Tweet
Hello, I am a 19 year old college student, and I guess I should start off with this:
Ever since I was in the 6th grade, I could never please my stepmother. My grades were never good enough, I never helped out enough around the house, (which I did the best that I could, mind you...it was never enough, no matter what). At one point, she yelled at me, calling me useless and lazy because of a tiny spot I left on the sink while cleaning the bathroom. When I told her I couldn't see it, she yelled more saying "how the hell can't you see that?!" This is only an example, though. Around the 9th grade, I developed severe depression, started cutting and attempted suicide twice. When teachers at school caught on, what did they do? They called her. When I got home, she screamed at me, saying that I was pathetic and only wanted attention. When she saw the cuts, she found my dad and demanded that he put me in a mental institution. (She was drinking at this point). When he refused, she threw a fit, started throwing things and threatened to divorce him, even going as far as to say that I was going to harm HER in my mental state (I wasn't). I wanted to run away then, because I didn't want to screw up another marriage, but I stuck it out because I was afraid of what would happen. Life was hell until things blew over and I was on medication. She calmed down and I was alright for a while. Yes, she was still psycho about things, especially when she'd drink, but I was used to this for the most part. She was diagnosed with codependence, which explains why she would try to make me to be exactly like herself. When I refused, she would lose it and tell me what a bad stepdaughter I was, and how she's "given so much for me" and how much of a "martyr" she was, et cetera...I went off to college (which she tried to prevent, mind you...she needs SOMEONE to control, after all.), and I finally felt peace within myself. It was wonderful, and for the first time, I was FREE.
The reason I'm writing today, though, is because things have taken a turn for the worse. Winter break this year, she found out that I was bisexual. She pretended not to care, but then she got drunk AGAIN and tried to tell me it was just a phase. I told her it wasn't, and that this is who I was, and she flipped worse than she ever has before. She said I was sick, disgusting, and unnatural. I freaked out, got my jacket and told her I was leaving. She GRABBED my arm and tried to throw me back toward my room, saying I was pathetic, selfish, and then called me a f*ggot. I managed to push her away and get to the door, and ran to the police station. They picked me up, processed me, and had me stay with a friend for the night. My dad took me home the next day to "discuss" matters, and to my horror, he was trying to defend my stepmother. He said he'd have to learn to "accept" me while my stepmom threatened to tell my friend's mother that I was a bad person so I'd have nowhere to go. Eventually I go back to my friend's while my dad tries to make everything "blow over". My problem is, now he gives me pressure to stay at home every once in a while, saying that it's only right I spend time with my family. I tried to tell him that I am uncomfortable around her, but he simply won't listen. How am I supposed to forgive what she did to me when I still have nightmares and cry myself to sleep about it? Summer break is in a week, and if my dad acts the same way, I'm not going to have a choice but to run away for real this time. I've even tried to make arrangements with people I've met online. It's not the safest thing to do, but I don't think I can deal with my stepmom anymore, and it feels more and more that my dad is taking her side. I thought I'd write to see if there was anything anyone can tell me. What can I do? The only reason I haven't fled yet is for financial reasons.
Ever since I was in the 6th grade, I could never please my stepmother. My grades were never good enough, I never helped out enough around the house, (which I did the best that I could, mind you...it was never enough, no matter what). At one point, she yelled at me, calling me useless and lazy because of a tiny spot I left on the sink while cleaning the bathroom. When I told her I couldn't see it, she yelled more saying "how the hell can't you see that?!" This is only an example, though. Around the 9th grade, I developed severe depression, started cutting and attempted suicide twice. When teachers at school caught on, what did they do? They called her. When I got home, she screamed at me, saying that I was pathetic and only wanted attention. When she saw the cuts, she found my dad and demanded that he put me in a mental institution. (She was drinking at this point). When he refused, she threw a fit, started throwing things and threatened to divorce him, even going as far as to say that I was going to harm HER in my mental state (I wasn't). I wanted to run away then, because I didn't want to screw up another marriage, but I stuck it out because I was afraid of what would happen. Life was hell until things blew over and I was on medication. She calmed down and I was alright for a while. Yes, she was still psycho about things, especially when she'd drink, but I was used to this for the most part. She was diagnosed with codependence, which explains why she would try to make me to be exactly like herself. When I refused, she would lose it and tell me what a bad stepdaughter I was, and how she's "given so much for me" and how much of a "martyr" she was, et cetera...I went off to college (which she tried to prevent, mind you...she needs SOMEONE to control, after all.), and I finally felt peace within myself. It was wonderful, and for the first time, I was FREE.
The reason I'm writing today, though, is because things have taken a turn for the worse. Winter break this year, she found out that I was bisexual. She pretended not to care, but then she got drunk AGAIN and tried to tell me it was just a phase. I told her it wasn't, and that this is who I was, and she flipped worse than she ever has before. She said I was sick, disgusting, and unnatural. I freaked out, got my jacket and told her I was leaving. She GRABBED my arm and tried to throw me back toward my room, saying I was pathetic, selfish, and then called me a f*ggot. I managed to push her away and get to the door, and ran to the police station. They picked me up, processed me, and had me stay with a friend for the night. My dad took me home the next day to "discuss" matters, and to my horror, he was trying to defend my stepmother. He said he'd have to learn to "accept" me while my stepmom threatened to tell my friend's mother that I was a bad person so I'd have nowhere to go. Eventually I go back to my friend's while my dad tries to make everything "blow over". My problem is, now he gives me pressure to stay at home every once in a while, saying that it's only right I spend time with my family. I tried to tell him that I am uncomfortable around her, but he simply won't listen. How am I supposed to forgive what she did to me when I still have nightmares and cry myself to sleep about it? Summer break is in a week, and if my dad acts the same way, I'm not going to have a choice but to run away for real this time. I've even tried to make arrangements with people I've met online. It's not the safest thing to do, but I don't think I can deal with my stepmom anymore, and it feels more and more that my dad is taking her side. I thought I'd write to see if there was anything anyone can tell me. What can I do? The only reason I haven't fled yet is for financial reasons.
, single women (of all ages), and Domestic Violence. Oftentimes shelters for adults are religious affiliated and have their own additional qualifications for staying there. Occasionally there are some that accept youth 18-21. The nearest one to you would probably be the Covenant House in Philadelphia which we realize is still pretty far. We did find one outside of Pittsburgh that is available for homeless youth up to age 21 who cannot live safely with parents or relatives and have no other safe living arrangement.
Comment