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  • Adopted and 16 wanting to leave home

    Hi.
    So I'm 16 and I'm adopted I don't like where I am living ... I've lived with this family since I was 4 years old and I've always wanted to leave... On New Year's Eve I ran away from home to my boyfriends family .... My adopted parents found me... But before the police had come I decided to go home bc I was a little scared.... My boyfriends mom is a mom to me .. She told me police said all they could do is tell me that it's in my best interest to go home but they would not force me to... Is that correct? Anyway school is out in a couple weeks and I want to move in with there family again ... Can i? What will the police say?

  • #2
    Re: Adopted and 16 wanting to leave home

    Hello there,

    It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on and are seriously considering moving back in with your boyfriend’s family. We cannot tell you what to do here, but would be happy to discuss possible options with you. Running away is normally just a status offense which might be the reason police said they could not force you to go home. On the other hand, many cities/states consider harboring a runaway a crime. There tend to be a lot of “what ifs” in these kinds of situations, but for a more official, you could always contact local law enforcement or legal aid. Unfortunately, for minors wishing to leave home, most options are going to involve getting your parents/guardian’s consent. If you can find a way to contact us directly, either by calling in 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through Live Chat (big red button at www.1800runaway.org) which is open from 4:30 to 11:30 pm CST every day. Hopefully that helps and hope to hear from you soon!

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      ok so im 16 and i dont like where im living can i leave ? i get abused and yelled at everyday ! can i move out with somebody else ?

      Comment


      • ccsmod8
        ccsmod8 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there –

        Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here on our public forum. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. Hopefully there are other youth that are in similar situations as you that can benefit from you reaching out to us today. This is a similar reply to another post that focuses on the same issues that you are having right now.

        “No one deserves to be treated like that at all. Just know that you always have the right to report any abuse (physical, mental, sexual, or neglect/abandonment) to your local child protective service in your state. You have rights too. If calling out to child protective services is something that you don’t really feel comfortable with doing, you can always give us a call to help answer any questions about the process or to walk you through what steps there are. Having evidence of the alleged abuse might be helpful to have as well because that is something that they will as about during the process or you can mention that is something that you do have in case they want it.

        Only you know when you need to leave due to your home being unsafe. Unfortunately no one but you can make that decision for you, not even here. One thing that may be helpful for you is to possibly note when the fighting/yelling is happening or any triggers of the fighting/yelling (some examples would be like after your abuser comes from work or after dinner and/or right when you get home) and to try to find things that can keep yourself away from home during those times (after school programs, sports program, study group at a friend’s house, getting involved in your volunteering, etc). Since you are 16 years old and if you leave without getting permission, what generally what typically happens in each state is if you are below the legal age of majority (18 in most states), your parents would be able to make a runaway report in the event that you do run away. Since it’s only considered a statues offense and not a crime to run away, the only thing that would happen is that the police will pick you up and bring you back home. Then you would have to figure out how you're going to deal with being at home once again and how they might punish you for leaving.”

        We hope that you can think about your plan a little more and what you would like to do based on the information above. If you would like to talk further about your situation you can always reach out and call us on our 24 hour hotline.

        Best of luck!

    • #4
      Hi, i will be 16 in January and i am adopted and i really do not like where i am living. I have a best friend that knows everything that has been going on there and i do not want to be there any longer. Her mom said that i could stay with her if needed and she would watch over me until i turn 18. This family has been more of a family than my adoption parent's have in the past 4 years. I really want to live with them but i am scared of what is going to happen if i do. Could i go back to foster care or could i stay with my best friend?? Plz write back.

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. If you do opt to leave your home your adoptive parents can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor. If a runaway report is filed and you are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned to your parents/guardians.

        It’s great to hear that your friend and her mom are so supportive. If you go to stay at their house without prior permission from your parents, your friend's mom could be charged with harboring a runaway, which is a misdemeanor. Penalties for harboring a runaway vary from state to state, police officer to officer, and how your parents view the situation.

