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I'm 17 and I can't stand living in this house anymore!

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  • ccsmod16
    replied
    RE: Re: I'm 17 and I can't stand living in this house anymore!

    We are so sorry to hear that things are tough for you at home and it seems like your mom is having a hard time letting you grow up and make your own decisions. It also seems like your mom relies on you to help and you are stepping up by helping with the baby. You sound like a mature, bright young woman and take your future seriously, but you have differing opinions than your mom on what this looks like at this moment in time. It’s great that you have a good relationship with your father, but you say he does not get involved. Perhaps there is a way to appeal to him so he does stand up to your mother with you. It’s great that your father met your boyfriend and likes him, and one option may be to ask your father to tell your mom about him, along with you, so maybe she won’t get upset about it.
    You said there is much more to this story. Sometimes, the best way to communicate all of this is on the phone. We are here 24/7 for your to call at your convenience. We can explore your situation in greater detail and try to work with you on a plan of action that either allows you to be able to get along with your mother and/or be able to leave home when you turn 18. We are here to listen and support you however we can. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.
    Last edited by ccsmod1; 02-12-2016, 01:29 PM.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Re: I'm 17 and I can't stand living in this house anymore!

    [QUOTE=Worthless;9030]I'm 13 and a high school sen.Lately in this house everything is argument. It all started because I did not want to go to church anymore. I told her that I did not want to preach anymore or go on Wednesdays night. If anything I would just go on Sundays. I'll be 18 in 4 months but it seems like the older I got the more restrictions I got from my mother. I live with both parents. My dad doesn't really get involved with the situation. He just tells me to not become another statistic and to finish my education. That is what I plan on doing. I am not a bad kid. I come home from school and help her with the baby. I don't mind helping because as her daughter I know that it is my responsibility to help. But my mom takes it to a whole new level. I come home lets say about 4pm and I help her till 9pm. Then I shower and start my homework about 10- 10:30. I got to sleep about 1 or 2 am. On weekends she doesn't let me go out unless I preach and not even that. She doesn't let me go out period. She asks me who I will be with, where I'm going, what exactly will I do, etc. If I go out its only for like 3 hours. She tells me she gives me "space" but I don't see it. She took the lock off my door and replaced it with one that doesn't have a lock. The reason for that was because she walked in my room one day and she thought I was doing some type of drug because I was extremely pale with purple lips. Turns out I was really sick and I wasn't aware of it. Anyways, I currently have a boyfriend (if she found out she would flip!) My dad met him and he likes him. My mom on the other hand wants me to marry someone from church. But during the summer she accused me of being a lesbian for the simple fact that my best friend slept over the house for a couple days. Like where else was she supposed to sleep!? After that incident I never brought my friend over again. My mom is really judgmental. She basis herself off looks. If they don't look "innocent" I can't be friends with them. I don't understand her. She tells me that she's protecting me from the world. But really she's just creating a child who has a lot of secrets. Strict parents create sneaky kids and that is what I have become. I want to move out when I turn 18 but I know that it'll turn into a big argument. I don't know what to do. There is so much more to this story but I need someone to talk to.They call me a baby and it's not

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  • ccsmod7
    replied
    Re:

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. It must be really isolating feeling like you can’t spend time with friends and classmates. It’s understandable that this would make you sad and it’s good that you are trying to figure out how to overcome this problem.

    How have you talked to your parents about this in the past? Do you think that there might be another approach you can take when talking to them. Is there anyone (maybe a relative or a family friend) that might be able to talk to your parents on your behalf? Sometimes it’s good just to talk to someone about problems going on at home. Does you college have a counseling center? We’re also here if you need someone to listen. We would be happy to talk more about different ways that you could approach your parents about how they’re actions are making you feel.

    Best of luck,
    NRS

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am a 19 year old currently in collage.. I cant stand my parents.. They always want me at home i have no friends i lost al of them coz of my parents.. I don't have a social life i cant hung out with my classmate i feel so sad... Home has become boring they are just ti stricked... I really hate them now because they make my life a livin hell. How i wish they could allow me to go out once in a while.... Have fun with friends and feel the happiness of having friends...

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  • ccsmod6
    replied
    RE: I'm about to reach my breaking point ,what do I do!!??

