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Moving out of my mom's house to my father's house

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  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there, and thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step.

    It sounds like things at home have been pretty difficult, and we're sorry to hear that. Physical abuse is not okay, and you don't deserve that sort of treatment. While it's probably incredibly frustrated that your interactions with DSS haven't seemed to changed much, it's important to continue documenting any abuse that's happening and filing abuse reports each time. This might seem like a lot, but if DSS is trying to put other measures in place to ensure your wellbeing and those measures aren't working (and causing you to continue being hurt), it's important for them to know that. Keeping record of those incidences can be helpful as well, like hanging onto the doctor's report showing that you went to the hospital and/or taking photos of your bruises, etc. If filing an abuse report on your own becomes too much for you, you can also reach out to a safe person at school (like a teacher or counselor), let them know what's going on, and they can file a report for you. We can also work with you here at NRS to get a report filed as well.

    Beyond that, there aren't a whole lot of ways that you can legally move out of your mom's house until you're 18. Your dad might be able to go back to court now to try and get things in motion to have you move in with him since there is ongoing abuse in your home, and that's likely a good place to start. Similarly, if DSS gets involved again, try and make sure they're aware that staying with dad is an option and see if they can help facilitate that. This might be something they can help with.

    If you'd like to chat in more detail about what's going on at home or continue to explore your options, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY or through our live chat at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I have the same problem. I wanna move out of my moms house, to live with my dad.

    My mom doesn't treat me right no more!! She's always bringing guys to the house or going out late at night, drunk nd passes out anywhere. And whenever she doesn't go out and drink she stays home and drinks herself the second she gets home. Which is round 6 till 12 and she yells at me and she some times puts her hands on me or she will get in my face, or she'll jus argu with me and I've felt with this ever since I was 8 years old. And my dad he lives 1hr away from me and he said I can live with him, until they get a bigger house . Because right now they have a 1 bedroom house nd that's y I can't go over their all the time cause my mom has a court order saying I can't be their when my stepsister are their,cause we would be sharing the same room I guess. But that's why he said until then jus wait . And I rlly don't know if I can wait cause I'm almost at my breaking point!! DSS has come to the house 2 times and around 20 or 30 domestic reports have been filed at my moms house . So my dad says when the judge sees that its ganna be a good factor and show him that his place is more stable for me . I have 2 sisters and 1 brother at my moms house , and my uncle ,me ,my mom,mycat ,nd my dog so its rlly packed. And my mom makes me do so much while she goes out at night with anyone or does anything at all . I have to take the man of the house roll cause my uncle doesn't do anything here he is always gone . I have to cook dinner nd give the kids baths nd clean after them nd get the clothes done and everything . Not saying im not supposed to do nothing but I shouldn't have to do all that while she gets drunk and I have to do the man of the house job and also her job as a parent/mother . The social worker said that even tho she can drink . Cause drinking isn't illegal. But she is still a mom to us nd shouldn't let drinking take over her . At the end of the day she is a mother and should be one no matter what. Cause I'm suffering trying to help . I currently have a job. And have had it since the end of 2020 and still working. I jjs want to live with my dad because for the last couple years since I was 8 yes old and now I'm 16 I've suffered and been thru so much pain with her drinking and her BF drinking and them fighting . My dad don't really drink he dont like it and I told him achohal has messed up my life not physically but mentally, and I jus can't take it nomore .!!!! DSScsme like 1month ago I think to my house because my mom got so drunk that she got in a fight with my grandma and scratched her face nd scratched her chest and everything and pullers out her hair and punched me in my chest and had tk get X-rays but nothing broke or nothing but it was a bigg bruise and couldn't lift my arms!! I jjs want to get out of her . How can I move out of my moms house ????

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  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on with your mom and wanting to live with your dad. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe, NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi im eleven lately ive been getting locked down into the basement by my mom and getting hit by my mom i want to live with my dad becaseue he is not a jehovahs witness and i dont have to pretend to be somthing im not but the thing is with leaving my mom is that its going to get emotinal even though she abuses me deep down she is somthimes a nice woman but still i cant live with her the way she treats me my parents been divorced, But my dad always had my back. And today i textted him about my issues with abuse from my mom. He said he can do anything for me and i replied i wanna move out from my moms house. And i thought it through and i am firm with my choice but i know im going to be depressed

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I want to leave my mom's house.

