What do I do?

[Guest]

My mom has custody of me right now, but I live six hours away. It hhas been a month and she still hasn't come and gotten me. She need to come down here to sign papers from my placement.I don't live at the placement anymore, but they need her to sign me out officially. She has not come, and it seems like she isn't even putting forth an effort.
Honestly, I don't even want to live with her... She lives in a very bad part of town, and she has no job, or drivers license. She goes to jail about once a month. And her Boy friend is much worse, selling drugs, and hitting her. She has gotten all of her other children taken away by CPS. And says that I'm her last chance.
I'm just so frustrated. I do not want to go there. AT ALL.
My friend's (who I have lived with before) family offered that I could stay there, but, my mom said that if I go she will report me as a run away.
But, I know that if I go live with her, I'm going to have to get a job and support myself, her, and her boyfrien, and their drug habits as well.
It's just like, what to do, ya know?

[ccsmod4]

Re: What do I do?

Hi,

thanks for posting on our bulletin board tonight.
It sounds like you are having mixed feelings about returning to your mom out of fear that it will put you in a pretty uncomfortable situation. We're sorry that you are in such a troubled situation. It must be difficult not really knowing how things will play out.
You stated that you have been in placement for a month by that do you mean a group home or foster care? Who are you staying with now? We appreciate your honesty and your being open about not wanting to return to your mother. we were wondering if you have expressed this to anyone else like a case worker or counselor? You seem to have witnessed a lot of hardships concerning your mom's problems with drugs use and physical violence from her boyfriend. You also mentioned she has been in and out of jail. No son or daughter should have to experience that kind of suffering nor should they bare the burden for a parents actions or situation. How have you taken care of yourself emotionally through these tough times?
Have you been able to see or talk to any of your sibblings? you said they were taken away by C.P.S.. Were they placed in foster care or with other relatives? It seems you may have a friend who's parents would like to take you in. It's nice to hear you have support from others. What would need to take place for this to happen? Have they spoken to anyone on your behalf? Are you in C.P.S. custody? Would you consider telling your feelings and fears about living with your mom to someone from C.P.S. ?
We can't tell you what you should do but we can discuss some options with you. Please call our 1-800-Runaway 24hr Hotline. Perhaps you can share more about your situation to one of our Liners and they can help help you focus on a plan. We hope to hear from you and wish you the best concerning your situation.

Take Care,
NRS

[Guest]

Re: What do I do?

Hi,
I was in a group home. Not by CPS, my dad paid to have me placed there. I'm staying with a friend, but I told them it was only temporary, because my mom said she would come get me a month ago. So, I feel as if I'm wearing out my welcome. I tried to talk to my mom about my feelings, but she just told me I was spoiled and over re-acting. Last night, I called her and she said they were in the hospital because while they were walking down the street, some people beat them up because they held a grudge against her. And, I tried to tell her how much that scares me, and she hung up. I don't have a counselor, or a case worker to speak to. I haven't spoken to any of my siblings, because they live with my father who doesnt want anything to do with me. That's why he put me in the placement.

I've lived with this friend before, I'm very familar with them. All I need is for my mom to agree to let me go and maybe sign an affidavit so I can enroll in school. I'm trying to figure out how to convince my mom that living there is a more stable situation. I'm afraid that if I speak to anyone about my mom that she will be extremely upset with me.

[ccsmod1]

Re: What do I do?

Thanks for sharing a little more about what’s going on with us. It certainly sounds like a very difficult and frustrating situation. We hear that you’re scared to live with your mom again, but also nervous about her reaction if you were to talk to her about staying somewhere else.

From what we understand, you were staying in a group home that your dad sent you to, but you’ve since left that group home and are now staying with friends. You need your mom to officially sign you out of the group home, but you also would like your mom to allow you to legally stay with the friends you’re with. From your first post, it sounds like you’re supposed to go live with your mom, but that she’s not really trying to help you and you feel that it wouldn’t be the best place for you to be anyways.

Do you have contact with anyone at the group home anymore? Are they able to assist you in talking to your mom?

What do you think it would take for your mom to agree to let you stay where you are? One service we have here is a conference calling service. How it works is that you would call our hotline, speak to the crisis liner that answers a little about what’s going on. We can then place a call to your mom so we can do a three-way call. We can act as a mediator for your conversation. If you think that’s something that would be helpful, we’re always here and would be happy to help you talk to your mom.

While we’re not lawyers, we do know that legally, if your mom has custody of you, she should be the one figuring out housing for you. If you feel that your mom is not taking care of you in this sense, calling your local CPS is an option. We also recognize that if CPS has been involved in the past, this may not be an option that you wish to explore.

You also mentioned wanting your mom to sign something so you can get into school. One thing that might be helpful to know about is that there is a law called the McKinney Vento Act. Under this act, it states that all youth have the right to enroll into school, whether they have a guardian present or not. The act was specifically set-up to assist homeless families, but there is a stipulation under the act that talks about “unaccompanied minors” (this refers to youth that are not presently with their guardian for whatever reason). To find out more about this act and how it applies to runaway/unaccompanied minors go to: http://www.serve.org/NCHE/downloads/briefs/youth.pdf. Every school district has a homeless youth liaison that is responsible for assisting youth with enrolling into school. To find out who this might be you can go to: http://www.serve.org/NCHE/states/state_resources.php. If you were interested in learning more about this and how it might help you enroll into school, we’d be happy to talk to you further about it and even connect you with the homeless youth liaison in your district (or the one you would be attending).

We’re always here if you want to talk more in depth about what’s going on and different options you may have. We’d be happy to help you conference calls to your mom, the group home you were at, CPS or the homeless youth liaison if you felt more comfortable doing it that way. Sometimes it’s helpful for both us and you to have a direct conversation, so we can talk through all the different pros and cons of each option right away. Just so you know, we’re a completely confidential hotline. You don’t have to share anything with us that you don’t want to do. We also aren’t here to tell you what to do, or tell anyone that you contacted us. We’re here when you’re ready to give us a call! In the meantime, stay safe.

[Guest]

Re: What do I do?

Hi,
Thanks for giving me help with my situation. I tried to call my mom to try to work things out with her... but she hasn't answered any of my calls since the night in the hospital. And, on top of that, the friend whose family said they would take me in is acting distant. I'm scared. I'm running out of money, I don't have anywhere to go. No one who will talk. It seems likes when things look good, that's when they go bad. My mom should of been out of the hospital yesterday. But, she won't answer her phone. The night I talked to her we only talked for two minutes before she hung up. And, I didn't even say annything rude. I don't know what to do, it all seemed so easy earlier...

[ccsmod1]

Re: What do I do?

Thanks for writing back. It sounds like your situation keeps getting more frustrating. We're sorry to hear that you still haven't been able to figure out what to do next. There may be youth shelters in your area that you could look into if you aren't able to stay with your friend anymore and still can't get in touch with your mom. In addition to providing housing, youth shelters can also advocate for youth and help them figure out what resources are available to them. To find local youth shelters you can go to: http://ncfy.acf.hhs.gov/locate/index.htm. If you have access to a cellphone you can also text your location (address, city, state) and the word SAFE to 69866 and the closest safe place or youth shelter should be send back to you. For info about how this works go to: http://www.nationalsafeplace.org/txt4help/. We'd be happy to talk to you directly about what's going on and different options you may have. As we said before, we're here to help you make calls to local agencies if that's something you wanted to do. Best of luck.