Moving out of my mom's house to my father's house

I am 16 and it has been 10 years since I seen my biological father and I found him on Face Book and I started to text him on messenger. Well my brother had the smart idea I will tell all that has been going on so he told him. Then my mom found out and then she got mad at us. Then she said I will not stop you from seeing him. Then an hour later she said well if you want to live with him go but she said in a voice that she did not care what happens to us so I am confused if I should go live with him or stay she is pulling me her and he is pulling me his way so that are playing tug awar with me. so He said he was getting a lawyer and get us and we want have to deal with being confused.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes a great deal of courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear that your dad verbally abuses you. It sounds like you want to live with you mom. Although verbal abuse is harder to prove, you have the right to report the abuse. You could try talking to someone that you trust such as a teacher or school counselor. You could also reach out to Child Help (1-800-422-4453) to report the abuse and to get information on how to transfer custody to your mom. You could also try asking your mom if she would talk to your dad about the possibility of you moving in with your mom. You mentioned that you want to die when you are around your dad, talking to someone about how your dad makes you feel could help. In addition to our services, you could contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255). Although you are going through a tough time with your dad, you are not alone. If you have any questions or just need to talk, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929)), email, or live chat.

Im 15 and my dad got sole costudy of ne when i was 5 and he verbly abuses me and i know its not mentally healthy living with him cause i wanna die around him i just want to live with my mom and she wants me too but he i feel if i tell him he is not going to let me.pls help.

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here to listen and to support.

It sounds like you have been having a rough time for quite awhile at home. We want you to know that you deserve o feel safe and happy at home. It can be difficult to have a conversation with your mom or grandma if they are seemingly unwilling to listen to how you feel. Sometimes it can be helpful to have another adult around when you’re trying to talk to them so that they can stand up for you and try to keep the conversation calm and fair. That person could be a guidance counselor, family friend, or any other adult you trust. Here at NRS, we also offer a conference call service and can help you have that conversation. We can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you feel like you need help having conversations about how you're treated with your grandma or mom. You could talk about how you feel like you can't do your homework and are missing being able to call other members of your family and we could possibly come to some resolutions.

You can also give us a call and a liner could help talk you through other options you may have been thinking about to make your home life better. Don't hesitate to give us a call so we can best help. We could also talk about what you could do for the possibility of having custody transferred to our dad or the ability to see your him more often.

Best,

NRS

I want to move into my dads house but I am only twelve.

my dad abandoned me when I was first born but he still came back when I was three. My mom says that my Grandma isn't my grandma even though she has no say over who's my Grandma in my opinion. She got a new boyfriend who has a criminal record and gets mad when I talk to my dad or anyone on his side of the family. She never lets me leave the house and expects me to watch HER kids all the time for nothing. She pays my older sister $20 every week for "watching" my siblings when she doesn't actually watch them, sh sits and plays the computer all day long and makes me watch them the second I get home.

i don't have time to do my homework because I am either doing my chores or watching my siblings. She doesn't let me contact her mother who has MY dog.

if I move in with my dad, I will get an allowance, be able to see my dog, get help on homework, leave the house every once in a while, and give me my own room. whil meanwhile at my moms I have to share a room with all my siblings which means 5 kids 1 bedroom.

[ccsmod0]

Hello, Thank you for taking the time to talk to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you would like live with your father but your mother will let you. It can be difficult to be caught between two parents the way you are. Have you had a chance to talk to both parents about wanting to move? Often times having a sit down conversation with both parents can help you find a compromise that everyone can live with. If talking to your parents seems intimidating, perhaps you can consider using our conference calling service, this is a service where you would call us and we would hold a conference call between you and your ¬parents to talk about how both sides are feeling. We would serve as mediators, we are not here to necessarily choose sides but rather help come up with a solution that would make the situation at home better. This might be helpful to you if you have concerns about your parents not listening or not being open to hear what you have to say. If you feel like this is a service that you would find useful you can give us a call and one of our trained liner will be happy to assist you. 1-800-786-2929

I want to move in with my dad but my mom won’t let be do it

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thanks so much for reaching out to us. We recognize that it can be very difficult to talk to people on the internet about situations you’re struggling with. We hope our message is helpful.

It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to be around your mom if she has injured you and if she has been so mean to you with her words. We want to let you know that your mother should not be hitting you or making you feel so uncomfortable using her words, and that no matter what you have or have not done, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to be in a safe and comfortable home and to be cared for. We are always available, 24/7, to talk to you about these experiences involving your mom, and to provide you resources (1-800-786-2929, [email protected]). You might also find ChildHelp, the national child abuse hotline, helpful (1-800-422-4453). Both NRS and ChildHelp are able to file abuse reports with you, as well, in case you ever want to file against your mother.

