Moving out of my mom's house to my father's house

I want to leave my mom's house.

I have lived with her my whole life and in the past few years she has been making up excuses why I can't visit my dad. She says these things and then we never do anything. I talk to my dad about it and he says that it's up to me what I do, to stand up to her, but no matter what I do, my mom degrades me along with my step-father. I just want it to be over and done with this house and the people. I'm 16 and my mom makes it harder and harder to pass my classes. Forces me to do everything in the house, I even watch my brother. She paid me for about 3 months till she decided she had no money to pay me with when the job she works has been very successful. She then took all my pay saying that she needed it for things and would not tell me what she was going to use it for. I don't know what to do. I just need someone to give me some sort of guidance or ideas how to handle it.

[ccsmod2]

Hi there, Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It sounds like things at home are tough right now. Your mom said some hurtful things to you even though you’re doing your best to help around the house. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help when you need it. We’re glad you did. Your mom asked your dad to pick you up even though you don’t want to go. You said you don’t want to interfere with his family. One option could be to have a conversation with him about his expectations for you at the house. You can tell him what kind of support you need and try to agree on some ground rules. If you feel comfortable, you can talk to him about what’s going on at home with your mom. You mentioned wanting to take a backpack of things you need to your dad’s house. One idea could be to put together what you want to take and let your mom know it’s all schoolwork and essentials. If your mom won’t let you take your work with you, maybe there’s a friend or teacher you could reach out to for copies of the materials you need. It’s good that you’re thinking about how to be successful in school even with everything going on right now. You can give us a call at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) to talk about some other options in coping with your situation. We’re also available to live chat at www.1800Runaway.org You deserve to be supported and listened to. We look forward to speaking with you. Take Care, NRS

I'm 13 years old, me and my mom had gotten in an argument. She said I don't do anything but I clean the house, do all the chores, she says I have the worst attitude ever and she said she wishes she never had me. I yelled "Do you even want me anymore?" she said no. I was crying for 3 hours straight, she left to work, she had messaged my dad telling him to pick me up on Saturday, I don't want to go. He has a new family and I don't want to interfere with that, she said it doesn't matter because he'll send me right back. That I'm a mistake and no one will want me so she's gonna throw me out into the streets ... I know it isn't true but it hurts hearing her say that every day, I want to be loved. She says when I go with him I can't take nothing with me, I'm in the middle of school, I'm failing classes, how can I make everything up if my dad probably won't even provide anything for me? I'm thinking about taking a backpack full of the things I need the most but I don't want to get in trouble. Please help me ... what do I do?

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your mom’s permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your mom. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Third is if your grandma files for custody, that might be part of going through child protective services as well. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,

I am 15 and I want to move to my grandmother's house I have been trying to do this for 5 years since my stepdad came into my life he is verbally and mentally abusing me and my mother they had two kids together and I am the stay at home babysitter I want to move to my grand, as a house because it is a bad environment they took my door I am not the nicest person to my mom but I'm the only person that want s t stuff at my house my mom just sits on her and does nothing and my stepdad is yell at mt siblings they are some times scared of him they took me away from all my friends and my old school just so my grandma cant talk to me cause she pretty much raised me my mom didn't want me to want me when I was little my father pays child support and i dont see anything from that they usally buy cigarettes or stuff for them we have gone to court in the past nut i didnt speack up cause i was scared of what would do to me if i did they always make me babysit olny time i fell safe is at shchool they put so much stress on me to get my 3 and 4 year old brother bathed and fed all the time i was happy when i lived with my gradma i just want to be happy again my mom and dad have joint custdoy i hope you guys can help me

[ccsmod15]

Hello,
Thank you ever so much for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that the situation at home with your mom and stepfather has been so difficult. It is not ok for anyone to be abusive towards you, you deserve to live in a space where you feel safe. It sounds like you are looking for information about possibly being able to live with your dad. We are not legal experts, but we can share information that might help you figure out your next steps.