        If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

        All the best,
        NRS

    • #5
      So I'm 16 and I'm adopted by my biological grandmother, but my uncle threatens to physically abuse me and I'm never allowed to leave my house, my mother lost custody of me and I was adopted, is there anything I can do, is it illegal for me to run away from home?

      Comment


      • #6
        Hello –

        Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes great courage to reach out. We are sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. It sounds horrible to receive rejection from someone in your family. It sounds like the mistreatment at home is becoming difficult to deal with.

        Having a place to stay to ensure that you are safe is very important. While we are not legal experts, running away is not considered illegal. However, since you are a minor, your guardians have the right to file a runaway report. With a runaway report, if the police find you they would return you home unless you express to them that you live in a unsafe environment. If you left home and decided to stay with a friend, they could get in trouble for harboring a runaway. However, due to the McKinney Vento Act you also have the right to go to school regardless of your living situation. To learn more about the process of running away and being able to enroll in school without your legal guardian’s permission, you can also call the National Center of Homeless Education Hotline at 1-800-308-2145.

        Depending on what you are looking for, a good resource for you could be the National Child Abuse Hotline. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453. You can call them anonymously to learn about the abuse reporting process, or directly report abuse to this line. They are a good resource for talking through your options if there is verbal/mental abuse going on with your uncle.

        We hope the information provided helps. Remember we are available 24/7 and can be toll-free reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are confidential, anonymous, and non-direct. We can also be reached via live chat between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST.

        Best Wishes

        ~NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #7
          So I am 16, my parents favor my sister bc she has diabetes. I have shoulder problems and my parents took me to a chiropractor. He said I had to go on a diet. Well i was 97.8 lbs before this diet and now i am 78. My parents dont seem to care. I want to move out this isnt the only problem that had happened there is plenty more. like my mom yelling at me bc I had a low blood sugar and I went home. she got mad bc I got sick. I have a family to live with and is willing to adopt me but idk how I could without my parents knowing.

          Comment


          • ccsmod7
            ccsmod7 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi,

            Thanks for reaching out. We’re sorry to hear that you’re going through a difficult time with your parents. It’s unfortunate and unfair that they seem to favor your sister and ignore your health. It’s great that you’re standing up for yourself and asking for help, though.

            It sounds like you’re having a hard time getting through to your parents. One option you could try is to write them a letter expressing how you’ve been feeling—your frustrations, concerns and needs unmet. Not only might it help you communicate, but it could be therapeutic just to get your thoughts out on paper.

            As far as getting adopted by another family, that’s something that your parents would have to know about and provide their consent. If you’re making any plans to run away or stay with someone else, the most important thing to be sure of is that you’re safe. If you’d like some help figuring out your options or simply want to talk, you can call our crisis hotline anytime, 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929. Someone is always here to listen and to help. If you’d rather not call, you can try our chat service at 1800runaway.org.

            Thanks again for reaching out. We hope to hear from you soon.

            -NRS

        • #8
          So a girl that has been a part of my family since age 3 but not biologically related to me was adopted by her great grandmother 12yrs ago. I accepted her as my grandchild from day one and she is now 15 yrs old. The great grandmother has moved her to Tennessee and all this child does is call us crying about how horribly she is being treated and wants to leave and come live with me and her half sister who I have custody of which she is my biological granddaughter. The 15yr old is very very scared and doesn’t know what to do. Please help me to help her
          Last edited by ccsmod4; 05-28-2019, 02:24 AM.

          Comment


          • #9
            Reply: So a girl that has been a part of my family....

            Hello,
            Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

            We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you care a great deal for this girl.
            Your support is probably really appreciated by her.

            NRS is here to listen and here to help. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

            Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

            Take care,
            NRS
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            [email protected] (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #10
              Good afternoun !
              I'm 16 I live in Algeria,my family treats me like I'm their housekeeper ,they make me clean and cook without giving me a bit of my rights , even I get high marks at school and I don't get in troubles . In every day I pick up fights with them and get hurted ,because I can't obei all their unjustice orders and accept the way they treat me,but I get enough from this kind of life ,I can't live like that anymore please I'm asking for help me I wanna leave that hell and leave my country forever so they can't see me even in their dreams and I wanna be adopted by a family that cares for me but I'm a minor so I don't know If i can or how i can get out of my country without a parentel permission!
              please give me a hand I really need you're help
              Thank you !