    I have lived with her my whole life and in the past few years she has been making up excuses why I can't visit my dad. She says these things and then we never do anything. I talk to my dad about it and he says that it's up to me what I do, to stand up to her, but no matter what I do, my mom degrades me along with my step-father. I just want it to be over and done with this house and the people. I'm 16 and my mom makes it harder and harder to pass my classes. Forces me to do everything in the house, I even watch my brother. She paid me for about 3 months till she decided she had no money to pay me with when the job she works has been very successful. She then took all my pay saying that she needed it for things and would not tell me what she was going to use it for. I don't know what to do. I just need someone to give me some sort of guidance or ideas how to handle it.

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like things at home are tough right now. Your mom said some hurtful things to you even though you’re doing your best to help around the house. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help when you need it. We’re glad you did. Your mom asked your dad to pick you up even though you don’t want to go. You said you don’t want to interfere with his family. One option could be to have a conversation with him about his expectations for you at the house. You can tell him what kind of support you need and try to agree on some ground rules. If you feel comfortable, you can talk to him about what’s going on at home with your mom. You mentioned wanting to take a backpack of things you need to your dad’s house. One idea could be to put together what you want to take and let your mom know it’s all schoolwork and essentials. If your mom won’t let you take your work with you, maybe there’s a friend or teacher you could reach out to for copies of the materials you need. It’s good that you’re thinking about how to be successful in school even with everything going on right now. You can give us a call at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) to talk about some other options in coping with your situation. We’re also available to live chat at www.1800Runaway.org You deserve to be supported and listened to. We look forward to speaking with you. Take Care, NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm 13 years old, me and my mom had gotten in an argument. She said I don't do anything but I clean the house, do all the chores, she says I have the worst attitude ever and she said she wishes she never had me. I yelled "Do you even want me anymore?" she said no. I was crying for 3 hours straight, she left to work, she had messaged my dad telling him to pick me up on Saturday, I don't want to go. He has a new family and I don't want to interfere with that, she said it doesn't matter because he'll send me right back. That I'm a mistake and no one will want me so she's gonna throw me out into the streets ... I know it isn't true but it hurts hearing her say that every day, I want to be loved. She says when I go with him I can't take nothing with me, I'm in the middle of school, I'm failing classes, how can I make everything up if my dad probably won't even provide anything for me? I'm thinking about taking a backpack full of the things I need the most but I don't want to get in trouble. Please help me ... what do I do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your mom’s permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your mom. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Third is if your grandma files for custody, that might be part of going through child protective services as well. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
    While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
    We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    Be safe,

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am 15 and I want to move to my grandmother's house I have been trying to do this for 5 years since my stepdad came into my life he is verbally and mentally abusing me and my mother they had two kids together and I am the stay at home babysitter I want to move to my grand, as a house because it is a bad environment they took my door I am not the nicest person to my mom but I'm the only person that want s t stuff at my house my mom just sits on her and does nothing and my stepdad is yell at mt siblings they are some times scared of him they took me away from all my friends and my old school just so my grandma cant talk to me cause she pretty much raised me my mom didn't want me to want me when I was little my father pays child support and i dont see anything from that they usally buy cigarettes or stuff for them we have gone to court in the past nut i didnt speack up cause i was scared of what would do to me if i did they always make me babysit olny time i fell safe is at shchool they put so much stress on me to get my 3 and 4 year old brother bathed and fed all the time i was happy when i lived with my gradma i just want to be happy again my mom and dad have joint custdoy i hope you guys can help me
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 11-09-2020, 06:54 PM.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you ever so much for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that the situation at home with your mom and stepfather has been so difficult. It is not ok for anyone to be abusive towards you, you deserve to live in a space where you feel safe. It sounds like you are looking for information about possibly being able to live with your dad. We are not legal experts, but we can share information that might help you figure out your next steps.

    It sounds like you have already brought up moving in with your dad and your mom has not been open to the idea of you moving in with your dad. One option you have is to talk to your mom about what has been going on at home, to see if she would be open to discussing ways to address the way you have been feeling at home. If this is not something you feel comfortable with, another option is to talk to your dad about whether he would be willing to petition to change the custody agreement. Again, we are not legal experts, and the laws can vary from state to state, but your dad may need to consult with a lawyer to find out if this is something he can do and, if so, what steps he would need to take to start the process. As you mentioned in your message, you do have the option to run away, and it is important to keep in mind that while it is technically not a crime to run away, it may be considered a status offense in some states. Your parent or legal guardian has the right to file a runaway report with your local police department if you leave without their consent and you are considered a minor. If you want to talk more about how to approach your mom, identifying legal resources, or how local police might deal with a runaway report, please feel free to reach out to us.

