so young and so scared

[Guest]

So, hi

I'm twelve years old and live in small town wisconsin. My dad is very controlling and mean to me. He trys to take over every part of my life. My friends have stoped talking to me because they think i hate them and am avoding them but i CAN'T go to their houses/parties because my dad won't let me. My dad is mean to my mom and 14 year old brother, too. My mom isn't alowed to do anything without premission from him. He says it is because God put man before woman, but being female doesn't make me and my mom any less of human beings, does it? My dad used to be in the Army, so he is very scary looking. Plus, when he yells, the doors in my house rattle in their hinges.

The problem is, nothing in my situation counts as abuse. My parents don't even know what they are doing, because they both came from phisicaly abusive families. But when i try to talk to them, they get mad and tell me that i have it perfect. That just makes me mad becaue if my life was so great why would i be writing to you guys?

so yesterday, when i asked for more freedom to do stuff with my friends, my dad got mad and told me he was going to kick me off the computer, deleate my Facebook acount, cancel my camping trip at the end of the month, ect, ect.

I really don't think i can live like this anymore, and my dad won't listen. My best friend is also having some family problems. I was thinking we could run away together. But where would we go?

I also don't want to leave my 14 year old brother behind. my dad is mean to him, too.
so, my final questions:
does this count as verbil abuse?
where can two 12 year olds and one 14 year old go in a situaltion like this?
can i get help for my dad? parenting classes or something?

please write back. i don't know what to do

[ccsmod8]

Re: so young and so scared

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us at the National Runaway Switchboard. After careful reading of all your concerns, it appears that you have given these issues some thought, and wish to do what is best for those involved. The maturity coming from one statement about you wanting to help your father proves that you care for everyone in your family. It sounds like you really want better not only for yourself but your friends and your older brother too.

Although we are not in the position to define or investigate abuse, it is our goal to empower you to the point where you can see for yourself what dire situation you face. We cannot put words in your mouth because we are non-directive in our approach but we are on your side and respect what you come up with for what you see is happening to you at home. We empathize with you home life. You certainly do not deserve to feel unprotected in your own home. Do you feel safe at home? However, you do have the right to find ways to protect yourself if you do not feel completely safe at home. Have you talked about these things with another adult lately? How about teachers or counselors at school?

You raised an importance point with the idea of generational differences with how people are raised by their own parents and it is clear that you understand that it is not fair to you with how your father approach discipline at home. It sounds like you are making the case for your parents to look at other options. What if you were to speak to them about staying with other relatives sometimes? Can you think of other reasons to get away from home? We imagine it may help lessen the stress of hearing the amount of yelling that is going on daily. How are you coping with this issue? It sounds like you could benefit from having friends to turn to but many of them went away. It seems that you do have one good friend to turn to in times of needs. It appears that you two need each other more now than ever before too.

How does someone arrive at the decision to claim that one gender should always be ahead of the other may very well have to do with your father's worldview and what he was thought from an early age or it may very well be something he picked up later. Right and wrong can be decided based on what you know in your heart to be true or not. Do you know of anyone who you can talk to about his issue? We are not here to judge him. We are here for you. Have you thought about bringing the idea of family therapy to him before? There can be places for army veterans if he were to try to access these resources. There can be help for military families to acquire such resources to help with what your dad might be going through.

Even if your parents do not look at it as abuse and if you are still coming to terms with it, we can be of service to you in that we are mandated reporters here and can file a report on your behalf if you wanted. We can get in touch with the proper authority if you wished for us to advocate for you. Having a good life does not necessarily constitute an all perfect life with no problems coming up. The fact that you are faced with life altering choices about who to not leave behind proves that you are at a point in your life when hard decisions have to be made because your are fed up. We cannot tell you to leave or stay. This decision is entirely your own. Do you feel like you have a proper survival plan? So much can be limited to where you can stay or what you can utilize for resources if you have no one to get help from. Consent and the obligation that follows often revert back of your parents as guardians too.

We are here 24 hours a day for your support and resources. We have a database with local resources to most cities. We are confidential and anonymous too. We really look forward to hearing from you if you were to call us at 1800RUNAWAY. Good luck.

-NRS