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  • going to run away. Just need a safe place.

    -Switchboard-
    For the last 10 years my mom has been with the man i am forced to call me "step-dad" when in reality all he is is her boyfriend. He has broken me down until i jjust cant go on. Im going to be running away soon i just need somewhere safe to go. My boyfriend of 3 years is coming too. We have it all set up...besides where we are going. I am mentally/verbally abused and if i stay much longer ill go insane. Help!!

  • #2
    Re: going to run away. Just need a safe place.

    Thank you for sharing your situation with us. Your relationship with your mom’s boyfriend/ “step-dad” sounds pretty stressful. You say he has broken you down until you just can’t go on which we can’t imagine feels very good. We are sorry to hear you’ve been mentally/verbally abused; no one deserves to be treated that way. You say you will be running away with your boyfriend soon; you just aren’t sure where you are going. We are not here to tell you whether to run or not; however, we can talk about basics when it comes to running and try and help with options.

    Running away is normally just a status offense which means you can’t leave until you reach the age of majority (which is 18 in most states.) Once a youth leaves without permission, the parent or guardian usually has the option to file a runaway report with local law enforcement. Do you think your parents would do that? Even if you leave and they do, unless you’ve committed a crime or traveled far, normally police just send youth back home. In cases of abuse, it is possible they might also get Child Protective Services (CPS) involved.

    Other laws associated with running away are harboring a runaway (keeping a minor in your home without permission of their parent/legal guardian) and crossing state lines and/or contributing to the delinquency of a minor (basically assisting a runaway youth in any way.) These laws can vary depending on location, so for more accurate information you could always contact the police. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are seriously considering leaving; you just aren’t sure where you’ll go. Shelters can sometimes be an option if there is one nearby. By law, shelters are probably going to need to call your parent/guardian anywhere from immediately to 72 hours. They are generally short-term until a longer term agreement can be reached, whether that is going back home or not. If you feel that might be an option, here is a link where you can search by state.
    http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/fysb/co ... locate.htm

    We’ve also provided some common questions to think about before running away.
    • What else can I do to improve my home situation before I leave?
    • What would make me stay at home?
    • How will I survive?
    • Is running away safe?
    • Who can I count on to help me?
    • Am I being realistic?
    • Have I given this enough thought?
    • What are my other options?
    • If I end up in trouble, who will I call?
    • When I return home, what will happen?

    If you would like to further discuss your situation or have any questions, feel free to contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are anonymous, confidential, and available 24/7.

    Best of luck to you, NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      My mum is an alcoholic. She constantly leaves me with my three younger Brothers one of which still uses a diaper. She leaves me for a night, a day or she comes back after the night and leves an hour later. I’m always left alone with some stranger that my mum called for alcohol knocking on the door. I don’t know what to do, sometimes they push themselves in. Since I was molested by both my babysitter( 6) and stepdad(9, he took photos as well but I was to scared to tell my mum thinking she’d hate me and tell me it was just a dream since I suffer from sleep paralysis and/or she might seriously injure him or kill herself since she’s a bipolar borderliner with depression who has failed at killing herself three times, twice in front of me, so being scared I will lose her again I kept my secret hidden. But the truth came out) which has made me feel very uncomfortable when around men especially when they drink. It’s now water break and she is going on another suicidal drinking spree. I’m always so scared cause if I leave the house while there are strangers(usually men that I know have had bad history with kids, teens and women) drinking with my mum she will call me threatening to kill her self. Yesterday my mum said she was going on a date bit she still isn’t back and she said she doesn’t know when she will be back. I myself have an urge to take my life most of the time but stay because I couldn’t do that to my father, mother and brothers knowing the outcome would be worse for those still here. I am very lonely and saving money to adopt a dog since I had two as a kid and I feel more loved around animals than I do my family. I want to run away for a day or two but can’t go to a friends and I don’t have any family here. Sometimes I want to just live at my dads but he really stresses me out about everything and I can’t even make myself food without arguing about it., but he shows me he loves me.( though I hate my dad for still greeting my pedophile babysitter who I always see looking at young children(5,6,7,8 years old) playing soccer though he himself is 70 now and don’t have grandchildren., and for telling my step dad who for the first time moleted me at 9 and sexually abused me over the years that he would support him and they he could visit to see me and my brother, gladly my mum said no. But I always get mad at him when he asks me about him) We did report this and even with a final confession but the case didn’t go to court because they said that he was a good father( my two youngest brothers are his kids) And if I ask for help all I will get is CPS Giving molester number two full custody of the children though he is a ******** father and full custody of me and my younger brother to my dad making it so that if i ever want to spend quality time with my brothers I will have to meet him which I don’t think I could handle well.
      The other day. I read online that cutting yourself helps you feel better because of this and that. In the hast of the moment I grab razorblades and cut where it would hurt least... on my head. I think I overdid it since blood was seeping down my face. Well I seriously don’t recommend this to anyone in any kind of pain nd I will never do it again. But my mum saw the dried blood and called 911 drunk as usual wasting their time. While she was asking what happened I stumbled on my words and she kept giving suicide threats with well descriptions. Alas she asked angrily if it was fake blood and I said yes she asked me where the blood was from and asked if it was period blood. I said yes and she asked why, I said I don’t know. So she asked me to was it off. I did and it was really painful since I had to use soap. Ever since I’ve been walking on eggshells trying to find better ways to keep alcohol out and her happy. But it isn’t working so I will lie to my mum saying Thea I’m staying at a friends for a day or two though my friends have kind of zoned me out and Can’t help. So where could I go to make sure I’m safe and not taken by CPS?