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. From what you shared it sounds like you are overwhelmed with things at home. It seems that you are feeling like no matter what you do, your parents’ strictness interferes with your ability to connect and communicate with them. We imagine that may be frustrating for you. It sounds like you are doing well in school and take pride in that but begin to feel stressed by your parents. What do you think is the reason your parents may be keeping a close eye on you? From our experience and understanding of speaking with families going through similar situations, parents sometimes express their concern for their children in a different way than expected. We are wondering if this is the case with your parent’s’ strictness.

    Regardless of your parents’ intentions, it sounds like you are feeling pressured and maybe even unsupported in some ways. It seems that you are interested in finding ways that you can communicate with them to build on your relationship with your parents. What do you need from your parents in order to improve home life? What do you think you can do to help remind your parents that they can trust you? Having someone to mediate a conversation may be a good start. This can be done in the form of counseling. If you need help locating counseling resources in your area, we would be happy to provide you with some referrals. NRS has a conference calling service where we may be able to serve as a mediator between you and your parents via phone. If you would like to learn more about our services and other resources available to you, please consider reaching out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through chat via our website at www.1800runaway.org. Communication is the first step to improving things. Writing a letter about how you feel and what you would like from them can be another initial step in communicating with your parents.

    In the midst of all of this, how have you been coping with the stress of home life? It is important to find ways that you can manage your stress and express your feelings through some form of an outlet (sports, hobbies, talking to a trusted friend or adult, counseling, etc).

    If you would like to discuss more ways that you can improve home life and communicate with your parents, please reach out to us by phone or chat.

    We wish you well and hope you take care.

    Best,

    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod6; 08-14-2015, 06:46 AM.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm about to reach my breaking point ,what do I do!!??

    I'm currently a high school senior and I really don't even feel like it. My parents are so strict that they gang up, yell and bully me telling me im lazy and dont do anything to contribute to the house when im basically home because of their strictness! I've asked so many times to talk to them but they dont even bother listening to me. My dad especially, he doesnt care what i have to say , he just thinks that I just want "freedom to fly away "and I'm stupid and crazy and to just leave the house already so I can do whatever I want. All he does is rant on about a bunch of stuff he assumes I'll do if I hangout with friends , participate in senior events or school dances, while my mom just stands there watching me and not saying anything to help me when I'm busting out in tears. It frustrates me because I'm a 4.0 student, I've never done drugs, and i always listen to what they tell me to do like a robot . I also never get space when I'm mad to cool off they always are in my buisness and have to always check our phones when we aren't doing anything. My patience is done being tested,I lost it and I'm always feeling mad or depressed when we are fighting! How can I talk to them and what do I say so they can stop without fighting.

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  • ccsmod11
    replied
    I'm 17 and I can't stand living in this house anymore!

    Hi there and thanks for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like home is really rough right now and that you aren’t sure what your options are. From what you shared, it seems like many of your needs aren’t being met. That must be so hard to not feel like you have the things that you need. Have you tried talking with your mom about how you feel? Sometimes if just one or two things change at home, it can make home feel more livable. Is there something that could change that would make you feel better? We are here 24/7 and completely confidential and free at 1-800-RUNAWAY to talk with you. You can also chat with us from 4:30-11:30pm CST through our live chat at 1800runaway.org. We hope you’ll call us to talk more about your situation.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom

    My mom don't want me in here house no more n I'm 14 n a half she took away my room she doesnt buy me stuff what should I do

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  • ccsmod11
    replied
    RE: What should I do?

    Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you’re going through a lot with your mom lately, and you are making some really great efforts to resolve some of the tension. Do you think that your mom would only oppose you going to stay with your dad? Perhaps if there is some other family or friends that you could stay with for a while that she would be more approving of, she would be open to that discussion. Alternatively, if she isn’t open to having you stay with someone, is there perhaps a place you could go after school, like an after school activity or a friend’s house, or when you all get in arguments? While you wouldn’t be out of the house completely for a while, she could perhaps be more accepting of you staying out of the house for a little longer during the day or when you need to cool off, giving you both a break. Sometimes even taking a walk around the neighborhood after an argument can help.
    These can be really tough topics to talk about with parents, and it sounds like you are doing a great job already of trying to find a solution. Another option we offer is a conference call. This is when we talk with you and your mom and help facilitate the conversation between the two of you. This can sometimes help to find an option that can be good for the both of you.
    Again, thanks for reaching out. It takes a lot to ask for help, and you are trying to figure out your options, which is great. If you would like to talk further, with or without your mom, don’t hesitate to call or chat with us. We are here to listen 24/7.

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    What should I do?