              Comment


              • ccsmod6
                ccsmod6 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello and thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It looks like you have reached out to us through another platform we have contacted you back already. Stay strong and we wish you the best going forward.

                -NRS

            • #11
              Hello, I’m 16 and from the UK. I have been adopted since I was younger and have always wanted to move back in with my biological family. I live with my older sibling who was also adopted but she has a different father to me (half sister as we have the same mum). I recently saw my biological sister and father and I miss them so much. They said that if I were to runaway that the police couldn’t do anything. They know what being adopted has done to me and I hate how I’m living as I’ve never had a proper family but they were able to keep my younger brother and sister. I’m not sure what to do as I want to live with them and not be with this adoption family but I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I meet up with my younger siblings every 6 months via social services but we don’t want that either as we prefer to do things like go to the beach as my younger siblings are 13 and 15. Plus, social services won’t allow that as it has to be somewhere half way between the two places where we live. I’m just not sure what to do

              Comment


              • ccsmod15
                ccsmod15 commented
                Editing a comment
                Thanks so much for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s understandable that you’d miss your siblings and normal to want to feel close to them. Because we are a U.S.-based organization, we can’t advise on how to navigate the legal situation in the UK. However, this organization called Childline may be helpful: https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...-running-away/

                Sorry that we couldn't be of more help, but we wish you the best of luck with everything!

            • #12
              Hello, I have a niece, that was adopted at the age of 2. She is now 15 going on 16 this coming February. She was kicked out of the house by her grandmother who is also her adoptive parent. Then found out that there was a runaway report filed on her from the grandmother. She is constantly neglected and verbally abused in the house, help can I help her? Her parents have a place in a near by homeless camping, and she really wants to go to them. Is that possible? And if not, would she be able to enroll in the program independent living?

              Comment


              • ccsmod7
                ccsmod7 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello and thanks for reaching out to us.

                It seems like you truly care about your niece and your support seems like what they need, based on what you have said. You being there, even as just someone to talk with, can help show that people still care for her and are willing to help. It has to be tough to see what she is going through at home.

                In answer to your questions, yes you can help her in a variety of ways. You are already helping by looking for resources that might be able to help, and it seems like you have been talking with her and been a person willing to listen to her issues. These sound small but can make a huge difference for a young person in a tough situation. If you live close enough and can let her stay with you for, for a short time even a few hours, this could help her to have a safe place she can go to when the abuse gets too much. It may be helpful to encourage her to get into sports, or after school activities that help to keep her out of the house for longer, while providing a good outlet for frustrations. You mentioned neglect and abuse occurring, which brings up the possibility of getting child protective services involved. You might be able to help be there as a support for your niece through that process if that is the route she ends up going with. Last you could help her decide what her options are and make a plan together for the future.

                You also mentioned that her parents live in a nearby camp. The short answer is that she could go to them, but if the police find her with the outstanding runaway report they will most likely bring her back to her grandmother’s regardless of her biological parents being present.

                A transitional independent living program (TLP) that you mentioned may be an option depending on the program. For something like that you will likely need the permission of her grandmother. Most shelters and TLP’s have to let a parent or guardian know within 24-48 hours that a youth is staying with them. So if that is an option you are considering it may be helpful to reach out to them and see what their requirements are, and if a problem like this is likely to come up.
                Of course you can always point your niece our way to talk with them at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you can call in if you have more questions. We are also available through online chat, or email on our website
                . Hopefully this has helped you and we wish you and your niece good luck.

            • #13
              Hi. I’m 18 and my sister adopted me and I do wanna leave home but am afraid to because of something saying that I have to be in her care until I’m 21 and I’m afraid of what she’ll do if I decide to leave and I am also still in school. My boyfriend wants to see me but my sister won’t let me because of a bad grade. I lived in New York till I was 15 then I moved to Michigan to live with my sister so she could adopt me. I’ve looked around for answers online but have found nothing and I don’t know what to do. I’m to afraid to go and take to her about it.