      Comment


      • ccsmod16
        ccsmod16 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello, thank you so much for reaching out today. It sounds like your home life is really stressful. We are here to help. We aren’t sure where you are located, but please be aware that National Runaway Safeline (NRS) has a database of helpful resources in the United States only. If you are located outside the United States, Child Help International may be helpful: childhelpinternational.org. We also found a suicide prevention hotline located in Sweden: (46) 31 711 2400. We also found a website that is supportive worldwide for loved ones of alcoholics if you are interested in finding support for yourself that way: https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings...anon-contacts/.

        The rest of the resources are geared toward the USA, though some of the websites may still be helpful if you are elsewhere, the resources given will be for the USA.

        You mentioned you cut your head as a way of coping, which is a common way youth cope when feelings become overwhelming. To Write Love on Her Arms (twloha.org) is a website with a blog, information on self-harm, and access to resources in the USA. You are not alone in the way you are feeling.

        The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255, suicidepreventionlifeline.org) is also 24/7 and there by phone or live chat on their site to help you talk through some of these intense emotions and feeling suicidal yourself as well as getting support for yourself and your mom for when she feels suicidal.

        You may also consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. You can find one in your area by calling us anytime, 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or calling or searching online at SAMHSA: 1-877-726-4727, samhsa.gov.

        As far as running away, in the United States, in most of the states, one must be at least 18 years old to leave home without consent. If you leave prior to that, your mom can file you as a runaway with police and if found, the police usually take you back home or into CPS custody if safety is a concern and you voice that. We understand that can be a scary thing. CPS is there to keep you safe. We are here 24/7 to help you think through more options and offer additional resources. Feel free to reach out 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929 or via live chat at 1800runaway.org when it is open.

        You mentioned your mom leaves you and your brothers alone a lot and is often drunk, allowing strangers into the home. This could be seen as abusive or as neglect, which it sounds like you have experience with as your mentioned being concerned about CPS getting involved again. While we understand it can be frightening to have child protective services involved, you deserve to be safe and in a nurturing, safe environment. Child Help USA is the national child abuse hotline and can help with filing an abuse or neglect report if you ever want to do that or helping you get custody transferred to a safe adult: 1-800-422-4453, childhelp.org. We can also help you file an abuse report and conference call with you if you want because we know it can be really scary to do alone! Call us anytime to talk more about this options and others: 1-800-786-2929. We are always confidential and anonymous unless you want to file a report, so you always have the option to call us and speak anonymously without giving us your name!

        RAINN (the rape, abuse incest national network) is another good resource for the assaults and molestation you have experienced. They are 24/7 by phone and online for those in the USA as well and their website has a lot of valuable information as well that you may find helpful: 1-800-656-4673, rainn.org.

        Ala-Teen is an online and in person support group throughout the USA to support children of alcoholics. You may find their website (https://al-anon.org/for-members/grou...urces/alateen/) helpful and comforting and you may also be able to find a meeting in your area: https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings...ateen-meeting/.

        Thank you again for sharing some of your story. You certainly have been through quite a lot and have shown a lot of strength and bravery by taking the first step and reaching out to us today. We are here 24/7 to help you think through more options and offer additional resources. Feel free to reach out 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929 or via live chat at 1800runaway.org when it is open.