It sounds like you have already brought up moving in with your dad and your mom has not been open to the idea of you moving in with your dad. One option you have is to talk to your mom about what has been going on at home, to see if she would be open to discussing ways to address the way you have been feeling at home. If this is not something you feel comfortable with, another option is to talk to your dad about whether he would be willing to petition to change the custody agreement. Again, we are not legal experts, and the laws can vary from state to state, but your dad may need to consult with a lawyer to find out if this is something he can do and, if so, what steps he would need to take to start the process. As you mentioned in your message, you do have the option to run away, and it is important to keep in mind that while it is technically not a crime to run away, it may be considered a status offense in some states. Your parent or legal guardian has the right to file a runaway report with your local police department if you leave without their consent and you are considered a minor. If you want to talk more about how to approach your mom, identifying legal resources, or how local police might deal with a runaway report, please feel free to reach out to us.

Whatever you decide, know that we are here for you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we can do our best to help you explore your options and stay as safe as possible. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or via chat by visiting our website www.1800runaway.org . We are here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!
-NRS

My dad and my mother had me when they were both seniors in high school, and shortly after my dad got into trouble with the law and was sent to jail. Because of these decisions he only has visitation rights and I see him every other weekend.

He has changed a lot since his incident and I would like to move in with him because i believe it would be better for me. My mother is married to a man who is emotionally abusive and
I don’t feel loved in my own home anymore.

I have debated running away for weeks, due to the fact that every time I bring up moving in with my dad she gets angry. I understand I am only 14 and he only has visitation rights, but if it is best for me mentally there isn’t really another choice.. What should I do?

[ccsmod15]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that things have been so challenging at home with your mom. It sounds like you are contemplating whether running to your dad’s would help, but you have some concerns about whether your dad could get into trouble for letting you stay with him. We can’t tell you what to do, but we can do our best to share options that might be available to you.

We are not legal experts, but from what we understand, if you are considered a minor in your state, your parent or legal guardian is responsible for giving you a safe place to live. If your mom is your legal guardian and has custody of you, she would have the right to report you as a runaway if you decided to leave without her consent. From what we know, in some states, running away is considered a status offense, and anyone that you stay with may potentially be charged with harboring a runaway or aiding and abetting a minor. If you feel like living with your dad may be a better option for you, it may help to talk to him about changing the custody agreement he may already have in place with your mom. If you would like more information, or would like to talk to someone about what is going on, please feel free to reach out to us.

Whatever you decide, know that we are here to support you. We cannot tell you what to do, but we will do our best to help you stay as safe as possible as you explore your options. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929) or via chat by visiting our website www.1800runaway.org. We are here to listen here to help. Stay safe!
-NRS

I’m in a similar situation

My parents divorced when I was 11. I’m 15. Things with my mom have never really been all that great. Even when my parents were together, I was always closer to my dad. After they got divorced, things got worse. Here, recently, they’ve been worse than ever before. She has never laid a hand on me, but she has threatened to hit me when she’s angry. She seems to always have a problem with me and not my sisters. When she’s angry (which seems to be often) she screams at us for small things, cusses a lot, and says harsh things. I’ve come to realize that she is very manipulative and mentally abusive. She says things to put me down and make me feel bad about things that aren’t my fault. She will cry and complain about things going on with her (though they are obviously dramatized) and do what she can to keep my sisters on her side. My 12 year old sister takes the place of caring for my mom. My other sister is 9. My mom’s boyfriend has 2 little girls, they are 6 and 7. He’s not very good at taking care of kids. He’s too strict and never lets them play. I will often volunteer to take them places (like the park) just to give them a chance to play around and be kids. I have no privacy at her house and I never get to go anywhere or do what I want to do because she wants me home. I’m so tired of living here and I want to move to my dad’s. I go to his house every other weekend and on Wednesdays. My mom already thinks that’s too much and wants to take more time away from him. At my dad’s house, there’s my dad, my stepmom, my older stepbrother (16), my younger stepsister (14), my younger stepbrother (10), and my two biological sisters (9 and 12). My dad works part time driving to vet labs to get samples and deliver them to another lab. My stepmom drives some of the nights so he can stay home, they take turns. They live in a decent house and make enough money to feed all of us and take care of us. We have 4 bedrooms. The boys share a room, I share a room with my 12 year old sister, the two other girls share a room, and the adults share a room. We have 2 big dogs and 3 cats. Living with my mom is taking a huge toll on my mental health and I’ve thought about running away, but I’m scared to and that would be difficult anyway. My mom has an alarm system in the house that prevents us from going downstairs at night. There are also cameras all around the outside. If I did run away to my dad’s house, would he get in trouble? My stepmom told me she would be willing to come and get me, but it just wouldn’t work out. My mom takes my phone whenever I’m at her house and there are no electronics allowed upstairs. What can I do?

