17 years old, abusive mother, seeking help.

[Unregistered]

I live in Illinois and my mother has been physically and emotionally abusive my entire life. I just turned 17 last week. since I have gotten older I kept telling myself to take a stand to her. I tried running away but I was brought back. I even hit back on a few occasions and I now have 2 domestic charges against me. I have court at the end of the month to be put on probation for the charges. I tried living with my dad but found out he was addicted to drugs and he even started to steal my prescribed ritilin. I need help/ advice on emancipation

[ccsmod7]

Re: 17 year old, abusive mother, seeking help.

It sounds like you are going through so much right and we’re glad you felt comfortable reaching out. You mentioned that you are dealing with a lot in regards to your family and at this point you are trying to look for some other options. You mentioned that your mom has been emotionally and physically abusive for some time and because at times you have gotten physical back you are now dealing with the courts. We are so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this situation with your mom. No one deserves to be hurt or abused in any way and your mom doesn’t have the right to treat you that way. Has child protective services ever been involved or have you ever had a caseworker that has helped to advocate for you? You mentioned that you also tried to live with your dad but that did not work out because of his drug use. If you haven’t ever reported your mom for abuse you have every right to do so and you can contact someone through the IL Child Abuse Reporting hotline at 217-785-4020. You could also speak with someone at Child Help USA who could give you more info on what reporting would be like and maybe more info about what your rights are. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453.

You also mentioned wanting to look into emancipation. Now we are not lawyers here so we can’t give you any specific legal advice. In the state of IL any youth over the age of 16 may petition the court for emancipation. Often times youth have to demonstrate to the court that they are mature, able to financially support themselves, and be able to live independently. Keep in mind that if you are 17 sometimes these court procedures can take some time and you may turn 18 during that process. If you would like to discuss your situation more in depth you can always contact us at our 24 hour hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). If you wanted to look more into emancipation we could find some specific legal resources in your area that may be able to help. Also keep in mind if you ever feel unsafe in your home or need a safe place to stay in the state of IL you can contact CCBYS (Comprehensive Community Based Youth Services) at 1-877-870-2663. There is always someone here to help you discuss different options and find helpful resources. We can even help you make conference calls with agencies if that would be helpful. We also have an online live chat that is available from 4:30p to 11:30p CST if you feel more comfortable contacting us that way. All of our services are completely confidential and anonymous. Hopefully some of that information helps and contact us anytime if there is anything else you need. Take care and be safe.

[Unregistered]

Thank You

Thank you for the advice, I spoke with my Public Defender and she told me that DCFS will not get involved because of my age. When I asked what to do she just told me I need proof. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with my mother. If I runaway and show up to my court date, what are the chances I will arrested or anything? Is running away a crime if it's your last resort to protecting yourself? If anyone is going through or went through the same thing, I'd appreciate the advice.

[ccsmod5]

Re: 17 years old, abusive mother, seeking help.

Hey,

It's not illegal to run away from home, however it is considered a 'status offense'. That means that if you leave home w/o permission and your guardian files a report with the police, you might get returned back home.

And as far as getting help for being abused, have you ever filed an abuse report against your mother? That's an option you have but as you said, DCFS might not follow up with anything because your age. Might be worth a try and that's something we can do with you: file an abuse report and try and get your voice heard. Because right now it's only hers that's being heard.

Would you be willing to call in here to explore more options? It would help us to exchange details back and forth. We're anonymous, confidential and available 24/7. If you're willing and able, please reach us at 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). Hope to hear from you soon.

NRS

[Unregistered]

Too Time Consuming

I have tried but my mother was once a daycare provider. She used to hit the kids but I have no proof. Filing a report may not even do anything until I am 18. Last night she kicked me out. I spent the night at my grandparent's house and am not welcome to stay permanently. If I stay with my friend am I putting her and her family at risk? Can my mom change her mind and want me back? Thank you again for all of the advice.

[ccsmod7]

17 years old, abusive mother, seeking help.

Thank you for reaching out to us again in regards to your situation. It sounds like you are still dealing with issues with your mom and you mentioned that she kicked you out last night. It sounds like you were able to stay with your grandparents but that is not a permanent solution and you have a friend that may be able to take you in but you are concerned about them getting in trouble. If your mom kicked you out of the home as a minor that is considered neglect on her part and you could report her but it sounds like you have been down that path before with little results.

Obviously we are not lawyers here so it’s difficult for us to give any specific legal advice. From the information we have according to IL law “It is a crime for any person, other than an agency providing services, to harbor a runaway minor for more than 48 hours without knowledge or consent of a guardian or law enforcement.” So it’s a possibility that your friends may get in trouble if they are trying to “hide” you from your guardian or the police, if you mom makes a runaway report. Keep in mind that if you are stuck in a bind and not feeling comfortable returning home you could also call the 24 hour CCBYS (Comprehensive Community Based Youth Services) hotline at 1-877-870-2663. This hotline is strictly for IL youth and you can speak with a crisis worker about options, including a safe place you can stay. They may be able to help advocate for you as well.

It sounds like this is not an easy situation and unfortunately there is not an easy solution to the problem but we want you to know that there is always someone here if you need to talk or find other resources. Again if you do want to discuss your situation more in depth please contact us at our 24 hour hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our live chat that is available from 4:30p to 11:30p CST at www.1800runaway.org. Take care and stay safe.

[Unregistered]

Help

I am 16 and my mom has been emotionally abusive for years causing problems between my dad and my step mom who is more like a mom to me I love her very much. Dcfs has been involved and I have been in a treatment facility my mom refuses to cooperate! I want to live with my dad and step mom?

[ccsmod1]

RE: Help

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline for help. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation right now. Nobody deserves to be abused. It is understandable that you would want to live with your dad and step mom. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. If you need someone to talk to, you can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), or you can talk to us via live chat on our website, www.1800RUNAWAY.org every day between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST. We can help you figure out what resources and options you might have avaliable to you. Since DCFS is already involved in your case and your mother is not cooperating, it might be helpful for you or for your dad and step mom to speak with a lawyer. We are not legal experts, but we might be able to help you find a legal aid resource in your community. We understand it takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and we are looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Best of luck,

NRS