Moving out of my mom's house to my father's house

Please help

Im adopted, when i was 5-6 years old my biological dad came into my life and so did his wife(my step mom) I love them so much. My adoptive mom can be kind, when she wants to. Every time i come out of my room to do something(eat, get a school book) we end up fighting. about dumb things. But she will say something sarcastic, but it is kind of offensive and if i kindly ask her to not say that around me she starts yelling. if i raise my voice back i have to give her my phone. I am also homeschooled so im alone every day of my life except tuesdays. Im icolate myself in my room every day and if i even try to do anything theres my mom hovering over me. She teaches me math and she doesn't even understand it so im blindly putting random answers down cause if i ask a question i have to do extra chores. My dad works in Texas and My step mom, my adoptive mom, and me live in California. He comes back every 2-3 weeks and stays for 11 days. it sucks but whatever. I ish i could just live with them but my adoptive mom has told me its never going to happen and a couple days later i was super suicidal. Im not anymore so thats one good thing. But im obviously depressed, ouldnt you be if you hated the person you are living with. I get hate is a strong word but its the right one. Btw music is my only happy place, the only thing that stops me from crying, every time she takes my phone away, she bassically takes the ounce of happiness i have. That sounds a little dramatic but its the truth.Im 14 so i only have 4 miserable years left.

Please help me

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. Moving homes can be extremely difficult especially when you are moving away from those that you care about. It is awesome that you are close with your dad and you guys have a great bond. One option is you could try and talk with your parents and see if you can see your father on the weekends or come up with a visitation plan. We know that having those conversations can be difficult, at NRS we offer conference calls. Conference calling is where you call us and we call out to your parents and have a 3 way call. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation and provide support to you. Another option you could try is having more phone calls and maybe even skype sessions with your father. Sometimes phone calls and skype are a good way to keep communicating with your father.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore your situation more please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support to you. We wish you the best of luck.
NRS

I have to move house and it’s about 45 minutes away from my dad and I don’t know how to handle it as I won’t be able to see my dad anywhere near as much as I do now and we have such a great bond.

[ccsmod2]

Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are having a difficult time at home with your mom. You deserve to feel safe and happy at home. It also sounds like you have a really good relationship with your dad.

An option you have is to talk to a school counselor or the police with hypothetical, anonymous questions, if you feel safe doing so. They may be able to provide you with options or information about custody that is unique to your region. Also, you mentioned not wanting to ask your mom if you could live with your dad. One option to consider is asking if you could, instead of living with him, see him or contact him more often.

Of course, feel free to call us anytime as we are toll-free, confidential, and 24/7.
Good luck,
NRS

Moving from my mums to my dads
hi im 14 turning 15 and i despreatley want to Live with my dad . My mum constantley shouting and making me do practically all the house work with little to no breaks inbetween and is conastantly leaving me stressed shes also Always going out at night leaving me with my 3 younger siblings with the Youngest at 4 years old for more than 2 hours and Expectss the house to be completely clean so im constantley stressed and i have my Mock GCSEs coming up and i never get and Space or quiet to revise leaving i get bad scores and when she finde out she scts All suprised.And she hardley lets me see by dad for long.iv discussed moving with my dad and he and my gradparets Are All for it but i know that sitting down and talking to my mother just wont work cause the only Thing she cares about is herself and money

[ccsmod11]

Hi, and thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now with your mom - the way she speaks to you sounds extremely hurtful, and no one deserves to be hurt. The situation and your feelings are very real and very valid, please know that we are here to listen and here to help.

You mentioned wanting to live with your dad and not knowing how to tell your mom. Sometimes people feel more prepared to talk to someone about a difficult subject after writing down their thoughts and what they would like to say. Also, we here at NRS provide conference calls, which in your case would consist of you calling us and then we would call your mom. In doing this, we would be on the phone as a support and help mediate the conversation - helping both parties better articulate their thoughts and feelings. If interested in the conference call, or to speak further about your situation please call 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us via www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. Best, NRS

My parents were divorced when I was 6. I'm 11 now and I've been living with my mom for about 5 years now. I want to move in with my dad, but I'm not sure how to tell my mom. I know it sounds like I'm making a big deal out of it (which I am), but I don't want to live with the embarrassment or shame that my mom will give me if I do move in with my dad. Why I want to move out is that she constantly calls me curse words, tells me that I don't deserve anything, and that I'm annoying, lazy, selfish, dumb, etc. What I'm listing sounds stupid, I know, but I'm too mentally unstable to go through this longer than what I've already have. She doesn't let me go out with friends for sleepovers and such, and I guess that interfered with my social skills. I'm probably just making excuses for something that was already there but...Anyways, this is probably what most children already go through with their parents so the way I'm describing my "situation" is making me sound dramatic and bratty. Anyways, all I want to do is just move in with my dad without receiving shame, embarrassment, pity, etc.