You mention that you are interested in bettering your explanation for leaving home to your mom. It seems wise to mention that you want to move out because you feel like her home is not the best for you. You may want to be prepared to explain why that is if she asks for a more detailed explanation. You may wish to mention that she has injured you and said really horrible things to you, and explain that her actions are hurting you. Because your mother has hit you before, we suggest having a trusted adult nearby during the conversation to protect you from your mother if she becomes violent. If your grandmother is letting you use her car when you leave, she may be able to diffuse any tension or conflict that may arise. Your father may also be able to diffuse tension. You know your family dynamics better than we do, however, so ultimately the choice of which adult is present when you leave home is entirely up to you.

Hopefully this message was helpful. We invite you to call us if you need resources, if you want someone to listen to your story, or if you need resources. In the meantime, best of luck.

-NRS

I have a similar problem! My mother and father haven't been together for about 6/7 years, but they do not have a divorce. I absolute do not like to live with my mother. She can get very mad at times over little things. My mother is very judgmental too. I have been whipped by belts or paddles. She has popped my blood vessels twice. I have been deciding if I should move in with my father. One time over thanksgiving break I told her I would like to live with my father, and she threw my stuff out the window going down the highway. Another reason I would like to move in with my father is because he doesn't judge me about my past mistakes. My mother throws my past mistakes in my face and it hurts a lot. She also judges me because I liked a boy who was a different skin color. Also my uncle who is more like brother to me due to our ages and how close we are, told me that my mom said if I ever got pregnant I would be disowned from the family. My mother can get very mean with her words. I'm going to be 16 in two days, so I was decided about moving in with him next Monday. I'm scared of how she will react. She might not let me leave. I've talked about this with a couple of my friends and they all agree that I should leave my mother's house. But recently I found out from my father that my mother has threaten him about me moving in with him. He told me that she said if I moved in with him then she would keep my sister away from me and my father and I would be dead to her. And I love my sister a lot. And I love my mother even though she is very mean and judgmental. I don't want to hurt her but I cannot live with her anymore. I know if I leave, my grandparents and uncles would never disown me from the family. So this was my plan on telling her. Monday afternoon I would have my stuff packed and have it loaded in my grandmother's car. And have my father be here when my mother gets home from work. Then I would tell her I would like to move in with my father and that I love her very much but I don't think it's best for me to live here. I'm scared about this but I have been thinking about it and I want to live with my father. Any suggestions on how I should tell her a better way?

[ccsmod5]

Hi,
Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like being at your dad’s house can be a scary and overwhelming situation at times, and it’s completely understandable that you would want to get out of there when your father is in his “super anger phase.” It’s unfair that your father puts so much pressure on you to take care of the family. You deserve the time to prepare for your classes and enjoy your life sometimes. Those are completely reasonable expectations to have, and you sound like an incredibly mature, thoughtful, and resilient person.
First, we’re not legal experts, but if your father is intimidating and threatening you, this may qualify as abuse. If you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger, you can always call 9-1-1. Another resource that you might consider is the National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453.
It sounds like you need to get out of your dad’s house when he’s angry. This is very reasonable. Generally speaking, when you leave home without permission, your parents would have the right to file a runaway report. However, if you’re only planning on leaving for a few hours while things blow over, perhaps you might consider letting your dad know so that he doesn’t file that report. That being said, if your father does file a runaway report, there would not be any legal trouble or consequences for you. The police would simply return you home. At that time, you might consider letting the police know what’s been going on as it can be helpful to have these situations documented on paper. If at any point you feel unsafe, it is completely valid to leave that situation and you never deserve to be threatened. You deserve to feel safe with your father.
You mentioned that your parents are divorced. Another option might be to talk to your mom about your concerns and let her know that you don’t feel comfortable seeing your dad (if that’s the case). If your mom would be willing to pursue full custody of you with no visits to your dad, that might also be an option.
If you want to talk about the situation more specifically, please feel free to reach out to us 24/7. Best of luck to you and stay strong.

I want to choose between going to my mom's and dad's house.

I am 15 and my family life can be hard. My mom and I get along great almost all of the time, but at my dad's it's really bad. My family is divorced. I had a fight with him today. He got mad because I said I didn't want to go to taekwondo. I had a black stain on my white uniform and it is a sign of disrespect to wear the uniform stained. I don't have any pants expect one pair of jeans at his house and I couldn't do Taekwondo is jeans. It started off as an argument but quickly progressed. He yelled at me for being unprepared (which is fair), but I didn't think we were going because he had been late (he is almost always late). I told him that I wasn't going no matter what, again he got even more mad at my non-compliance. He ran up the stairs towards me and raised his hand. He scared me and when I told him he just laughed. he has told me in an earlier fight that the child should be afraid of the parent. I don't feel it's healthy. He then gave up after the argument got more heated and started throwing things around. He had been a boxer and karate person ever since he was a kid. He is older now, but still strong. He scares me sometimes and puts a lot of pressure on me as a kid. He expects me to watch my brother, pick him up from the bus, make dinner for everyone, clean, shovel, and other work, but sometimes it gets too much. It's like I am a second mother. I am taking AP classes and just need a break from the drama. Both my parents have custody over me and I'm not asking for much, just to be able to leave the house when my dad get into his super anger phase. I will learn to balance both family and school in time. I just need to be gone for the times that I can't hand him anymore. Is there a way I could leave the house without getting in legal trouble?

