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  • I want to move in with my dad but my mom won’t let be do it

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    • ccsmod0
      ccsmod0 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello, Thank you for taking the time to talk to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you would like live with your father but your mother will let you. It can be difficult to be caught between two parents the way you are. Have you had a chance to talk to both parents about wanting to move? Often times having a sit down conversation with both parents can help you find a compromise that everyone can live with. If talking to your parents seems intimidating, perhaps you can consider using our conference calling service, this is a service where you would call us and we would hold a conference call between you and your ¬parents to talk about how both sides are feeling. We would serve as mediators, we are not here to necessarily choose sides but rather help come up with a solution that would make the situation at home better. This might be helpful to you if you have concerns about your parents not listening or not being open to hear what you have to say. If you feel like this is a service that you would find useful you can give us a call and one of our trained liner will be happy to assist you. 1-800-786-2929

  • I want to move into my dads house but I am only twelve.

    my dad abandoned me when I was first born but he still came back when I was three. My mom says that my Grandma isn't my grandma even though she has no say over who's my Grandma in my opinion. She got a new boyfriend who has a criminal record and gets mad when I talk to my dad or anyone on his side of the family. She never lets me leave the house and expects me to watch HER kids all the time for nothing. She pays my older sister $20 every week for "watching" my siblings when she doesn't actually watch them, sh sits and plays the computer all day long and makes me watch them the second I get home.

    i don't have time to do my homework because I am either doing my chores or watching my siblings. She doesn't let me contact her mother who has MY dog.

    if I move in with my dad, I will get an allowance, be able to see my dog, get help on homework, leave the house every once in a while, and give me my own room. whil meanwhile at my moms I have to share a room with all my siblings which means 5 kids 1 bedroom.

    Comment


    • Hi there,

      Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here to listen and to support.

      It sounds like you have been having a rough time for quite awhile at home. We want you to know that you deserve o feel safe and happy at home. It can be difficult to have a conversation with your mom or grandma if they are seemingly unwilling to listen to how you feel. Sometimes it can be helpful to have another adult around when you’re trying to talk to them so that they can stand up for you and try to keep the conversation calm and fair. That person could be a guidance counselor, family friend, or any other adult you trust. Here at NRS, we also offer a conference call service and can help you have that conversation. We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you feel like you need help having conversations about how you're treated with your grandma or mom. You could talk about how you feel like you can't do your homework and are missing being able to call other members of your family and we could possibly come to some resolutions.

      You can also give us a call and a liner could help talk you through other options you may have been thinking about to make your home life better. Don't hesitate to give us a call so we can best help. We could also talk about what you could do for the possibility of having custody transferred to our dad or the ability to see your him more often.

      Best,

      NRS
      Last edited by ccsmod1; 02-12-2018, 12:26 AM.
      Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

      National Runaway Safeline
      [email protected] (Crisis Email)
      1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

      Tell us what you think about your experience!
      https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

      Comment


      • Im 15 and my dad got sole costudy of ne when i was 5 and he verbly abuses me and i know its not mentally healthy living with him cause i wanna die around him i just want to live with my mom and she wants me too but he i feel if i tell him he is not going to let me.pls help.

        Comment


        • ccsmod2
          ccsmod2 commented
          Editing a comment
          Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes a great deal of courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear that your dad verbally abuses you. It sounds like you want to live with you mom. Although verbal abuse is harder to prove, you have the right to report the abuse. You could try talking to someone that you trust such as a teacher or school counselor. You could also reach out to Child Help (1-800-422-4453) to report the abuse and to get information on how to transfer custody to your mom. You could also try asking your mom if she would talk to your dad about the possibility of you moving in with your mom. You mentioned that you want to die when you are around your dad, talking to someone about how your dad makes you feel could help. In addition to our services, you could contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). Although you are going through a tough time with your dad, you are not alone. If you have any questions or just need to talk, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929)), email, or live chat.

      • I am 16 and it has been 10 years since I seen my biological father and I found him on Face Book and I started to text him on messenger. Well my brother had the smart idea I will tell all that has been going on so he told him. Then my mom found out and then she got mad at us. Then she said I will not stop you from seeing him. Then an hour later she said well if you want to live with him go but she said in a voice that she did not care what happens to us so I am confused if I should go live with him or stay she is pulling me her and he is pulling me his way so that are playing tug awar with me. so He said he was getting a lawyer and get us and we want have to deal with being confused.