[ccsmod5]

Hi,
Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like you live with your mom but are wanting to stay with your dad. That can be a pretty tricky situation when you are still a minor. The easiest way for you to move into your dad’s place would be with your mom’s permission. You might consider talking to your mom about your desire to live with your dad and why you think it might be beneficial. If you need help having that conversation, you might consider asking a guidance counselor, therapist, or other adult that you trust to help you have a conversation. Here at NRS, we also offer conflict mediation through conference calling so that is also an option. It is also possible that if your dad and mom have joint custody, you would be able to stay with your dad even with mom objecting. However, we are not legal experts and there are so many different outcomes based on your parents’ legal arrangement that we cannot give just one distinct answer. We encourage you to reach out to a lawyer or to give us a call at 1800-786-2929 if you’d like to talk more specifically about your situation.
Take care,
NRS

i want to move in with my dad but i know my mom wont let me but im 16

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,

Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we understand that it can be difficult to reach out and we are so glad you did. It seems like your boyfriend is going through a very difficult time, and it is awesome that you are there to support him through this. You mentioned that his mom seems to be abusive, have you guys considered reporting the abuse? If you guys would like to report the abuse you may call the Child Help Line at: 1800-422-4453. We know that it can sometimes be nerve wrecking to make a report if you would like you can give us a call and we can help you make the report. For him to move into his dads house and for his dad to gain full time custody, they would probably have to go to court or his mother would have to give him permission to live with his dad full time. If you would like to find out more information about the legal aspects you may call Gulf Coast Legal Services at 727-443-0657, they are available Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. Also just so you both are aware Running away is not a criminal offense it is a status offense, what that means it that if he were to leave home without permission he would not be arrested. His parents would have the right to file a runaway report, which if he is found they would most likely just bring him back home.

We really hope that this information will help you and your boyfriend. We wish you both the best of luck and just know that you both are not alone. If you or him have any more questions or would like to discuss more feel free to give us a call at 1800runaway, we are here 24/7. Best of Luck!

NRS

hey so my boyfriend, 16, is very unhappy living with his mom, she lives in a bad part of town and is said to be abusive. I'm trying to get him to move into jis dads for full time custody. we live in Florida and I was wondering if he has some sort of say in doing so as well as what the process of it might be like.

[ccsmod7]

Hello there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like doing chores everyday at your mom's house has really taken a toll on you and you are wanting to move in with your dad. It must be pretty difficult to have to choose between your happiness and schooling too. Here at NRS, we want to be a support for you during this rough time.

We are not legal experts or custody experts, but we can speak generally about your situation. Depending on your state's laws, 16 year old youth generally have more of a say with which parent they stay with when their is split custody. Your dad might have avenues to take more custody of you either through court or informally talking to your mom. It sounds like you have tried to talk to your dad about what's going on at your mom's, but he is not really hearing you. You might ask him if it is possible to move in with him, and if he would be willing to take legal steps if necessary. If he needs legal aid resources, please do not hesitate to call or chat us to look for those in his local area.

Here at NRS, we do have a conference call service if you would like to have a mediated conversation with your dad or with your mom if you would like. It could be a safe place to have your feelings and needs heard without being interrupted or disrespected.

We are non-directive so we never tell people what to do. We believe that you know your situation best and you should do whatever you feel like you need to. You might continue to consider the pros and cons of the living with your mom versus living with your dad. It seems like working at your mom's all summer is the main reason why you want to leave. You might think about ways you can cope with living with your mom for the rest if the summer and if that is possible. Also, maybe you can set up an agreement where you stay at your dad's for most of the summer and then go back to your mom's during the school year. Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you would like help with brainstorming your options more. We are always here for you.