        Best of luck and be safe!

        -NRS
        Last edited by ccsmod16; 04-06-2018, 12:10 PM.

    • #4
      this website doesn’t keep track is who is who, right? i hope not. if my parents ever find out i’m writing this i’m dead. i hate my family life. my mom doesn’t understand me. it’s mostly verbal and emotional abuse. my dad is never home. he cares, but doesn’t have a relationship with me at all. my sister doesn’t seem to care about me. i have depression, which is mainly caused by my family life stress. i life in georgia, so it’s illegal to runaway as a minor. but i don’t feel like i can wait. i need to leave, i need to go. i considered taking other people with me so we can look out for each other, but i can’t find anyone. it makes it harder because i’m keeping my plan a secret. maybe running away to a children’s shelter would be good, but i don’t want to have to contact my parents to get in. so that makes it harder. the places i’ve considered running away to are tampa, florida or LA. both would be pretty good. i may not even run away right now, but i probably will eventually in my youth. any tips?

      Comment


      • ccsmod5
        ccsmod5 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi,
        Thank you for reaching out. We do not track the youth who post here and your information is confidential. However, if you’re concerned about your parents finding out, you might consider clearing this website from your browser history
        It sounds like things are pretty tough at home and that your family isn’t giving you the support you need and deserve. It’s understandable that you would want to think about your options and it takes a lot of courage to reach out. Please know that no one ever deserves abuse of any kind. It’s not okay that your mother has been verbally and emotionally abusing you. If you are being abused, you have the right to file an abuse report. For more information about what constitutes abuse and what your options are as far as reporting, you can call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.
        It sounds like you’re thinking about running away, but not necessarily right now. It’s very responsible of you to think about your plan before you decide to leave. We’re uncertain of your age, but generally speaking you would need to be 18 to leave home without your parent’s permission. If you leave before then, they would have the right to file a runaway report and if the police are able to locate you, they will return you home. As you mentioned, it could be an option to stay at a youth shelter but that shelter would need your parents’ consent. You might consider the option of staying with a friend or another family member, as well. It sounds like you’re trying to run away to places outside of your state—you might want to think about how you would get there from where you are. You might also want to think about where you’ll get food, if you’ll continue school, where you’ll get money, and if you have clothing for extreme weather. It can be dangerous to be on the streets with no shelter, money, or a plan, so we encourage you to think carefully about your plan.
        You mentioned that your family stress has contributed to your depression. Depression can be really difficult to manage on your own. You might consider talking to a friend, therapist, or guidance counselor about how you’ve been feeling. You deserve to be supported, even if that support doesn’t come from your family. If you need help locating a mental health resource near you, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration referral line: 1-877-726-4727.
        Thank you again for reaching out. We hope this was helpful and we encourage you to give us a call if you need help planning, locating resources, or if you ever need someone to talk to. Our lines are open 24/7 and our number is 1-800-786-2929. If you have a moment, we would appreciate your feedback on our forum services at the following link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

    • #5
      This website doesnt really help does it? you just try to convince to not run away. U think we are wrong for trying to run away yet u probably have never experienced this yourselves. I'm running away. Do not reply to this with some "talk to this therapist here!" type of ******** that i wont ever do because thats lame.

      Comment


      • ccsmod8
        ccsmod8 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there –

        Thanks for reaching out to our public forum and sharing your thoughts. We are sorry that you feel that way towards us, but it doesn’t seem like everyone shares the same experience that you have. We try to help each youth that calls in, emails, chats, and writes on our forum. You might be mistaken about our policies here though. We are mainly here for support and help find some guidance to local resources that might be able to help a youth through their particular situation and we are definitely not here to tell you what to do because you know your situation a lot better than we do. We just want you to know your options and with whatever you choose that you’re safe and not on the streets. So if talking to a therapist or someone that you trust to share your feelings, then we would explore that as an option that you have every right not to pursue or take into consideration.

        It sounds like you’ve got some deep emotions that you would like to express to someone. It’s certainly hard to reach out for help and can be a little frustrating to not hear what you want to hear sometimes. You have every right to feel what you feel and take whatever action you choose that feels right for you. If you do end up running away, it is always helpful to plan ahead and think about your overall plan in order to stay safe and off the streets. If you want to talk to us more in-depth, feel free to call us on our 24 hour crisis hotline.