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here 24/7 to listen and to support.

It sounds like you are in a tough situation at home. Have you talked to your dad about your situation and what he thinks? We have a conference call service here at NRS where a liner could mediate a conversation between you and your mom or with both your mom and dad where you could voice your concerns and hopefully come to some resolutions together. If you are interested in that or just want someone to go through your options with you and help figure out what you think would be best for you to do, you can reach us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We want you to know that it's a big first step reaching out and that there are people here to support you. A liner could also find counseling services for youth in your area that could be possibly more affordable.

Let us know how we can best help,

NRS

Hi. I’m 15, and am currently a sophomore in highschool. I have two older siblings that have moved out, and I really want to move in with my dad. He shares joint custody with my mom, but I’m with my mom most of the time. I try to do so much to say lease her but nothing ever works. My sister can never do anything wrong; my mom would be proud of her for weeks after she did something. I, on the other hand, get praise for five minutes and then she goes on to talk about how I don’t eat healthy and don’t excersise enough, even when I am trying my best to eat healthy and make do with what random small amounts of food we have. My dad isn’t the father to my older siblings, just me, and I wish I got to see him more than I do. I see him every other weekend and Wednesday and those are my favorite days. He treats me with respect, doesn’t ever yell at me or make me cry if I make a small mistake, and I feel like he is more stable than my mom. My mom will constantly say how if I need something, just ask, but then the second I ask if she can pick up some shampoo or something, she will go on and on about how money is tight when she buys herself stuff frequently. I know she loves me, and I can just never pin her down. The second I think I’ve got her figured out, she expects more and more. I just need a calmer and less stressful environment because I’m afraid to even tell her I think I have bad anxiety because I know she will rant about doctor bills after I’ve already had lots of heart problems. She says if I need something, to tell her, but she’s never in a good enough mood for me to even bring it up, and I feel like she would take it as an insult. I don’t know how to even tell my mom or Dad or if I even should. I don’t know if it’s even legally allowed, I just know I’d feel better at my dad’s.

[ccsmod10]

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us for help. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now, and we are sorry to hear that your being put in this situation. That must be really stressful. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can.

It sounds like your mom is very hard on you and doesn’t give you the support she should be giving. We’re glad to hear that you’re in the process of going to live with your grandparents. It’s understandable that you’re not wanting to stay in the home while the legal processes are going on. If your mom is okay with you going to live with your grandparents before the courts make it official, that is legal. If your father has legal custody over you, he could also give you permission. We are not here to tell you what to do, because you know your situation best, but we can help by talking about options available to you specific to your life and your current situation.

Lastly, we offer conference calling between youth and parents. If you wanted our help, talking to your mom about going to live with your grandparents, we can make that call together.

We thank you again for posting your story to our online forum. We are here 24/7, and our line is confidential. We also have a chat option available through our website. Please call or chat us if you would like to talk further. We are here to listen and here to help.


Best of luck,
NRS

I just want to live with my grandparents

Hey, I'm 16 years old, a sophomore student and I'm currently undergoing conflict within my household between myself and my mom and stepdad. I came in yesterday after school with new shoes my grandma bought me and the first thing my mom says to me when I walk in is "oh new shoes? do u ask for new shoes everytime you go over there now?" She says that about everything, hats, shirts, headphones. The thing is though, my dad pays her a lot for child support, but she barely provides me with those. With this in mind, I replied back" Don't worry about it." This might sound rude but it isn't the first time y'know. Plus, I just got home. The last thing I wanted was a quiz. So we got into a huge argument, saying my selfish, disrespectful, and that they didn't need me and would do fine without me. Then, they asked me what I wanted and I said to move away. So right now, they are trying to contact my dad who moved to Amsterdam, Netherlands just last Summer to see if he can take me in. But, I want to live with my grandparents who live like an hour away walking, 10 mins by drive. Also, the school there is so close and is across the street from Safeway, and I really wanted to work there. Only problem is right now is they need to talk to the courts and make everything official. What do I do with my time right now? I've spent the last few days performing physical labor and they didn't make me dinner yesterday, and today. Any advice or ways to get me out of here NOW!?