        Comment



        • Hi there,

          Thanks for reaching out to NRS. We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. It can be very frustrating not knowing what to do, or what your next step might be from this point on.

          It sounds like your mom hasn’t been supportive of you reconnecting with your dad, which must be really frustrating. You should have the right to get to know your father without her trying to manipulate you or make you choose sides. An option that could be useful would be our conference calling service. You would have to call in and then we call your mom together, to have a conference call. We can try to help you talk through some of the issues with her in a neutral way – and hopefully help her understand how you’ve been feeling. We could also talk to her about you getting to know your dad, and seeing him more.

          We have heard of courts allowing the youth to choose which parent the youth wants to live with. We also have legal aid resources in our database, they help youth for free. They may know different options for you to be able to live with your dad full time, or represent you in court. If you’re interested in those services or resources, let us know and we will try our best to connect you with them.

          You’re not alone in this and you do have options! Your voice is heard and is important to us. If you’d like to talk more about the options we listed, please don’t hesitate to call us. Our safeline is open 24/7.

          Be safe, NRS

          We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think
          Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

          National Runaway Safeline
          [email protected] (Crisis Email)
          1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

          Tell us what you think about your experience!
          https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

          Comment


          • I am 16 years old and my parents were divorced when I was 4. I no longer want to live with my mother. I want to live with my dad, but he owes a lot of child support. Do I still have a chance to move with my father? He's working and has a home with an extra bed room for me. Is there still a chance I can move with him?

            Comment


            • ccsmod10
              ccsmod10 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hi there,

              Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runway Safeline. We appreciate you contacting us in your time of need, it was very brave of you.
              It sounds like your parents are putting you in the middle of their issues, which isn’t fair for you and must be really stressful on you. You should have a say when it comes to which parent you’re going to live with. Only the parent who is your legal guardian, can give you permission to live elsewhere. If your parents have joint custody, there may be a way for you to move in with your dad. We’re not legal experts but we do know that custody is a big part of your options. We have heard in some cases, where the judge will listen to the child’s input on which parent they would rather live with. You may want to ask your dad about that. We also have a database of legal aid resources, that help youth for free. If you wanted us to connect you with those resources, don’t hesitate call into our safeline.

              Lastly, we offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your dad about you want to live with your mom, we can help you make that call.
              We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

              Be safe, NRS

          • I am 16 years old and my mom and dad split up when I was younger.I had to live with my mom all my life and I’m 16 I can’t stay at this house no more with her she treat me and my twin very bad and call us out our name say we are ugly cuz we look like our dad she talks about our dad to us mostly every day I can’t take it no more I love my dad I want to go live with him we’ve been talking to him for like a year now and it’s like we are so close with him we deserve to be treated better then this and she also treat my two brothers and sister better then us she would go and buy stuff for them but if we ask she a say no so we wouldn’t have nothing so I feel like if we was with our dad everything would be so better bc he would treat us right.He told us it was gonna be ok daughters y’all gonna get out of that house and come with me we’re yall get treated better and not have to do everything for grown kids.We also feel that we have a sister that is 20 with a 6 mouth old baby and my mom do everything for her and the baby which that’s crazy bc u do more for your 20 year old and her baby then she do for her us. I feel if we move with my dad me and me twin life would be so much better.Could y’all pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help us so we can move with our daddy.

            Comment


            • ccsmod10
              ccsmod10 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hi there,

              Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runway Safeline. We appreciate you contacting us in your time of need, it was very brave of you.
              It sounds like your mom hasn’t been treating you and your twin very well at home, which isn’t fair for you and must be really stressful on you. You should have a say when it comes to which parent you’re going to live with. You never deserve to be talked down to or brought down. If your mom has custody, being your legal guardian, he is the only one who can give you permission to live elsewhere. So that means that if you did leave to live with your dad, without her permission, she could report you two as a runaway. If the police find you, they will return you to your custodial parent.

              We offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your mom about how you're being treated at home, we're always here to make that call with you. Or we can try to get her to agree to let you and your sister to live with your dad. Sometimes just being able to talk can be a way to open up the lines of communication, and see the best way that everyone can compromise. You are also always able to report the abuse that you’re going through to CPS, or staff at school.

              We have heard in some cases, where the judge will listen to the child’s input on which parent they would rather live with. You may want to ask your dad about that. We also have a database of legal aid resources that help youth for free. If you wanted us to connect you with those resources, don’t hesitate call into our safeline.

              We hope our response is helpful. In addition, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.

