I'm 15 and I'm so tired

[701]

What's up? I'm 15 years old my story is.. That I'm so stressed of my parents treating me like a baby or a child still. They don't like my boyfriend dating me but they don't see how he is. He's a respectful guy and all they see him for is me having sex with him all the time. I can even take him in my room they always think something or they tell me to come upstairs. He feels uncomfortable upstairs which I understand because i sometimes feel uncomfortable at his house too. I came home everyday from school and clean and do my chores. I'm a A and B student i won't drop out of school, that's the last thing I would do. My boyfriend has a job he will provide for me, I want support myself. I want to work when I turn 16 which is in a couple months. Basically I want freedom I'm so tired of being controlled and my mom telling me what to do all the time. I barley get freedom and I have to come home a specific time :/ I've matured so much and I know what I'm doing and the choices I'm making. Gettin emancipated would help me a lot I can do fine on my own, and I will have support from my boyfriend he will provide for me. I want to be happy I'm tired of being stressed. And I'm tired of arguing my mom and dad. I have so much anger built up inside me it's not good anymore one day ima explode. But I need help please I need opinions because I'm so ********ing tired and fed-up

[ccsmod9]

RE: I'm 15 and I'm so tired

Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It takes great courage to reach out to someone—especially at a time when you feel ‘fed up and tired’ of how your parents won’t let you have the freedom to choose the type of life that you want to live when it comes to your relationship with your boyfriend. Your feelings of frustration are understandable seeing as how you get good grades at school and see your boyfriend as a nice guy, while your parents unfairly think he is interested in nothing more than having frequent sex with you. It seems very forward thinking of you to seek to explore your options as to how to handle this situation with your parents.

Have you considered talking to your parents about your feelings? Here at the National Runaway Safeline we offer a conference call option. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-786-2929. When you call, you’ll speak to one of our Crisis Intervention Specialists. On this call, we will hear more of your story, and if you are still interested, we could do a conference call with your parents on the other line. The conference call option allows for each party to set guidelines for engagement such as no yelling and expectations/goals for the call. If this is not something you are interested in, we still encourage you to call our number to discuss your situation in more depth so that we could assist you in exploring options and developing plans for your future that you are comfortable with.

We at the National Runaway Safeline make no claims to be versed in the law and are not lawyers or other legal professionals. If you are in need of legal assistance, we encourage you to reach out at your local legal aid/legal assistance office. Emancipation rules vary by state. Since you did not mention your state in this post, it will be difficult to give you specific information for your situation. (For individualized assistance, please call us or use our online chat that’s available from 4:30pm-11:30pm.) See this website for more information about emancipation, http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/emancipation_of_minors. One important component of emancipation is that you have to prove that you are financially self-sufficient and you’d need to have proof that it is better for you to be on your own than with your parents.

Again, we’d like to thank you for posting on our bulletin board. We wish you the best as you navigate the difficult time of celebrating your independence while still living beneath your parents’ household. You’ve done a great job at learning more about your options. That is a great and very much mature skill! We encourage you to give us a call or instant message so that we can explore your case more thoroughly. You’re not alone; we’re here to listen and here to help.

Best,

The National Runaway Safeline

[Guest]

