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**ccsmod7** · 02-02-2008, 08:04 PM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. Well it definitely sounds like you have some very strong feelings about your family. It sounds like not only are you feeling overwhelmed by being at home, but that you have a lot of anger towards your parents. It seems that you have no time to yourself and that your parents are constantly using you for there personal babysitter, so it’s under stable that you are feeling this way.

You talked a lot about school and how you don’t even have enough time to study and concentrate on what you need to. Have you spoken with anyone at school about what’s been going on at home? You mentioned not liking your peers, but are there any teachers or school counselors you would feel comfortable talking with? It sounds like a very frustrating situation, and sometimes just being able to vent to someone can help.

You did say that you have thought about suicide, but it seems that every time that idea comes to mind you feel it isn’t the best option. How often do you think about suicide? Was there a certain time that you started feeling suicidal? It was really interesting how you described suicide as “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” That’s a very accurate way to think about it. You are very good at verbalizing how it seems you are really feeling. That’s not an easy thing for many people and it’s nice to know that you felt comfortable opening up.

You also discussed the option of running away. It seemed that when you talked about running away it wasn’t so much as a permanent venture, but just being able to get away for awhile. Considering all of the things that are going on in your home, it’s understandable you’ve thought about leaving. Have you ever considered where you might go if you left? What do you think your parents would do if they found out you were missing? Do you think you have a safe place that you would be able to go to? If you decided to stay at home, what would you like to see change? Do you feel that any of these changes would be possible?

In the end it sounds like your dealing with an extremely difficult and frustrating situation. It’s good to know that you felt comfortable posting a bulletin. If you ever felt like you wanted to talk more about what is going on you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You mentioned not feeling comfortable speaking in person with many people, so perhaps calling would be a good option. Just to let you know we are not here to give advice or to judge you in any way. Basically we are hear to listen, even if you just want to vent about what’s going on, that’s fine. If you are seriously considering running away and you want to talk through some of your different options, we are here for that as well. We will not tell you that you should or shouldn’t runaway. It’s more about getting you to think about being safe. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day, so you can call anytime. Best of luck with everything.

**Guest** · 02-02-2008, 09:55 PM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

Nope. I doubt I ever will (or have the desire to)- they're just as bad.

Uhhh, nearly every day now. I started seriously thinking about it when I was about ten or eleven. That was about the time I was beaten up and had to be transferred to a charter school.

I think I'd like to either go to New York or Delaware, seeing as they're somewhat close and there are various major art conventions in both areas.

Honestly, I don't think my parents would really care. They seem just as fed up with me as I am with them (in fact, they said if I don't 'wise up' soon, they'll be sending me to a boot camp this summer. Seeing as I have a phobia of the military, that gives me three times as much incentive to leave)

A safe place? Maybe a homeless shelter. Like I said, I'd like to rent a cheap apartment or something if I get a job, but I'm not sure. I have to do some research first.

Changes? Hmmm... I'd like to see my mom get up off her bed, stop watching tv, and take care of her own kids for once. They barely know her. And I'd love to spend some quality time with dad to get to know him better, but he always claims he's 'busy' and barely even looks at me. I've got about thirty board games in the closet that I remember getting so we could play together, but we never did.

I highly doubt any of these changes would be possible. This has been going for quite a while.

Thanks, but... I don't really get much privacy, so I doubt I'd ever get the chance to call. Thanks again for the offer, though.

**ccsmod7** · 02-03-2008, 12:05 AM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

Well, it sounds like things at home haven’t been going well for a while now. It’s got to be frustrating feeling like nothing is going to change. It can be tough because as much as you may want to change your family member’s actions, that’s not always something you can control.

In the beginning of your bulletin you mentioned something about being beaten up. What was that in reference to? Is this something that has happened more than once? And if so by who?
You also indicated that you think about suicide almost everyday. Have you ever attempted suicide before? Have you been able to convey to anyone these suicidal feelings you have had/are having? I did want to give you the number to the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK. If you ever feel like you need to speak to someone about feeling this way that could be an option. Have you ever considered doing something like family counseling? Do you think that would be helpful in trying to establish communication within your family?

Although it sounds like you have pretty much had it with your family it also sounds like there is a lot that you want to do with your life. It sounds like art is a big part of your life and that it’s something you want to pursue in the future. You even spoke that if you did leave you would want to go to a place were there are art conventions. You mentioned college in the previous log, have you looked into any art schools you would be interested in? It’s great that you have that outlet and something and truly makes you happy.

Our phones are always open, and you already know the number at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You said it wasn’t easy to get time by yourself, but if you ever get a chance where you would be able to call we are here to listen. If you do decide to leave and feel like you need a resource like a shelter, feel free to call us for that as well. We are here 24 hours to help.

**Guest** · 02-03-2008, 10:05 PM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

It was in reference to my mother, who tends to shove me around a lot. Once she tried to 'demonstrate' what Hell would be like if I don’t convert to Christianity (I'm Athiest). She ended up kicking me in the stomach at one point. My dad pushes me around a bit too, but not at the extreme mom does.

