Stressful, Unsafe, Home

[Guest]

Hi i am 14 and i guess this is my life story.
when i was young and didn't understand anything my mom was an alcoholic she and my dad would always get in fights and she would always swear and trow things. after a little while (when i was about 7) she went to rehab and stayed sober for about 2 years.
Then we moved to a different state and she got really bad. with my dad working all the time being really stressed. she would drink all the time . that's when she started hitting me, slapping me biitting me, she has even tried to kill me when shes drunk. i didn't understand it and thought it was normal because i was only 9 . she has never laid a hand on my brother like that. now i am 14. she doesn't physically abuse me as much but she verbally, mentally, and emotional has. she calls me mean names all the time. i have been taking care of my family and holding it together for about 9 years now and she tells me that i ruin the family and should go to hell. i have tried to do everything in my power to help things
i have a therapist and friends but i still am in a lot of pain. i talk to my dad. but he is in so much pressure and a lot of stress because of his work. i have ran away but my friends mom took me back home. now i just need to get away. i do cut and self harm and tried to kill myself many of times. im so scared of my mom and i cant do anything. ive tried calling CPS but im so scared and im really scared of calling bc if i hurt my dad anymore it will make me break down.

[ccsmod0]

Re: Stressful, Unsafe, Home

Hello,
We are so sorry to hear all that has been going on in your life. It sounds very hard to deal with, but that you are doing a good job being strong. We hope that you know and believe that you do not deserve this kind of treatment. Not from anyone. And even though you feel that you have a better understanding of everything now, you should not be expected to. And as a 9 year old there is no way for you to understand, you were just a child. That is ok, you shouldn’t have to.
So from what you stated before, it seems that your mom has previously tried to get help. What happened to make her stop? Has she tried ever again to make any changes? Remember that no matter what happens, you cannot control anyone but yourself. So you need to be aware of your own safety before anything or anyone else. You can always call 911 if you feel unsafe.
It is great to hear that you have people surrounding you that are there for you and you know care about you. How long have you been seeing your therapist? Does it seem like it’s been helping? If so, in what ways? And does your therapist know about your prior suicide attempts? Do your friends know? When you say that you have told your dad before about what is going on, how much have you told him? How did he respond? It sounds like you feel like it is your responsibility to make sure your dad is ok with everything…but what about you? He is your parent after all, and that means that you are his responsibility. Not the other way around. It’s wonderful that you care so much, and that shows a great deal about what a great person you are, but you are his child.
When you ran away the last time how long were you gone? Did your friend’s mom know what has been going on at your house/in your life? Did anyone try to help you then? Did your therapist know about you running away?
It’s good that you are finding ways to cope with everything, but remember in four years you will be an adult. That means you will be free to go and do whatever you please. Have you thought about how final suicide is? That you cannot go back from that decision? You’re still young, and you’re smart, things can get better and you would miss that opportunity to live the rest of your life that may be completely different from what it is now. You said you tried to call CPS before, what happened then?
We understand there are a lot of questions here…and of course you do not have to answer anything you don’t want to. It’s just to try and get a good understanding of what has been happening and for you to think about some things if you haven’t yet. Please know that you can call us here anytime, any day at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can go over everything with you over the phone. It is completely confidential, but you should know that we are mandated reporters. So if we get your name and address we will have to report any abuse. Which also means that if you want help reporting the abuse, we can call CPS with you or even call after you hang up. We can try to figure out your options and help you the best we can. You can also call us toll-free from any pay phone.
We hope to hear from you soon, and please stay safe.
NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stressful, Unsafe, Home

Thank you for helping. I'm not sure why she stopped being sober, she says she tries to be better but she never means it. I'm really scared to call 911 . i cant do that to my dad. i told my dad alot of it, at first he didn't believe me but then i got both my mom and dad to believe it. hes not doing anything. my therapist knows a lot just not that Ive actually tried suicide. my friends (3 of them know) do know, they are the closest thing to me. when i called CPS i called and reported it by myself. but i called the CPS of the country and i had to call the city one so i decided not to call it and say my story again. i just cant do that to my dad. i have thought of final suicide. it has a big change. no one will care. and when i ran away i left for 10 hours my friends mom knew i ran away and I'm pretty sure she knew about why i ran. she didn't know what was gonna happen if i came back. but now I'm thinking of running away for sure. I'm tired of taking care of 4 people animals and including myself. and all my mom can do is compare me to other girls saying there pretty and look so good with no makeup (just bc i wear a lot) i mean I'm fine with being on the streets I'm so tired.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Stressful, Unsafe, Home

We’re glad we could be of help, but it still sounds like you are having difficulties. It concerns us that you have actually tried suicide and have thought about the finality of it. To feel that no one will care must be a very lonely place. If you do become suicidal again, you are welcome to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY and there is also the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK. We are also sorry to hear that your mom has been comparing you to other girls. No one deserves to be put down and it sounds like makeup is your way of expressing yourself. It is understandable that you would be tired of everything, but we hope regardless of what decision you make in regards to running away that you are able to remain safe.

Best of luck,
NRS