Stuck

[Guest]

I don't know what to do anymore. My mom is an alcholalic and my dad travels
a lot for work. My mom is constantly going off on me, cussing at me, blaming me for things I didn't know had happened, etc. She gets intoxicated everynoght, close to drunk. Then somebody makes her mad an by the end of her yelling fit, I am the subject and target of her rage and she has made me feel so bad I go to my bedroom and cr, then end up crying myself to sleep most nights. And last week, I messed up and accidentally deleted a recording I thought I set but apparently she had set it and she went nuts. Tonight, I had to cancel my recording so that hers would record and she said that if hers didn't record she would kick me put of the house. Then she said I lied saying I didn't delete her recording when I deleted mistakenly thinking I had set it. I'm so sick of this, but I'm afraid to say anything to anybody. The only other person who knows is my friend, and he keeps telling me it'll be ok and that I only have to put up with her for 3-4 more years and he always says he won't tell anybody cause I don't want him to. But, when I talked to my school counselor today cause somebody had made a death threat against my friend, I think she knew something was up cause she kept asking if everything else was ok and if there was anything else on my mind. I'm about to turn 14 and it's kind of now or never to say anything cause I start at a new school next year and it takes me a while to trust anybody(idk why, I been like that for a while now). I'm also afraid of what other people will say when they find out. Also, I recently decided to go vegetarian because of the health benefits and I live animals so much that I no longer decided to eat them. She makes fun of me constantly and gets mad when she has to make a simple change to a meal to either omit the meat or substitute with meat substitutes. I'm really thinking about running away, but I'm scared. I got a pretty good future ahead of me, I'm taking algebra 1 in 8th grade, in all advanced classes, and scored 22 on ACT when I took it last year as part of a Gifted Students program I'm in. I just don't think I can handle the stress of home anymore and I know I won't be able to handle starting high school on top of it. I really need some advice. What should I do?

[ccsmod8]

Re: Stuck

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out for support and resources. We imagine this is not an easy time for you but we are glad you found time to write to us. It must be helpful that you have someone else you can talk to about such matters. At National Runaway Switchboard, we are not in the position to tell you what to do. We simply want to hear from you and continue to offer our services.

It must be frustrating for you to be 14 and remain optimistic. It sounds like you have a lot going for you with how well you are doing in school and goals you have set for yourself. We only seek to empower you and offer you other resources local to you that can be helpful to get through such a tough time. Can you talked to other relatives who might be able to help talk to your mother for you? Do you feel safe at home? We are also mandatory reporters at NRS. We are obligated to report any sort of unsafe situation at your home but this is just an option to consider.

Do you think this issue can be solved with a sit down with a mediator to talk it out with your mother? We provide services such as conference calls to get open communication going with families. You are always welcome to call us if you feel calling your mother might help you to speak on how you feel over the phone. We will be there with you to encourage you and set up guidelines to have mom respect your voice. Do you think this sounds like something that might help? If you were to leave and feel this option might help we are happy to hear from you to try it. We will offer you support over the phone first and then call home to do a three way conversation. We can speak on what compromise can be made and other ways to fix things but we do not guarantee the outcome.

We are confidential and anonymous hotline. We can be reached 24 hours a day at 1800RUNAWAY. If you were to call us soon, we can discuss other options such as counseling or even shelters. Shelters can be a place for cooling off if you feel it is too stressful at home. They do need consent after a while but they can help for a couple of days without it at homes. We can call with you to find a place if you want to get away for a bit. We are not here to tell you to run away or not but just to present options. We are always here for you. Good luck.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stuck

Ok, thanks. It depends whether I feel safe at home. When my dad is home, I feel ok about being at home, even though my mom still manages to make me feel bad. When he isn't home, I worry and don't sleep well. I especially don't feel safe when she becomes angry because she is always close to being drunk when she gets angry at me. A lot of times when she gets mad she says she wants to kill me or that she's ping to hit me so hard that Im unconcious for a week. I can't talk to a relative without her finding out. I have thought about telling my school counselor cause she doesn't know my mom(most my teachers do) and she'll listen to me. I thought about mentioning it yesterday, but didn't. And it took me a few days to convince myself I needed to tell her about the threat against my friend and actually go down to her office. I think she knew something else was up cause she kept asking about anything else that might be going on. I told her everything was fine cause I don't want to talk about it to anybody but my friend cause they might tell and she is required to by law if she just thinks there is abuse. Anyway, I have a long weekend so I won't be able to talk to her til Monday. Also, you're supposed to have a permission slip to talk to the counselor. I don't have one(I never have) but I've talked to her a couple times before. Is it possible to talk to her about this type of thing without it? The other times was cause of somebody bullying me or a threat somebody made(not against me). My mom might sign the slip for this other thing they started doing cause the counselor really wants me to do it, but idk if she will. I know you can't tell me what to do, but do I need to tell somebody about what she does?