              Comment


              • ccsmod4
                ccsmod4 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello,
                Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

                We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We would be glad to hear more about your situation and explore options with you.

                It sounds like things have become complicated for you in regards to your relationship with your boyfriend. We understand that sometimes things can become frustrating and it’s hard to know which way to turn. There are times when communicating with someone about an issue or problem might be affective. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

                Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
                We hope to hear from you soon.

                Take care,
                NRS

            • #14
              Hi I’m 16 and I live in a house with my two younger siblings we are all adopted by my grandmother. My grandmas daughter (my aunt) lives in the house with her son too and the social workers don’t know she’s living here. My aunt is the problem she doesn’t speak to me unless their telling me to clean or cook for the little kids. If I ever do anything she doesn’t like she threatens to “beat my ass” and the other day she thought I took her face wash so she smacked me hard across the face and my head hit the car door. She doesn’t work and she’s almost 40. My grandma doesn’t even make her work. I try to tell my grandma that this is unfair but she never listens. She refuses to give me $5 to buy a new school ID when mine broke, and gives my aunt $400 - $500 every couple months to go on vacations with her boyfriend. My grandma gets three checks each month none of them under $800. We have three rooms and one of them is my aunts the other is my grandmas and all four kids share the other one. My aunt goes out and gets drunk like every other night but I’m not allowed to spend the night at a friends. I can’t live like this anymore

              Comment


              • ccsmod15
                ccsmod15 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hi there,
                Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. It takes great courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you decided to reach out for help.

                It sounds like you are going through a hard time at home. You don't deserve to be hurt in anyway. If your safety is at risk you can call 911. If you have any marks of physical abuse it can be helpful to take pictures so they can be used as proof in the court. If you like you could call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 and they can help you provide you more information on filing an abuse report. Talking to other adults you trust like relatives and school counselors can be helpful.

                Leaving home can be hard and it can be helpful to think about where you might stay and how you might pay for food, rent and other living expenses. We are not legal experts but speaking generally if you are to leave without your parents permission the police can bring you back home and whoever you are staying with could be charged with harboring a runaway.

                This can be a lot to deal with and if you chose you can contact us at our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-786-2929 and we would be happy to listen to you, explore your options and provide any resources.

                You are doing great by reaching out for help. We wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon.

                Best
                NRS

            • #15
              OK so I'm only 15 and I have been adopted since I was like 4 or 5. But over the last year or so my parents have been yelling and screaming more an everything has been going down hill. And now I don't want to live with this family. But the problem is I don't wanna do something stupid because I have a job and I boyfriend, and I don't wanna loose those things or people. So what should I do??

              Comment


              • ccsmod15
                ccsmod15 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello,

                Thank you so much for the reaching out! We appreciate you seeking out help during this difficult time, and we’re here to assist you in any way that we can.

                To begin with, you mentioned that your parents have been fighting a lot constantly, and you it’s driving you to the point where you don’t want to live there anymore. It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now, and we are here for you. An option to explore would be to talk to your parents about how their fights are affecting you in more way then one. Having open communication with them, may help them realize that their fighting is doing more harm than good. If you are ever feeling unsafe, you can text the word safe and your location to 44357. The national safe place will send you a safe location to go to, and a crisis worker will be out to assist you further.

                In the same way, you can try to talking to a school counselor, and letting them know that your parent’s have been fighting a lot and you’re seeking guidance on how to go about it next. You counselor may suggest a family group session, and you all can talk freely of what’s been going on. Now we do offer a service that is basically a Conference Call where the parent/guardian, the youth, and us would be on the phone talking about what has been going on. This way there can be a mediator in between keeping things calm and productive. If you’d feel more comfortable with doing that, just know that it’s always available. It might be a great way to talk about what you are going through and where this feelings might be coming from or to maybe build on your relationship and make it better. Something constructive so that it certainly opens the lines of communication, but that services is completely up to you.

                Again, thank you so much for reaching out. We understand that you’re going through such a difficult time, and you need any additional help, please call us at our 24/7 hotline at 1800) 786-2929. Best of luck!
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