I did attempt it at one point by drowning. I chickened out of it three minutes into it. :/
I've tried to tell my mom. but she says I'm just being a drama queen. Whenever I need her help or I'm having problems, she always tell me I'm being a brat and that I need to knock it off. It's like she expects me to be an emotionless robot that grins and acts like a little lady all the time.
We've tried family counseling before. Didn't help at all- in fact, it made things worse.

Yes, it is... I've only looked into colleges, as mom says that she wants to 'teach' me art herself (she claims to be an art professor, a doctor, and a 'seer' all at once) but, honestly, I doubt she'd be able to teach me anything.

**ccsmod0** · 02-04-2008, 02:56 AM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

It sounds like things have been not only verbally abusive, but also physically abusive. It is not ok any one to shove you around, kick you in the stomach or be called names like “drama queen” or “brat”. You had mentioned that Child Protective Service (CPS) won’t help. Have you worked with them in the past? If so, do you remember what happened? Even though at times it may feel like CPS is not doing any thing about it. CPS has a process that they go through when they get a report about possible child abuse. They will take the information and determine if they will just document the situation or should there be more of an investigation with the family. It sounds like you had made an effort to reach out for help from the police and CPS. And these attempts were not successful. We can help you make a report with CPS by doing a conference call. Some times having another person on the phone with you can feel better. We would be able to support your feelings, clarify questions or comments during the report. You had also noted that your mom tried to demonstrate what it would be like in hell because you are atheist; not Christian. Do remember what was demonstrated to you? When did this happen? You are a very strong person! It takes a lot of courage to stand to someone when believes are different.

You had also indicated that you attempt suicide once by drowning. It seems like you had tough some things going on in your life for an eleven year old. Some times when we are facing a bad situation daily, it can seem like there are limited options. How strong have your thoughts of suicide been? You did not “chicken out.” It sounded like you have a good plan to focus on going away to college as a way to cope. You were also able to evaluate that suicide is permanent and that you have other options.

You explained that you have tried to confide to your mom about things going on and called names because of it. It’s not fair that you are called a “drama queen” or a “brat” for trying to tell you’re that you were having thoughts of suicide.

I am sorry to hear that family counseling made things worse. Do you feel that personal counseling would work for you?

I am glad to hear that you have been able to research colleges. What does you might be your mom’s reason for not wanting you to go to college and she will teach you? What do you think your plan would be if you were prevented to attend college?

Also you can call us any time you want. We are a crisis hotline that is here 24 hours a day and can be reached at 1-800RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We are no judging and completely confidential. We look forward to hear from you. Good luck!

**Guest** · 03-22-2008, 11:17 PM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

Yeah... The officer that came said that the injuries I sustained weren't 'dangerous' and that there was a law that let parents hit their children in my state. He said that I'd only have a problems if she was, say, shoving broken glass into my eyes or something.

I'd rather not do a conference call. I honestly don't have the time to do anything anymore, much less talk on the phone. My mom's been stalking me 24/7.

I doubt personal counsellign would work. I have a 'thing' about talking to people. :/

I think her reason for not wanting me to go to college is that I USED to want to a vet... I grew out of it, but mom is still obsessed with it... And she's constantly trying to impress my dad's mother (whom she hates with a firey passion) and she seems to think I'm the way to go. But since I've found my calling as an artist, she's gone beserk.

If I was prevented? Then I'd run away. Or kill myself. Or play along with her little facade until I'm 18 and can get the heck outta there.

I'm looking for advice on emancipation. I'm not so sure how it works... And I honestly don't understand how someone can runaway and then get emancipated, seeing as there's a 'home inspection' and I don't know anyone who'd give a home to a runaway.

**ccsmod1** · 03-25-2008, 11:52 PM

Re: The straw that broke the camel's back

Thanks for writing back. All those options are definitely just options, and we respect that they don’t work for everyone. The one option that it sounds like you really want to look into is emancipation. We’re definitely not legal expects, so we can’t give you specific legal information or advice. You’re right that as a runaway it may be a lot harder to get emancipated. It all depends on the requirements and process of emancipation in your area. In Pennsylvania, it depends on your county whether there is even an emancipation status or not. There’s a great website for the Juvenile Law Center that breaks down information for each county. It’s at http://www.jlc.org. Then go to Fact Sheets-Emancipation in Pennsylvania’s 67 counties-Click on your county. In the cases where the county does have emancipation, there are usually contact numbers to find out the specific information about the emancipation process in that county. Unfortunately, we don’t have much more specific information about emancipation. We do know that in most areas that allow emancipation, a youth has to be at least 16 (very rarely is it younger), self-supporting and already living apart from their legal guardian. We also know that almost always the legal guardians get notified while in the emancipation process and have the right to take part in the legal process. Even the areas that have emancipation as an option, it’s not usually a realistic option for many youth. It’s generally a long process as well. If you don’t get the info you’re looking for on the JLC website, there’s a legal aid hotline in PA that may be able to answer more of your specific legal questions. It’s called the Advice and Referral Helpline and the number is 1-877-429-5994.

You’re welcome to give us a call if you have questions about any of this or want to talk more in depth about the situation. Someone is always here. If there’s anything else you need and we can help with via the bulletins feel free to post again.

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The straw that broke the camel's back

The straw that broke the camel's back

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