Best,

NRS

Hi, my name is *********, and I'm 14 years old. My parents got a divorce when I was 4, and ever since, I've had the thought of wanting to move in with my father. I currently live with my mother about 70% of the time. This summer, my mom has changed her perspective of "staycation" entirely. It's currently summer vacation for me, and because of her, my summer is slowing being taken away. All my mother wants to do is make us work, for pretty much the whole day, without any sort of pay. I've had bad memories from the past during these times of work. Usually, it's work inside the house, but the level of what we have to do (normally cleaning) puts a stress on me.

You might not think cleaning is such a bad thing. After all, it'll just help the house. Not that type of cleaning. Our house is impossible to fully clean, and it's not even me and my brother's fault. It's a losing battle that's going to last forever, because there's too much in our house to fully cleanse it. We've had sewage problems that have lasted for years, and still exist today, which that in itself puts a strain on the house.
Whenever I ask my mom if I want to go somewhere, she'll make me work to do it, most of the time. If not immediate work, she'll put a scare on me in saying things around the lines of "Tomorrow's gonna be a huge work day" and making me enjoy my free time less. Whenever we do work, she says things that mothers should not be saying, whether she means it or not.

My father, who is only a 15 minute drive from my mom's house has a general idea of what's been going on here, but he does not know that I am up to this level of annoyance with her. I've tried talking to my dad, but I feel like if I talk to him, he'll just tell me to try and deal with it, and not be that much of a help in the end. I have a bike, and I could possibly bike all the way from my mom's house to my father's, but there are some busy roads that I'd have to work around (It's an 8.7 mile bike).

There are two things clashing before my eyes in this situation: happiness and education. The school I go to is one of the best in my state, and I'd like to continue attending there, entering my freshman year of high school. If I were to move with my father, I might have to attend a different school, which is significantly worse and my mother works in that district, but at least I'd be living with my father. If I kept living with my mom, I'd still go through mental pain, but at least I'd have a good education.

My brother, who is 16, is aware of the issue with my mom, but not my issue that I want to move away to my father. Me and my brother do not get along very nicely, so I do not know what his reaction would be if I were to tell him.

So I've drawn up a pretty complicated board, so I'll summarize one last time: My mother keeps me and my brother inside most of the time to work, and when we want to go out somewhere, she'll make us do extra work the next day. My father is unaware of the situation up to this degree, and I don't know how I should talk to him. If I were to move to my father, I'd have to weaken my education to keep my happiness, and if I were to stay with my mom, I'd continue to be less happy than I used to be, but I'd have a good high school education. My two houses that I live in are close enough that I could bike to them, so if I were to move, I'd be alert of possible intervention with my mom, and I'd probably lose my outside connection, as my mother pays for my phone.

What should I do?

[ccsmod5]

Hey, there,
Thank you for reaching out. It can be so difficult when one of your parents treats you unfairly. It sounds like things at home with your mom are really tense and you want to live with your dad. That can definitely be a hard conversation to have, especially when your mom gets angry or cries when you try to communicate with her. It makes sense that you would end up having to pretend that you’re joking when you are not; it’s not really fair for your mom to put you in a position like that. It takes a lot of courage for you to share your feelings with her. Since your dad knows that you want to live with him, you might consider asking him to help you talk to your mom or ask him to talk to your mom for you. You don’t have to do this on your own. Another thing you might consider is using our conference call service; if you call us, we can reach out to your mom together and help you two have a conversation that is respectful and productive (hopefully having someone else there will help your mom stay calm).

Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to reach out by phone if you need additional resources or need help figuring out your options. Our number is 1-800-786-2929 and our lines are always open. If you have a moment, we'd appreciate your feedback of our crisis services at the following link:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

--NRS

Hi my name is Lily, I am 12 years old and me and my brother want to move to my dads. My mom and dad got divorced in 2012 and I would say about a year ago I’ve want to move with my dad. My mom is very overprotective with just me. I feel like I can’t go anywhere. Also, she is not fair by the rules. I always have to a bunch of stuff in the house and my brother gets to sit upstairs playing on his play station 4. It’s so unfair, I have even told my mom that I do all this stuff and she gets to sit upstairs and play fortnite. But when I try to bring up moving with my dad she get very angry or she cries. She i remember telling her that I would do that oh no I’m joking but I’m not I want to move with my dad. Lastly, my brother and mom fight a lot. And sometimes I’m dragged into them. My dad knows I want to live with him but I don’t know how to tell my mom. Any advice.