[ccsmod0]

Re: Stuck

Hi,
Thanks again for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are going through alot at home right now and we are here to help the best we can. Like we said before, we cannot tell you whether you should or should not do something but we can try and help you figure out what you think is best and provide support and/or resources.

It is up to you whether you think you should tell someone about what is going on. Sometimes it can help to go over the pros and cons of a decision to help you make it the best you can. You are the only one who can decide what you want to do because you are the only one in the situation. This can be very difficult but we are here to help you through it if you can give us a call. It sounds like there are people around you have to talk to like the counselor at school or your one close friend you feel you can trust. Have you and your dad ever talked about what is going on when he is not around? We can also use our conference calling to help you talk to your dad if that is something you are interested in.

Again, if you feel like you need to talk or get away for a bit we are here to help you. We can go over what is going on and try to help you face these tough decisions. We wish you the best of luck with everything going on and hope to hear from you soon.

Please don't forget we are confidential and anonymous and we will not have to report anything unless we get your identifying information. We are toll free (which means you can call free from a payphone) and 24/7.

Good Luck to you and take care.
NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stuck

I tried to call earlier, but all the trees around my house keep my cell phone from working most of the time. And I can't use the house phone without my mom finding out and she never lets me leave the house on my own. Anyway, I know I don't really want to be here but I keep second-guessing myself. I have never made a decision this big that will effect the rest of my life. And the other problem is on "good" days, I can't imagine doing something that would upset her as much as telling somebody would, but on bad days, all I want to do is leave. And the last thing I want to do is decide on the spur of the moment. I'm also afraid of being bullied further if I tell somebody and CPS takes me from my home because it is almost inevitable that they will find out. I'm already worried about Monday when somebody gets in trouble cause I told about the death threat she made. It was bad enough 2 years ago when my friend told and somehow it ended up being me that had told even though I didn't. And the girl then was nicer than this one.

[ccsmod0]

Re: Stuck

Hi there,
We're very sorry that you weren't able to get through today. You stated that it is very hard for you to get away from the house because of your mom but because we are free from a payphone is it possible you can call from a school payphone on Monday? Skype is also a program you may be able to use since you have the internet. It is also free and it's like making a phone call from your computer. You do not have to use the camera option. Google also has a phone call option if you happen to have an e-mail account with them. If not you can set one up if you like and you may be able to use that to get through to us.

It is very unfortunate that you are feeling so stuck in the position you are currently in. It sounds like it may be a good idea to keep leaning on the people you do have around to keep yourself from holding too much in.

Again, this is going to be a very tough decision as you know. But you are ultimately the only one who can make it. We are here to help you make the best decision you can and show you support and resources when or if you do. We hope that there will be some resource that you can use to contact us since that is the best way for us to help.

We look forward to hearing from you. Take care and good luck.

NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stuck

My school doesn't allow us to use any phones unless we forgot something, but then a teacher stands next to us while we call home and we aren't allowed to use our cell phones. And skype and google voice both require a microphone, which I don't have and can't get without my mom having to know why. The only thing I have is AIM, but that's messaging. I'm really becoming more afraid of my mom as today she said I wasn't allowed to eat until I cleaned my already clean room. And my dad's been yelling at me more and siding with my mom a lot. He's also mad that I have a B+ in an advanced chemistry class and an A- in algebra 1 since I usually don't have anything lower than an A, no A-. The main thing that keeps making me stop myself from leaving is my pets. I have several fish that nobody will care for if I leave and a cat who gets majorly depressed when I go away to a YMCA conference for 2 days. And my mom has only gotten physically violent one about 1 1/2 years ago and it's much harder for CPS to get kids out of the home without physical evidence. So, I'll likely end up back here and my mom will be 3x worse than she is now.

[ccsmod5]

Re: Stuck

Hello,

Thanks for reaching back out to us during this time. We're sorry nothing seems to be working out in terms of getting the information you need and want to be where you want to be. What is it that you need now? Sounds like you still want a proper living situation but it just isn't working out because your mom is stopping you from communicating with anyone. Since you do go to school and you're mom isn't there when you're there...would it be possible to speak to a school counselor, social worker or therapist? There might be someone at school that you can talk to to let them know that you're mother holds you to such high standards and that she will not feed you until you clean better.

Have you asked your mother what it is that she wants to be cleaned "better" even though your room is already clean? Have you asked her to help you understand what it is that she needs? Sound like her expectations of you are too high, could you ask her to clarify what it is that she needs?

Please get back to us if you feel like you need more advocacy from us.

Best of luck,
NRS