Moving out of my mom's house to my father's house

[ccsmod6]

RE: Switching child custody?

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like living with your father and his girlfriend is making you feel like all of the responsibility is left on you. You mentioned that your father's girlfriend calls you names. We are sorry to hear that you are going through this. You do not deserve to be mistreated in any way. We are wondering who you have turned to for support through all of this (family member, friend, trusted adult)? It seems that because your mom does not have any custody over you, it is causing a barrier for you to live with her. We want to help as best as we can, however, we cannot tell you what to do. Something that you may try to explore is contacting a legal aid office for legal assistance on your current situation. Another option could be to contact Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 where you can speak to someone about what's going on and receive some guidance and support about additional legal resources, some options that may be available to you, as well as assistance that may be beneficial to you. If you needed any assistance in contacting these agencies, we would be glad to conference call with you or provide additional resources in your community to best meet your needs.

Please know that you are not alone in this. We are here to help as best as we can. You can reach us by phone 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929).

We hope to hear from you soon and wish you well.

Take care,

NRS

[Unregistered]

I moved to my moms and my dad won't give me my stuff

Hi I'm 13 and am going into high school this year. My parents were divorced when I was 3 and I lived with my father until I moved to my moms this February. My father is mentally abusive, a sociopath and is a phony in public so everyone thinks he's this great person even though he's evil. He took me out of therapy because the therapist agreed that my father was abusive. He owns a karate school but threw me into a wall and slapped me and told difus that I lunged at him. He always told my mom how to parent and I now live with her and he still tries to tell her how terrible of a parent she is. He understands he's not wanted so he just randomly shows up when I'm at public events just to mess with mom and I. this will be my first full school year at my moms. I got kicked out of my fathers house so I never got any of my stuff except for my phone and inhaler which I always kept on me. My mother and I have been constantly reaching out to him but will always ignore or avoid the question. Like I texted him this, "hey, mom reached out to you but I don't know if you got it but basically she was saying that if you want we can all go out for dinner and get my stuff afterwards."

And he responded. "Was going to say I can't talk now because I'm at the school."

Now I'm starting school and I still don't have any of my stuff like my iPad (that I used for reading) and my computer. I'm worried and I don't want to have my mom buy anything else when I already own them because that's bs. Also, my father doesn't even live in the house, he lives with his girlfriend and just pays for the house even though he hasn't been there in months. The problem is I have the key to my fathers house but my mom won't let me do that because she thinks it's stealing. There's no other option and I need to get my stuff. It's not just school stuff but it's the fact that everything I ever did for most of my life is just locked away in my evil fathers house and it's driving me crazy. Talking to him doesn't work and we've tried to everything else that we can think of but he won't give. What can I do? I feel miserable all the time because all of my belongings are locked away and my drawings and writings which were my only talents are locked away. Am I legally allowed to get my things. And if not what can I do?

[ccsmod0]

re: I moved to my moms and my dad won't give me my stuff

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out today and sharing part of your story with us. It sounds like you’ve been through so much with your dad. We’re glad to hear that you got out of there and are in a safe place with your mom. You deserve to live in a place where you are valued and celebrated! We’re glad to hear that you got away from an abusive place. It must be so frustrating, though, to have him still have control over your stuff. You were able to get free of him, but it seems like it’s overwhelming to you that he still controls the things that matter to you. It’s smart of you to reach out and to ask these questions.

We aren’t legal experts here, but we are able to speak generally about this. In general, unless you paid for those things yourself, you don’t have any rights to them. We wish that we could give you better news about this. It sounds like school supplies is really important to you – which is good. Sometimes schools will offer people free school supplies. Talking to your guidance counselor once you get into school might be a good next step for you.

We’re glad that you reached out and shared this with us. If you’d like to talk more about anything, please feel free to call or chat with us. We’re here 24 hours a day and are confidential and anonymous. You can call us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us through our website (www.1800runaway.org) from 4.30pm-11.30pm central time.

Good luck to you,

NRS

[Unregistered]

wanting to live with my mom

I'm 15 years olds and my dad refuses to let me live with my mom but my dad and step mom are always gone and I'm left at the house to do everything there is little food here at my house. I tried around Christmas to live with my mom but he wouldn't let me leave the house. It's joint custody and I uses to be able to see my mom but he cut that off. And it's just really bad at my dads. Which I asked my mom if she could take my dad to court but she doesn't have the money. Either does my dad. I have to secretly talk to my mom. Which its joint custody so technically it's legal. But my question is since ita joint custody can I leave my dads house one day while I'm 15 and go to my moms without him or authorities forcing me to go back with him?