              Be safe, NRS

          • I want to leave my dads. I go to a very difficult school and it puts a lot of stress on me, I got caught vaping and ever since my dad has become insane. He won't let me see my friends calling them fast. There's a camera in my room, something that watches everything I do on my computer a dim stuck living with him even though I suffer from depression and he acts like its fake and its so mentally abusing so I want to move because its so tiring living here and I understand I made a mistake but he won't let it go. And the problem is that although my mom is totally open to letting me move and tells me there are space and their happy shes halfway across the country, and I'm scared to talk to my dad about it but I'm so unhappy.

            Comment


            • ccsmod5
              ccsmod5 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey,
              Thanks for writing in. It sounds like you’re in an unfortunate situation with your dad and it makes sense that you would be upset about how he is treating you. It sounds like your dad’s reaction is disproportionate for the situation, so please do know that you don’t deserve to be mentally abused. You did mention that you’re scared to talk to him about the situation, but it might be an option to just have a conversation with your dad to clear the air. You might consider asking someone else to be there while you have that conversation, like a guidance counselor or one of your other family members. Here at NRS, we also offer a conference call service and can help you have that conversation, as well. Another option might be to just write your dad a letter letting him know what you’ve been thinking. Even if he doesn’t respond, it may help to just clear the air. In the meantime, it can be helpful to talk to someone about how you’ve been feeling. You deserve to be supported, even if that support doesn’t end up coming from your family.
              It sounds like you’re thinking about moving in with your mom. If your mom has partial custody of you, that shouldn’t be an issue. If you’re having trouble talking about it with your dad, you might want to ask your mom to call him instead. If your mom doesn’t have custody of you, she would need to get in touch with a lawyer to file for custody of you.
              Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

              Stay safe!

          • My parents divorced about 3-4 years ago and I knew I wanted to live with my dad from the start but I never got the choice. Before their divorce and since, my mom has had a history of awful anger management which when my dad went away to the military, turned into physical abuse but she called it "discipline." It's been mild since the divorce, though it was bad at the start, but now the mild physical stuff has turned into emotional abuse. Constantly calling me an ungrateful, disrespectful brat. She says she does so much for me, but her money can't fix everything she's done. She told me and my sister she would blow her brains out and that it was because of us. My dad said he'd try, but because of my age it would be really hard to get me out of there. And I've tried to talk to my mom about not wanting to live there but she always turns it into some victim of circumstance kind of thing and makes me feel bad or actually genuinely shows motherly love, making me change my mind. But I can't forgive her this time, she went too far and I need to get out of there, what do I do?

            Comment


            • ccsmod10
              ccsmod10 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hello,

              Thanks so much for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like you have been through so much – having to deal with emotional and physical abuse, being apart from your dad, and your mom’s manipulative behavior and threats of suicide. No one deserves to be treated that way.
              You always have the right to report this abuse. You might want to think about making a report with Child Protective Services. Child Help USA is an information and referral line that can connect you with your local CPS abuse hotline. That number is 1-800-422-4453. If you ever felt like making a report or needed help, we are here to assist with that. We understand that making an abuse report can be intimidating so if you like we can call together to provide support.

              Another thing to think about is making sure you have the right support in place, like a counselor or another trusted family member to talk to, since you’re under a lot of stress. Sometimes it helps just to be able to get things off your chest. If you feel comfortable you can give us a call and we can discuss all of your options, as well as find resources in your area 24/7 at 1-800- RUNAWAY.
              It shows a lot of strength that you’re reaching out for help. We wish you the best of luck.

          • I just need some answers if someone can help. I have a great relationship with my mom and she has recently decided we and my 3 other siblings are going to move to another state within the next 6 months because of some personal family issues. My 3 other siblings are only half-siblings so I have a different dad than them. But, the only thing holding us back from going right now is my dad said absolutely not, I am 16 and my mom said legally he can not stop me from moving with her. She said the court will go with what I want because I am old enough. Well I told my dad that and he said my mom can't move me out of state without his permission until I am 18. So I am confused and can't find anything to answer this. Can my dad legally stop me from moving with my mom to another state at 16?

            Comment


            • ccsmod5
              ccsmod5 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hi, there,
              Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you’re in a tough spot right now with your dad. Unfortunately, we are not legal experts and there is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to custody cases. To get a clear and specific answer, you would need to get in touch with a lawyer. If your father has partial custody of you, your mom may need to go to court to get full custody of you.
              Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

              Stay safe!