    • #6
      My mom always yells at me and blames me for everything. When she gets really mad she will drag me up the stairs by my ear or throat and then throw me into my room. She says I'm fat if I eat a sweet(we don't have sweets in the house and I have to buy them if I want one) even though I'm only 5'4" and weigh 122 lbs. She usually never helps me with anything. I'm certain she'd rather die then help her daughter. I am currently doing a sport that she is making me do. I have told her multiple times that this sport doesn't make me happy and I would like to do another sport but she doesn't care(she let my brother quit his sport but she won't even consider me quitting my sport to do another one that will make me happy). Earlier this year i was having shoulder problems my shoulder was always hurting,even when I wasn't using it, and I would tell her that my shoulder was hurting multiple times and she would say,and I quote,"Suck it up buttercup" and then make me go to practice. I'm sick of her always getting mad at me for no reason and then hurting me physically and mentally. I have to go to a therapist and but I don't tell them (or anyone) what my mom does to me and how sad I am because of the way she treats me. Sometimes I feel like if I were dead I wouldn't have to worry about her treating me like ********, but I don't want to die I just want to get away from her and have a new family.

      Comment


      • ccsmod9
        ccsmod9 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #7
      so I am thinking about running away sometime soon...I want to have a good relationship with them but it's like every little thing I do they yell at me. I get really stressed and I started losing my hair...my mom and grandma noticed and I told them I was stressed. They told me not to worry about it but it just made things worse...I feel like my parents don't want me...my mom even threatened me that she was gonna leave me with my father or my grandparents on his side...help please

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        We are so sorry to hear you are having such a tough time at home! It sounds like your stress is totally real and it's too bad what you're going through wasn't validated by your family. Having your mom threaten you that she will leave you with other family also must hurt. It makes sense that you would just want out of a situation like that. We honor your feelings and what you are going through.

        Of course, running away is complicated and a huge decision to make. You might want to think about things like where you would go, how your family would react, what leaving would mean for your future, how you would stay safe, and things like that. Just so you know, running away isn't a crime but is considered a status offense like breaking curfew. This means that the police could detain you or drop you back off at your home. This isn't meant to dissuade you from taking any action you feel is right for you, but just that you are aware of the realities you would encounter.

        Perhaps there are other options besides running away that you haven't considered yet. Maybe there are new approaches you could try in communicating your feelings to your mom and grandma such as writing them a well thought out letter. You may also want to consider talking to other adults you trust: maybe someone at school, for example. Perhaps you may even come to some agreement with your parents that would allow you to live elsewhere with their permission. If you give us a call or chat with us we might be able to work with you to help you figure out other options, or talk more about how you can stay safe IF you run away. Our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you can chat with us via the portal on our main page: www.1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon!

    • #8
      Thank you so much...I will start talking to my teacher about this

      Comment


      • #9
        For a long time my family has been breaking down,and in doing that,has been doing the same to me mentally. I'm always feelings worthless and sometimes my parents even point out my issues and ask "What am I going to do? Beat you because you're sad?"
        I'm scared that with all of this,and some things I've been trying to work on by myself and that I've been dealing with,this may be my last straws that I'm grasping at.

        If I run away, and I don't want anyone associated with my family to have me until I'm 18 (currently 16),what do I do?

        Emancipation involves parents and I would rather just leave. Is there anything I can do that would help my situation?

        Comment


        • ccsmod15
          ccsmod15 commented
          Editing a comment
          Hi there, thanks for reaching out to NRS. We're always here 24/7 and glad you contacted us for support.

          We hear how hard your family situation has been on your mental health, especially when it's been going on for a long time. It's understandable that even pointing out your issues could be hurtful. When we see that they might be threatening to hurt you and how scared you are in response, we want to help. One thing you could do, if you're experiencing abuse is file an abuse report at www.childhelp.org. This may start an investigation with CPS or other authorities, so it's something you could consider. If you give us a call or chat, we can help you fill this out too.

          What you're going through could bring anyone to their last straw, but if you're ever having suicidal thoughts, you could reach out to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org for their support and resources. Of course, we're always reachable over chat (1800runaway.org) or call (1-800-RUNAWAY) and we can help you talk through this or anything else you're struggling with.

          Last, we know how running away feels like an option and it's smart to ask about what might happen. Generally, if you do run away before you're 18, then your parents could file a run away report for help from the authorities to find you. If you're able to reach out by chat or call, we can talk through how your state's emancipation laws will work. We hope to hear from you soon.
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