[ccsmod14]

Re: wanting to live with my mom

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline and sharing with us some of what has been going on. It sounds like things at your dads house have been really tough and you are wishing that you can go live with your mom. It must be really hard for you to talk to your mom in secret, that is something that you should not have to hid. We are glad that you have reached out in trying to figure out what is best for you. Unfortunately we are not legal experts, but we can speak in general terms what could happen.

You mentioned that you are often left home alone with little food. That must be hard for you to not eat nutritional food, it sounds like you want out of your dads house. We are not legal experts, but it sounds like you are not being cared for properly. One option you have is to contact Child Help USA at 1800-422-4453 and talk to them about how your dad is not treating you well. IF you are feeling neglected, you have the right to make a report with your local authorities. The Child Help USA hotline can help talk through this option with you.
You had also asked if you could leave home at the age of 15 to live with your mom. Generally, you are an adult when you turn 18, if you were to leave home before 18, then your parents would have the option of filing a runaway report with the police. Running away is not a criminal offense, it is a status offense. This means that you cannot do it because of your age not because it is against the law. This means that if found you most likely cannot be arrested and will just be brought back home. However, where it can become criminal is for the person you decide to stay with. This person could be charged with harboring a runaway which is a criminal offense and the severity of that varies state by state.

You had mentioned that your parents have joint custody of you. We are not legal experts, but generally that means that they both are responsible for you and can make the decision of where you can go and who you can talk to. A couple options you have is to look into legal aid in your area and see if you can talk about your situation with them. They may be able to give you a more direct answer into what the police would do in this situation, ultimately it is up to the police if they would force you back, given that your parents have joint custody. Another option you have is to contact your local police and ask them how they would handle a situation with parents having joint custody. A third option is to reach out to a trusted adult and talk with them about how you are feeling. They may be able to point you in a direction that is helpful or talk to your dad about letting you stay with your mom.

We hoped this helped and if you would like to discuss your situation in greater detail you can give our hotline a call or chat with us via our website. We look forward to hearing from you and we wish you the best of luck.

NRS

[Unregistered]

moving from mums to dads

my mum and dad split up when i was about 2 I lived with my mum and saw my dad every weekend but when I was 8 my mum decided to move to my step dads town which is abouot 3 hours away, at the time my parents let me decide and i chose my mum but i was 8 it was really hard and i didnt want to upset anyone but at the time i didn't like my step mum as she was mean and hurtful but now shes much nicer and things have got really hard at my mums, things have got so bad that i have panic attaks regularly and i almost ran away from home at that point I was gonna move but my mum got upset so i stayed and things got slightly better but I have slipt into the same horrible routine of feeling terrible and depressed and people are starting to noticeI want to ask to stay with my dad but im scared of hurting my mums feelings or my dad not wanting me to move in. There are also reasons I might want to stay as I have friends and people that I would miss but I also want to be close to the rest of my family. i dont know what to do and I cant decide who to stay with.

[ccsmod14]

RE: moving from mums to dads

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are really going through a lot right now and we’re sorry to hear about the trouble you’ve been feeling regarding this decision. It’s a lot to think about but we’re here to support you.

It sounds like things used to be hard with your stepmom, but your relationship has gotten a lot better which is really good to hear. It sounds like the issues you have had with your mom are further influencing you as far as thinking about living with your dad and stepmom. It’s understandable that this is tough to figure out- we’re just glad that you’ve got support on both ends.

We’re not here to tell you what you should or should not do, because you know your situation better than we do. We’re here to help weigh your options and go through the pros and cons together. It sounds like the first step in helping make your decision would be finding out if living with dad is even a possibility. If your dad is a legal guardian, we could offer a conference call service here at the National Runaway Safeline where we would call out to your dad with you on the line (with your permission) and try to facilitate that conversation. If you call us at 1800runaway, we can talk more about what this would look like.

We’re here to talk any time. We provide support to you on the phones 24/7, or you can try our chat through our website if you prefer to talk online!

Best,
NRS

[Unregistered]

I want to move out of my moms and live with my dad

I am 15 years old. My mom and dad split in 2007, but got divorced in 2008. My dad stayed in his house but my mom move in with her boyfriend (Currently husband) I don't really like him that much. My mom and I have had many fights. I wanted to move out before but my mom and sister guilt tripped me into coming back home. But this time I don't want to move out because of a fight. I want to move out so I can look after my dad. I already got the OK from my mom (Sort of) My dad does not want her to get child support money from him anymore, so HE can use that money on me. I do not know what to do, or where to start. Can you help?