          • hi. I'm 16 years old and want to move in with my father. I presently live with my mother, step dad whom is the worst, and my other 4 siblings, nana, papa, and little baby niece, and my oldest sisters husband. I cant stand my life here and I just want to leave. I've ran away before but my dad knows where I go and tells my mom. I'm not abused I just simply would like to move. where my dad lives I am alone just him and I. I have my own room get everything I need. I have more opportunities there as well with the schools. I would be able to start my drivers ed. I cant do any of these things here because we don't have the money. and I believe my mom doesn't care and I do not want to be stuck here forever. what can I do to move legally and what can my mother do?

            Comment


            • ccsmod5
              ccsmod5 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey,
              Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like you’re wanting to go live with your dad. While we’re not legal experts, we can give some general information. If your dad has partial custody of you, it is possible that you can go stay with him with no court intervention needed. If your mom has full custody of you, your dad would need to file for custody of you with the courts. Since you are 16, it is possible that you would have some say in where you go and who you stay with. In any case, it could help to get in touch with a lawyer for more concrete answers.
              Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

              Stay safe!

          • I want to live with my dad I am 14 and live with my mom right know my moms side of the family puts me down and doesn’t except who I am and want to be they say that they don’t support me and I have had suicidal thoughts and have self harmed myself from it my mom is very sick and has been sick for 7 years I have talked to my dad about living with him and he said he would take me in but my mom says that if I decided to live with my dad she will never talk to me again and she has multiple times threatens to kick me out of the house and makes me do every thing when my mo found out I was self harming myself she took away everything and grounded me taking away everything when she went to talk to my tharipist I said I would not talk if the told her anything I said while I was in the sessions my mom made the therapist tell her what I had said and when she found out grounded me again I don’t know what to do I want to live with my dad but if I decide not coming home over the summer and weekends is that running away

            Comment


            • ccsmod3
              ccsmod3 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hi there,

              Thanks for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline and sharing a little bit about what is going on. It sounds like you have been through some tough situation and are in an environment that isn’t very supportive. It looks like you have taken steps to get support through your therapist, but turned out to be a very vulnerable moment that got you into a situation with your mom that wasn’t helpful. You mentioned suicidal thought and self-harming, if you ever are considering harming yourself, you can reach out to National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.

              It sounds like there may be some custody involvement to where it may be good to discuss with either of your parents what has been decided by the courts. That can be a start to knowing what you can and cannot do and what determines running away. We aren’t legal experts, but if you wanting things to shift, you would need to get permission from your parents for them to communicated with their lawyer. Kicking you out of the house at 14 can be seen as a form of neglect and is illegal. If you ever feel like reporting it to Child Protective services is what you want to do, you can call them at Child Help 1-800-422-4453.

              We are here for you and will support you in anyway that we can. Please feel free to call into us directly as we can talk further about your situation and find resources that are best for you in your area. Stay strong and you are not alone in this! Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY we are open 24/7.

              We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey.

              Tell us what you think about your experience!

          • Hi my name is Lily, I am 12 years old and me and my brother want to move to my dads. My mom and dad got divorced in 2012 and I would say about a year ago I’ve want to move with my dad. My mom is very overprotective with just me. I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Also, she is not fair by the rules. I always have to a bunch of stuff in the house and my brother gets to sit upstairs playing on his play station 4. It’s so unfair, I have even told my mom that I do all this stuff and she gets to sit upstairs and play fortnite. But when I try to bring up moving with my dad she get very angry or she cries. She i remember telling her that I would do that oh no I’m joking but I’m not I want to move with my dad. Lastly, my brother and mom fight a lot. And sometimes I’m dragged into them. My dad knows I want to live with him but I don’t know how to tell my mom. Any advice.

            Comment


            • ccsmod5
              ccsmod5 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hey, there,
              Thank you for reaching out. It can be so difficult when one of your parents treats you unfairly. It sounds like things at home with your mom are really tense and you want to live with your dad. That can definitely be a hard conversation to have, especially when your mom gets angry or cries when you try to communicate with her. It makes sense that you would end up having to pretend that you’re joking when you are not; it’s not really fair for your mom to put you in a position like that. It takes a lot of courage for you to share your feelings with her. Since your dad knows that you want to live with him, you might consider asking him to help you talk to your mom or ask him to talk to your mom for you. You don’t have to do this on your own. Another thing you might consider is using our conference call service; if you call us, we can reach out to your mom together and help you two have a conversation that is respectful and productive (hopefully having someone else there will help your mom stay calm).

              Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:


              --NRS

          • Hi, my name is *********, and I'm 14 years old. My parents got a divorce when I was 4, and ever since, I've had the thought of wanting to move in with my father. I currently live with my mother about 70% of the time. This summer, my mom has changed her perspective of "staycation" entirely. It's currently summer vacation for me, and because of her, my summer is slowing being taken away. All my mother wants to do is make us work, for pretty much the whole day, without any sort of pay. I've had bad memories from the past during these times of work. Usually, it's work inside the house, but the level of what we have to do (normally cleaning) puts a stress on me.

            You might not think cleaning is such a bad thing. After all, it'll just help the house. Not that type of cleaning. Our house is impossible to fully clean, and it's not even me and my brother's fault. It's a losing battle that's going to last forever, because there's too much in our house to fully cleanse it. We've had sewage problems that have lasted for years, and still exist today, which that in itself puts a strain on the house.
            Whenever I ask my mom if I want to go somewhere, she'll make me work to do it, most of the time. If not immediate work, she'll put a scare on me in saying things around the lines of "Tomorrow's gonna be a huge work day" and making me enjoy my free time less. Whenever we do work, she says things that mothers should not be saying, whether she means it or not.

            My father, who is only a 15 minute drive from my mom's house has a general idea of what's been going on here, but he does not know that I am up to this level of annoyance with her. I've tried talking to my dad, but I feel like if I talk to him, he'll just tell me to try and deal with it, and not be that much of a help in the end. I have a bike, and I could possibly bike all the way from my mom's house to my father's, but there are some busy roads that I'd have to work around (It's an 8.7 mile bike).

            There are two things clashing before my eyes in this situation: happiness and education. The school I go to is one of the best in my state, and I'd like to continue attending there, entering my freshman year of high school. If I were to move with my father, I might have to attend a different school, which is significantly worse and my mother works in that district, but at least I'd be living with my father. If I kept living with my mom, I'd still go through mental pain, but at least I'd have a good education.

            My brother, who is 16, is aware of the issue with my mom, but not my issue that I want to move away to my father. Me and my brother do not get along very nicely, so I do not know what his reaction would be if I were to tell him.

            So I've drawn up a pretty complicated board, so I'll summarize one last time: My mother keeps me and my brother inside most of the time to work, and when we want to go out somewhere, she'll make us do extra work the next day. My father is unaware of the situation up to this degree, and I don't know how I should talk to him. If I were to move to my father, I'd have to weaken my education to keep my happiness, and if I were to stay with my mom, I'd continue to be less happy than I used to be, but I'd have a good high school education. My two houses that I live in are close enough that I could bike to them, so if I were to move, I'd be alert of possible intervention with my mom, and I'd probably lose my outside connection, as my mother pays for my phone.

            What should I do?
            Last edited by ccsmod7; 07-23-2018, 02:07 PM. Reason: identifying infomation

            Comment


            • ccsmod7
              ccsmod7 commented
              Editing a comment
              Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like doing chores everyday at your mom's house has really taken a toll on you and you are wanting to move in with your dad. It must be pretty difficult to have to choose between your happiness and schooling too. Here at NRS, we want to be a support for you during this rough time.

              We are not legal experts or custody experts, but we can speak generally about your situation. Depending on your state's laws, 16 year old youth generally have more of a say with which parent they stay with when their is split custody. Your dad might have avenues to take more custody of you either through court or informally talking to your mom. It sounds like you have tried to talk to your dad about what's going on at your mom's, but he is not really hearing you. You might ask him if it is possible to move in with him, and if he would be willing to take legal steps if necessary. If he needs legal aid resources, please do not hesitate to call or chat us to look for those in his local area.

              Here at NRS, we do have a conference call service if you would like to have a mediated conversation with your dad or with your mom if you would like. It could be a safe place to have your feelings and needs heard without being interrupted or disrespected.

              We are non-directive so we never tell people what to do. We believe that you know your situation best and you should do whatever you feel like you need to. You might continue to consider the pros and cons of the living with your mom versus living with your dad. It seems like working at your mom's all summer is the main reason why you want to leave. You might think about ways you can cope with living with your mom for the rest if the summer and if that is possible. Also, maybe you can set up an agreement where you stay at your dad's for most of the summer and then go back to your mom's during the school year. Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you would like help with brainstorming your options more. We are always here for you.

              Best,

              NRS
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