Hello, so I am 15 years old and I am just fed up. So here is my story: (This is kind of not a big deal in my life currently but I will explain later why it comes up), so my dad and my mother were never married when they had me and they split custody over me. I lived with my father and I visited my mother regularly. While I visited her (I was 4 at the time) I was sexually abused multiple times by my half brother which caused me to not be allowed to visit my mother anymore and him going to jail. So I ended up living with my dad who married a woman who became my stepmom, (I was around 5 or six when they got together and 7 when they married). My stepmother started off as being what you would call "verbally abusive" as she called me lots of awful names (but honestly she does it so much that I am used to it and I do not even care at this point), and she would explode on me about little things. Then this turned to her screaming at me and screaming profanities and hitting me (sometimes) most of the time it was only hard enough that I heard my ears ring but sometimes it left scabs. (Now sometimes her reasons for doing so where for me being alone while she was downstairs and talking crap to myself and her hearing or for some "signs" of disrespect, which is not too bad of a reason I guess. Now she has always been toxic like for example (this is not a recent example but it affected me at the time) when I was in the 5th-6th grade she would always insult my hair (because she was jealous of it) and she would at times wrestle me down to the floor and with scissors put them to my hair and say that she will cut it off, which she almost did and she also said she would shave it off and then force me to go to school that way. She never really did but she came very close to doing so and she would have if I would not have cut it myself. As for my dad, he knew and he did not care at all as a matter of fact he would encourage her to hit me, (but I mean it is technically legal corporal punishment so...haha. She would pull my hair a lot, verbal abuse me and sometimes physically abuse me. She also loved to get me in trouble and she continues to do so as well. So she has 2 kids that she had with my dad and she has a stressful job and they do not behave sometimes (typical childlike behavior) so she will get mad and take it out on me and by that I mean she will start pointless fights and scream and call me the usual names like a "cum stain", "abortion", "cunt", (and my dad says the same things, they also love comparing me to my mother. my dad has threatened to kill me before but I don't think he would actually risk going to jail doing so) but honestly I do not care because they are just words. My dad on the other hand is the same way. He is just like her he calls me names when he gets mad, he hits me (sometimes but not SUPER recently) and he is super overprotective too. Like for example, I came home at 9 pm once and he got so mad that as I was walking to the house he started chasing me then he knocked me to the ground and yelled that I was a stupid little ********** and then he hit me a few times (because he knocked me to the ground), but it left no marks so it was fine and I blocked it anyway and he is 65 so I mean..haha. And then he took me in the house and proceeded to SCREAM about how I am not supposed to go out night yadadyada (even though I am 15 and most kids my age stay out till 11, and I already told him I was leaving. ) , and now I am nervous to leave the house because of all the "dangers" there are even though we live in a pretty upper middle class safe area with almost no crime. So my dad has been really stressed because of the issues between me and his wife and they blame me for it all and they say that I am "destroying this family" and all that. She will fight with me about anything because she is so confrontational, which really affects me. What also sucks is that one of my brothers that I thought was cool and all that came over and then him and my dad started talking about how I was "selfish" and causing so much trouble EVEN THOUGH MY BEHAVOR IS NORMAL AND I TRY MY BEST AND I HELP OUT AS MUCH AS I CAN for this family and that was when it all came to me. I was alone and just a burden, so I cut my arm open out of emotion and then I went to a mental hospital and got all the help I needed and they promised that they would try harder and then everything went back to the way it was before, misery and now my stepmom wants me nowhere near her kids and that sucks for me because they are still me siblings (we have the same dad) and I used to be very close to them, now they hate me because she made them hate me. To be honest my stepmom is a ********** and my dad is just an asshole, he gets mad over everything and he is a pervert too. He used to "check me" (he is a nurse) and what I mean by that is he would inspect my genitals which now I realize is weird af considering that I was 11 or 12 and sometimes when I was younger than that he would literally randomly get me to do it and when I was younger he told me to massage his stomach a lot and "go lower" and I woke up with his pecker in my hand. He did more perverted stuff, so I told my stepmom about it and so later she talked to him about it but he denied it all and I have no evidence, but I do not want to get him in trouble anyway. Now she thinks I am lying because I made it seem like I was. So then she brings this issue up in a fight that she started because she was drunk and she and him were fighting then she brought me into it by yelling that I was a manipulator and so I got mad. I am sick of her and sick of my dad. CPS is NOT an answer, so I do not care about calling CPS I guess I will just have to be strong for another 3 years, but I have been tempted to run away many times. I mean I could have it so much worse though, to be honest object wise I am lucky because I get plenty of food, exercise, I have shelter, and since my dad has lots of things he does not use anymore (like on of his computers, a TV) stuff like that, he gave it to me. But yah I could not share this with a friend because some of this is probably too much but I am sure you will understand but seriously what should I do? I mean I do not really think of myself as a victim at all but do you think that it is normal for your dad to repeatedly hit you over the head with a backpack after you told him that you would have coffee leaving you with a bump on the top of your head? I mean I know it is not child abuse especially because I was 14 at the time . Also a few times my dad's wife actually blamed my past on my mental health even though the present is what bothers me so much, that is why I mentioned it before. Also when I talk to these people or give them my side of the story they always shut me up so I cannot really do that. I am just sick of constant fighting and stress but recently there has not been much of it. Just the constant yelling, swearing and sometimes "abuse" ( I say that in quotes because it could be a lot worse) has affected me negatively. Also again, CPS cannot help me as I have talked to them before a few months after my stepmom gave me a black eye, she has not really hit me since but she has been verbally abusive (but I guess that is not real abuse). I admit a few times I have said some things that I shouldn't (after they said many things) but I ended up getting punished so it was not a big deal, and she gave me a black eyes because I yelled that I hated her so I mean technically it was corporal punishment. A few times I have lashed out and said that I wished that they were dead and that I wanted to kill them (after they took their anger out on me) but then I got punished more so it ended up fair. Petty little things like raising my voice accidently or not looking at them when they are talking or looking at them in the "wrong way" will set them off. My dad's wife loves to stare at me and when I look at her and ask "why are you staring", she will get mad and accuse me of trying to start a fight and then it begins again. But anyway is all of this normal, am I just being a petty teenager? So sorry that I made this so long it is just a lot. Well thank you so much, and I just wish I could run to another place.

[ccsmod3]

Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support and to share your story, and we're glad you took that step.

First and foremost, we're sorry to hear that things have been so challenging for you. It sounds like you've been through quite a lot. Now you mentioned various times in your post that you weren't interested in contacting CPS, namely because you feel as though when things have gotten physical, it'd be considered corporal punishment (and I'm assuming in your state certain levels of physical discipline are acceptable). And while that may be true, it's always a good idea to let CPS be the judge of that. Things like black eyes and sexual actions would not be considered appropriate, no matter if you feel as though you did or said something to deserve it. And while you're a little bit older now and your dad hasn't touched you in those ways since, it sounds like you have some younger siblings who could also be at risk.

As you continue to think things through, it might be helpful for you to consider looking into therapy. Having a support system in place to help when things are feeling really heavy and overwhelming can really be beneficial in repairing relationships, but also in working on and healing ourselves individually. A therapist can also help you develop some of the tools needed to address some of the issues you're having with your dad and stepmom, or even help facilitate those conversations so that you feel comfortable and supported throughout. If you're open to it, a good starting point in getting this going is to connect with your school counselor or social worker.

If you'd like to chat in more detail about what's going on, continue to explore some of your options, or find some referrals in your area for counseling services, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

Take care.

NRS