    Whatever you decide, know that we are here for you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we can do our best to help you explore your options and stay as safe as possible. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or via chat by visiting our website www.1800runaway.org . We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!
    -NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My dad and my mother had me when they were both seniors in high school, and shortly after my dad got into trouble with the law and was sent to jail. Because of these decisions he only has visitation rights and I see him every other weekend.

    He has changed a lot since his incident and I would like to move in with him because i believe it would be better for me. My mother is married to a man who is emotionally abusive and
    I don’t feel loved in my own home anymore.

    I have debated running away for weeks, due to the fact that every time I bring up moving in with my dad she gets angry. I understand I am only 14 and he only has visitation rights, but if it is best for me mentally there isn’t really another choice.. What should I do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that things have been so challenging at home with your mom. It sounds like you are contemplating whether running to your dad’s would help, but you have some concerns about whether your dad could get into trouble for letting you stay with him. We can’t tell you what to do, but we can do our best to share options that might be available to you.

    We are not legal experts, but from what we understand, if you are considered a minor in your state, your parent or legal guardian is responsible for giving you a safe place to live. If your mom is your legal guardian and has custody of you, she would have the right to report you as a runaway if you decided to leave without her consent. From what we know, in some states, running away is considered a status offense, and anyone that you stay with may potentially be charged with harboring a runaway or aiding and abetting a minor. If you feel like living with your dad may be a better option for you, it may help to talk to him about changing the custody agreement he may already have in place with your mom. If you would like more information, or would like to talk to someone about what is going on, please feel free to reach out to us.

    Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay as safe as possible as you explore your options. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or via chat by visiting our website www.1800runaway.org. We are here to listen here to help. Stay safe!
    -NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I’m in a similar situation

    My parents divorced when I was 11. I’m 15. Things with my mom have never really been all that great. Even when my parents were together, I was always closer to my dad. After they got divorced, things got worse. Here, recently, they’ve been worse than ever before. She has never laid a hand on me, but she has threatened to hit me when she’s angry. She seems to always have a problem with me and not my sisters. When she’s angry (which seems to be often) she screams at us for small things, cusses a lot, and says harsh things. I’ve come to realize that she is very manipulative and mentally abusive. She says things to put me down and make me feel bad about things that aren’t my fault. She will cry and complain about things going on with her (though they are obviously dramatized) and do what she can to keep my sisters on her side. My 12 year old sister takes the place of caring for my mom. My other sister is 9. My mom’s boyfriend has 2 little girls, they are 6 and 7. He’s not very good at taking care of kids. He’s too strict and never lets them play. I will often volunteer to take them places (like the park) just to give them a chance to play around and be kids. I have no privacy at her house and I never get to go anywhere or do what I want to do because she wants me home. I’m so tired of living here and I want to move to my dad’s. I go to his house every other weekend and on Wednesdays. My mom already thinks that’s too much and wants to take more time away from him. At my dad’s house, there’s my dad, my stepmom, my older stepbrother (16), my younger stepsister (14), my younger stepbrother (10), and my two biological sisters (9 and 12). My dad works part time driving to vet labs to get samples and deliver them to another lab. My stepmom drives some of the nights so he can stay home, they take turns. They live in a decent house and make enough money to feed all of us and take care of us. We have 4 bedrooms. The boys share a room, I share a room with my 12 year old sister, the two other girls share a room, and the adults share a room. We have 2 big dogs and 3 cats. Living with my mom is taking a huge toll on my mental health and I’ve thought about running away, but I’m scared to and that would be difficult anyway. My mom has an alarm system in the house that prevents us from going downstairs at night. There are also cameras all around the outside. If I did run away to my dad’s house, would he get in trouble? My stepmom told me she would be willing to come and get me, but it just wouldn’t work out. My mom takes my phone whenever I’m at her house and there are no electronics allowed upstairs. What can I do?

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  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey Hunter,

    Thanks so much for reaching out, we know that it takes a lot of courage to do so! It's understandable that you would be wary of living with your mom since her actions are so suspicious. Taking time away to cool down after an argument is a great idea and it was a very mature response for you to have. Your safety is most important to us and some of the things you've mentioned about your mom's past drug usage and abusive boyfriends raise some concern for your well-being. If you are currently at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

    It's super reasonable that you would need some time to feel ready about moving in with your dad if the last time you lived with him was difficult. It seems like maybe you two are potentially on different pages about where your relationship currently stands. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your family so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    Stay safe,
    NRS

    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
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