[ccsmod15]

Re: I want to move out of my moms and live with my dad

Hello there,

It sounds like you are dealing with a very tough situation. Figuring out how to deal with a divorce and new relationships can be very hard – especially for the kids. We are glad that you reached out to us, and hope that we can help you figure out some options. Remember that you can always call us: 1-800-RUNAWAY – we are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
So it sounds like you would like to live with your dad, rather than your mom and her new husband, but that you want to do this in a planned way, not in a crisis situation like in the aftermath of a fight. Smart thinking! From what you told us it sounds like your mom would go along with you moving to your dad’s house, but it’s also important that your dad is okay with this living arrangement.

Your post shows that you are someone who thinks things through. Would you feel like it would be a good idea to sit down with your mom and figure out some ground rules for how this move would work? Does she know that your dad thinks that he then would not pay child support? And has your dad been clear that he is ready to have you living with him? Also, you mentioned you’re concerned about your sister and how she might react. It also sounds like your sister needs some reassurance that you will still be there for her even when you go to live with your dad.

These are all important issues. We would be happy to talk through these issues with you if you give us a call. Again, we are here 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you want to give us a call or chat with us online.

Best,
NRS

[John]

Wanting to move with my dad

I want to move with my dad but my mom says I have to be 18 to move out because she has court orders .... I'm 16 but about to be 17 in december . I had talked to my mom about this but she said if I go I would go to jail for trying to move in with my dad . I talked with my dad about this too he wants me to and said he will come pick me up and help me pack my stuff . But I'm scared to move in with my dad because my mom said I can go to jail for a long time . The reason why I wanna move out is because me and my mom recently had a big fight about me moving out and I have a twin brother he looks like me . But it always seems that she cares more about him than me . I have been in sports almost my whole life except my freshman and sophomore year . I have tried everything to please my mom but nothing I do makes her proud of me . Ima 5'11 Ina half and weigh about 250 . I have tried to loose weight to see if she'll appreciate me more cause I eat a lot of food so I wanted to lose weight so I don't have a big appetite . But nothing seems to work . I get really depressed a lot . But she never notices she only notices my twin brother . when my twin brother bullies me she doesn't do anything about . He calls me names like fat boy and fat ass . But she still doesn't say anything . But when I start fighting with him she gets mad at me . I always try to stick up for myself but she thinks I bully him . I'm just tired of all of this . I need some help and some advice . Thank you !.

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it can be hard to live up to someone else’s expectations.
It does sound unfair that you should be held up to your sibling and not appreciated and recognized for the person you are. You deserve to be treated fairly. It unfortunate that she seems to not intervene in the case of the bullying tactics by your brother.
It's wrong for anyone to try and manipulate one's feelings and emotions with this kind of behavior. You don't deserve to have him treat you badly.

It sounds like you have the support of your father and hopefully that makes you feel better knowing he supports you. Would it help to talk with him about the legal threats your mom has been making?
Sometimes families struggle with communication and might even need a time out from one another. Perhaps moving in with your dad will give you and your mom some time to reflect on your relationship with one another. It’s difficult enough to try and make personal changes it might help if your mom could be more supportive. You made it clear that you have tried to do things in order to please your mom. There’s nothing wrong with trying to do that. It’s just as important to do something that is pleasing to you. What would you like to see happen?
Think about how you might get there.

Sometimes counseling might be an option for an individual or families. It might be a way to express your feelings and trying to come up with communications skills and other coping sources. How does that sound?
You should be proud of the way you have handled yourself.
You did a great job taking a step and reaching out for a way to express your feelings.
Good for you.

We hope that it made you feel better by doing so.
If you would like to talk more about your situation.
NRS is here to listen so please consider calling our 24hr crisis line 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or stop by for a live chat at www.1800Runaway.org.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Take Care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