[ccsmod1]

Hey Hunter,

Thanks so much for reaching out, we know that it takes a lot of courage to do so! It's understandable that you would be wary of living with your mom since her actions are so suspicious. Taking time away to cool down after an argument is a great idea and it was a very mature response for you to have. Your safety is most important to us and some of the things you've mentioned about your mom's past drug usage and abusive boyfriends raise some concern for your well-being. If you are currently at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

It's super reasonable that you would need some time to feel ready about moving in with your dad if the last time you lived with him was difficult. It seems like maybe you two are potentially on different pages about where your relationship currently stands. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your family so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

My name is Hunter, Im 13, and I have divorced parents that have been divorced since I was 3 months old. I lived with my mom for 8 years and decided to move with my dad because my mom had problems like abusive boyfriends and such. I lived with my dad for 3 years and he began his own problems. I moved in with my mom and I'm currently living with her right now. I've noticed my mom has started to carry pill bottles around with her that have random names on them. I've never caught her taking them but I wouldn't doubt it because she used to be involved with drugs and such due to her old boyfriends. She sits in her room all night with the lights off and on her phone while she cries and sleeps, at the same time her boyfriend works night shift so I'm stuck watching my brothers. My mom has a lot of anger issues so every five minutes if my brothers and I get loud playing or something she comes out and screams her head off yelling at us. I cant do it anymore. We get in arguments all the time and they end with me walking out and going on a walk to clear my head. Yesterday was different though, I got so mad because we got in a huge argument so I slammed my phone and walked out in socks. I was planning on walking to a friends house and staying for a hour or two to clear my head and just get away but no, she decided to call the cops on me and had them pick me up. Now I'm trying to move in with my dad because I can't stand being near her, for the past three weekends I've stayed at a friends house all weekend. I had to practically beg to stay all weekend though. And every time I came home I would feel all depressed and I would sit and cry in my room. The only problem with moving with my dad is that during the summer I had told him I was going to move in with him but by the end of the summer I felt I wasn't ready. Every since then I have felt he's mad at me, so I don't know if he'll let me now. So I've read all your comments on the other peoples stories and I know ya'll can't do anything legal and that is ok, but what do ya'll "recommend" I do?


thanks,
Hunter

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe,
NRS

I really dont want to live with my mom anymore she is to controlling and I just want to go to my dad's and I'm trying to figure out what I am allowed to take from my mom's to my dads

[ccsmod4]

Hi,
Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything.
We understand how difficult it must have been to speak about what happened with your mother and stepfather. It does not sound like you did anything wrong. On the contrary it sounds like you care about them and miss them. Reaching out was a conscious thing for you to do.
You are very brave for doing so. Good for you.
NRS would like you to know we are here to support you at this difficult time.

Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) orwww.1800Runaway.org (live chat).


NRS is here to listen and here to help.
Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. Let us know how we might support you. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

Take care,
NRS

A while ago we found out my mom and step dad were on drugs not only that but we became homeless so I moved in with my dad and right now things at my dads house is great and I’ll I’m happy healthy and taken care of but I miss my mom and my life with my mom so much I just miss them I know they tried and I just left them and gave up on them it’s so bad were every night I cry myself to sleep and I just need help.