know, because you and your sister are under the age of 18, if you runaway and your dad or stepmom report you missing, then can ask the police to try and find you and bring you home. We just want to make sure you are aware of what could happen if you do decide to runaway.
You also mentioned that your dad has been emotionally abusive. Do you have anyone that you trust that you can talk to about this? Sometimes it helps to talk to friends or family about what is going on at home. Another option would be to talk to your school counselor about what is going on at home, and they can help you better understand the situation and your feelings.
We encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We can provide you with support and help you think of a plan to get through this issue. Over the phone we can ask you questions and get a better idea of what is going on. We are a 24/7, confidential and anonymous hotline. We are also available on live chat from 4:30-11:30 pm central standard time at 1800runaway.org. We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.

15- and 16- year old with dilemma

Hi there. I am 15 years old, and my stepsister is 16. We have been siblings as far as I can remember. My dad and her mom are married, and we have a sister that we share. I went to Mexico to visit my mom in June for my birthday and found out my dad was staying at an unrelated woman's house the whole time. Not only that, my stepsister found a letter back home (we live in NC) from that woman BEFORE the trip, with a picture. The letter was basically saying how much she missed him and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. I met the woman in Mexico. Later, me and my stepsister did research on my dad, and found out he blocked me and my stepmom from Facebook because he posted, "Hola amor!!" (Hello, love!!) and tagged the woman in his post. And then she greeted him back, "Hola amor!" We told my stepmom, and she kicked my dad out of the house. But a week later, she told us she was going to forgive him!! So my dad has become even more emotionally abusive to me and my stepsister! We have been thinking about running away or something, but we have no one to go to in this state and no money. Help us, please??

[ccsmod6]

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Thank you for continuing this dialogue. From what you have shared so far, it seems as though things must be really hard for you at home with your father. You certainly don’t deserve to be called names or locked in a room. And you definitely do not deserve to be punished for being raped. You must be incredibly strong to have been dealing with all of this. How have you been coping? Are there any activities or hobbies that you enjoy that you are able to find some emotional release in? Is there anything that has helped you feel better, even if it was just for a while?

You mentioned that you were raped in August and since then your dad has been emotionally abusive towards you. How was your relationship with your father before you were raped? How long do you feel as though he has been emotionally abusive towards you? Also, I’m wondering how the rest of your family feels about the way your father treats you and if he treats them in a similar manner. You shared that you have six siblings and stepmother. How is your relationship with them? Do you get along with your stepmom or any of your brothers or sisters? Have any of them been helpful or supportive? Do you feel as though you could talk to any of them or go to them for help if you needed? Everyone needs someone to talk to—especially when dealing with an unsafe home situation and being raped. If your family members aren’t an option, is there anyone else in your life you feel like you could talk to? As we said before, you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day. Sometimes it can help to just have someone that will listen, but we could also help you come up with options and a plan that you feel comfortable with.

It is understandable that you do not want to make a report with CPS about how your father treats you and we would certainly never force you into that. Did you ever file a report about being raped? From what you have said, it sounds as though your family knows about the attack. Was any sort or counseling or therapy ever brought up as an option? Do you think your father or stepmother would ever agree to this? If you are interested in going to a counselor, we could help find a place in your area. Or, you could call the Rape Abuse Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-4673. This number will automatically route you to the nearest rape crisis center and someone there could talk with you more specifically about the services that may be available to you as a minor (and what you can and cannot do if you do not have your parent’s consent to seek professional counseling). If you don’t feel comfortable calling RAINN, you could also visit their website. They actually have an anonymous on-line hotline where you can talk with trained individuals. You can find that at http://www.rainn.org/get-help/national- ... ne-hotline. Hopefully, if you would like to talk to someone about being raped one of these options will work out.

You said in your first post that “all I want is out” but that you feel as though if you do leave home the police will just bring you right back and things might be worse for you then. Do you still feel like you want to leave home? Have you thought about where you might go or how you might survive? What do you think you would bring with you? If you did leave, is there anyone that you would want to keep in touch with? Would you still want to attend school? Where would you live? If you do choose to leave home, we could help you find a safe place to go. But, it is important that you know that most shelters would need to notify your legal guardian where you were and some would need their permission to let you stay there. Also, shelter workers are mandated reporters. That means that they would have to file a report with CPS about any abuse in the home. Usually, however, they usually won’t make you return to an unsafe place. I can understand why you might feel as though you have no options or that you are afraid to try and change your home situation as it might just get worse. Are there any steps you might be willing to take? I hope that the strength that has upheld you so far, continues to help you make it through this.

Good luck,
NRS

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Well the state wouldn't allow me to live with my mom because she is jobless and lives off welfare.....my dad would figure out where i was to easily and id be dragged back home....then things would be worse so why leave unless i leave the country or go somewhere i can't be found

[ccsmod5]

Re: 15 year old in north carolina.

Hello,

If you make a report, Social Services has to (by law) talk to both you and the person being accused of the abuse. But as you stated, sometimes it can be hard to be in the same home when the person finds out that they just had social services called on them. Is there a place where you can go and stay for a day or so to try and be safe?

If you do runaway, the police will essentially bring you back but do you think you can work it out and try and stay with a relative or friend that your family is okay with you staying? Are there other ways that you can think of to try and avoid your father if you do decide to make the report?

-NRS