moving away from dad

my parents have been divorced since I was a baby and they had me as teenagers so they both liked to party a lot. My mom would leave me at a family house or friend house to go party on a Friday night and would never come back until Sunday night sometimes she never came back my dad would come pick me up and my brother. because at that time she had my brother before me and 1 year and a half later she had me so they would leave us to party. Although they would always argue and never get along and they had been on and off so they divorced and the fought custody but my dad one but only for mine not for my brothers so he ended up moving to Georgia and my mom stayed in Texas. my dad even in Georgia like to party he always had women after women every week (as I have been told by my aunt) I also had a babysitter who loved me so much and that I met since I was a baby she treated me like her own daughter, she was the only one their for me. my mom being thousands of miles away never called or cared for me basically only for my brother. years past by and my babysitter went out with my dad and they had my little brother when I was 6 and my dad got married when I was 8 and my step-mom was pregnant and to this day they have been together as for my real mom when she divorced my dad she met a guy later on and they had my baby sister but they got divorced and she met a guy year later and had another baby which was my little brother and he was the only lucky one because my mom had a baby girl last year so my little brother and sister are the only really blood sibling. the things is in 2010 around their my dad lost all his contacts on his phone including my moms and for 2 years she never called once even though she knew his number I would cry and cry every night till one day my dad hired somebody to find her and he told her to be involved in my life more but really nothing ever changed till this day but as I said before my dad only one custody for me because in 2012 me and my brother found out that we didn't have the same father as we though we did that why my dad only one custody for me because when my mom was pregnant my brother father left her and my dad was with my mom while she was pregnant but really my mom has done really bad things in her life which cost her jail time as for my dad he was a hero ans saved her but she never appreciated it but my dad was alone also because his mm never loved him and she told him that and to this day I have never met her and I could care less where she is but god bless her because she never cared for us as for my step mom she we never get along and I have done many things that I have regreted in my life it hurts because my dad after everything he raised me and loved and cared me with my step mom but really I call her mom in this case ill call her(mom2) she was also their for me after everything I have done she still manages to love me. the thing is my "DAD" is my "HERO" and I grew up with him and for 7th grade I wen tot live with my mom for the 1st year and I know how much my dad and brothers sufferd so I came back but now I want to go back and live with her because after everything she did to hurt me I still love her till the day she says "I DONT LOVE YOU" but im leaving friends I have known since elementary school and I cry because my brothers think I don't love them but I really do but when I was about 11 and a few other times now that im older I have dealt with guys trying to be perverts and people that my family know but I can never say because I don't wan tto hurt my family I thank "GOD' for the life he has given me but its not easy going through your parents divorce parents not lcaring mom living thousand of miles away and having to chose for parents and so much more and plenty of times I have thought about suicidal thougth but I think aobut life and I don't give up and I wont no matter how bad things are and to makes matters worse the years I didn't have contact with my mom she had my sister and was pregnant with my brother and my grandpa had dies and I had never known about it and what is more upsetting my grandma dies this year on Sep 14, 2015 which made my life so much worse and another reason I don't give up is because "GOD" basically gave me another chance to live when I had heart surgey in 2012 living with my mom but to this day it doesn't matter how old I am I cnat pass through my had everything I have gone through and that my parents arfe divorced and tnat my mom lives thousand of miles away but I want to live with my mom now without hurting my dad because he is my "HERO" their is much more to write but im tired maybe there will be a part 2 but help me what do I do? (TO BE CONTINUED) btw I am 15 years old right now Im almost 16 in a month and a half!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I there is alottttt of errors but I was typing so fast because I was mad sad every emotion their is!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ccsmod6]

RE: moving away from dad

Hi there,

Thank you so much for contacting NRS on our online forum. It sounds like there have been a lot of changes happening within your family system. With any change comes difficulty in adapting and adjusting to new personalities, spaces, and boundaries. You mentioned losing a grandparent which we imagine was a devastating time for you.

It seems as time has gone on you realize that you may want to live elsewhere for your sense of peace and well-being. We want to help you as best as we can. We cannot tell you what to do, but we can help identify some options and resources that may be beneficial in helping you come up with a decision that is best for you. Please let us know how we can support you during this challenging time. It sounds like you may need some space designated for yourself where you can openly talk about how you are feeling and have been affected by everything going on. We can help explore some options and resources that may help. We simply can just listen too. If you would like to talk more about what you are experiencing, please reach out to us through phone 1-800-786-2929 or reach us through chat via www.1800runaway.org.

We look forward to talking with you soon.

Best wishes,

NRS

[Unregistered]

Mom to dad's

I need to move out from my mom's but the stupid custody laws keep saying I don't get get that choice. Besides before the "seperation" as she calls it she was a lot nicer and now when we talk she keeps bringing the conversation back to the same topic and it always ends up with us arguing.

[ccsmod0]

RE: Mom to dads

Hello there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We want to help you and provide you support during this time.

It sounds like you are going through a rough time with your mom right now and that you may be seeking some legal advice. Here at NRS, we are not legal experts, but we may be able to connect you to some legal resources that may be able to help you and your situation. If you are interested in these resources, please feel free to call us here at NRS.

We are here to help you and be there for you during this time. You are so strong for reaching out for assistance, which is great. We would love to talk with you further and learn more about your situation. By calling us here at NRS, we can possibly connect you to some resources that can help you.

Thank you again for reaching out to us here. We are here for you and want to connect you to the best resources for you and help you develop a plan that is best fit for you. We are here 24/7 and can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

NRS