    My mom and I have been snapping at each other lately for the smallest things. I proposed and idea of me going to live with my dad for awhile so we could have some time away from each other. She rejected this idea, citing that we had more than enough opportunities to be away from each other. I have searched online and I can't legally do this without her permission. What else can I do in order to get away from her for a bit?

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  • ccsmod3
    replied
    Re: Almost Free Anyways

    Hello again,

    It certainly sounds like you're dealing with a frustrating situation and are facing even more pressure being the oldest. If you'd like to continue talking about your situation, please feel free to call or live chat with us. Good luck!

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    re. Almost Free Anyways

    I have tried talking to my mom before and she always reacts the same... I don't understand it. although i suspect it has something to do with me being the oldest.

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  • ccsmod8
    replied
    RE: Almost Free Anyways

    Hello –

    Thank you for taking the time out of your day to get into contact with us here at the National Runaway Safeline, we are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. From your message to us, it sounds like you have are going through a very hard time right now and seem to be very overwhelmed with everything that is going on You stated a few times that you would feel “safe” or “safer” at your family’s friend’s house, is there something going on that makes you feel like you’re in serious danger? If so, you should always feel free to call the local police and have them come and check up on things.

    We are sorry that you had to go through that. It must be very frustrating. Unfortunately, here at the NRS we cannot tell you in definite terms what would happen if you were to leave home without permission because we are not legal experts. Laws on that specific subject vary from state to state, so our advice would be call your local non-emergency police number to get more information on that. What typically happens in state though since you are under the age of majority (which is 18 in most states); your parents would be able to make a runaway report in the event that you do run away, but since it’s only considered a statues offense the only thing that would happen is that the police will pick you up and bring you back home. Again this does depend on your specific state laws and police policy. There are certain circumstances in which a police officer will not take a runaway report for a 17 year old, because they view them as adults already and are able to move out on their own. That’s why we suggested getting into contact with your local non-emergency police to ask them questions and get direct answers.

    It sounds like you have been thinking about leaving for quite some time now though and that you have thought about having a very solid plan. What would your overall plan be (i.e housing options (how long you would be about to stay there), transposition, financial stability, school options, access to food/clothes, etc)? Sometimes having a detailed plan about what your next steps are going to be and laying them for your parents, it might help ease their mind about you leaving before turning 18. Does this sound like something that you’d be comfortable doing?

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Almost Free Anyways

    So, I'm 17 and I will be 18 in like 2 months. I have somewhere to go if and when i leave but my mother has told me she will call the cops on me amd try to purposefully get me arrested if i leave even a day before my birthday. I really want to leave a month before.....or now...now would be nice....I again have somewhere safe to go but my safe place is in a different state (I'm in MS and my safe place is in my family friends place in NM) what are some of the legal things i could run into by leaving now? Would the cops even get involved since I'm so close to 18?

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  • ccsmod6
    replied
    RE: I get no free time or respect at home all the time.

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you at home making you wonder if moving out is what is best for you. From what you shared, it sounds like you have quite a busy schedule and are feeling like you would just like some support and respect when you come home. You seem to have big plans for yourself and you mentioned that you keep busy to avoid trouble. It is admirable of you to be tending to so many responsibilities at once and to be proactive about your future goals. However, we can imagine that it may be overwhelming at times to be balancing so many things. Sometimes it is important to set boundaries for ourselves to avoid becoming overly stressed. We do hope that you are finding time to relax and take care of yourself; the gym seems to be one thing that helps with self-care which is great.

    In regards to moving out, that seems like it can be an option if you feel that is best for you and you feel that you are able to support yourself on your own. Living independently is a big step, and it is important to explore what you need to make it on your own as well as explore other options that are best for you. Something to be mindful of is knowing the age at which you are legally able to leave home. Generally speaking, as we are not legal experts, most states set the age of majority at 18 which means one is considered an adult or their own legal guardian. However, other states may set that age higher. Knowing your rights at your age will help you decide more if leaving home is currently an option. It may also be helpful to explore other plans as back-up such as if things do not work out, where will you go and how will you find the support you need? It sounds like talking to someone about how you are feeling might be helpful. We are always here to provide you with support and discuss your situation if you would like to talk more. We can also provide you with various resources if that is something that you are interested in. You can reach us by phone any time as we are available 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY or by live chat everyday between the hours of 4:30PM and 11:30PM CST.

    We wish you the best,
    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod6; 03-13-2015, 03:31 AM.

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